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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23490952">It's What You Do To Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicLightning113/pseuds/CosmicLightning113'>CosmicLightning113</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Good Doctor (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Canon Autistic Character, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Romance, Shipping</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:22:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>87,284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23490952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicLightning113/pseuds/CosmicLightning113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In an alternate universe where Lea never moves away at the end of Islands Part 1, how would Shaun Murphy's life have changed?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Glassman &amp; Shaun Murphy, Lea Dilallo &amp; Aaron Glassman, Lea Dilallo &amp; Shaun Murphy, Lea Dilallo/Shaun Murphy, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The events of this chapter take place during Islands Part 2.</p><p>It depicts anxiety and a panic attack occurring. Viewer discretion is advised.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thoughts were racing through Shaun’s mind faster than he could even process them. His feelings were overwhelming, nauseating even, but also strangely euphoric at the same time. It was easy to get lost in them but the sensations of the outside world kept dragging him back to reality. The smell of the cheap carpet cleaner that always wafted through the hallways of his apartment complex, the sound of the elevator dinging just before the heavy doors opened on his floor, and the taste of tequila that still lingered on his tongue even twelve hours later. </p><p><em>It’s just the usual symptoms of Veisalgia. </em>Shaun kept mentally repeating to himself. <em>In a couple hours</em> <em>my body will produce enough Glutathione to convert the Acetaldehyde into harmless acetate, I’ll feel better then. </em>Shaun was then taken out of his thought process by Lea already brainstorming their next road trip as she walked with him to their neighboring apartments. </p><p>“...how do you feel about Disneyland? I know it’s a long drive to LA but I’d be so much fun!” Lea insists over dramatically pleading with her new road trip companion. </p><p>“We could go on rides and stay at the resort, we could even get those Mickey Mouse hats with our names on them.” She then suggests joyfully patting Shaun on the head, instinctively moving away at the touch, Lea only afterwards realizing her mistake as she slowly takes her hand back. </p><p>“I don’t like theme parks. They’re too crowded and rollercoasters cause whiplash.” Shaun factually states in response to the request. </p><p>Lea’s eyes widen at the blunt rejection of her plans. “Okay, that’s fine. Let’s just put a pin in it for now. Because I will get you to change your mind, Shaun Murphy. I’m very persistent.” Lea exclaims opening the door to her apartment, seconds away from leaving him alone in the hallway until the young man raises his voice. </p><p>“Lea!” Shaun blurts out just before the door can close shut, his hands begin stimming together at a faster rate than normal. Lea gently opened the door to a respectable distance once again. </p><p>“What’s wrong, Shaun?” She asks as he struggles for his next words. </p><p>“Thank you for helping me with Doctor Glassman. I really liked going on a road trip with you. I hope we can do it again soon, even if we go to a crowded theme park.” Shaun says avoiding eye contact as the hand stimming continues unrelentingly. </p><p>Lea’s face turns to a warm smile as a faint shade of red blushes over her cheeks. “I do too.” She quietly says back.</p><p>They both stand in the doorway awkwardly for the next ten seconds, clearly waiting for something to happen, until Shaun finally breaks the silence. “Goodbye!” He shouts at a poorly controlled volume as he then power walks to his apartment and quickly enters inside at a speed one could consider superhuman. </p><p>All Lea can do is whimsically chuckle as she quietly says “...goodbye, Shaun” under her breath before finally closing her apartment door. </p><p>The second Shaun gets inside he feels his heart begin to swell with a flurry of emotions as his thoughts become quick and disorganized once again. This hangover was turning out to be more bothersome than he anticipated. Shaun had never drank alcohol before last night, and Glassman always told him not to for exactly this reason. But he wanted to rebel, wanted to be a good friend to Lea. <em>Maybe Doctor Glassman was right, maybe</em> <em>I should’ve never drank all that tequila. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone on the road trip at all. </em>Shaun’s symptoms suddenly got worse as the thought crossed his mind. He began to feel as if his heart weighed a million pounds and the knot in his stomach started to get tighter every second. </p><p>He rushes to the toilet prepared to throw up again, feeling the same way he did at the Motel right after kissing Lea. <em> I kissed her. She kissed me. </em>The memory of that magic kiss seemed to calm him down, he wasn’t feeling nauseous anymore. After he was sure he wouldn’t throw up Shaun quickly made his way to the living room and unwrapped his plastic scalpel. Holding it in his hand as he sat on his bed, realizing only now that ache in his chest wasn’t a hangover, it was love, he loves Lea and it hurts not being with her. She was just a few doors down but that still felt too far. </p><p>Shaun sat fidgeting with the plastic scalpel for a few more minutes before realizing this feeling wasn’t going away. He wanted Lea to be his girlfriend, to see her everyday, to kiss her again. There was nothing he wanted more. </p><hr/><p>Neil Melendez was not known for his patience, especially when it came to his Residents skimping on their duties. Being a good doctor is about patience, discipline, and most of all punctuality. Shaun Murphy as far as he was concerned, despite his brilliant medical mind, displayed none of those things. So when Doctor Glassman informed him that Shaun would be taking a few days off to deal with a “personal crisis” it wasn’t very surprising. Nothing he couldn’t accommodate by having the other Residents put in some extra hours, it’ll be good for them. </p><p>What he wasn’t expecting was the day Shaun returned he would look so <em> enchanted </em>for lack of a better word, more like someone who just got back from a vacation to Hawaii then the victim of a debilitating crisis that prevents you from working. “Murphy, I take it everything you needed to deal with these last few days has been handled?” Neil asks in his usual serious tone. </p><p>“It has, Doctor Melendez, and I’m ready to work again!” Shaun proudly tells his superior. </p><p>“Great, Claire could use your help with an Angiogram.” Melendez states, addressing Shaun with his usual sternness. </p><p>“I’ll fill you in on the way, Shaun.” Claire gently insists as she walks with him to the MRI. </p><p>“...and Murphy!” Melendez shouts out just as Shaun and Claire are about to make their descent. “If you leave for two days with no notice again, you’re no longer my resident. Understand?” </p><p>“Yes.” Shaun answers candidly and with an approving nod from Melendez he and Claire are off. </p><p>Both Doctors position themselves comfortably in the MRI Gallery while waiting for the Angiogram results.</p><p>“I missed you these last two days, Shaun, where were you? Is everything okay?” Claire humbly asks, the sense of care apparent in her inflection. </p><p>“On a road trip.” Shaun answers.</p><p>“A road trip?” She reaffirms. </p><p>“Yes, with Lea. We kissed and now I want her to be my girlfriend. Can you help me?” </p><p>Claire didn't know what to say. The conversation had gone a completely different direction than she anticipated. Everyone at St. Bonaventure knew about the <em> incident </em>where Shaun had slapped Glassman in the lobby and figured his absence was a result of that. Claire kept Imagining he was emotionally unstable because of it, or worse. Seems as though her worries got the best of her. </p><p>“Shaun, that’s wonderful, and if she kissed you she probably wants to be your girlfriend too.” Claire reassures him. </p><p>“I’ve never asked anyone out before, I don’t want to do it wrong.” Shaun of course knew that he could literally just ask her to be his girlfriend, that’s probably how he would’ve done it in the past. But Lea was special, he didn’t want to treat this with the same indifference he normally does towards everyday activities. Shaun cared about this, <em> he wanted </em> it to matter. </p><p>Claire smiled earnestly, flattered that Shaun would come to her for advice. “The most important thing is to just be yourself. You’re a good man, Shaun. You don’t need to pretend to be anyone else, not to someone who matters anyway. Lea’s going to love you for being exactly who you are.” </p><p>Shaun seemed slightly peeved with her advice as noted by his increased hand stimming and eyes darting across the room. “I don’t want to be myself, I want to be better. I want to be a... gentleman.” </p><p>The word <em> gentleman </em> rolled off his tongue awkwardly, it wasn’t exactly a regular part of his vocabulary, but he felt it necessary to use since it best described what he wanted to be. Claire fortunately seemed to understand exactly what Shaun meant. “I wish there were more men like you,” Claire then turns her full attention to Shaun who in turn gives her the same, a rare occurrence for the normally absent minded Doctor. “Here's what you should do. Buy her flowers and chocolate, it's cheap, easy and girls love it, I think Lea will too.” </p><p>“Flowers and chocolate, flowers and chocolate. I will remember that! Thank you, Claire.” Shaun kept repeating that in his head as if he would somehow forget it. <em> Once my shift ends I’ll stop by the Grocery Store and pick up flowers and chocolate for Lea. </em>It was a plan, and Shaun loved plans. </p><hr/><p>The next few hours teetered along until lunch time where Shaun sat alone after ordering his usual Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich with a glass of milk, he could barely focus on eating though, he was too excited for tonight, going over dozens of scenarios in his head until the daydreams were interrupted by a familiar voice. “Hey Shaun, is this seat taken?” Doctor Glassman asks. </p><p>“It is not.” Shaun replies back avoiding eye contact. Glassman slowly sits down across from him with his own lunch of eggs and Avocado Toast in hand. He clearly wanted to talk. </p><p>“Look Shaun, I-I know these last few days have been hard for you, but I just want you to know I’m not mad. Okay? All I want to do is help, it’s all I’ve ever wanted, and If you’re not comfortable with seeing a therapist now, I’ll back off.” The words were painful for Glassman to say, not only because he generally hated to admit being wrong, but because he truly believed this was a bad idea. Navigating the world as a young person would be hard for anyone but especially someone with ASD. Still, Glassman knew he had to bite the bullet on this one. <em> If I upset him again it’ll just get worse. I have to keep the peace.  </em></p><p>“I know. When you adopted me, it was because you cared. But sometimes you’re wrong, and you think you’re right, and it upsets me.” Shaun responds, Glassman annoyed at the subtle jab towards his ego. <em> I'm still right, you'll just throw a fit before admitting it. </em>He wanted to say aloud, but bit his tongue at the last minute instead opting to simply be relieved Shaun forgave him at all. </p><p>“Just promise me you won’t run off again.” Glassman firmly insists Shaun reassure him. “I was so worried about you that I almost broke into your neighbor Lea’s apartment trying to see if you were there.” He adds on a light chuckle at the end to try and make his legally ambiguous behavior seem less extreme. Shaun doesn’t laugh. </p><p>“I like Lea, I’m going to ask her to be my girlfriend tonight.” Glassman’s look of comfort quickly disappeared after hearing that. Putting his fork down while taking a deep breath. </p><p>“Shaun, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Thoughts were quickly accumulating in Glassman’s head about every reason why. He didn’t know Lea well except for the stories Shaun told him, but having put a face to the name he could tell she seemed to be the exact opposite of someone who would like Shaun. <em> She’s going to break his heart.  </em></p><p>“Where-where is this coming from anyway? I thought you told me you didn’t want to find love.” Glassman <em> had </em> always suspected Shaun would find a girlfriend one day, but that it would be someone like Carly Lever from Pathology. Someone more <em> like him</em>. </p><p>“That was before I met Lea. She makes me happy. She’s nice, smart, fun, pretty, and she gives good hugs. I want to be able to hug her everyday.” The more Glassman heard the worse it sounded. Shaun is in too deep, he has to get him out, for his own sake. Even if it hurts now. </p><p>“Have you put any thought into what she wants? Lea might not want to be your girlfriend.” The idea hadn’t even crossed Shaun’s mind and his pulse spiked the second Glassman suggested it was possible. He could ask her and she could reject him, like Colleen Meyers did. <em> No, she wouldn’t do that. Lea’s special, she has to be.  </em></p><p>“We kissed already. She likes me.” Shaun confidently tells Glassman, hoping it will shut this disturbing line of reasoning down in its tracks. </p><p>“So, maybe she’s just a flirt then. It doesn’t mean she wants a boyfriend. Remember that movie we saw when you were in seventh grade, <em> 500 Days of Summer? </em>” Classic story of unrequited love. Perfect analogy for Shaun’s predicament here. </p><p>“Yes, I didn’t like that movie, I like Shrek.” Glassman tries his hardest to stop himself from sarcastically rolling his eyes, he was a movie buff but Shaun only liked animation. </p><p>“What I’m trying to say, Shaun, is that sometimes when we love someone they don’t always love us back. But we can’t put all of our self worth on being with them, it’s not fair to either of you.” Glassman could see the dread building in Shaun’s eyes as they began to turn bloodshot and he quickly put his sandwich down. He wasn’t feeling very hungry anymore. </p><p>“I have to go.” He blurts out, Shaun's voice cracking in the process as he gets up and storms out of the Cafeteria. Glassman nonetheless continues to eat his lunch knowing Shaun’s predicament can’t end well, but hoping he pushed him towards the lesser of two evils. </p><hr/><p>The rest of the day had a much different feeling after lunch. Instead of giddy excitement Shaun felt anxious and sick. He tried to distract himself by only focusing on his Surgical duties. Fortunately, Melendez seemed to be used to Shaun's arbitrary mood swings and didn’t question it. </p><p>Once the shift was over and he got onto the bus back home, all the distractions of the Hospital quite literally behind him, did the grief all start flooding back in. <em> How could she not feel the same way kissing me? </em> It didn’t make sense. Then again, a lot of things people did made no sense to Shaun, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t real. The pain got worse remembering that, imagining Lea being just like them. <em> Not special. </em> </p><p>The bus came to a stop one block away from the Grocery Store, Shaun was supposed to buy his flowers and chocolate there, but he stayed put. Lingering on until the doors shut once again and the bus started moving, passing his opportunity in the wind. Ten minutes later it eventually stops at the apartment building and once inside Shaun acts on his first instinct by turning on his TV to the Weather Channel, taking his plastic scalpel out of its cloth again, and finally sitting down mere inches away from the screen stroking the toy in his hand. </p><p>This lasted for hours until a knock on the door was heard. At first he did nothing hoping whoever it was would just go away. But ten seconds later they knocked again and he started to worry. It might be the Landlord or someone he’d get in trouble for blowing off. Shaun knew what he had to do and slowly got up to open the door, his heart skipping a beat when he saw Lea on the other side, animated as ever holding a box of pizza in both her hands. Shaun had always thought Lea was physically attractive, but seeing her again after all of his recent “emotional” developments, she was stunning. Even just standing there under crappy fluorescent lights in a leather jacket and jeans. </p><p>“Hey, you!” She says in a flirtatious tone, or at least what Shaun <em> interpreted </em> as flirtatious. “So, I accidentally ordered an extra large with Fennel Sausage, and even though I could eat it all by myself, my hips would probably thank me if I shared it with someone. What do you say? You want to have a Pizza party with me?” Lea asks playfully as Shaun tries his best to wrangle the swarm of butterflies currently taking up residence in his stomach. </p><p>Looking straight above her head clearly enough to avoid eye contact Shaun lets out his answer, “I’m not hungry. You can have it all if you want.” He then tries to shut the door but Lea stops him. </p><p>“Wait, Shaun.” she quickly says, gently opening the door fully again. “It’s not about the pizza, I just really wanted to hang out tonight. I had a bad day today and if I don’t vent I’m going to explode.” Lea looked sincere enough in her request that even Shaun understood it. She was the last person he wanted to see right now but paradoxically the <em> only </em> one too. While Shaun was busy mentally listing out the pros and cons of accepting the offer his mouth made the decision for him. </p><p>“I had a bad day too. You can come in.” Shaun insists as Lea’s face turns into a bright smile. </p><p>“Then I guess we can both wallow in our misery together.” She quips while giggling and placing the large Pizza box on his table. <em> That was not a good idea. </em> Shaun realizes, too late to do anything about it now. </p><p>After settling down Lea starts digging in while carrying on about her day as Shaun slowly nibbles away at his one slice. “I was in a meeting for <em> four hours </em> and I didn’t spend a single minute of it doing anything productive. My boss just had me do a bunch of busy work by going through patent trademarks. Doesn’t the company have a business team for stuff like that?” Lea wonders expecting validation from her friend. </p><p>“Doctor Melendez sometimes makes me do scut work outside my area of expertise too, he says it teaches work ethic. But I just think he makes me do it because he doesn’t like me, maybe your boss doesn’t like you either.” Shaun wasn’t sure if that was helpful, but still felt it necessary to give her an honest answer, it’s what she would’ve wanted. </p><p>Lea sighs, “He doesn’t. Nobody at my job takes me seriously, it’s a total boys club, and the only women who get ahead either network constantly or just sleep their way to the top. No one cares about the ideas or the art, it’s all just about making the most money or having the right connections.” </p><p>“You should quit.” Shaun quickly suggests. “The people at your job sound mean. But you’re not mean, you're the nicest person I know. You should be with people who are as nice as you.” </p><p>“Shaun, that’s so sweet, thank you.” Lea says unable to handle the wholesomeness of Shaun’s compliment. "I still need to pay my rent though, so quitting won't work." Lea did appreciate the idea though. Nobody ever seemed to dare suggest that quitting was even an option at a job like hers. Only one reason they ever cited, the salary. Shaun didn't see that, he didn't even care. He saw her for who she was and nothing else. </p><p>“But enough about me, what happened with your day?” Shaun's heart starts pounding after hearing her question. He obviously can't tell Lea the truth, but he can’t lie either! He’d never lie to her. "Shaun?" Lea exclaims, clearly waiting for some type of answer. She asked him a question and he couldn't just sit here saying nothing. </p><p>“I was, uh, I was, uh, very upset after lunch.” Suddenly, the whole world started narrowing in all at once. Shaun could feel his throat constricting and his entire body start sweating. He quickly bolts up out of his chair and starts pacing around the room. Lea quickly getting up after him “Shaun, are you okay? What happened?” It was the first time Lea had ever seen him ever do something like this and the most she could tell was that he was having some type of panic attack.  </p><p>"I don't want to tell you, I don't want to tell you." His voice slowly becomes more hysterical which only serves to make Lea more concerned. </p><p>"Just breathe, okay, deep breaths, in and out." She catches up to him and puts her hand on his chest, repeating for him to breathe. The process eventually works as Shaun stops pacing and feels himself catching his breath again. </p><p>“Now tell me, what’s going on?” She softly asks, the two of them crouched together on the floor next to each other. </p><p>“I kept thinking about you...” Shaun finally confesses to Lea. His voice becoming obviously emotional as he quickly moves away again, reaching for his plastic scalpel by the TV. </p><p><em> Me? </em> Lea’s heart dropped hearing that. <em> What did I do wrong? I’ve been making sure not to do anything that I know would make him uncomfortable. Maybe I pushed too hard asking him about his day, or by making him drive... or kiss me. I should’ve been more careful. </em>Lea manages to keep all these thoughts inside just listening, waiting for Shaun to finish his sentence. </p><p>“I kept thinking about if you wanted to be my girlfriend or not. Claire said you do but Doctor Glassman said you don’t and if you don’t I don’t know what I’m gonna do…” </p><p>Lea’s expression suddenly turned from scared concern into a look of optimistic suspicion as her worries all started to disappear. “Shaun, were you going to ask me to be your girlfriend?” </p><p>Shaun was at a verbal roadblock again. He didn’t want to tell her the truth, but it was all he had left to give, he doesn’t lie to Lea, that’s why they became friends in the first place, and if they lost that, what would they have left? “I was going to buy you flowers and chocolate, and then ask you, yes.” </p><p>Lea bit her lip and crossed her arms.“Flowers and chocolate, huh? Maybe you still should. It might not go as bad as you think.” And with that said Shaun knew there was no avoiding it anymore. She had him in a box, this was happening whether he wanted it to or not. Shaun puts his plastic scalpel down and then walks over to the Refrigerator. Taking out a green apple before picking up a stapler off the ground and handing them both to Lea, each respectively acting as a surrogate version of the chocolate and flowers. </p><p>After accepting both of them Shaun stands as tall as he can, looking into her deep Hazel eyes before taking one last breath and finally asking, “Lea Dilallo, I want to be your boyfriend.” He was standing completely still for the first time that whole night. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” He asks, not even breathing at this point. Just waiting in complete silence for her answer. </p><p>Lea was silent too, standing right in front of him, her arms now in her pockets as her face lets out a soft, warm smile, “Yes Shaun, I would love to be your girlfriend.” Her smile now expanding across her whole face, lighting up the entire apartment. Once he realized she said yes Shaun let out a faint laugh, crumpling his fists and shaking them around in excitement. “Oh yes, yes, yes!” he says out loud as Lea laughs with him. </p><p>Once their celebration is over they both go quiet again and look into each other's eyes. “Can I put my arms around you?” Lea asks. </p><p>Shaun doesn’t give an answer but the look in his eyes said everything she needed to know. Lea affectionately put her arms around his neck before slowly inching in and kissing him. Shaun, at first, is taken aback by her lips on his, but the second his mind catches up to his body on what this meant, he let it happen without hesitation. Doing his best at the same time to try and remember this moment, it smelled like Lea’s fruity perfume, the same kind that he loved from the moment he smelled it for the first time, and her mouth tasted like fennel from the pizza. </p><p>They both then move their faces away from one another, Lea keeping her arms around Shaun while looking into his eyes. “I like kissing you.” He tells her. </p><p>“You want to do it again?” Lea offers. </p><p>Shaun gives her the same affirming look as before, and the same affectionate kiss is shared once again. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The events of this chapter take place during Seven Reasons.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Boom! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bang!  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Crash!  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thunk!  </em>
</p><p>“Ha! I gave you a Pneumothorax!” Shaun gleefully shouts after finally performing the right button combination to do Goro’s special move in<em> Mortal Kombat </em>. Which to his delight was enough to turn the tides of the fictional battle over in his favor. </p><p>“Ahhh! No!” Lea melodramatically exclaims as the last of Kitana’s life meter drains. Pride nonetheless clearly evident in her voice over how good Shaun had gotten at playing video games. She remembers the first time he came over to her apartment he wouldn’t even touch her Playstation, <em>now</em> <em>look at him. </em></p><p>“Press back, forward, down, circle and see what happens.” Lea suggests to her now-boyfriend who, like clockwork, does exactly as told, watching as the match ends with Goro committing the most over the top, medically dubious Fatality in the history of anything. Shaun and Lea unable to do anything but laugh hysterically over the absurdity of it. </p><p>“This game is so violent, why do we play it?” She asks, trying to catch her breath. </p><p>“Because it’s fun!” Shaun replies in such a matter of fact tone Lea couldn’t help but start laughing again. </p><p>“You make me laugh, Shaun.” She warmly tells him.</p><p>“And you make me happy, Lea.” Shaun responds right back without taking his eyes off the screen. Lea’s head turning sideways as she smiles, her heart melting like butter. </p><p>They had only been dating for a couple of days but Lea already knew she had made the right choice saying yes to Shaun, if not just for moments like this. Lea scooches over to Shaun’s side of the couch and gently rests herself on his lap. His body went firm and he looked a little bit confused about what she was doing until getting kissed on the lips, then he seemed to enjoy himself again, until Lea unexpectedly started ruffling his well combed hair, managing to turn it slightly less kept. “Gottcha!” she laughs after plopping herself back onto the couch.</p><p>“That’s not fair. If I knew you were going to do that I wouldn’t have let you onto my lap.” Shaun firmly insists. </p><p>“I know, that’s the point.” Lea teasingly replies, leaning on his shoulder while giggling at the mischief she just caused. </p><p>Shaun’s words might’ve implied that he was annoyed by what happened, but those spontaneous little things that Lea was always doing like that, it was the reason he loved being with her so much. </p><hr/><p>It was 12:00 P.M. sharp and Aaron Glassman was firmly planted in his desk’s leather chair going through a medium sized stack of paper. He had been working nonstop since he got in at eight and was almost done with everything he needed to do. It was a rare occasion for the President of the hospital to have actual <em> free time. </em>At this rate he could even have the rest of the afternoon off assuming he doesn’t get called in for brain surgery at the last minute. Could go golfing, see a movie, check in on Shaun, whatever he wanted. </p><p>Speak of the devil, just at that moment Shaun enters his office, looking much less upset than Aaron anticipated. <em> Could just be excited, we always have lunch together on Mondays. </em>“Hi Shaun, I just need fifteen more minutes and then I’ll walk with you to the Cafeteria.” Glassman announces, continuing to scribble away his signature on some letter of recommendation for a Doctor he barely knew.  </p><p>“We can’t have lunch together today.” Shaun informs him shortly after. </p><p>Glassman was confused. It wasn’t the first time they’d broken their streak, but <em> he </em> was always the one who initiated it, never Shaun. “Why not?” </p><p>“I asked Lea to be my girlfriend this weekend and she said yes.” Shaun blushed confessing to his mentor, fidgeting his fingers together while stating it. “I’m going to have lunch with her at her job, I came to tell you in person.” </p><p>Glassman couldn’t believe it, Lea actually said yes and now Shaun was ditching him to be with her. <em> Shaun’s not ready for this, he’s moving too fast. </em> Glassman barely even knew Lea, much less enough to let her be with his adoptive son, or even to date him for that matter! <em> No, this isn’t acceptable, I have to do something. </em>Then he remembered, of all the days he's about to have the afternoon off, he can go out to lunch too, be a fly on the wall. </p><p>“I could come with you guys. Get to know your new girlfriend, I’ve got some spare time, it could be fun.” Glassman suggests harmlessly, all of what he said actually true. </p><p>“That’s a great idea! I’ll text Lea and ask her right now.” Shaun pulls out his IPhone and then stands there slowly typing out a much longer than necessary text message as Glassman sits waiting. Hearing the sound of his message being sent and a reply coming through seconds later. </p><p>“She said yes.” Shaun proudly clarifies, Glassman letting out a coy smile of approval. </p><hr/><p>“You’re gonna love this, the food at my office is amazing.” Lea valiantly announces leading Shaun and Glassman into a state of the art Cafeteria. Complete with personal chefs, a Pasta Bar, a Deli, and even what looks like Spanish Tapas. Shaun had always thought Lea deserved better than to work here despite its privileges. But if he had known about this food court, maybe he wouldn’t have been quite so passionate in that stance. </p><p>“I’m going to get pancakes.” He says, quickly getting in line for the Pancake/Waffle making station, Lea chuckling with amusement over Shaun’s decisiveness about what he wanted to eat, despite a literal sea of choices. </p><p>“So, will any of your coworkers be joining us?” Glassman suspiciously asks, trying to get a feel for what Lea’s place on the social hierarchy here might be. </p><p>“Why?” She asks, apparently taken off guard by his question. </p><p>“Just wondering who you’d hang out with if me and Shaun didn’t come today.” He answers candidly. </p><p>Lea then started to realize what he was doing and took a deep breath before answering. “Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot the other day, and that you really care about Shaun. But I’m not going to hurt him, I don’t want to.” Glassman still looked unimpressed by her response and Lea knew he wouldn’t take her on her word alone, he just had to see it to believe it. </p><p>“I’m in the mood for Thai. How about you, Glassy? Want me to get you anything?” She asks politely, trying to hide her offense at his assumptions. “No, thank you.” He quickly replies as Lea gets her tray off the rack before getting in line. Glassman from that interaction having gotten his answer. </p><p>
  <em> No friends, huh? What's the deal with that?  </em>
</p><p>After they all get their food, the trio meet again in the Atrium and sit down together to eat. Shaun revealed to have ordered a stack of cocoa pancakes with white chocolate chips and maple syrup. It wasn’t the most normal looking lunch, but if he was happy with it, no one seemed to mind. Lea, sitting on the other side of the table opposite to him had opted for spicy noodles, which Shaun thought smelled good, but knew he wouldn’t be able to stand if he tried it. He had zero tolerance for anything even remotely spicy. Glassman was the last to sit down at the end of the table, next to Shaun but opposite to no one, having just ordered a lobster roll with green tea on the side.</p><p>“My boss has been jerkier than usual today.” Lea out of the blue starts off the table conservation with, her gaze though only acknowledging Shaun. “I accidentally left my keys to the computer lab at home this morning, and instead of just letting me borrow a spare for the day, he actually yelled at me in front of everyone for forgetting and forbid me from borrowing another. Like, who does that?” Lea demands to know raising her voice, clearly getting worked up over just the memory of the ordeal. </p><p>“That’s both inefficient and impractical. You can’t perform your day’s work load without access to all the company’s resources.” Shaun observes as Lea’s eyes light up at the sound of Shaun’s vindicating assessment. </p><p>“Exactly. I was in the middle of a blueprint that I can’t finish now since I don’t have the software on my laptop. Now it’s going to take me another day, at least, to finish it. Wouldn’t you think my boss would be the one person who <em> wants </em> me to get my work done faster?” Lea genuinely wonders. </p><p>“Maybe next time you should make it a priority to remember your keys then.” Glassman insists getting both Lea and Shaun’s attention simultaneously. </p><p>“I’m sorry?” Lea politely asks trying to make sure she heard him right, because it sounded like Glassman was just defending her asshole boss right in front of her. </p><p>“If your keys were really a priority you wouldn’t ever forget to bring them. You don’t forget to put your shoes on or drink a cup of coffee in the morning, why would you forget something you need for your job? Your boss is just trying to teach that to you.” He clarifies, doubling down on his position. </p><p>Lea looked at Glassman, speechless and flabbergasted, was he literally insinuating she was some flaky dumbass right in front of her face? How could he even think that, he barely knows her. “First of all, I do forget things like that <em> all the time </em>. It happens. Second of all, just because I forget something doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to me, and I’m sick of everyone acting like it does!” </p><p>Shaun was clearly becoming uncomfortable with the brewing conflict and fortunately for him, the conversation winded down as Glassman neglected to respond to Lea’s outburst. Once again having learned all he needed to from her responses. <em> She’s clearly irresponsible, can barely handle herself, there’s no way she’ll be able to deal with Shaun’s idiosyncrasies.  </em></p><p>The table, meanwhile, had fallen into an awkward silence and with everyone having eaten their meals there was nothing to distract from it. </p><p>“We need to do something fun.” Lea insists trying to ease the tension and hopefully work as a last ditch attempt to turn this day around. “Do you like cars?” She wonders, turning her gaze towards Glassman. </p><p>He wanted to say no, but that would’ve been a lie, he loves cars. “Yeah, I know a thing or two about them.” </p><p>Lea smirks with satisfaction, like she knew he was downplaying it to save face. “We still have twenty more minutes left of lunch, come on!” She says leading Shaun and Glassman to the Sprint-Kart track. “These are electric Sprint-Karts that we use to test our device prototypes. But during breaks people can race around in them on the track too, it’s like Mario Kart in real life.” Lea explains taking out three helmets for each of them to wear. </p><p>“This is a bad idea.” Shaun insists remembering the last time he tried to drive with Lea. </p><p>“No more negativity! This is going to be great, Shaun. It’s impossible to get hurt in one of these.” Lea promises helping place the helmet over his head while Glassman simply does it for himself without a word of hesitation. Once the three of them are finally ready Lea puts their names into the scoreboard and they get positioned into their vehicles. The timer tediously counting down 3...2...1… until displaying the word <b>GO! </b>Lea and Glassman both flooring the accelerator as they take off, with Shaun trailing behind at a much slower speed. </p><p>Lea and Glassy stayed neck to neck the entire race, only occasionally one getting ahead of the other. Glassman wasn’t sure what exactly he was trying to prove by winning this race, but if it had anything to do with figuratively establishing his dominance as the most significant influence in Shaun’s life, he wasn’t about to give up without a fight. </p><p>But there was a third wheel on the race track. Contrasting his girlfriend and mentor, Shaun could not have cared less about winning if he tried. Not only did his speed never increase throughout the duration of his race, by the end he even somehow got misdirected and ended up driving the wrong way. Lea tried to give a hand signal to tell him to turn around, but Shaun either didn’t see it or didn’t care, because he kept going all the same. </p><p>Lea decided at this point to just let him be and kept driving, smoothly passing the finish line and getting first place over Glassy. </p><p>“That was awesome!” Lea yells out while running over to help Shaun out of his Kart. “It was really fast.” Shaun comments.</p><p>“You barely even moved.” She reminds him in a semi-serious tone. </p><p>“Break time’s almost over, Shaun, we should head back to St. Bonaventure soon” Glassman informs his adoptive son while walking by. His defeat on the race track hurting more than it had any rational reason to. </p><p>“Thank you Lea for… inviting us, the lobster was good.” Glassman tells her out of nothing more than social obligation.</p><p>“The pleasure was all mine, Glassy.” Lea tells him with the same intent, afterwards getting on her toes to give Shaun a proper hug around his neck, which he promptly breaks out of after a couple seconds. </p><p>“I will see you again tonight!” He nonetheless assures her. </p><p>“Not if I see you first.” Lea quips back, Glassman continuing to remind Shaun they have to leave right now. </p><hr/><p>St. Bonaventure Hospital hadn’t changed at all in the time that Shaun had left and returned. The smell of hand sanitizer and Febreze were still ever present throughout the entire complex with Doctors, Patients, and Nurses occupying every available hallway and seating area. </p><p>Glassman had offered to walk with Shaun to his upcoming surgery, stepping into an empty elevator with him impatiently pressing the button to the necessary floor. </p><p>“Do you like Lea?” Shaun asks him avoiding eye contact though still clearly anxious for an answer.</p><p>“To be perfectly honest with you Shaun, no, not really. She seems like a bad influence and personally I’d rather you date someone else.” Glassman truthfully tells him. He tried to get in the habit of talking straight to Shaun, telling him exactly how he feels, leaving nothing to interpretation. </p><p>“But I like the way I feel around Lea. I don’t want to date anyone else, I want to be with her.” Shaun’s disappointment in Glassman’s opinion clearly evidenced by his hands folding together and gaze moving down to his feet as opposed to its usual forward.</p><p>“Yeah well, that’s a decision you’ll have to make for yourself.” Glassman not only verbally informs Shaun, but also himself. Clearly he was in a losing battle against Lea, he had been since the day Shaun ran away, and it took him making a fool of himself by getting in a juvenile go-kart race a half hour ago just to see that. Glassman’s done everything he can, Shaun’s an adult now and he has to be treated like one. </p><p>The elevator doors finally open and Glassman walks out first, Shaun anxiously following to continue their conversation. “Do I need to report Doctor Melendez for puncturing a patient’s bronchus during a routine bronchoscopy? The protocol clearly states that I should, but seeing how Jared is being treated, will Doctor Melendez treat me badly too if I report him?” </p><p>Glassman almost reflexively was about to answer but reminded himself of the conversation they just had, he couldn’t be inconsistent. If Shaun’s going to be an adult he needs to take care of himself in every aspect of life, not just the ones Glassman didn’t personally approve of. “You know what, Shaun. You should start making all your decisions for yourself from here on out. That’s what we agreed upon the other day in the lobby, right?” </p><p>Shaun didn’t know what to say, Doctor Glassman had never refused to give him advice before, especially not with something related to his job. He had wanted to be given more independence, but not like this. Shaun still cared about Glassman and wanted him to be a part of his life, that feeling never changed or went away, even after the slap. </p><p>“Can we have lunch tomorrow then? You don’t have to be there as a father, you can just be a friend.” Shaun cleverly suggests to him. </p><p>“Shaun, I raised you for the better part of fifteen years, and when I’m with you I can’t help but <em> be </em>a father. That’s not what you need right now, so no, I don’t think we should have lunch together tomorrow.” Glassman right after he finishes then quickly makes his leave, he couldn’t bear to see Shaun upset over it, because deep down he was feeling the exact same way. This was going to be a hard transition for both of them, maybe the type of thing he was exactly afraid of when Shaun started dating Lea, or maybe just an unfortunate side effect. Either way, it was necessary and Glassman knew he had to stay strong, for both of them.</p><hr/><p>Lea always got off work way earlier than Shaun did on weekdays, one could say it was a silver lining to her job over his, and she used to think it was too. But after they started dating it meant waiting hours until seeing him, and even then they could only be together for a little while before it was time to go to bed. Not ideal, but it could be managed. <em> It just means we have to make our time count</em>, Lea thought. She was more a night owl anyway, and Shaun always made it worth it. But until then, Lea was on her own. </p><p>She eventually got hungry and decided to make dinner for herself, but while eating it couldn’t stop thinking about how she had been treated today by Glassman. It was obvious he had an issue with her dating Shaun. This was new territory for Lea, usually she never even had to meet her boyfriend’s parents at all, much less try and impress them. Out of work drummers usually have strained relationships with their families more often than not.</p><p><em> I</em><em>s he like that with everyone or just me? </em> Lea thought. <em>He seemed really overprotective and nebbish the day he broke in, but it still might be me. Ugh, I’m such a mess, and old fashioned Dads like him can always somehow sense that. </em></p><p>Lea didn’t like this feeling of uncertainty. To get her mind onto something else she decided to boot up the Playstation and start playing <em> The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim </em>on it. Maybe find something interesting for when Shaun comes over. It was a single player game but he always liked to watch her play, it was one of the only things they did together when she first invited him to her apartment. He said he liked it most when she explored, that Skyrim reminded him of Wyoming. It’ll be fun, she was looking forward to it. </p><p>Apparently Skyrim was also the right choice for her other problem, since Lea got into the game for so long that before she knew it someone was already knocking on her door. Butterflies began to emerge in her stomach as she opens it and to the surprise of no one, sees Shaun there waiting for her. “I’m in the middle of this super hard new dungeon in Skyrim I just found near Riften, and I’m never going to be able to beat it unless my boyfriend can cheer me on.” Lea says as a cold opening to their impending night, woefully unappreciated by Shaun who quickly lets himself in, obviously under duress about something. </p><p>“Doctor Glassman said he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.” He announces, his eyes appearing to be puffy and red as though he had been crying. Lea’s first reaction was that of excitement, the two of them falling out means Glassy wouldn’t awkwardly accompany them for lunch again anytime soon. But then she started to realize what this must mean to Shaun, she knew the history those two had together. He took Shaun in when he couldn’t go home, after he lost his brother, whatever happened to make him not even want to be his friend anymore, that must be devastating. </p><p>“Shaun, you poor thing, I’m so sorry.” Lea whims quickly wrapping herself around his arms in a bear hug while resting her chin on his shoulder. It wasn’t meant to be a sexual or romantic hug, but rather a friendly, caring one. The kind that showed she was there for him, without a drop of malice or judgement to show for it. </p><p>The love and warmth coming from her had proven to be impossible to resist as Shaun allows it to go on, the only other hug to do so since their first one in the hallway. </p><p>“You know what, we don’t need to play anything tonight. Let’s just talk.” Lea whispers sitting down on the couch while Shaun slowly places himself next to her. “Now tell me, what did Glassy do this time?” It’s true, Lea had been looking forward to playing Video Games with him, and they were probably going to spend the whole night talking about this, but it was something she was willing to do. Shaun clearly needed love, and Lea had more than enough to give. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The events of this chapter take place during She.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Thank you for eating with me.” Shaun Murphy had always known it was only be a matter of time before Lea would be having lunch with him at St. Bonaventure hospital, but he had always pictured the scenario in his head with Glassman being there too.  Shaun was still happy to be with his girlfriend, definitely happier than sitting alone, but it still hurt not seeing him there. </p><p>“My pleasure, Shaun. It’s always a good excuse for me to order pancakes in the middle of the day anyway.” Lea factiously points out. Shaun doesn’t laugh, though he doesn’t seem as offended as if he thought she was being serious. </p><p>It was all the same anyway, since Lea in that moment had officially decided that she liked the St. Bonaventure cafeteria. It wasn’t as fancy as the one at her job, not even close, but it all felt much more… <em> connected </em> for lack of a better word. Maybe that was just the blueberry pancakes talking, but the sight of all these families that surrounded her gathered together in one place to celebrate good health or to mourn the loss of a loved one, it was something she never saw working for Silicon Valley tech companies.</p><p>“Can you come again tomorrow?” Shaun humbly asks, practically all but begging her. </p><p>“I don’t know about tomorrow. Our new interface is still in beta and we might spend lunch patching up all the bugs.” Lea responds. </p><p>“If you don’t I’ll have no one else to sit with.” Shaun quickly replies back. </p><p>“What about Claire?” Lea points out, the only name from the hospital Shaun had mentioned besides Glassy that she could remember. </p><p>“Claire has been busy recently filing a complaint against Doctor Coyle. We haven’t been able to hang out because of it.” </p><p>Lea was just now realizing there was a reason she couldn’t remember any other names except for Claire. “Oh no, Shaun, you don’t have any other friends?” </p><p>“No, I don’t.” He factually states. Lea’s heart dropping at the revelation. “But I don’t need any friends, I have you.” Shaun thought the more he said it the more he’d convince himself it was true, Lea though could see right through that gambit. </p><p>“Look, I know that I’m a totally awesome girlfriend, but are you sure that's enough? Everyone needs some friends too.” </p><p>“You don’t have any friends either.” Shaun astutely points out. </p><p>Lea sighs with exaggerated annoyance while closing her eyes. “Yes, I know. But I’m working on it, and you should be too.” In actuality there was a lot more she could be doing, but that’s not important here. Lea was fine with being a hypocrite as long as if it meant Shaun didn’t have to end up in the same boat as her. <em> He deserves better.  </em></p><p>“They don’t even have to be from work. It just has to be somebody who you like hanging out with and who likes hanging out with you.” Lea points out, Shaun now quiet and thoughtful about her proposition. Deciding in his mind that maybe he should give this a try, Lea always had his best interests in mind, and if it could help him get over Glassman sooner then it’s something he’d at least want to look into. </p><hr/><p>Making friends was a lot harder than Lea made it sound. Shaun had tried all day to find his opportunity but failed at every turn. Doctor Melendez had recently gotten a new resident named Morgan Reznick, who was transferred from under Doctor Coyle after the allegations against him came out. </p><p>Shaun thought she seemed nice at first but the more he got to know her, the more he realized that outside of both being Doctors, they had little in common, and probably wouldn’t like to “hang out” with each other. His patient today, Quinn, fortunately was able to give Shaun some advice by suggesting he try meeting someone the same way he met Lea, in his apartment. It made sense the more he thought about it. He started his search at door number 32, right across the hall from Lea, someone had just moved in there last week after Mrs. Downey passed away. Shaun hoped another ninety year old lady didn’t come and take her place, but wasn’t about to be picky. </p><p>He gives two quick knocks on the door and waits. After a couple seconds he assumes no one is home and prepares to walk away, until to his shock the door opens with a tall man sporting long hair and an unkept grayish beard standing on the other side. “Can I help you?” </p><p>Shaun quickly stood up straight and firmly placed his hands together tightly. “I’m Doctor Shaun Murphy, your neighbor from 33.” Is all he can muster the courage to tell this stranger. </p><p>“Okay.” He nonchalantly replies. “I’m Kenny.” Politely extending his hand out which Shaun completely ignores. </p><p>“I’m wondering if you’d like to be my friend.” Shaun requests jumping straight to the point. Kenny’s eyes widening at his bluntness. </p><p>“Uh alright. You want to come in for a beer then?” He asks, opening the door inside wider. </p><p><em> Having beer is what friends do when they hang out. This is going much better than expected. </em>“Yes, I would like that.” </p><p>Kenny gestures for him to come inside and Shaun walks in. Instantly recognizing that Kenny’s apartment smelled like old soda, the stench only masked by Kenny’s powerful cologne. He looked around to also see the walls stacked with posters of half naked women and an assortment of bizarre seating arrangements to choose from. Shaun eventually settling on the bean bag, which he awkwardly tries to sit in needing more than one attempt to get comfortable on. Kenny meanwhile goes to the fridge and takes out two beers, throwing one to Shaun who surprisingly catches it mid-air without missing a beat. </p><p>“Huh, nice reflexes.” He jokingly says sitting next to Shaun on a bean bag too. </p><p>“Thank you. I have to be fast during surgery so my patients don’t hemorrhage to death.” Shaun explains while struggling to yank off the cap to his beer. This was going to be his first time drinking a whole beer, he had always associated the drink with his father until trying some of Lea’s while staying at her apartment. Shaun didn’t particularly enjoy the flavor, but was willing to ignore it in order to <em> hang out </em> properly. </p><p>“Wait, you’re a Surgeon? Dude, you must make like five hundred grand a year. What are you doing living in this dump?” Shaun wasn’t sure if he was talking about the building as a whole or just his individual apartment. </p><p>“I’m Surgical Resident, I make sixty thousand dollars a year. But that’s still enough to buy a bigger television.” Shaun informs him, still not able to take the cap off his beer bottle. </p><p>“Let me get that for you, hombre.” Kenny offers, effortlessly flicking the cap off before handing the bottle back to him. </p><p>“Muchos gracias, amigo.” Shaun replies back in flawless Spanish. </p><p>“What?” Kenny states confused. He doesn’t know Spanish. <em> Why did he speak it then?   </em></p><p>Shaun darts his eyes around the room contemplating his next action, eventually deciding not to say anything about it and just takes a swig from his beer, doing his best not to spit out the bitter liquid shortly after. </p><p>“So, what kind of TV do you have?” Kenny inquires. </p><p>“I have a 70 inch HD flatscreen from Best Buy.” Shaun proudly answers, he wanted to upgrade soon, but it was still an impressive model for the time being. Kenny was clearly excited hearing about it, which Shaun thought was a good thing. </p><p>“Brosef, we need to watch March Madness at your place then!” Kenny insists, raising his voice, which clearly startled Shaun as shown by his sudden defensive position. “The cable guy can’t fit me in until next week and I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a football game before, but it’s not exactly crystal clear streaming from your laptop.” </p><p>“I’ve seen football games before.” Shaun informs him, Kenny chuckling with amusement at the fact. “Do friends watch football games in each other's apartments often?” Shaun curiously inquired. It would be the first time he ever invited someone outside of Lea and Glassman into his home, and didn’t want to do it unless absolutely necessary. </p><p>“Yeah, dude. That’s exactly what being friends is all about.” Kenny says patting him on the back, Shaun quickly jolting up from his bean bag at the touch. </p><p>“Woah...” Kenny mutters seemingly confused at Shaun’s nervous reaction. </p><p><em> We’re friends now. I made a friend! Now Lea isn’t the only person who can sit with me in the Cafeteria, </em>Shaun remembers, imagining a scenario of Kenny and him hanging out together at St. Bonaventure just like he and Glassman used to. </p><p>“Can you sit with me at lunch tomorrow?” Shaun humbly asks out of the blue, neglecting to make eye contact with Kenny as he stammers his words. </p><p>“Uh, maybe. Let’s play it by ear.” Kenny says getting up too. <em> Play it by ear? </em> Shaun wasn’t good with euphemisms, but Kenny seemed like the type of guy who always used them. <em> That might be a problem.  </em></p><p>Before he could ask anything about it Kenny starts opening the door out and Shaun, realizing their hang out session must be coming to an end, begins leaving. “You and me, March Madness tomorrow. Mark the date!” Kenny makes sure to insist on his way out. </p><p>“I won’t forget. It was nice meeting you, Kenny.” Shaun says remembering it was something people usually liked to hear after chatting. Especially potential friends and colleagues. <em> I did well </em>, he thought. Kenny seems like he wants to be his friend, and Shaun could picture himself getting used to him. They both liked sports and women's bodies, that was something. </p><hr/><p><em> 🎵 </em> <em> Way up, way up, way up to the sky, when everybody here is sneaking in and getting high, way up, way up, way up to the moon, boy it's good to know I've got a bud like you. </em> <em> 🎵 </em></p><p>AJR after work was perfect for Lea to unwind to, blasting through her earbuds as she waited in the elevator. Music, the one constant in her entire life that brought her joy no matter what was happening. People can be disappointing but her iTunes account will never let her down. </p><p>The elevator opened on her floor and what she saw next broke the relaxed trance. <em> Shaun’s door’s open. Is he home early? </em>She thought, starting to get excited as she slowly takes her ear buds out. </p><p>“Shaun?” Lea calls out slowly making her way to apartment 33, walking inside only to see Kenny hunched over fiddling with the wires behind Shaun’s $1500 Television set. </p><p>“Excuse me, what are you doing in here?” Lea demands to know, her voice showing genuine anger at this person breaking into her boyfriend’s home, with a subtle tint of fear under it that her outburst might’ve just provoked someone who very well could be a violent mugger. </p><p>Kenny fortunately showed he was anything but after nervously dropping the wires and turning around the second Lea’s voice is heard. “Look, it’s-it’s not what it looks like, I know Shaun. Wait, how do you know him?” </p><p>“I’m his girlfriend, and it looks like you’re breaking and entering.” Lea sternly informs him. </p><p>“Shaun’s got a girlfriend?” The confusion in Kenny’s voice seemed to be sincere, which only managed to offend Lea further. “Yes, and she’s about to call the police if you don’t explain what you’re doing in here.” </p><p>“Look, you got the wrong idea. My name is Kenny and I just moved into 32, Shaun and I had beer together last night. His backdoor was unlocked and I thought I could just quickly run a line from his tube to get cable on my TV. We’re friends now, he’d be okay with it! You can call him and ask.” Lea remembered after hearing Kenny’s plea Shaun had told her this morning about what happened the night prior. <em> Seemed excited about it, if Shaun trusts him I probably should too.  </em></p><p>“Shaun told me about that.” Her voice and body language now finally calming down. “Sorry for assuming.” She adds on nonchalantly. “Just, wait until he gets home before letting yourself in next time.” Lea recommends with Kenny quickly nodding his head and holding his thumbs up. “Will do.” </p><p>The whole situation still seemed really sketchy, but Lea knew she had let herself into Shaun’s apartment uninvited more than once before. Sometimes to borrow his stuff too, but usually to hang out, never when he was out for work though. <em> He and Kenny must have a different relationship then, or they don’t, and he really is up to no good. </em>Lea knew the latter was a real possibility, she had to keep her eye on Kenny from here on out. </p><hr/><p>Shaun Murphy returned from St. Bonaventure Hospital at 7:47 PM going straight into his apartment. He wanted to spend the night with Lea like he usually does but she was at an all night coding session, so this would have to do instead. Kenny never showed up for lunch today, he said they would talk about, but then they never did. Shaun though tried not to think about it as he laid in bed watching reruns of Spongebob Squarepants on Nickelodeon. </p><p>Right in the middle of the episode Shaun hears something behind him as he turns his head only to see Kenny outside wrestling with the back door, eventually busting the lock to let himself in. Shaun <em> didn’t </em> like that, he wanted to be alone tonight. </p><p>“That door was locked.” He reminds Kenny trying to vocalize his feelings the best way he can.</p><p>Kenny in turn apathetically confirms, “I know.” </p><p>His confidence reassured Shaun that he must not be doing anything wrong, despite how uncomfortable it made him. <em> This is just part of being a friend </em> he guessed. </p><p>“So, I met your old lady today. Bit of a firecracker that one, huh?” Kenny asks sitting down on the couch, resting his feet on the edge of the bed. Shaun could infer from context who he was talking about. </p><p>“No, Lea is very nice. She's the one who encouraged me to make new friends.” Shaun then gets up from his bed and unwraps his toy scalpel from its cloth, rubbing it as Kenny gets up to follow him. “Anyway, we didn’t really hit it off and I just wanted to make sure we’re still on for tomorrow.” </p><p>“Yes, March Madness. I marked the date.” Shaun enthusiastically informs him, purposely repeating Kenny’s last words verbatim. </p><p>“Sweet. Can you handle dinner?” He asks, Shaun not really being able to say no. </p><p>“Yes, that can be arranged.” </p><p>“You’re the man! Get Chinese.” Kenny pats Shaun on the back again, much to his chagrin, and then quickly swoops the remote from off his comforter. “What the hell are you watching anyway?” </p><p>“Spongebob Squarepants. It’s the episode where Spongebob and Squidward deliver a pizza for the Krusty Krab, I really like the ending because…” Shaun couldn’t finish his sentence before Kenny quickly began flipping through all the channels. </p><p>“Nope! We’re watching Starz, American Gods is on tonight.” All Shaun could do was sigh in frustration and continue to rub his scalpel, he didn’t want any trouble with his new friend. </p><p>Kenny doesn’t even watch the TV after so boldly changing the station, instead he starts looking around scoffing under his breath. “Dude, this place is an even bigger dump than mine. Why don’t you buy some better stuff with all that Surgeon cash you make?” </p><p>Shaun was finally asked a question he was happy to answer. “Everything I have works, there is no need to change it.” </p><p>“It’s not about just having what works, it’s about looking stylish. You know, living large” Kenny insists. </p><p>“I don’t need to live large. Doctor Glassman was able to give me everything I need to live in San Jose, and changing it would be too complicated.” Shaun responds, doubling down on his position. </p><p>Kenny puts his hands in the air and backs his head down in a submissive pose. “Fine, you’re the boss. If you’re happy with it, respect.” </p><p>Shaun and Kenny both sat together for the next hour watching American Gods, just counting down the seconds until he could turn it back to Spongebob again. After the episode finishes Kenny heads home and Shaun is finally granted his wish. As he switches back to Nickelodeon though he sees that the Spongebob marathon had ended, and now all they were playing were sitcoms. </p><p>He just decided after that to give up on TV and go to bed, he’d need his rest anyway in case he stays up late with Kenny for March Madness tomorrow. </p><hr/><p>Today was the day and Shaun was ready for anything. He had picked up Chinese Food for dinner, just as they discussed. It wasn’t his favorite but it’s what Kenny wanted, and Shaun knew through trial and error from his youth that he could at least <em> tolerate </em> the taste of Beef and Broccoli with plain white rice. </p><p>
  <em> Knock, knock, knock. </em>
</p><p>Kenny quickly opens the door looking elated until seeing Shaun, his expression disappearing. “Uh hey Shaun, my homies decided to pop by and we’re actually going to play some Poker and watch the game together.” </p><p>Shaun didn’t anticipate three other people joining in on their hang out, but he could work with it. “That’s okay, I’ll introduce myself.” He says attempting to walk in, Kenny quickly placing his hand on Shaun’s shoulder, stopping him from entering. </p><p>“Look Shaun, I know we’re friends and all, but you’ve got a lot of, like, quirks, you know? And I’d just rather hang out with these guys tonight.” Shaun’s heart dropped at his words. It was clear Kenny thought he wouldn’t know what he meant, but he knew <em>exactly</em> what he meant, he knew it when all the kids in school said it and still knows now. Something in the background then managed to catch Shaun’s eye. </p><p>“You got a 70 inch flatscreen TV too?” He asks, almost as if he had forgotten what just happened. </p><p>“Oh no, I borrowed it from your place. I’ll make sure to return it tomorrow once we’re done.” Just like that Shaun’s mood somehow managed to drop even lower. “Goodnight.” Is all he can utter from his cracking voice. Kenny replying with a simple head nod as he takes the Chinese Food from Shaun before shutting the door in his face. </p><p>Doing his best to wrestle the frog in his throat, Shaun plasters his fingers together and starts walking down the hall to his apartment, Lea at that moment leaving hers to take out the Compost, spotting him in the middle of his trek. “Shaun? Aren’t you supposed to be with Kenny watching March Madness?” </p><p>Shaun stops moving after her question, but doesn’t turn around. “No, he borrowed my TV to watch in his apartment and play Poker instead. I don’t think he wants to be my friend.” Shaun then walks into his own apartment and closes the door, leaving Lea standing there by herself, steaming with a mixture of guilt and impalpable rage. </p><p>Guilt from encouraging Shaun to try and make new friends when she <em> knew </em>that this could happen, and rage that Kenny would be the one to do it. Ugh, she couldn’t even feel mad at him knowing her obliviousness is what pushed Shaun into his arms, but couldn’t feel guilty either thinking about how Kenny literally stole her boyfriend’s TV right from under him to watch Football and gamble with other people. She had to make this right, absolve herself from the latest victim hurt by Lea Dilallo and her stupid ideas. </p><p>Her first thought was to just go over to 32 and punch Kenny in the face. But alas, being only five foot two and a hundred and ten pounds, that probably wouldn’t end well. Besides, Lea hated hurting anyone, and so did Shaun. She’d have to come up with a more creative solution. Something that showed him he crossed the line, but wasn't bad enough she'd stoop down to his level. Just then, the perfect idea struck like lightning. </p><p>
  <em> Knock, knock, knock. </em>
</p><p>Kenny opens the door just as he had done before seeing a Police Officer standing outside. </p><p>“Are you Kenny Walker?” </p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“We just got a report of unregulated gambling going on in your apartment. Mind if I take a look inside?” </p><p>Kenny without hesitation starts running as fast as he can for the back door before getting tackled down by the officer. He along with his friends then all find themselves handcuffed and forced to undergo the walk of shame through the hallway, all of his neighbors leaving their apartments to see what’s going on, including Shaun and Lea. Kenny manages to make eye contact with both of them, Shaun staring in his usual fashion as Lea smirks, gently waving to him before getting loaded into the back of the Police Car. </p><p>“It’s a good thing Kenny didn’t let me play Poker with him. I could’ve been arrested too.” Shaun wisely states. </p><p>“You don't need friends like that, anyway. I’m really sorry Shaun if I made it seem like you did.” Lea woefully apologizes, looking up at him. </p><p>“It’s okay. You were just trying to help me, and you still can. If we move the TV back to my apartment right now we can still see the halftime show.” Shaun tells her, fidgeting his hands together, obviously excited over the idea of doing it. </p><p>“Let’s! But I do have to warn you though, I'm not very good at lifting things.” Lea’s whimsical tone and body language back to their usual self, enough so that Shaun actually laughed at her joke this time. </p><p>“Neither am I. But we'll be stronger together.” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Heartfelt.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bus was very crowded today. Shaun had no idea why, and he couldn’t relax enough to even really think about it, he just knew all the seats were taken and having to stand shoulder to shoulder with a bunch of strangers hanging onto a dirty metal pole was the last way he wanted to start his morning. His mental stamina was quickly draining as he used every last drop of it to try and hold it together, until an inconvenient sensation began in his thigh as he felt his phone buzz. </p><p>Shaun quickly takes it out of his pocket only to see it’s a text from Lea. Not even a message, just a song, This Heart’s on Fire by Wolf Parade, an actual text only following afterwards consisting of a simple “Listening to this on repeat, thinking about you....” He smiled a little bit and took his headphones out of his backpack before plugging them in, Shaun rarely went out of his way to listen to music, especially when he was already feeling anxious. But Lea sent this to him for a reason, it made her think of him, and he wanted to think of her too. So he listened to the whole song from beginning to end, holding the phone close to his chest as he wished he could've done to Lea at that very moment. </p><p>At St. Bonaventure Hospital finally, Shaun settles into the lounge where his fellow residents are all relaxing too. Including Doctor Coyle’s latest transfer, Alex Park, who Shaun had inferred through blunt questioning was even older than Doctor Melendez, but seemed a lot nicer. </p><p>“I’m sure we’ll all get the chance to know each other better at the gala tonight.” Park politely exclaims to his colleagues. They all seemed happy with that plan, except for Shaun. “I’m not going to the gala tonight. I don’t like parties.” </p><p>“Shaun, it’s for charity.” Claire reminds him. </p><p>“And more importantly, Melendez isn’t going to take no for an answer.” Jared adds on. Shaun knew he was right, but the fact did little to change his conviction, and Morgan could see it on his face, and in a strange act of compassion decided to offer her wisdom. </p><p>“Don’t overthink it, Shaun. It’s just a swanky black tie ball in a hospital lobby. Like, what did you do when you went to your High School Prom?” </p><p>“I didn’t go to my Prom.” Shaun informs her, Morgan only realizing after the fact that her assumption he did was entirely unfounded. </p><p>“I didn’t go to mine either, Shaun.” Claire says trying to comfort him. “And unlike some people, I won’t judge you for it.” </p><p>“Not what I meant.” Morgan insists shooting a look at Claire for assuming her intentions so harshly. “All I’m trying to say is that a charity gala is a right of passage for residents we all have to go through. Just make sure to show up, donate something, mingle for a little bit, and then you never have to think about it again” </p><p>“Until the medical board decides to host another gala next year.” Shaun accurately predicts. </p><p>No one knew what to say after that. “It’s going to be fine, I promise.” Claire insisted, breaking the ice, her optimism for the matter not contagious amongst the other residents, not even Shaun himself, who seemed more and more convinced that he wouldn’t be able to handle this. </p><hr/><p>“Did you know Chinese Checkers are not actually Chinese, the earliest versions of it originated in Germany during the 1800s.” Shaun factually points to Lea whilst in the middle of a close game. </p><p>“What I always wanted to know is why are they called checkers when they’re nothing like actual checkers. That always bothered me even when I was a little girl.” Lea responds trying to show interest in Shaun’s trivia. The conversation turning out to be short lived as Lea finally puts the last of her pieces onto Shaun’s side of the star shaped board. “Yay! I win.” She exclaims putting her arms in the air with playful jubilation. </p><p>“Good game.” Shaun tells her, putting his fist out for her to bump. He still wasn’t fully comfortable with the concept of shaking hands, even with his girlfriend, whose hands he knew were clean. </p><p>Lea laughs and quickly fist bumps him. <em> Shaun’s so cute when he tries not to be a sore loser. </em> “Best two out of three?” She then offers, knowing it would only be fair to give him another chance to win at least once tonight.</p><p>“Doctor Melendez is making me go to a charity gala and I don’t want to.” Shaun informs her. Lea’s look of fun turning to that of confusion at the abrupt topic change, it wasn’t the first time Shaun had done it while they were dating, but Lea still couldn’t quite get the hang of just how fast his mind moved sometimes. </p><p>“A charity gala? At the hospital? Like a dance?” She asked, trying to clarify. </p><p>“Yes, like a dance. But I don’t dance, and he said all residents are expected to attend. I want to call in sick so I don’t have to go.” Shaun explains remembering the lesson Lea taught him about taking vacations when things got too difficult at work. </p><p>“No! Don’t do that. Dances are so much fun, Shaun, trust me. You don’t want to miss it.” Shaun still wasn’t quite as passionate about music as Lea and she was determined by all means to change that. </p><p>“We can go together. You can bring a plus one, right?” Shaun nodded. “Okay, and if I go I’ll be able to meet your friends, do all the talking, and you’ll always have someone to dance with.” </p><p>Lea then stood herself up and started slowly moving her body around the Apartment living room in a dance like rhythm. “You and me, just like this.” She adds on extending her hand for Shaun to come and join her. </p><p>He accepts it and tries to dance beside her to the best of his abilities, which were… underwhelming to say the least. Lea then takes out her phone and starts playing music to add to the atmosphere. While she effortlessly gets lost in the sound Shaun feels himself starting to become overstimulated, even worse than on the Bus this morning. </p><p>“Stop the music! Please! Just make it stop!” He demands as Lea pauses the song. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I just got so excited.” Lea explains, wincing while she notes Shaun’s disturbed reaction. “It won’t be that loud at the gala. Trust me, there’s probably gonna be a ton of old people there who wouldn’t like it like that either.” It was a charity event for a hospital, there were <em> going </em> to be uptight old white dudes there with the same reservations, Lea knew it. </p><p>Shaun shortly after starts to calm down, though still appearing to be noticeably more terse than when the night began. “Okay, okay, okay.” He exclaims, sitting down again to catch his breath again. “You can come with me if you want.” </p><p>Lea grinned at getting Shaun’s blessing, and the idea of being able to do something with him outside of their Apartments for once. “We definitely need to go clothes shopping tomorrow then. I’ll buy myself a new dress, and you can get a Tux.” Her inflection becoming more cute as she got to the last part. </p><p>“I don’t want to buy a Tuxedo.” Shaun objects. “They make me hot and uncomfortable, I’d rather just wear my shirt and jeans.” The only times in his life Shaun ever remembered wearing anything close to a Tuxedo was during his resident interviews and going to Church with his family as a kid. Neither of which were good memories, he didn’t want to relive them. Lea though doesn’t seem like she’s about to give up so easily. </p><p>“But you’d look so handsome in one!” She lovingly reminds Shaun, plopping herself down next to him on the couch. “Listen, we can just rent something for you at the Mall tomorrow, something comfortable, okay? Nobody who matters is going to judge you just because you’re not wearing an expensive suit. You’re a genius, and that alone will tell everyone <em> ‘I’m a kick ass surgeon and you should donate a million dollars. </em>’” </p><p>Her logic was hard to argue against, and Shaun could picture Doctor Melendez being angry at him if he refused to comply with the gala dress code. Shaun always wore his lab coat at work to reassure patients even though it wasn’t comfortable either, and this party was technically work, the same reasoning applied. </p><p>“You know a lot about clothes, I trust that you’ll help me find something practical and comfortable.” Shaun affirms, to which Lea becomes at ease hearing. </p><hr/><p>“Which color do you think matches my skin tone better, the red or the black?” Lea inquires of her boyfriend, holding out two highly expensive dresses to him, both revealed to be standing in the heart of a large department store. It had a strong glossy smell inside which Shaun found to be soothing and the music was just faint enough to not be bothersome. </p><p>“Neither. They’re both unflattering to your body shape. You should pick a different design.” Shaun tells her in his usual brutal honesty, a look of insult burning in Lea’s eyes at the implication that her clothing choices made her look unattractive. Though after giving the dresses a second look, she realized he was right. <em> Dammit.  </em></p><p>“You know what, we can come back to this later, let’s start looking for something for you to wear.” She insists, excited at the idea of being able to finally drop some truth bombs on Shaun about what outfits looked bad on him for once. </p><p>“We have to spend at least $2000 and buy something with a name brand.” Shaun insists while following his girlfriend up onto the escalator, gliding them to the second floor of the Mall. </p><p>“Wait, really? What changed your mind?” Lea didn’t hate the idea of Shaun coming around and wanting to buy something nice for himself, but she also knew it wasn't like him to do a complete 180 after he'd already made up his mind on something. </p><p>“Morgan told me people will think I’m a lazy slob if I just rent a cheap Tuxedo. That you were lying to me before saying they’d only care about my talent.” Lea bit her lip at the accusation and crossed her arms, bending her hips to one side. She didn’t recognize that name but could tell just from the brief description that Morgan must be the resident bitch of Shaun’s peer group. </p><p>“Well Morgan is one twisted biatch then. I would never lie to you, Shaun. Don’t listen to her.” Lea proclaims, eyeing the next clothing store she wanted them to hit.</p><p>“Morgan said she’s just trying to help me. That everyone’s uncomfortable in fancy clothes and I use my autism as a crutch. Now I want a $2000 tuxedo in case she’s right.” Lea chuckled at his earnestness, for a guy who thinks he always knows everything Shaun could be surprisingly humble sometimes.</p><p>“Listen, I don’t agree with any of that, but if this is what it takes to let me go clothes shopping for you, say no more.” Lea insists grabbing Shaun by the hand and practically running with him into the Armani store where they spend the next hour trying on everything from Bow-Ties, to Cardigans, dress shirts, and even a bottle of cologne. </p><p>“I like my Axe body spray.” Shaun tells her after three dashes of Gucci Fragrance. “Nope, I will not allow you to go to a charity gala bathed in Axe body spray. I’m a nice girlfriend, but I’m not that nice.” </p><p>Lea was clearly having a lot more fun than him picking out an entire wardrobe of fancy overpriced clothing for Shaun to wear. Clearly by this point having long abandoned their original mission of just renting something cheap and comfortable. By now they had spent well over $2000 and Shaun felt his skin literally crawling in the itchy rough fabric that was cocooning his entire body. At least he looked good though, or so he thought by the time he finished tying his Windsor Knot and exited the dressing room for Lea to see his complete outfit. </p><p>“Oh my god, Shaun!” She squeals putting her hands over her mouth. “It’s perfect, you look perfect.” Shaun was flattered by her approval, he could barely keep eye contact despite desperately trying to, his head would instinctively move away after three seconds. </p><p>“Should we buy it then?” He naively inquires. </p><p>“Yes! Definitely. This is the one, and we are going to kick so much ass at that gala in it, you won’t even have to kiss any.” Lea states, her wit on point as always. </p><hr/><p>The gala was starting soon and Shaun had no time to spare. After finishing surgery on Spirit Garcia he all but jogged to the Locker Room, finding the black cover garment that housed his Tuxedo inside folded neatly into his locker, exactly where he left it. Shaun firmly opens the zipper and takes the expensive suit out, holding it out in front of him almost as if he expected it to just materialize onto his body like Nanotech. There wasn’t any time to go back home and put it on in the comfort of his own bathroom, the plan was for Lea to just meet him outside St. Bonaventure and for Shaun to get dressed and ready in the meantime. It was a good plan, he liked plans, and didn’t want to mess this one up, make things any more complicated than they had to be. </p><p>He excuses himself into one of the showers where he starts changing as fast as physically possible to avoid any potential “encounters” while he was still unbecoming. Fortunately, nothing of the sort happened, and Shaun emerged fully dressed and ready for anything. After gelling his hair and combing it into a fade he makes his way outside passed the crowd of attending guests only to spot one of the valets climbing into a familiar <em> Striped Tomato </em>. </p><p>Suddenly, two hands appear over Shaun’s eyes, just close enough to obstruct his vision but still not touching his face. “Guess who?” There’s only one person who’d do this and know not to actually touch him. </p><p>“Lea!” He shouts out, the delight at being reunited with her evident in his voice. </p><p>“We have a winner, folks.” Lea replies, deadpan, moving herself in front of him. “Your prize, a date with me.” Shaun was breathing heavily at the thought of going in with her. She was wearing a dazzling light pink gown with matching high heels and braided hair, it was stunning. </p><p>“You look really pretty in that dress.” He candidly tells her as Lea’s face starts blushing so intensely that she had to look down just to hide it. One of the many perks of having a boyfriend who’s always honest, when he makes a compliment, you <em> know </em> he means it. </p><p>“Shall we?” She then asks, extending her arm which Shaun interlocks into as they both walk through the crowd and past the bridge together into the Lobby. </p><p>Shaun started to get cold feet once his nostrils were assaulted by the smell of a thousand different alcohols and perfumes mixing together in a poorly ventilated incubator. The music was more than a few notches above his comfort level and the crowd inside was even worse than getting in. Shaun’s anxiety was about to spike until he felt Lea rubbing on the inside of his forearm, gently, but still firm enough to realize what she was doing. He didn’t give her permission, but it was working, he was starting to feel better. </p><p>“Nicely done!” Morgan Reznick blurts from seemingly out of nowhere, admiring Shaun’s outfit before turning her head to his companion. “Lea, right?” She correctly guesses, shaking her hand with an over exaggerated smile. “Morgan I presume?” <em> This fake smiling barbie doll is definitely how I picture Morgan. </em> Lea thought. “I am, yes. Hopefully you’ve only heard good things.” Morgan suggests, winking and clicking her tongue afterward. </p><p>“Oh, only the best.” Lea informs her displaying the same facade of politeness. </p><p>“I’ve told Lea good and bad things about you.” Shaun is quick to correct, Lea and Morgan only able to stare at each other in silence awkwardly after that. </p><p>Morgan shortly after though starts flamboyantly smiling again. “Come on, I’ll show you guys to our table.” The two of them, now no longer linked by the arm, follow her to a small round table draped with a white table cloth adorned with a fake plastic candle in the middle. Claire and Jared both seen comfortably sitting there, drinks in hand and dressed in their sunday best. </p><p>“Look who decided to join us.” Morgan informs them, Claire’s eyes lighting up at the reveal. “Shaun, you came!” She exclaims standing up, forcing the much taller Jared to do so as well. </p><p>“Yes. I’m here, and this is my girlfriend, Lea.” Shaun realizing just now that this is the first time his best friend and girlfriend had ever met. “Hmm, Doctor Chen, I wonder who brought you here.” Morgan thinks out loud to herself. “You four catch up without me, I’m going to investigate.” Everyone only half listened to her, preoccupied by Lea’s presence instead. </p><p>“Lea, hi!” Claire welcomes, going as far as to actually hug her. “Shaun talks about you all the time, and wow, you’re beautiful.” Lea was more than a little caught off guard by the sudden compliment from this woman she had just met, talking to her as if they were friends who had known each other for months. “Thank you! So are you!” Is her reply, wanting to keep the positive energy flowing. </p><p>Claire smiles at Lea’s shared friendliness. “Where are my manners, I haven’t even introduced myself, I’m Claire, and this my boyfriend, Jared. We’re both Doctors at the hospital.” Jared simply waves while standing there more aloof. “It’s nice to meet you.” </p><p>Lea knew those names, Claire Browne and Jared Kalu, Shaun’s fellow residents and his first friends at the hospital, the only ones who he always had nice things to say about. “Shaun <em> always </em> talks about you guys too! You have to tell me all the stories because I know you have dozens of them.” </p><p>Everyone finds their seat around the table but only Lea and Claire do any of the talking, neither of their boyfriends able to get a word in edgewise, even when the topic of conversation was <em> about </em>them. “...so he tells me that the patient needs an echocardiogram, there’s something wrong with his heart…” </p><p>“...but he didn’t work at the hospital at the time.” Lea interrupts Claire’s story. “Yes, exactly! But then the patient’s blood pressure started to drop and none of us could figure out why. So we went back outside, brought Shaun in, showed him the Echo, and he was the only one who could figure out there was a piece of glass in his right atrium. Shaun saved that little boy’s life.” Lea couldn’t stop smiling at the story of her boyfriend, the hero, the surgeon before he was even a surgeon. </p><p>“Shaun, I didn’t know about that, why didn’t you tell me!” Lea asks him, now noticing her boyfriend’s look of uneasiness becoming worse as his hands begin dangling themselves in a million knots. “Why would I have told you, I save lives all the time.” He points out, as if that made it any better. </p><p>“So, how did you guys meet? I know you’re his neighbor but I mean when was the first time that, you know, you actually <em>saw</em> each other.” Claire asks, Jared for the first time now starting to pay attention, clearly he wanted to hear this. </p><p>Lea turns head sideways letting out an awkward chuckle at that memory. “I have this crappy off brand controller for my Playstation that’s a total battery hog. So, of course the day I downloaded Lost Legacy for Uncharted I was able to play for thirty minutes, and then it died on me.” </p><p>“Oh no.” Claire says, anxiously awaiting for how Shaun comes into the story.  “Oh yes. And I had nothing in my drawer, <em> nothing </em>. So I did what any sane gamer would do, I went to my neighbor’s apartment and asked to borrow some Triple As.” </p><p>“That was Shaun, right?” Claire inquires. </p><p>“Yep. But then he came to my apartment the next day and asked for them back! And because I thought he was cute, I gave them to him.” Claire and Jared both start laughing as if Lea had just told some brilliant punchline. </p><p>“That’s our Shaun alright.” Jared points out while trying to catch his breath. </p><p>In the middle of all the laughter Shaun firmly stands himself up as everyone’s attention turns to him. “I want to get a drink.” He announces. </p><p>“Oh, I’ll come with you.” Lea insists, getting up after him. “It was so nice meeting you both, thank you!” She tells Jared and Claire, shaking both of their hands before walking away with Shaun.</p><p>“Your friends are so nice. We should go find more of them.” Lea proposes seeing everyone behind her busting a move to the fairly mediocre playlist they had at this gala. Wondering which ones would match each of the names Shaun’s told her about. </p><p>“Yes, you still need to meet Doctor Melendez and Doctor Park.” She started to get excited just hearing two more potential names to exchange stories with. <em> Real friends, I could actually make real friends here tonight. </em>Lea thought to herself, this gala might actually change her life. </p><hr/><p>Shaun waited in line for his drink while Lea couldn’t help but start to feel impatient just standing around. Then she heard a faint growl, instantly identifying the source of it to be her stomach. She decided this was as good a time as any to check out the dessert bar to see if she could find something to snack on. Bingo, a pile of donuts with chocolate and vanilla frosting liberally doused over them like those Black and White Cookies at the market. <em> Don’t mind if I do, thank you very much.  </em></p><p>As Lea starts to chow down she spots a handsome latino man with dark spiky hair start to approach from behind her, a look of conviction in his eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry, are we only allowed to have one? Because this is my third.” </p><p>The man laughs while rubbing his hand through his hair, maintaining eye contact the entire time. “No, it’s fine. They’re good aren’t they? I’m Neil.” </p><p>“Lea.” She simply tells him in response. </p><p>“I haven’t seen you at one of these events before, what brings you here?” He inquires, leaning himself against the long table just enough to make his abs and neck tattoo visible under his navy blue suit. </p><p>Lea only manages to only look confused by the display, but still not enough to feel uncomfortable. “Well, actually nobody invited me, I’m a professional party crasher. I just come for the free donuts and booze.” </p><p>Neil plays along, “Well in that case, I’m going to have to turn you in. Unless, of course, you decide to have a drink with me.” <em> Shit, does he think I’m flirting with him? I got to end this, now.  </em></p><p>“I’m not sure my boyfriend would like that very much.” Neil’s face shifts from a confident gaze into a pouty frown. “Boyfriend?” </p><p>“Hello, Doctor Melendez!” Shaun shouts from close by, holding a glass of Coca Cola with a straw sticking out, properly situating himself comfortably in between them. “I want you to meet my girlfriend, Lea.” Shaun then turns his head in Lea’s direction. “Lea, this is my attending, Doctor Neil Melendez.” </p><p>Lea smiles and puts her hand out. “Oh my god, you’re Shaun’s boss! He… really looks up to you.” She could’ve said something mean, her opinion on Melendez wasn’t that much higher than Morgan, but he’s still Shaun’s attending, Lea knew if she pissed him off he’d probably just take it out on him somehow tomorrow. </p><p>Neil accepted her handshake. “Why wouldn’t he? He has a lot to learn.” Melendez comments, trying desperately to save face despite the wave of embarrassment raining down upon him. Of course the one night he tries to put himself out there after Jess left him he ends up accidentally flirting with one of his resident’s girlfriends. He knew Shaun had mentioned having a girlfriend more than once, but Neil never thought he’d meet her, or that she actually existed. He even made a joke one time asking Shaun if she was from Canada. </p><p>Melendez just had to squeeze his way out of this as smoothly as possible, but Shaun had his mind set on all of them talking for some reason. “Murphy, why aren’t you out there socializing with our guests? You’re supposed to be raising money for the hospital, not standing here talking to me. Go, mingle, now!” He commands, Lea hurt by his assertiveness almost as much as Shaun was. But unlike her, he had to listen and quietly walked away to do as told, mingle. </p><p>“It was, uh, nice meeting you, Lea.” He tells her, avoiding eye contact this time.</p><p>“You too.” She replies doing the same. </p><p>After Melendez practically dashes off Lea looks around and with Shaun gone finds herself completely cornered every which way by strangers. The only face she recognizes belonging to a certain elderly gentleman who doesn’t quite like her very much. </p><p>“Glassy!” Lea exclaims walking over to his table. “What are the odds I’d run into you here?” She tells him, the sarcasm only somewhat apparent in her inflection.</p><p>“Well, I am the President of the hospital, so pretty high I’d say.” Aaron responds, Lea unable to tell if the sarcasm went over his head or if he purposely didn’t play along to be standoffish. </p><p>He then takes another sip of his neat vodka martini and turns his full attention over to her. “Did Shaun invite you here?” </p><p>“Yeah. Has he talked to you at all tonight?” Lea inquires, unable to remember them ever going to see him before this. </p><p>“Nope. When I walked by to say hello he tried to hide under the staircase. But I’d imagine you’re quite happy about that.”</p><p>“No, no I’m not.” Lea clarifies, having a seat opposite of him. </p><p>“Shaun was really hurt when you stopped hanging out with him. I don’t like seeing him like this, and I don’t think you do either. And I know we’ve had our differences, but we’re both clearly important to Shaun, it’s not fair to make him choose.” </p><p>Glassman rubs his face with both hands and sighs. “I don’t know what to do with that boy, Lea, I really don’t.” </p><p>“Just talk to him.” </p><p>“Every time I do it just seems to make things worse. My philosophy, my way of life, it just doesn’t mesh with him anymore. But yours does, and that’s what he needs right now. Because when you break his heart, he needs to figure out how to rebuild himself again, it’s the only way he’ll learn.” Glassman gets up and starts walking away, just before he leaves he puts his hand on Lea’s shoulder and makes sure to tell her. “I’m just grateful it’ll come from someone who cares about him.” </p><p>Lea didn’t follow, she just sat in the same spot thinking about everything Glassman said. The more she thought about it the more she started to agree with him. Lea might hurt Shaun one day, that’s always a risk in every relationship, but it’s one he deserves to take, it’s one they both want to take with each other, and that was enough for her. <em> Where is Shaun anyway…?  </em></p><p>He’s currently in the process of trying to figure out how exactly to “mingle”. Marcus Andrews and Allegra Aoki seem to have gotten it down, they’re schmoozing with at least four different Doctors from hospitals all over the country talking up St. Bonaventure seamlessly into casual conversation. Shaun knew he could follow by example, this was the group to join. </p><p>“Hello, I’m Doctor Shaun Murphy, I’m a resident here.” He tells them cutting off the conversation they were all having dead in its tracks. The Doctors though all go along with it and begin introducing themselves. </p><p>As they all stared waiting for something to be said Shaun suddenly found himself speechless, his mind as blank as the day he was born. “...okay.” Is all he can muster the courage to say, prepared to leave and return to the comforts of anonymity. </p><p>“Shaun, there you are! I wanted to show you something. Spirit Garcia just posted a tribute to you on her snapchat story five minutes ago for saving her life today.” Lea announces showing Shaun as well as all the Doctors the video on her phone. </p><p>“That was you?” One of them wonders.</p><p>“Yes! We replaced her sternum with one made of a resorbable material to expand her rib cage and perform a heart transplant.” Shaun explains. </p><p>“Huh, that’s not an easy surgery.” Another Doctor varified. </p><p>“He’s pretty much an internet celebrity at this point, his last video where he saved a boy at the airport with a bottle of whiskey has over half a million views.” Lea adds on, pride and admiration for her boyfriend obvious from her inflection and body language. </p><p>“That was him too?”</p><p>“Yeah! Here, I’ll show you.” Lea starts looking it up on her phone while all the Doctors start huddling over to see. </p><p>“I’m sorry, who did you say you were again?” Marcus Andrews asked, confused and concerned over this person he didn’t know stealing the spotlight from under him.</p><p>“My name is Lea, it’s nice to meet you.” She smiles but purposely doesn’t answer any more of the question, simply engaging with the other Doctors as they watch the video of Shaun in the airport together. </p><p>This continued until the music changed from fast upbeat songs to sentimental ballads, it was time for the slow dancing and everyone moved out to be with their partners. </p><p>“Thank you for helping me mingle.” Shaun enthusiastically tells his girlfriend. Feeling a powerful sense of relief knowing he wouldn’t have to do that again for at least another year. </p><p>“Shaun, I didn’t help you do anything, I just showed them what you already did.” Lea then gets an idea. “But, there is a way you can make it up to me.” She goes quiet and simply extends her hand, the slow romantic music in the background now becoming more apparent, she wanted to dance. </p><p>He slowly accepts her hand and they reserve a spot on the dance floor together. “I’ve never slow danced with a girl before.” Shaun confesses to her. He had managed to watch a few YouTube videos on it before the gala, but never had the chance to practice any of them. </p><p>“It’s okay, I’ll show you, it’s really easy. First you put your hands around my waist.” Lea gently caresses both of Shaun’s arms placing them around her slender waist. “Then, I put my arms around your shoulders.” She lifts her arms gently circling them onto Shaun’s narrow shoulders. “Now, we both just sway side to side.” Shaun does as instructed, moving his body to follow Lea’s lead. “Sway” he reminds himself out loud, now getting the hang of it. <em> This is easy.  </em></p><p><em>🎵Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you</em> <em>🎵</em></p><p>Once the anxiety of dancing started to dissipate Shaun’s mind was now free to take in the moment, listen to the music, and bask in the feeling of Lea’s body on his. </p><p>
  <em> 🎵Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you 🎵 </em>
</p><p>“How are we doing?” Lea asks, staring into Shaun’s brilliant blue eyes, trying her best not to get lost in them. </p><p>“It’s enjoyable.” He confirms. This wasn’t like the chaotic dancing they did in the apartment, this was peaceful, relaxing. He even liked the song that was playing, Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx. The melody helping set the mood. </p><p>
  <em> 🎵I took for granted, all the times, that I thought would last somehow, I hear the laughter, I taste the tears, but I can't get near you now 🎵 </em>
</p><p>Lea tenderly smiles. Shaun actually liked it, he was dancing with her and he liked it. Her chest becoming so heavy with infatuation that she couldn’t even bear it. “Can I kiss you?” </p><p><em>🎵Oh, can't you see it baby, you've got me going crazy</em> <em>🎵</em></p><p>“Yes! Yes please.” He practically shouts, Lea not caring as evidenced by her instantly leaning in for the kiss. Shaun instinctively wanted to pull back once he felt her tongue explore the inside of his mouth, but Lea’s passion was so all encompassing he couldn’t, nor did he want to, instead he joined her in French Kissing for the first time. </p><p>
  <em> 🎵Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you, whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you 🎵 </em>
</p><p>“Thank you.” Lea whispers to him, resting her head under Shaun’s chin while they dance to the rest of the song. </p><p>After it ends the music starts to become lively and upbeat again as the singles get out on the floor while the couples disperse. Slow dancing was over, but Lea nor Shaun minded, they had their moment and it was magical, she never wanted to forget it. </p><p>“Let’s take a selfie together.” Lea suggests, getting her phone out. </p><p>“Why would we do that?” Shaun asks, almost laughing at the idea. </p><p>“So, we can always remember your first dance.” Shaun stopped laughing when he heard that, Lea was right, this was his first dance, his own Prom, he finally went. Albeit he was a little older than expected, but better late than never. </p><p>Lea turns her camera around as Shaun hunches down to get into frame, normally he had a hard time looking happy for pictures, but this time it wasn't hard at all. He had every reason to smile and Lea did too. </p><p>A perfect picture for a perfect night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Pain.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Ding </em>
</p><p>Once the timer goes off Shaun and Lea both race for the remote to pause the movie they’re watching to start french kissing one another. It was a new schedule they had come up with after the gala, everytime Shaun and Lea did something together there would be a timer set for fifteen minutes. After it goes off they’d be able to make out for thirty seconds before resuming their activity. It was an efficient way to both maximize affection while still doing everything else they wanted to do. </p><p>A lot of things have been different since the gala, the selfie they had taken together was now framed and placed in Shaun’s apartment next to the picture of him and Steve when they were kids, and Lea always wanted to kiss now. Right when they see each other, when they say goodbye, when they play games together, half the time she doesn’t even ask for permission anymore before laying one on him. Shaun suggested the schedule mainly for that reason, kissing was fun, but there still needed to be <em> some </em>structure involved. </p><p>
  <em> Ding  </em>
</p><p>The timer goes off again. “It’s been thirty seconds.” Shaun reminds her, ending the kiss and unpausing Toy Story on the TV. Shaun was content to continue watching the movie until the next interval but Lea was clearly less happy about it. She wasn’t the type of woman who normally had emotionally intimate relationships. Lea’s pattern with boyfriends all followed a relatively simple cycle. She’d meet a hunky bad boy with the personality of wet cardboard, they’d sleep together, she’d lose interest, and then they’d break up. </p><p>Things were different with Shaun, his personality <em> was </em> the reason she wanted to be with him, sex wasn’t even on her mind until after the gala. That’s when Lea started to see Shaun in a whole new light, this wasn’t some middle school puppy love fling anymore, it was blossoming into a serious romance between two adults. Lea wanted Shaun to be her <em> boyfriend </em> now, not just her “boyfriend”. </p><p>“Naughty thought, what if we kissed for a minute instead of thirty seconds next time?” Lea seductively offers, creeping her hand over Shaun’s thigh hoping it would <em> persuade </em>him to be a little more rebellious with her. </p><p>“It would take twice as long to finish the movie then.” He correctly points out while inching his leg away from her grip, Lea sighing at his missing the point, and for what she was about to do. Leaning over she decided to just go for it, planting a kiss right on Shaun’s lips while the movie was still playing. He seemed to enjoy it, but still pulled away as soon as it started. </p><p>“It’s better if we stick to the schedule.” He insists, turning his gaze to the television once again, Lea instead grabbing the remote to pause it. </p><p>“Shaun, I was thinking, maybe we shouldn’t follow the schedule anymore.” She tells him, her boyfriend becoming uneasy at the confession.</p><p>“I don’t like when things aren’t scheduled. It makes me uncomfortable. Following the schedule doesn’t make you uncomfortable, therefore we should keep following it.” Shaun explains, believing wholeheartedly in the validity of his reasoning. </p><p>“Actually, it does make me uncomfortable.” Lea informs him, Shaun turning his attention to her, surprised by the answer.</p><p>“I spend all day everyday doing nothing but following schedules, and it makes me feel…” Lea was clearly looking for the right word. “Trapped.” <em> That’s the one. </em>“... and when I’m with you, I don’t want to feel that way. I want it to be spontaneous, fun, not like it’s something we’re doing just cause.” </p><p>Shaun looks down contemplating her case. “I suppose that makes sense.” He concedes to her. Lea faintly smiling before kissing him again, Shaun trying his best not to recoil from it. “I want to see a movie with you.” Lea then tells him. </p><p>“We’re already seeing a movie.” Shaun points out. </p><p>“I mean, at a Movie Theater. Avengers: Infinity War just came out and I was thinking we could see it together as boyfriend and girlfriend and then maybe get something to eat afterwards?” Lea tried her best to make the offer sound casual but she had been wanting to do something like this with Shaun since the road trip. They were long overdue for a second date, a <em> real </em> date. </p><p>“I’ve never seen any of the Avengers movies. Doctor Glassman told me they aren’t real cinema and he knows a lot more about movies than me, so I trust him.” Normally Shaun had very different tastes in entertainment than Glassman did, so that might not have been the wisest decision. </p><p>“Not real Cine... “ Lea couldn’t even finish the sentence without gritting her teeth in playful animosity. “That is the most Glassy thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Of course they’re real Cinema, Shaun. And you don’t need to have seen any of the other movies to like this one, it has everyone in it. Captain America, the Guardians of the Galaxy, Spider-Man...”</p><p>“It has Spider-Man in it?” Shaun remembered seeing the 1990s Spider-Man cartoon every Saturday morning with Steve as a child. He was still his favorite superhero even after all these years, maybe he’d like this movie after all. </p><p>“Where would we go to dinner?” </p><p>“That, my sweet summer child, is the beauty of not having to follow the schedule, we’ll have the whole night to decide.” Lea made it sound like that was a good thing but Shaun had a creeping suspicion it just meant they’d end up eating something he doesn’t like. That was how he learned to love Karaoke though, this could be the same. </p><p>“Okay, as long as we don’t get anything with pickles on it.” He had to draw the line somewhere. </p><p>“Deal, no pickles. I promise.” Lea swears to him, Shaun looking more receptive to the idea after hearing that. “I will go see the movie with you.” He confirms to her. </p><p>“It’s a date then.” Lea optimistically inflects as Shaun takes the remote again and presses play. Lea afterwards reaching over to hold his hand, Shaun trying his best once again to reluctantly accept it. </p><hr/><p>Shaun was confused by his patient today, Hunter Denoble. This was a man who was paralyzed from the chest down, and had been for a decade. Yet, he managed to find a wife that loved him, who chose to be with him not just in spite of it, but because of it. <em> How? Why would she want to be with a parapylegic? </em>Shaun thought to himself. </p><p>“Does your wife only like you because you’re in a wheelchair?” He asks while walking alongside him through the hallway. It was a blunt question but Shaun knew the only way he’d be able to find out the answer was by asking. </p><p>Hunter chuckles, seeming more amused by his curiosity than offended. “Well, my ruggish good looks definitely helped. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think the chair was a part of it.” </p><p>“Why would it be? Being in a wheelchair brings pain and unnecessary complications to a relationship.” Shaun observes to the best of his limited knowledge on the subject. </p><p>“It can.” Hunter admits. “But it also makes me more determined, resourceful, patient, committed to helping others. I never would’ve pushed myself to become that if not for the chair.” </p><p>Shaun was more confused now than when he started. “Why do you want to do the surgery that will help you walk again, if being in a wheelchair makes you a better person?”</p><p>Hunter stops rolling himself and sighs. “Because when you’re in the chair, that’s all people see. You know what I’m talking about.” </p><p>“Why would I?” Shaun wonders, suspecting the answer to be what it always was, his autism.</p><p>Lo and behold, “My brother-in-law is on the spectrum too. If you had the chance you’d jump at a cure for that, wouldn’t you?” </p><p>Shaun shakes his head. “There is no cure for autism.” </p><p>“But I’m just saying what if there was. Or something you could do to make it less, severe? You’re telling me you wouldn’t want to do it?” Hunter inquires, assured with confidence that Shaun would answer his question as expected. </p><p>“My autism made me who I am, and I like who I am.” Hunter smiles and starts rolling again. “But that’s the thing, me getting out of the chair, you controlling your autism, it won’t make us lose the lessons they gave us.” </p><p>Shaun continues following Hunter now in silence, contemplating the wisdom of his words. Everything he said was true, even if Shaun’s autism disappeared tomorrow it wouldn’t change anything that happened these last twenty six years because of it. Are holding onto these mannerisms and idiosyncrasies so tightly really worth it? He was starting to doubt it, and the more Shaun did, the more he was grateful that Lea was taking him out on a normal date this Friday. She deserved a boyfriend who’d be able to give her those types of dates, and Shaun wanted to be him. </p><hr/><p><em> Buttery popcorn. </em>The smell of it was omnipresent throughout the entire theater, accompanied by crowds of overexcited children, seedy teenagers, and bored adults. Shaun wasn’t exactly at home here, but he still tried to keep his spirits up. </p><p>“Do you think it would be too much if I got a Funko Pop? I mean, they’re selling them right there and I’m sure It’d look cute on my nightstand.” Lea wonders while patiently standing in line to get the tickets. </p><p>“I don’t know what a Funko Pop is.” Shaun confesses to her, stimming his hands from anxiety as they inch their way closer to the ticket booth. </p><p>Lea quickly picked up on his nervous fidgeting and could tell something was wrong. “Shaun, are you okay? We’re going to have a great time tonight. I read reviews for Infinity War this morning and everyone’s saying it rocks.” </p><p>“What if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the movie?” He asks her. </p><p>“Then we’ll just run out really quick and head right back in once we’re done in. Everyone does it, it’s super easy.” Lea rationalizes as it’s finally their turn in line. “Hi! Two tickets for Avengers: Infinity War please!” The cashier prints out both of their tickets as Shaun and Lea pass the Box Office into the concession stand. </p><p>“I might cry if any of the main characters die, just in case you hear me.” Lea informs him knowing Shaun could very well get the wrong idea, and sure enough, he did, as displayed by his confused expression.“Why would you cry over the death of a fictional character? The Avengers aren’t even real.” </p><p>“I know they’re not real, but I still grew up watching these movies and seeing any of them die, it’d be like losing a friend you’ve known for the last ten years.” Lea realizes saying it out loud how weird this all must sound to Shaun, he wasn’t a part of any Fandoms, it’s hard to explain that even to someone who isn’t autistic. </p><p>“I’m not sure I understand, they’re still not real.” Shaun unsurprisingly states. </p><p>“But they <em> feel </em>real.” Lea responds, hoping she wouldn’t have to justify this position the entire date. </p><p>Fortunately, their turn comes up on the Concession Stand and Lea orders a large Popcorn with butter topping and a Diet Coke for them to share. She starts snacking on the popcorn instantly after the worker hands it to her, much to Shaun’s chagrin. </p><p>“I want to save the popcorn for when the Movie begins.” He insists, but Lea just laughs and continues eating. </p><p>“Whatcha gonna do about it, Murphy?” She asks in a jokingly flirtatious tone, throwing individual pieces of popcorn into the air before catching them in her mouth. </p><p>“Stop it, you’re making a scene.” Shaun tells her trying his hardest to hold back laughter at her juvenile behavior. </p><p>“Do I look like I care?” She asks him throwing more pieces into the air, Shaun’s laughter becoming more apparent every time Lea’s mouth accidentally missed a popcorn and it would bounce off her nose or eyebrow, leaving a tiny smidge of grease in its wake. This continued on until one stray popcorn inconveniently lands directly in between Lea’s eyes, causing her to lose balance and spills the bucket onto Shaun’s shoes. </p><p>“Oh my god, Shaun, I’m so sorry.” She says laughing as he dashes to get all the popcorn off his slip ons. </p><p>“I told you to stop it and now I have popcorn in my shoes!” Shaun says trying his absolute hardest to make popcorn kernels inside his soles sound like a serious predicament. “I was just playing around, I won’t do it again, I swear.” Lea assures him, still just as amused as she was a minute ago. </p><p>“Let’s find our seats and you can empty your shoes out when we pass the garbage.” She then suggests more seriously while leading him to the Auditorium. Inside, they walk up multiple flights of stairs to the farthest top edge of the cinema where only three seats are placed together. Lea usually didn’t like sitting there but knew Shaun would be more comfortable father away from the crowds. </p><p>Her intuition appeared to be correct as Shaun gets comfortable in the seat directly beside the exit row while Lea sits in the middle right next to him, crossing her fingers that the third seat by the wall would remain dormant and they could have the whole area to themselves. “Do you know what else Movie Theaters are famous for besides playing movies?” Lea asks in a sultry tone, her fingers playfully dancing on his shoulder. </p><p>Shaun turns his head towards her with an expression that was hard to read in the dimly lit theater. “No.” </p><p>Lea still thought his naivety was adorable. “They’re the perfect place to mack on your boyfriend without anyone judging you. Should we do it just like we do at home?” </p><p>“Without the schedule?” He inquires cautiously. </p><p>“Without the schedule.” Lea confirms. </p><p>“Okay.” Shaun allows, meeting Lea’s fingers with his own as they both intertwine together. </p><p>Before things could get more hot and heavy an overweight young man with <em> questionable </em>hygiene begins climbing up the stairs right towards them and without a word begins scooching into the third seat. Lea quietly apologizes as she compacts her legs into her chest while Shaun cowers his hands to protect himself from the man bumbling right past him, unable to avoid contact despite his best efforts. Neither of them had to say it, but making out was off the table now. </p><p>The movie started not long after and Shaun found himself enjoying what he saw. He didn’t fully understand everything that was even going on, even though Lea tried to explain all the backstory to him on the car ride there, but it was fun. Shaun liked the crazy visuals and all the characters. But then, a question. </p><p>“Is Stephen Strange a real Doctor?” He asks Lea speaking in his regular tone, instantly getting shushed by the only other matinee on their row. </p><p>Lea leans over and while whispering answers, “Yeah, he used to be a Surgeon.” Shaun starts to get excited thinking about how one of the Avengers had a career in medicine too and felt the overwhelming urge to keep talking about it, as he would’ve if he were in his living room. “I wonder what field he specialized in before becoming a superhero.” He exclaims at the same volume as before.</p><p>“Dude! Shut up!” The third matinee exclaims practically shouting at him, Shaun flinching at the man’s sudden aggressiveness. </p><p>“He’s not being that loud, back off.” Lea responds before turning to Shaun. “Seriously though, you gotta keep your voice down, just try and whisper if you need to say anything.” <em> I don’t like whispering, it hurts my throat </em>Shaun wanted to respond, but instead simply turned his gaze back to the screen in silence, deciding at that moment it would just be easier to not to say anything at all. His questions and comments continued to pile up but Shaun managed to bite his tongue every single time to maintain the quiet cinematic experience. </p><p>As the hours went by the film started to reach its climax. An epic CGI battle that these Marvel blockbusters were famous for, Lea was clearly invested in the ongoing spectacle but Shaun could barely pay attention to it. Flashing lights, loud booms, erratic jump cuts, it was all too choppy for his brain to process. His senses were overloading and he felt like he was going to throw up. But Shaun wasn’t about to leave, he wasn’t going to let his autism define him this time. He had no choice but to settle for the next best thing, taking out his headphones and shutting his eyes, just waiting for the battle to be over. </p><p>Lucky for him, this worked, by the time he opened his eyes again the film was settling down and Shaun could take his headphones off and continue watching until the end. </p><p>“So, what did you think of the movie?” Lea asks as they walk out of the Theater, still wiping tears from her eyes even after bawling hysterically during the end credits. </p><p>“It was very exciting. I can see why you like the Avengers so much!” At least the parts he could stand to watch anyway. </p><p>“You do know we have to binge all the other Marvel movies you missed now before the next Avengers comes out, right?” Lea rhetorically asks him, excited about the potentially new shared interest they could bond over. </p><p>“No, no, I only agreed to see one. I didn’t say I’d see all the others.” Shaun reminds her, Lea’s excitement dwindling inside but her face retaining a shell of self confidence. “I’ll get you to come around, Murphy. Mark my words.” If she could convince Shaun to sit through two and a half hours of Infinity War, getting him to see at least one or two of the older movies would be nothing. </p><hr/><p>The sun had set by the time Shaun and Lea returned to their Striped Tomato. </p><p>“I’m craving Japanese. Have you ever had Sushi?” Lea probes while pulling out of their parking spot and driving into town. </p><p>“I have, it tastes terrible.” Shaun bluntly answers. </p><p>“Okay, he doesn’t like Japanese then.” Lea says laughing to herself while she looks out the window for any other potential restaurants they could choose from. “You’re craving it though?” Shaun wonders. “It's just, I know this really cute Sushi Bar near here. But it’s fine, I can go another time.” Lea was used to making sacrifices for Shaun, she knew what she was getting into when she decided to date him, he was worth it. </p><p>“We should go now.” Shaun surprisingly confesses to her, Lea turning her head curiously. “Wait? Seriously? What’s the occasion?” </p><p>“You’ve always been a good girlfriend to me, I want to be a good boyfriend back. I don’t want to always do things a certain way just because I’m autistic.” He candidly confesses to her. </p><p>“Shaun, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with just to make me happy.” Lea reminds him. </p><p>“I know, but I want to try and make you happy while still being myself.” He explains to her, trying his best to recite Hunter Denoble’s philosophy applied to himself. “I’m more than just my routines.” </p><p>Lea lets out a poorly controlled <em> aww </em>at the declaration. “You’re too good to me, I don’t know what I did to deserve it.” She facetiously answers, trying to keep her eyes on the road and not pounce out of her seat and jump his bones right then and there. </p><hr/><p>Shaun didn’t know what to expect when he agreed to go into a Sushi Bar with Lea, but what he experienced inside still somehow managed to subvert his expectations. He had a hard time trying to figure out what the purpose of all the food coming out on a conveyor belt was other than to make grabbing anything he wanted all the more stressful. But at least the smell inside was nice, plain really, a silver lining. </p><p>Lea didn’t seem at all phased by the unusual set up, spending the entire dinner comfortably talking to Shaun about the movie, and then anything else that came to mind. “I want to go to Japan so badly. Like, if I had the money and you could come with me, I’d pack up and go right now. No questions asked.” Lea keeps rambling on more about everything she’d want to do in Japan while Shaun tries to get the hang of using chopsticks. </p><p>“If you could move to any country in the world, where would <em> you </em> go?” She then asks him, resting her head on her hand expecting him to have an equally exciting answer as she did. </p><p>“Canada.” Shaun replies. </p><p>“Why? That’s so boring! Wouldn’t you want to live somewhere totally different than here?” Lea responds, moving her hands to make a more appropriate gesture. </p><p>“No. Canada has a universal healthcare system and a climate that’s comparable to Wyoming. I could build a good life there.” Lea couldn’t argue with his logic, she wanted adventure and Shaun wanted stability, when really what they needed was a little bit of both. </p><p>Shaun then picks up a roll to eat until Lea notices green powder stuck to the side of it. “No, wait! Shaun that has wasabi on it!” She shouts out... <em> too late </em>. </p><p>The sushi roll enters his mouth exactly as the last syllable drops and Shaun afterwards feels his tongue start to catch a blaze. “Ohhh, that is very, very hot!” He exclaims with whimpering agony in his voice. </p><p>“Have my water.” Lea offers as Shaun bursts out of his seat, accidentally hitting the waitress behind him as she crashes onto the ground, a firm snap being heard by the entire restaurant. Everyone including Shaun goes quiet as she lays there desperately holding onto her shoulder. </p><p>“You are hurt.” He points out breaking the silence. The tingling pain in his mouth suddenly wasn’t so overpowering. </p><p>“I think I dislocated my shoulder.” She tells him, now being supported by other members of the staff. Shaun joins in alongside with them and feels her arm, detecting through his fingertips exactly how and <em> where </em>the fracture occurred.</p><p>“It’s only an anterior dislocation, I can reduce that.” Shaun is about to snap it back into place until the Waitress moves away from him. “Ow, ow, ow you’re hurting me!” She yelps as Shaun stops what he’s doing. </p><p>“He can help, he’s a Doctor.” Lea chimes in, having left her seat sometime ago standing over him, looking Shaun in the eye with a gaze that gave him all the confidence he needed to fix this mistake and get their date back on course.</p><p>
  <em> Snap.  </em>
</p><p>The waitress moves her shoulder normally again. “That feels a lot better, thank you.” She slowly gets up and the entire restaurant claps for him, including Lea, who grins ear to ear at what her boyfriend did. </p><hr/><p>“I had a really good time tonight.” Lea informs Shaun with a flowery expression on her face just as he finishes returning her to her apartment door, the parallels to their first date in the motel obvious to any observers. Shaun by contrast seemed more fatigued than anything, just mildly stimming his hands together as he tries his best to keep uninterrupted eye contact. </p><p>“I’m really proud of you for coming to the movie with me, and for saving that poor woman at the restaurant.” It was stressful in the moment but Lea felt comfortable enough to laugh about it that now. </p><p>“Thank you.” Shaun sheepishly tells her. </p><p>“But every good night must come to an end, so get some sleep and I’ll see you again tomorrow.” Lea instructs him, her tone becoming sweeter than sugar at that last bit. </p><p>Without replying back Shaun simply turns around and makes a beeline back to his apartment, halfway there though Lea raises her eyebrow and speaks up. </p><p>“Shaun, aren’t you forgetting something?” He turns around only to see Lea balancing on and off her heels, hands folded at her midsection and eyes darting around the hallway, as if waiting for him to notice her. Shaun picks up on her body language and retraces his steps, Lea ceases moving and turns her head up once he gets into close enough proximity as Shaun leans in to give her a peck on the lips. Tame compared to their usual makeout sessions, but he worked hard today, so she let it slide. </p><p>“Better.” Lea affirms to him as Shaun then attempts once again to escape into his apartment, this time Lea allowing it as she does the same. </p><hr/><p>Hunter Denoble’s surgery was a success, after his recovery and a few weeks of physical therapy, it’s highly probable he should be able to walk again. Everyone celebrated in the Bullpen except for Shaun, whose apathy nobody seemed to notice except for Claire. </p><p>“You look awfully glum for someone who just helped a man walk again.” Claire says, sitting next to him as he carelessly flipped through the pages of the latest edition for the Stanford University Medical Textbook. </p><p>“I went on a date with Lea last night.” He coldly tells her, his attention still undivided. </p><p>“No way! Where did you guys go?” She inquires leaning in closer attempting to create some form of eye contact between them, Shaun just moved his head further.</p><p>“We saw the Avengers together.” </p><p>“Well, I’m more a DC girl myself, but that sounds really fun. I’m happy for you, Shaun.” </p><p>“It wasn’t fun, it was a disaster.” Shaun insists, raising his voice, now looking Claire in the eye, his own turned bloodshot.</p><p>"A disaster? What-what happened?" The smile on Claire's face quite literally turning upside down. </p><p>“Everything was always out of control. Anything could happen at any time and it did. I spent the whole night doing, unnatural, painful things just to make Lea happy. But I wasn’t.” Claire kept listening on without even attempting to interject. This is the part where she would’ve normally grabbed someone’s hand to show sympathy, but knew with Shaun it would just make him more upset. </p><p>“There’s no cure for autism, I can’t change who I am, and who I am is someone who will never do that again!” Shaun wasn’t even speaking to Claire anymore at that point so much as he was speaking to himself. He tried to be above his routines so he could be closer to Lea but he’s never felt further apart. Shaun is who he is and Lea is who she is, and from now on, it can't be changed, they'll both have to accept it. </p><p>That was the promise he made. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Smile.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lea gracefully walks into the St. Bonaventure lobby, the first time since that magical night at the gala. She hadn’t been to a Hospital in five years as much as she had in these last three months, being with Shaun was making her world just a little bit bigger, and she couldn’t wait to see the look on his face for her surprise visit. </p><p>“Can I help you find someone?” Doctor Park asks, taking pity on the seemingly lost petite woman wandering around the lobby aimlessly. </p><p>“Yes, you can. I’m looking for Doctor Shaun Murphy, he isn’t in a surgery right now, is he?” Lea hadn’t anticipated that, the downside of showing up unexpectedly when your boyfriend has a demanding full time job. </p><p>Park chuckles. “You must be Lea.” He recognizes. “No, he just got out fifteen minutes ago. My name is Alex Park, I work with Shaun.” They both lightly shake hands with one another. “He’s in the Cafeteria right now, I can take you there if you want.” </p><p>“That would be amazing.” Lea insists, bubbly as ever while Park takes the lead and she anxiously follows behind. </p><p>“So, is that Ford Torino you drive an actual prop from Starsky and Hutch or is it just a replica?” Alex wastes no time in imploring, Lea flattered by his not so subtle appreciation of her most prized possession. </p><p>“Just a replica, my Grandpa was a huge fan of the show, I helped him build the entire car from scratch. Even got a custom paint job and everything.” Lea proudly explains to him, Park’s reaction just as impressed as she expected it to be. </p><p>“That’s awesome. I watched Starsky and Hutch all the time when I was a teenager, I had to do a double take when I saw the <em> actual </em> Striped Tomato in the parking lot at the gala last month.” Hearing that last bit Lea remembered seeing Park that night, recalling that she never said hello to him, he was the only one of Shaun’s residents who wasn’t introduced. Which was ironic considering he was becoming Lea’s favorite of her boyfriend’s coworkers just from this conversation. </p><p>“Hey, just say the word and I’ll let you take it for a joyride.” Lea offers to him. No harm in sharing the wealth with someone who appreciates the classics. </p><p>“I will take you up on that.” Alex promises, playing along with her friendliness as they then make it to the Cafeteria, approaching Shaun who was currently engorged in a conversation with Claire, a huge smile of excitement on Lea’s face, which wasn’t reciprocated. </p><p>“Shaun, I found someone who’s here to see you.” Alex informs them while Lea walks forward, now standing kissing length from Shaun. </p><p>“Hey, I had time and I was wondering if maybe we could have some lunch together?” Lea proposes, displaying two signs of the flirting trifecta. </p><p>Shaun’s eyes began to swell as he clearly wanted to say something, his throat moved as if it were, but no words came out. “I do <em> not </em> have time!” He finally spits out before pacing away and out of the Cafeteria, leaving Lea standing there in the exact same spot. Now feeling dejected, hurt, and confused by his callous response. </p><p>Mutual feelings were shared between Alex and Claire, the former running after Shaun while the latter stayed by with Lea. </p><p>“I’m sorry about that, Lea, he’s been under a lot of stress recently and I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.” Claire assures her. </p><p>“It’s okay.” Lea responds, forcing on a smile once again. “It happens.” Her voice was now somber compared to the cheeriness that had been exhibited before, she was really looking forward to this. </p><p>“I just hope it wasn’t because of something I did.” Lea wishfully insists. <em> It couldn’t have been. </em> She reminds herself internally. <em> We’ve been stronger than ever, Shaun should be jumping at every opportunity to be together, I would’ve if he came to my job asking me to lunch.</em> But then again, Shaun had been working twice as much recently and wasn't answering any of her texts. That might've been alarming had it been anyone else, but Lea knew Shaun was still getting the hang of not leaving people hanging after they go out of their way to text him... and the work, it's a Hospital, he can't control when people get sick. </p><p>“Yeah, about that, uh….” Claire crosses her arms and looks down at the floor, this wasn’t going to be a comfortable conversation, but someone had to tell her. “Look, I know It’s none of my business, but Shaun told me you guys went to the movies last weekend and that he... he well, he didn’t enjoy it.” </p><p>Lea couldn’t feign positivity anymore hearing that, not just over the fact he didn’t like the date, but that he told Claire about it first instead of her. “I had no idea. Did-did he not like the movie, or was it the restaurant? He never said anything.” </p><p>“He won’t talk to anyone about it, none of us know how to help him.” The disappointment in Claire’s tone almost matches Lea’s. <em> Almost.  </em></p><p>They both just stood there in silence as the crowded Cafeteria passed them by, trying to grapple how they would proceed with these feelings of concern, the two most important women in Shaun’s life and neither of them knew what to do. </p><hr/><p>Shaun finishes the simple yet tedious process of buttoning his gray dress shirt and sleeves. With that done he is now presentable and ready for the day, “ready” being a generous term. He didn’t sleep very well last night and was still a little groggy, mostly just a runny nose and some dry eye. Emotionally he felt the same as he had these past few days, varying degrees of overwhelmed. Then, a knock on the door. Standing right next to it Shaun opens up seeing Lea on the other side holding a brown paper bag. </p><p>“I come bearing gifts!” She exclaims, letting herself in past a reluctant Shaun Murphy. </p><p>She reaches into the bag and takes two green apples from it. “Since we missed lunch yesterday, I thought we could have breakfast together.” Lea tried to sound spontaneous but she had planned this interaction sometime last night, purposefully setting her alarm to this ungodly hour so she would have enough time to fetch some fresh produce from the market and try and catch Shaun before he had to go to work, get to the bottom of his suspected grief as soon as possible. It was all Lea could think about since that discussion with Claire yesterday and didn't want to spend another minute leaving anything unsaid. </p><p>“I don’t eat breakfast on Tuesdays.” He reminds her, gently placing the apple down on the table, to which Lea does the same before putting her hands together as if she were about to make an announcement. </p><p>“Look Shaun, I wanted to talk to you about something.”<em> Here goes nothing. </em></p><p>“What?” He inquires innocently.</p><p>“Our date last weekend. Did you not... have fun on it?” Lea winces hoping she worded that smoothly enough so that it wouldn’t offend Shaun in any way.</p><p>“Who told you that I didn’t?” Shaun asks, taking his plastic scalpel out of its cloth only to then begin rubbing it in a routine fashion. </p><p>“Claire did.” Lea honestly answers. </p><p>“She should not have, that was private.”  Shaun tells her, now rubbing his scalpel more rapidly while turning his head back and forth. </p><p>Lea inches her way closer and gently reaches her hand out, hoping it would calm him down. “It’s okay, I’m not mad at you. I just want to know why.” Shaun seems to only get more upset and strides to the kitchen, intentionally keeping his back turned away from Lea. </p><p>“You come back home when I’m asleep, you leave before I can even get up, please Shaun, talk to me.” She begs him, slowly following from behind while still trying to maintain a respectable distance. </p><p>This silent treatment was making her sick, Lea was always used to knowing everything that went on in Shaun’s mind, good or bad, and being completely locked out like this was highly distressing to say the least. </p><p>“<em>Please. </em>” She whispers, her voice cracking, eyes glossy, hoping desperately for him to say something. </p><p>Shaun keeps himself turned away but starts to rub his scalpel more slowly. “The movie was too loud, the sushi wasn’t good, I was scared when the waitress got hurt, the man who sat next to us smelled bad, none of it was fun for me!” Shaun then turns around revealing his eyes to now be watering and his entire body shaking. </p><p>“I don’t want to go on a date with you ever again, Lea!”</p><p>Lea keeps waiting for him to finish so she can get a word in edgewise, but isn’t able to hold it in after that. “We don’t have to go on dates like that…” </p><p>“No!” Shaun shouts, cutting her off. “Because that’s what <em> you </em> want! And If I can’t give you what <em> you </em> want we won’t be able to be together!” He was practically hysterical at this point yelling at her, and as much as it hurt, at least it wasn’t the silent treatment.</p><p>“Are you saying we should break up?” Lea quietly wonders. </p><p>The suggestion just made Shaun even more agitated. “Not that! Anything but that!” </p><p>“Then what do you want!?” Lea asks, now raising her voice too. </p><p>“I don’t know what I want!” Shaun screams to her, now pulling his own hair and engaging in other self harming stims. </p><p>Lea instinctually goes into a sort of <em>maternal compassion mode</em>, almost as if she were a robot and Shaun's behavior had just flipped a switch in her brain to trigger it without permission from her conscious thoughts. She slowly moves forward trying gently to pet Shaun’s arm but he brushes her away, running out the door leaving Lea alone once again, this time now on the verge of tears too. </p><hr/><p>“Iced coffee, black, no sugar.” Debbie Wexler announces handing Aaron Glassman his caffeine laden beverage that gave him the willpower to get out of bed in the morning. </p><p>“Debbie, you are my savior, thank you.” He tells her, only half joking, Debbie nonetheless blushing at the compliment. </p><p>Just as Glassman is about to continue his flirting he sees Shaun in the corner of his eye picking out a water bottle before standing in line behind him, neither one acknowledging the other. Glassman had been trying not to be Shaun’s mentor so much nowadays, but not even saying hello in the Coffee Shop, that was a little extreme. </p><p>“Shaun, I haven’t seen you in ages. What’s new?” He politely asks him.</p><p>“Hello, Doctor Glassman. I’m buying water.” Shaun responds, taking out a dollar from his pocket which Glassman gives right back to him. “I’ve got it.” He insists paying for both his coffee and the water. </p><p>“I thought you said you didn’t want to be friends.” Shaun observes, now perplexed by Glassman’s contradictory behavior. </p><p>“We’re still colleagues. We can still talk when we see each other in the halls.” Shaun couldn’t follow his line of reasoning but didn’t want to rock the boat if this sudden lapse in judgement meant Glassman could be in his life again. “Okay.” He says leaving with his water bottle.</p><p>Glassman follows not far behind. “We should talk.” </p><p>“Talk about what?” </p><p>“I don’t know, sports, the weather, maybe Lea, a little birdie told me there was some trouble in paradise between you two.” Shaun stops walking once Glassman brings up Lea. “You don’t like Lea, why would you want to talk about her?” Shaun <em> knew </em> Glassman was breaking his own rules now. </p><p>“That’s true, but I’ve been doing some thinking lately and I still want what’s best for you.” Glassman placed his hands together and mentally prepared himself to walk back on everything he tried to do these last few months. “Look Shaun, you deserve to be happy, and I might not like Lea very much, but I know that you do.” Shaun doesn’t respond. </p><p>“Don’t give up on love. I know it’s stressful and it’s messy, but when you meet the right person, no matter what anyone else thinks, It’s all worth it.” This next part is going to be the hardest. “And Lea… she really cares about you, Shaun.” </p><p>It stung to admit it, but Lea was good for him. She understood Shaun and helped him in ways Glassman never did, never even could’ve. That’s why he never liked her, she threatened him and his position as the most important person in Shaun’s life. But being a good father means having to swallow your pride and accept that, it’s a lesson it took Glassman too long to learn, with both Maddie and Shaun. </p><p>“Did you change your mind on Lea because you have a crush on Debbie?” Shaun asks, Glassman’s eyes widening as he stammers for a response.</p><p>“I don’t have a crush on Debbie! Why-why would you think that I did?” He starts to nervously laugh. Still stubbornly saving face despite the lesson he had just learned literal moments ago. </p><p>“You exhibited the typical signs of flirting when talking to her and she exhibited an atypical sign, which means she likes you too.” Shaun was starting to smirk while deviating his gaze around the room, as he often did when discussing matters of romance. </p><p>“She’s just being friendly.” Glassman insists, trying to manage his expectations, but deep down hoping for Shaun to be right. Where else is he ever going to find another car enthusiast who also makes the perfect iced coffee? The mask slips as he smiles thinking about it. </p><p>“You’re smiling and displaying the Duchenne marker, that means you were flirting on purpose, you want Debbie to be your girlfriend.” Shaun excitedly exclaims running over to the Coffee Shop counter despite Glassman’s implied objections.</p><p>“Doctor Glassman would like to ask you to be his girlfriend, you should say yes.” He bluntly tells Debbie who’s stunned beyond words by the turn of events.</p><p>“Shaun! Oh my god.” Glassman says catching up with him. “I’m so sorry…” </p><p>“I also think you’re both Jewish, tribal commonality is a good indicator for compatibility.” Shaun speculates cutting Aaron off, Debbie chuckling at the ordeal. </p><p>“Uh, how about we try to at least have dinner together first before we start labeling ourselves?” She then suggests in a joking tone, while Glassman awkwardly smiles. </p><p>“I’d-I’d like that.” He tells her, Debbie confidently smiling right back. </p><p>Shaun decides to let the two of them be after that. </p><p><em> I did a good thing today, without me Glassman would not have gotten the date with Debbie that he wanted. </em>Shaun thought to himself, his actions could lead to the start of a whole new relationship for both of them… and if he could do that, why can’t he fix his own relationship by just telling Lea the truth? </p><p>Glassman was right, Lea is good for him, and Shaun doesn’t want to let her go. But to do that he still had to figure out the answer to his conundrum, what the "truth" actually was! </p><hr/><p>Apartment 33, Lea’s door, Shaun was standing outside ready to talk. It was stressful but fortunately, he had a plan to ease the tension. </p><p>
  <em> Knock, knock, knock </em>
</p><p>Lea opens the door only to see Shaun on the other side waiting for her, displaying an unnaturally wide smile on his face that causes her pulse to spike. </p><p><em> Is he… is he gonna stab me? </em>Are Lea’s only thoughts at the frightening grin. </p><p>“Shaun, please say something, that smile is freaking me out.” He instantly drops the grimace and returns his face to its regular neutral expression. </p><p>“Studies show that seeing someone smile stimulates the pleasure centers of the brain. It must be my lack of the Duchenne marker.” Shaun observes, Lea just the tiniest bit flattered there was an attempt to make her feel good, even if it did the exact opposite. It shows Shaun isn’t still angry with her. </p><p>“I’m here to make things better.” He insists to her, Lea moving herself to let him in. </p><p>Once inside, she sits down in her favorite chair while Shaun continues to stand. “I want to tell you how I’m feeling, but I don’t know how I feel, and I can’t be honest if I don’t know how I feel.” It was the most truthful response Shaun could give, by just admitting he doesn't <em> know </em>what the truth is. </p><p>“I know.” Lea states in a collected tone, Shaun surprised by her understanding. She gets up out of her chair and stands up in front of him, crossing her arms. </p><p>“I did some research today, and I think you might have Alexithymia. Have you ever heard of it, it’s common for people on the spectrum.” </p><p>“No, I am a Surgeon, not a Psychologist.” Shaun informs her. </p><p><em> Huh, go figure. </em>Lea thinks to herself before continuing.</p><p>“Anyway, it means you have a hard time describing how you’re feeling.” Lea moves herself closer to him, and Shaun lets her this time. “I know you’re hurting and I know you can’t tell me why, and I’m not going to force you. But I do think we should go on another date.” Shaun starts to get nervous again as he breaks eye contact. </p><p>“But… we don’t have to leave to do it.” Lea adds on, Shaun’s eyes meeting hers again. </p><p>“Let’s just eat some chips and watch TV on the couch like we used to. ” Shaun would be lying if he said he didn’t like the idea, but couldn’t shake the feeling she was just doing it to appease him.</p><p>“Is that what you want?” Shaun knew it couldn’t be. </p><p>“I want to be with you again, Shaun.” Lea admits to him. “Yes, I like going to the movies, and listening to loud music, and eating spicy food, but I like you more.” Shaun tried to keep a straight face but couldn’t help but crack a faint smile hearing that, the Duchenne marker appearing on his cheek this time. </p><p>They both then sit down on the couch, Lea snuggling up next to him while Shaun maintains a formal forward looking position. </p><p>“I was so unhappy when we weren’t getting along.” Lea tells him, Shaun internally agreeing, he missed Lea hugs and kisses, even the ones she snuck on him when he was least expecting it. “And I don’t want us to do anything that could ruin our relationship.” </p><p>Despite the explanation, Shaun still couldn’t understand. “You are kind, beautiful, and smart. Why would you want to stay with someone who won’t do the things you want to do?” From Shaun’s eyes Lea could choose the ideal mate, why would she ever want to settle for him, someone who can’t even go to the movies with her. </p><p>“Shaun, how could you even ask me that?” Lea says, almost wanting to playfully smack him. “We have so much fun together, I learn so much being around you, you’re my best friend.” Her only friend actually, “Every relationship has compromise, I bitch about random things all the time, I’m always forgetting stuff, yet you put up with it.” <em> I like to hear you talk </em>, Shaun thinks to himself. </p><p>“...if you don’t like doing the same things as me, that’s okay, we’ll make it work.” She leans on his shoulder and Shaun becomes uneasy at the touch, eventually settling into it. </p><p>“That’s not true.” He then insists to her. “I like singing Karaoke, you do too.” </p><p>Lea’s eyes widen with excitement at the observation. “You’re right, we do.” She quickly moves herself off his shoulder and onto her feet again, pacing over to a light up disco Lea had laying on the ground for reasons she couldn’t remember, turning it on and dazzling the living room with red, blue, green and yellow lights. Lea then grabs the attached microphone and hands it to Shaun. </p><p>“Should we... try another song?” She suggests, hoping to take their date night in an unexpected yet familiar direction. </p><p>“Oh, yes.” Shaun says, If Lea couldn’t tell any better hearing relief in his voice. </p><p>They both walk up behind the disco while Lea takes out her IPhone to play a song for them. Grabbing the second Microphone as they both belt their off tune hearts out. </p><p>Lea’s starts off singing the first verse. </p><p><em>🎵Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you, caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new, flashback, warm nights, almost left behind, suitcase of memories, time after</em> <em>🎵</em></p><p>Shaun continues with the next verse. </p><p><em>🎵Sometimes you picture me, I'm walking too far ahead, you're calling to me, I can't hear what you've said, then you say "go slow", and I fall behind, the second hand unwinds</em> <em>🎵</em></p><p>Then both together, jumping up and down, ecstatic with jubilation. </p><p>
  <em> 🎵If you're lost you can look and you will find me, time after time, If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting, time after time, If you're lost, you can look and you will find me, time after time, If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting, time after time 🎵  </em>
</p><p>Lea looked perfect losing herself in the music, her radiant smile making him do the same, Duchenne marker and all. <em> This must be why Russ Milman wanted Gretchen to have the surgery so badly </em>. Shaun finally got it, it all made sense to him, why he was feeling so overwhelmed this morning, how he feels about Lea, how he feels about himself, all of it was opening up the more he sang. Shaun was ready to finally let it out.</p><p>“I love you.” He tells Lea, out of the blue and monotone, right in the middle of his verse.</p><p>She isn’t able to sing anymore after that, pausing the song while Shaun is prepared to keep going as if nothing had happened, but this was a milestone, and Lea had to choose her next words very carefully. </p><p>“Shaun, you’re not just saying that, right? Because that-that’s not something…” </p><p>“I love you, Lea, and I mean it. You are my favorite person in the world, my life is better with you.” Not a drop of doubt or insincerity in his declaration. </p><p>Lea couldn’t help it, feeling tears start to flow down her face at Shaun’s words. She had boyfriends before but none of them had ever said they loved her, especially not like that. But Shaun did and he actually meant it from the bottom of his heart. She just knew it, she could feel it, love emanating from inside of him, Shaun had so much to give and she was honored to have even a part of it. </p><p>She wanted to give him the same gift he gave her. </p><p>“I love you too.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during More.</p><p>It contains moderate sexual implication. Viewer discretion is advised.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“How long has this been here!?!” Lea asks her much calmer boyfriend, all but jumping for joy as high as she can in her black kimono and slippers at seeing the apartment’s outdoor pool for the first time, her giddy squeals only contrasted by the sounds of crickets living in the nearby shrubs who had come out sometime earlier in the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since we moved in.” Shaun matter of factly clarifies to her, his stimming now serving a second purpose outside of anxiety relief to warm himself up as the cold wind blows past his bare legs, only his thighs and upper body protected by a pair of plain blue swim shorts and a waterproof navy shirt. Lea had said she wanted to go swimming and since Shaun would never dream of stepping foot in the YMCA’s crowded public pool, he suggested the one at their Apartment instead, passed closing time when there’d be no one else around. He was being innovative and meeting Lea halfway, it’s what he wanted to start doing since she agreed to not bring him on extravagant dates anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breaking in after hours, Shaun, was genius. I mean, It’s so peaceful here and we have the </span>
  <em>
    <span>whole</span>
  </em>
  <span> pool to ourselves!” After fawning over the opportunity in front of her, Lea tries to breathe in the overpowering stench of chlorine floating through the air, just taking in the moment. She figured Shaun was doing the same remembering their conversation on the road trip about how he makes memories through scents. Hopefully this chlorine would be the basis to a new memory for both of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even though we are trespassing, I thought it would be fun too.” Shaun clarifies to her, Lea’s disregard for authority was clearly starting to rub off on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then we better get moving before someone catches us.” Lea flippantly observes as she takes her slippers off and disrobes her Kimono, Shaun doing the same by removing his sandals and putting their towels down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The momentum afterward comes to a screeching halt as Shaun sees Lea’s alluring body covered by only a thin red two piece bikini. He had never seen her this close to naked before and Shaun couldn’t help but feel his heart begin to beat faster at the sight of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Lea asks, clearly seeing that something was slowing him down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun gulps, suddenly becoming too intimidated to answer her question truthfully. Not wanting to lie either he just stood there saying nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea didn’t know what that was about, but decided not to dwell if it was just going to make Shaun uncomfortable. “I dare you to jump into the pool right now!” She mischievously suggests changing the subject. Shaun lets out a faint chuckle at the proposal, now becoming less aroused as their conversation turns more casual. “I don’t think so, it’s too cold for that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What! You, not wanting to jump in? I’m shocked.” Lea sarcastically insists to him, the clearly humorous inflection going right over Shaun’s head. “Guess I’ll have to show you how it’s done then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea starts running as fast as she can towards the pool before loudly jumping into the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Splash!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun flinches as drops spatter onto him while Lea disappears beneath the water, the only sounds around him being the crickets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, her head emerges creating a loud wave in the pool from the impact. “You were right, it’s so cold!” Lea’s wet brown hair was glimmering in the moonlight while she danced in the water, keeping everything below the neck perfectly hidden. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you.” He playfully reminds her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you come in and warm me up then?” Shaun wanted to, boy did he want to, the cold water didn’t seem so scary if it meant he could get to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Shaun walks over to the steps and acclimates his body temperature to the water, placing one foot in at a time, then his waist, until he’s finally in the pool next to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gotta put your head underwater!” Lea exclaims to him. “At least get your hair wet.” She wanted to see what his normally combed hair would look like totally drenched for once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The last time I put my head underwater was when I was five and my father threw me into the lake to try and teach me how to swim. I don’t want to do it again.” Lea frowns hearing that story, as she always did learning about the abuses Shaun had to endure from his mess of a father. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, I understand.” Lea submits to him. “But that doesn’t mean you’re not getting wet.” Lea then whimsically starts splashing water in Shaun’s face making him look as if he had fully put himself underwater.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it, stop it, Lea!” He demands, his tone both serious and playful, somehow, as he splashes her right back, Lea releasing a high pitched yelp everytime he gets her. The splash fight eventually comes to a natural end as they both start laughing. Lea then uses the water to position herself into Shaun’s arms as if he were carrying her by the bend of her knees. Shaun did nothing to move himself when Lea got comfortable in it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember back in Hershey my family would do a polar bear plunge every New Year’s at our Lakehouse, it was even colder than this.” Lea was clearly calm just sitting with him like this but Shaun’s heart was pounding as he felt her soft skin pressed against his. But what got him the most excited was looking down and seeing Lea’s nipples poking through her bra from the cold water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“....but that warm tingling sensation when we’d get out of the water, it was the best high there is!” In the middle of her musing Lea felt something start to press against her lower back. “Ow, something just poked me under the water.” She glares down seeing nothing under her except for Shaun, the embarrassed loo in his dilating eyes telling her everything she needed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, is that your…” His face flushes as he lets go of Lea and starts swimming back to the stairs. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that was unexpected.” Shaun insists getting out of the pool, keeping himself hunched over to hide his bulge before wrapping himself in a towel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea more slowly gets out too behind him. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be embarrassed, I don’t mind, really.” She was almost laughing from the awkwardness which was clearly making Shaun’s embarrassment even worse. She wasn’t feeling that way though, it was kind of flattering that he saw her like that, she didn’t know if he did. They certainly never talked about it, maybe they should. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Back in her apartment, Lea takes a shower while Shaun sulks on her couch sitting by himself. Even after getting out and changing she sees him in the exact same spot, unmoved. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Still upset about what happened at the pool. If he only knew… </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun.” Lea calls, getting his attention, Shaun turning his head to meet her gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Lea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you… ever think about us… having sex?” She inquires, the gaps in her question unintentional. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” He answers candidly. “I think about having sex with everyone.” Claire, Morgan, Carly, Lim, even Melendez once, no one was exempt from Shaun’s imagination when he wanted to amuse himself late in the night. Lea was, of course, no exception to this, he had been thinking about her like that since the day she asked for batteries and it only got stronger the closer they became. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Lea’s mouth was practically agap at Shaun’s answer. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not the direction I was expecting him to go in, but okay, I can work with this. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“But Shaun, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, it’s normal to have certain urges, like what happened outside…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was an involuntary response produced by my nervous system.” Shaun clarifies to her, Lea internally rewording her next sentences accordingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to have sex with you.” She decides to just confess to him, Shaun now becoming the one who appears surprised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one has ever said that to me before.” He was now stimming his hands together while breaking eye contact. “But I am a virgin, I won’t be able to be able to do it right, you won’t enjoy it at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone’s gotta start somewhere.” Lea quips, sitting down beside him. “It’s always awkward the first time, but I still want to do it.” She turns her body to fully face herself in his direction. “I want to be able to connect with you in a way I can’t with anyone else. Be vulnerable, let you see me at my most vulnerable, do you want that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun didn’t know how to answer her question. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he had convinced himself for so long that sex wasn’t an option for someone like him, but now here Lea was telling him she wasn’t just willing, she actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> it. He had never anticipated something like this, he didn’t know how to plan for it. There were issues, lots of them, all of which would need to be addressed for it to work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid to have sex.” Shaun blurts out, Lea begins to look concerned. “I don’t like touching more than one thing at a time, and if I have sex with you I’ll have to touch you everywhere, all at once.” His girlfriend then starts to look more confident as an idea begins brewing in her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then maybe tonight you can try just touching one thing.” Shaun looked confused. “Like what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea gently takes Shaun’s hand and slowly moves it over her chest, clasping his palm right onto her breast. His heart pounding again as he lets out an uncontrolled shutter, Lea grins at his arousal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like it?” She wonders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like it very much.” Shaun answers, the euphoria evident in his shaky tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll take it as slow as you want, whenever you’re ready.” Lea had never taken someone’s virginity before and Shaun deserved something special, that he got to set the terms for, he was starting to come around sooner than she thought though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I feel your other breast?” He asks excitedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea’s smile widens even further. “Yes, Shaun, yes you can.” She warmly tells him as he places his other hand onto it without a moment’s hesitation. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I want to have sex with Lea. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He keeps thinking to himself while doing it. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Aaron Glassman could seldom be described as an amateur at chess, it was a game he enjoyed, a game he was known to be good at. Yet today, even when playing against himself in the middle of his office, he couldn’t figure out what move to do next, almost as though he was out of options, despite an endless amount sitting right in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This became of little concern when Shaun entered his office unannounced, a look of determination on his face that he only had when he wanted advice about something. Their deal about giving each other space to figure things out on their own was obviously long dead by this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Has a woman ever let you touch her breast before?” Shaun asks, jumping straight to the point as per usual, Glassman not even surprised by it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yes, I-I suppose I have. I was married once, you know?” He reminds him, as if Shaun could forget such an important part of his adoptive father’s life. “Why do you ask?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun sits down opposite the chessboard from Glassman. “Lea let me touch her breasts last night, and now she wants to have sex, and I want to too.” Shaun’s normally pale faced blushing at the admission. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassman wasn’t nearly as surprised as he thought he would be, didn’t have the energy, either physically or mentally. “Wow Shaun, that’s-that’s a really big step for you. I’m glad you trust Lea enough to want to do that with her. Make sure you use protection and I wish you good luck, I hope it works out for both of you.” Aaron then gets up from his chair and starts moving over to his desk, distancing himself from Shaun, who nonetheless gets up to follow him without a problem. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How should I do it?” Shaun innocently probes him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do what?” Glassman asks in return. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have sex. I want to be a gentleman, and I want Lea to feel good, but I don’t know how. What did you do when you were married?” Glassman wanted to start being surprised and flabbergasted by Shaun requesting him to explain the details of his sex life, but it just made him feel even more weary and defeated, knowing this could be the last time he’s here to give it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t-can’t you ask Claire about this?” He suggests, trying to emotionally push Shaun away to spare him the pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk to her about sex advice. I want to talk to you.” He insists. “You’re a great mentor, and a good friend. I don’t want us to keep avoiding each other.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassman smiled and huffed at the compliment. “Well, thank you, Shaun. You don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that.” In that moment Aaron realized that even though telling Shaun the truth would be painful, pushing him away and keeping their relationship strained would be worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...but I think you may need a new mentor.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...because I’m dying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun’s world stopped in that moment. The mere thought of the only parent Shaun has ever had in his life dying was inconceivable, it couldn’t be true. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you be dying? You’re perfectly healthy.” Shaun tells him, almost laughing at the idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassman’s expression though remained somber and transparent. “I have an inoperable glioma, Shaun. You and I both know what that means, 12 to 18 months, tops.” Stacking a folder with a dozen or so identical documents Aaron prepares himself to walk out the door and end the conversation. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone, okay? I will in my own time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun persists following Glassman outside the office where he continues to debate him on the matter, toying with just about every possibility other than that which was most obvious, that he was truly dying. Shaun wasn’t ready to face that reality, not yet, maybe not ever. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Lea’s bedroom, almost midnight, it’s go time. The two of them sit next to each other atop her comforter passionately kissing, both basking in the heat of the moment, their loose hands frantically exploring each other’s bodies, trying desperately to get these annoying clothes out of the way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun wasn’t able to get his sex advice earlier and was too busy trying to figure out a cure for Glassman’s tumor to ask anyone else. Thankfully, his pre-existing medical experience has already granted Shaun enough knowledge on the erogenous zones of the female genitalia, as well as his own, to get by. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was all far from ideal, the lack of preparation, having to save his mentor from a brain glioma on the side, but Shaun made a plan to have sex with Lea tonight and still wanted to do it. He had wanted to for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>long, long</span>
  </em>
  <span> time, and wasn’t about to let the bad news today ruin it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll still have 12-18 months to save Glassman after this, I will save him after this, I will.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea giggles as she softly pushes Shaun against the bed frame and straddles herself onto his lap, temporarily taking a break from kissing him as she pulls her silk tank top off and flings it onto the ground, revealing herself to be wearing only a small white bra with frosted strawberries designs all over it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I take your shirt off?” Lea asks, Shaun rapidly nodding his head in approval. Without hesitation she starts unbuttoning his dress shirt one by one until feeling Shaun’s hand suddenly stopping her mid button. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me do it.” He insists, taking the shirt and everything under it off, folding them neatly to the side. Shaun then gives the signal and they start kissing again, the heat even stronger now as Lea tries her best to not to literally devour his face. Shaun’s assertiveness was </span>
  <em>
    <span>hot</span>
  </em>
  <span> and this was the first time she had ever seen him topless before. He was thin enough to have faintly defined ab muscles which Lea’s eyes glow at the sight of, she liked what she saw, but Shaun didn’t seem to share her admiration. Cowering his stimming hands together as he stares up at Lea with blue eyes, who for the first time since they met was now towering over him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” She asks now concerned, she might’ve gone in too hot too fast, the last thing Lea wanted was to overstimulate him. “Do-do you want to slow down? Do you want to stop? If you’re not feeling it...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m definitely feeling it.” Shaun interrupts as Lea sighs in relief. </span>
  <em>
    <span>False alarm, I didn’t pressure him.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She assures herself. “I just… I have an idea.” Shaun moves Lea off of his lap, plopping onto the comforter on her side while Shaun gets up and begins compulsively pacing around the room muttering medical terms to himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What the hell? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“An idea? About what?” She asked, slightly annoyed at his attention shifting away from her to… whatever this is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How to save Doctor Glassman.” Shaun answers, Lea’s expression turning to that of deep concern. “Wait, what’s wrong with Glassy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was diagnosed with an Inoperable Glioma, but I’m going to fix him, I have an idea how.” Lea stopped listening after she heard Inoperable Glioma. She knew from the stories Shaun told her about cases from the Hospital. It was a brain tumor and “inoperable” meant it couldn’t be removed, Glassy was dying of cancer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s horrible.” She almost wanted to cry just thinking about it, him dying, how hurt Shaun would be, how hurt she would be seeing him like that. “Shaun, I’m so, so sorry.” Lea then gets up and hugs her boyfriend from behind, Shaun ceases moving but is otherwise unphased by her contact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk?” Lea asks, softly resting herself against his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, thank you.” Shaun quickly replies in a chipper tone that starkly contrasted hers. “Once I’m done I want to go back to having sex with you.” Lea though suddenly wasn’t in the mood anymore. She moves off of him and sits back down on the edge of her bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m, uh, I’m not sure we should have sex tonight.” Lea admits, Shaun now turning around to look at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea’s face begins to curdle realizing just how deep in denial he seems to be about Glassman’s situation. She pats a spot on the bed right next to her, signifying for Shaun to sit there. He slowly walks over and does as instructed while they both sit next to one another quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, do you remember what I told you when you said you wanted to move back to Casper?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, to never make important decisions when you’re angry, upset, high, or right before or after having sex.” Once he said it aloud Shaun started to figure out where she was going with this, and Lea could tell, turning her head down in acknowledgement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re feeling sad because Glassy’s sick, and that’s not the right mindset to lose your virginity to.” This was going to be a milestone in Shaun’s life and Lea knew she had to be responsible with it, even if Shaun himself couldn’t see or appreciate it right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t make sense.” He challenges. “Sex will make me feel good, and if I feel good I’ll be less worried about Doctor Glassman.” His logic seemed sound so far. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea sighs. “Having sex won’t make you feel good if you do it right now, it’ll just cover up how you really feel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun starts to get annoyed, his face turning a faint shade of red as he pushes his hands together more aggressively. “But I don’t want to feel my feelings! I want to be with you, I want to save Glassman, I want you both to be in my life forever!” Shaun got flashbacks to losing Steve and his rabbit, he wanted them to be his life forever too, and Lea understood exactly how he felt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I was in High School, I was dating this guy named Kevin around the same time Grandpa Rod got diagnosed with Lung Cancer.” It was always hard for Lea to talk about her Grandpa in his last few months. “Watching this strong, athletic, confident man just wither away… it really did a number on me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun quietly kept listening without saying a word. “I was lonely and Kevin was there for me, and I thought losing my virginity to him would make me feel better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did it?” Shaun curiously wonders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. It made me feel worse.” Shaun is only able to reply with a puzzled expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because the whole time, all I could think about was Grandpa Rod. I lost what should’ve been a beautiful moment between me and him, because I tried to use sex as a way to not have to come to terms with my grief, and I’m not going to let you do the same thing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun once again looks frustrated even after hearing Lea’s story, not truly grasping the meaning of her fable. “No, I will fix Glassman.” He replies, now getting up and making his way to the door. "If you don’t want to have sex with me right now, then I’m going to go home. Goodnight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea gets up after him. “Shaun, we can still hang out. Do you want to play some Skyrim or maybe see what’s on TV?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun though continues leaving, this time out the front door. “Goodnight.” He repeats once again faintly as it shuts behind him. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Life only seemed to take a downturn from that day on, Glassman had gotten a second opinion like Shaun and Jessica had suggested where they learned nothing new except that his Glioma was more severe than originally anticipated. Shaun didn’t take the news well, but also didn’t give up hope. Perhaps he should’ve, his absent mindedness continued to distract him even in the operating room where he almost killed a patient with a careless mistake. Shaun still managed to fix it and his fellow Residents decided not to report him, but the damage was done. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were going out tonight to celebrate the successful surgery at a bar and Shaun felt like it was a good time to see Lea again, they hadn’t spoken to each other since they almost had sex in her apartment and she’d have fun drinking with his friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Shaun: Hello, Lea. I am going to have drinks with my friends at Harry Hopes, would you like to come with us? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Lea: Sounds like fun! I’ll be right there and we can get some tequila, stat! </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun chuckled at her reference, glad it seemed like Lea wasn’t still trying to get him to accept Glassman’s fate. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>At Harry Hopes, Neil Melendez and his entire resident team are all sitting around their table each with their own unique beverage of choice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jared had brought Celez which made Lea feel less out of place as among all the Doctors surrounding her. She wanted to have a good time tonight, Shaun made it abundantly clear he didn’t want to give up on Glassman and Lea isn’t the pushy type, if that’s how he needs to come to terms with the diagnosis, that’s his choice, but the sex will have to wait then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...apparently It’s an internet meme called the Tide Pod Challenge, where I guess the joke is you try to eat laundry detergent and not die or something.” Jared explains to the table while Lea starts laughing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone actually did the Tide Pod Challenge!? That’s hilarious…” Reading the room Lea could tell no one else shared her amusement. “...and really tragic, I’m glad you helped him.” She adds on at the end to save herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I almost killed him.” Shaun admits shifting the table’s attention away from Lea and onto him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, that’s not really something you want to document to the whole world.” Park kindly informs him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea and Celez deserve to know.” He responds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea looks concerned, but still fairly at ease since obviously the patient survived. “Everyone makes mistakes, Shaun, don’t worry about it.” She assures him, leaning into the table to tell her own anecdote of a time when she made a similar mistake. “There was this one time where I was designing blueprints for the latest Sprint-Kart model and I forgot...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...I was distracted thinking about Doctor Glassman. He might die.” Lea wanted to be proud of Shaun for saying it out loud, but all she could do in the moment was empathize with how much it must’ve hurt to say. The rest of the table however isn’t so sympathetic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Melendez just sighs in disappointment while Morgan mutters under her breath, “We’re all gonna get fired.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone else remains quiet until Claire starts to speak up, “But he made up for it! Shaun came up with an ingenious solution to save Caden by inserting a graft through his leg, so we could still operate on his heart without the risk of rupturing any abdominal arteries.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all start talking about that instead while Shaun remembers his graft idea and begins creating an image in his head, applying that same technique to treat a brain tumor instead of endovascular defect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know how I can save Doctor Glassman!” Shaun shouts out loud enough for nearby patrons to hear it, grabbing his coat off the back of the chair before preparing to make his leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, Shaun, where are you going?” Lea demands to know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to tell him, you can stay here.” He insists, leaving the now highly confused table with haste. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Guess he hasn’t accepted it after all. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea informs herself, taking a swig of her drink to try and enjoy the rest of the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun returns to St. Bonaventure where he confronts Glassman in his office right before he’s about to leave, informing him of his idea to perform a cranial biopsy through his nose to avoid rupturing any arteries in his brain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The idea is crazy, but just crazy enough to work, Aaron Glassman had been a Neurosurgeon for over thirty years and everything Shaun was telling him made complete sense. Even if they just reaffirm it’s a GBM there’s no harm in doing a high quality Biopsy, at worst it could buy him a couple more months, at best it could give him hope again. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b>Shaun: Please come over to my apartment. </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea turned her head sideways at the seemingly random text Shaun sent to her unprompted in the middle of dinner, but decided to go along with it, her Ramen Noodles weren’t going to go anywhere while she visited her boyfriend down the hall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea walks to his apartment and opens the door, it’s unlocked. Inside, Shaun is waiting for her, holding his hands together to keep them still and clearly doing his best to stop himself from smiling like a total fool. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” Lea asks him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Glassman is going to be okay.” Shaun can’t help himself, anymore, he smiles, Lea does too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun! That’s-That’s so amazing!” Lea shouts with elation as she dashes over for a hug which Shaun graciously accepts, actually hugging her too for a change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But wait, I thought his tumor wasn’t treatable, what happened?” Lea justifiably wonders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We found a way, we’re going to go to the Superbowl together next year!” Shaun announces, still excited that he’s actually able to say it aloud. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I guess I was wrong after all, Shaun’s brilliant, I should’ve never doubted him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea thinks to herself continuing to celebrate with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t forget about me. Going to the Superbowl has been a dream of mine since… I don’t even know when!” That might’ve been a little bit of an exaggeration but if Shaun and Glassy were going she wasn’t about to be left behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes! You should come. I always want to be with you too.” Shaun didn’t even realize the impact his words had, it was more than an invitation to go to the Superbowl with them, it was an indirect admission that he held Lea on the same level that he did Glassman. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He really does love me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You, me and Glassy, we’re gonna take over the world one day.” Lea jokingly suggests to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We will!” Shaun says, leaving Lea ambiguous to if he got the joke or actually believed that they would. Either way, his confidence was exactly what she wanted to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea slowly inches her way forward, looking into Shaun’s eyes while resting her palms on his cheeks and kisses him. Shaun then pulls her in by the waist and starts kissing her even deeper, deeper than he had ever gone before, this wasn’t sweet or mandatory like it felt the other times they did it, this was </span>
  <em>
    <span>fiery</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they stop to breathe, Lea guides Shaun onto his mattress where they sit down opposite to each other and both start undressing themselves as fast as they can, piece by piece each article of clothing, until they’re both completely naked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun mounts over her and admires Lea’s naked body, feeling every curve and exposed section of her figure that he wouldn’t otherwise have been able to touch. It was what he always wanted, the woman he loved completely naked and beautiful right under him, filled with just as much pure desire as he was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you want to do this?” Lea whispers, one final chance to make sure this is what he wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you?” He sheepishly responds by asking, Shaun wasn’t even considering the fact he was about to lose his virginity, all he could think about was her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>God yes.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Lea lustfully insists, pulling him in for a kiss as they both eagerly make out with one another, Shaun eventually moving down from her lips as he starts burying his face inside of her neck, smothering every inch of it with kisses as Lea groans from pleasure at the sensation of his lips on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun keeps it going as he starts moving down lower and Lea forcefully shuts her eyes and loudly gasps in exhilaration after feeling him begin to kiss, bite, lick and taste her entire body from the neck down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hours pass as Shaun and Lea passionately make love to one another until physical exhaustion kicks in and they decide to give it a rest. The two laying there cramped together on the small mattress stewing in their own fluids, inflamed and satisfied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where-where did you learn how to do that?” Lea wonders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Porn.” Shaun truthfully answers. “...I also really wanted to kiss you there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea faintly chuckles and kisses him on the cheek, resting herself on his chest to maintain room for both of them on the bed that was clearly designed for only one person to rest in comfortably. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you like it?” Shaun asks her, Lea confused by the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should be asking you that, this was </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> first time, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I wanted it to be a gift to you.” Lea’s heart gushed at the gesture, what did she ever do to deserve a guy like this in her life? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was the best gift ever, Shaun.” She praises him, Shaun resting his head on top of hers now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to tell the board at St. Bonaventure that I made a mistake in Caden’s surgery.” Lea moves herself to look Shaun in the eye, concerned at his boldness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Shaun, you can’t do that, they’ll fire you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Protocol is clear, and reporting saves lives.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea raises her eyebrow, speculating what this is about. “Shaun, remember what I said about making big decisions </span>
  <em>
    <span>after</span>
  </em>
  <span> having sex? You should think about this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do remember, I made up my mind at the bar last night that I would do it.” He turns his head so that he’s no longer looking Lea in the eye, fixing his gaze instead to the picture of himself and Steve on the bus when they were kids. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I made a promise to Doctor Andrews that I would be excellent, but I wasn’t excellent this time, I was bad, and surgeons have to be excellent every time.” This was no pain in Shaun’s confession, it was the truth and for better or worse he always embraced the truth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea wraps her arms around him, turning Shaun around so she can more easily kiss him on the lips the same way she did their first time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you a good doctor?” She asks him rhetorically, Shaun staying silent, not knowing how to answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because when I think of you, I think you are.” Lea continues on, no matter what happens at St. Bonaventure, or anywhere else, she knew that Shaun Murphy will always be a good doctor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was Lea’s truth. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Hello/Middle Ground.</p><p>Donny Dilallo is portrayed by Jake Johnson.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Waiting.  </em>
</p><p>That’s all Shaun is doing. </p><p>Laying comfortably in Lea’s bed next to her, completely naked, just counting down the seconds. He could see from the corner of his eye that it was dark outside and from her lack of movement and light breathing that Lea was still sleeping, Shaun knew he should be too, but couldn’t fight the anticipation. </p><p>He decides to check his phone and check the time, 5:29 <em> Almost there… </em> Shaun reminds himself, the excitement building. He continues to stare at the glowing phone screen until a minute later when the clock changes to 5:30. <em> Finally!  </em></p><p>Shaun starts gently nudging his girlfriend with his elbow. “Lea… Lea... it’s time to get up.” Lea groans rolling over to her side, away from Shaun. “Mmm, it’s too early Shaunie, go back to sleep.” She mutters, barely conscious. </p><p>“It’s exactly early enough to have sex for the average duration it takes us while allowing precisely enough time to get ready for work.” Shaun explains to her. </p><p>Lea, now more awake and smitten by his cute naivety, turns herself around to face him. “...and just how long did it take you to calculate that?” She asks endearingly. </p><p>“Two minutes. I thought of it at 4:53 but wanted to let you sleep as long as possible.” Lea was now starting to feel more in the mood hearing Shaun’s thoughtfulness. “Well, in that case…” She kisses him and they pull up the comforter, ready to do the deed once again. </p><p>Lea knew she created a monster. Shaun had gone from being afraid of sex to a sex fanatic ever since he lost his virginity to her. Now he wanted to do it everywhere, all the time, no matter how inconvenient, and Lea would’ve put her foot down by now if her libido wasn’t just as high. </p><p>Even their session now was so steamy and intoxicating that they both lost track of time, Shaun had missed his regular bus to St. Bonaventure and had to be fifteen minutes late from taking the next one. His tardiness, unfortunately, was well noted by the hospital’s new President, Marcus Andrews, during Shaun’s private review. </p><p>Perhaps because of that or the mistake he made on Caden’s surgery, Shaun was taken out of the operating room today and assigned by Andrews to help out on an outreach program downtown with Jared instead. </p><hr/><p>“You seem awfully happy, Murphy.” Jared Kalu notices by Shaun’s gleeful interactions with the foul smelling denizens they’re assisting, the same types he’d normally do everything in his power to avoid contact with. </p><p>“Do you think all these people have had sex?” Shaun asks looking around at all the miserable people surrounding them. “If so shouldn’t they be more happy?” </p><p>Jared laughs. “That’s what it is, huh? You got lucky last night?” </p><p>“This morning.” Shaun clarifies to him. “That’s why I was late to my meeting with Doctor Andrews. Lea and I are very compatible.” He starts to blush thinking just how compatible they actually were. </p><p>Jared though seems more concerned than appreciative. “What did he say?”</p><p>“That I’m exceeding expectations in the operating room but my social skills are sorely lacking.” Shaun honestly informs him. </p><p>“You really shouldn’t make it a habit of showing up late to your reviews, you’re already on thin ice as it is.” Jared reminds him. </p><p>“Why didn’t you go to your review then?” Shaun wonders noticing the hypocrisy of his advice. </p><p>“I’m already out the door, Shaun. My residency in Denver starts tomorrow, not much opportunity to make use of feedback.” Shaun could see his point, but also knew it wouldn’t be the last time he’s late for work if he and Lea continue at the same frequency. </p><p>“...but I know that <em> you </em> belong here, and you gotta start taking it more seriously.” Jared finishes off, not expecting it to be enough to completely change his habits, but enough to get his friend to start thinking about his future, to not make the same mistakes he did. </p><p>“That was before I had sex.” Shaun points out, apparently now having to divide his life into <em> before </em> and <em> after </em>periods relative to when he lost his virginity. </p><p>“Look Shaun, I’m happy that you’ve been having a lot of great sex, really, I am. But you’ve got a lot of your plate between your position at the hospital and Glassman not being around…”</p><p>“Doctor Glassman is still around, he’s alive and he’s meeting his Oncologist later.” Shaun insists, cutting him off, Jared realizing he’s going to have to be more blunt. “If you don't start paying attention to these things and just focus on trying to get laid, well, you’re going to regret it. Trust me, I’ve been you are, it doesn’t end well.” </p><p>Shaun meaningfully thinks about Jared’s advice. It was so contrasting to what Lea had been telling him, that he needed to stop focusing so much on work and start trying to live his life. But Shaun also knew he <em> would </em> regret it if he ended up losing his job, so maybe following Jared’s wisdom, at least partially, might not be that bad. </p><p>“Are you speaking from experience about your failed relationship with Claire?” No harm in making sure that was the parallel Jared was trying to draw.</p><p>He loudly sighs. “Yes, Shaun, I am.” His tone exhausted and irritated having to clarify that. </p><hr/><p>The day flew by as Shaun tried to follow Jared’s advice, accompanying Glassman to his Oncology appointment and doing his best as a resident at a hospital. Once the day finally ended late in the night Shaun couldn’t wait to come back home and see Lea again, he did everything he needed to do today without any distractions, he earned this.</p><p>
  <em> Knock, knock, knock. </em>
</p><p>Lea opens the door, clearly just as happy to see him. </p><p>“I got all my work done, I’d like to have sex now.” Shaun bluntly tells her. </p><p>“I had a great day today, thank you for asking!” Lea sarcastically responds, laughing at his carelessness. Shaun is able to pick up on her social cue. </p><p>“Would-would you like to talk to me about your day first?” He asks trying to be more considerate. </p><p>Lea looks him up and down while biting her lip in anticipation, she didn’t want to wait either. “Let’s not.” </p><p>They both rush into the apartment and close the door shut, running into the bedroom Shaun pushes Lea onto the mattress and positions himself on top of her. He starts kissing every inch of her face while she starts taking his dress shirt off. Suddenly, the impending heat is extinguished by an unexpected knock on the door. </p><p>They both ignore it and try to reignite their flame until the knock is heard again, this time louder and more obnoxious than before. <em> Really!? </em>Lea asks herself, sighing angrily as Shaun stops kissing. “I’ll be right back” She insists, putting on her Kimono as she walks to the door. </p><p><em> It’s almost midnight. Who the hell could possibly be at the door!? </em> Lea asks trying her best to stay polite at whoever this stupid person is. She then takes a deep breath and opens it, an action which turns fruitless since the wind gets knocked out of her seeing who’s on the other side, her brother, <em> Donny. </em>Standing in her doorway with a big luggage and a smirk on his face. </p><p>“Aren’t you gonna say hello?” Donny asks her in the same teasing tone he used when they were kids. </p><p>“Donny, hi!” She exclaims jumping up to hug the brother she hasn’t seen in forever. The look of excitement at their reunification turning into confusion once reality caught up to them. “What-What are you doing here?” </p><p>“I’m not allowed to visit my little sister anymore?” Donny replies haphazardly, grabbing his luggage ready to start moving it. “Can I come in, I’ve been traveling all day, I had to sit in the middle seat on the plane ride here, <em> both </em> the people next to me snored.” He cheerfully complains, chuckling at his own misfortune, Lea standing out of the way while Donny hauls his stuff inside. </p><p>She wanted to say something to him, but her brain was busy just trying to process all of her emotions at once. Shock at being reunited with Donny after all this time, annoyance that he’d just show up out of the blue without warning, and worry if him coming is because of something going on at home. </p><p>“But seriously Donny, <em>what</em> <em>are</em> you doing here?” Lea repeats, hoping his answer could reassure her racing thoughts. </p><p>Donny puts his luggage down and strokes his hair, preparing to tell her. “Grandpa Rod’s shop is going down under and, uh, I need somewhere to stay to get back on my feet.” Now looking Lea in the eye.  </p><p>“It’s only going to be a few days, tops! I promise.” Donny insists. “Just a few days.” He repeats faintly now. </p><p>Lea sighs in relief now. He was telling the truth, it’s classic Donny, he jumps head first into some crazy high risk scheme, and once it blows up in his face he runs and recovers to do the same thing again. The Dilallos are adrenaline junkies ‘till the bitter end. </p><p>Shaun in the corner starts tip-toeing out of the bedroom only to see a stranger in the middle of Lea’s home, but before she can say anything Donny spots him first. </p><p>“You must be Shane!” He yells out, running over to give Shaun, granting him with an overwhelming bear hug. Grasping so tightly that the hug would be more closely comparable to being suffocated by a boa constrictor. Nothing like Lea’s. </p><p>“It’s <em> Shaun </em>, actually.” He corrects trying his hardest to slither out of Donny’s grasp. </p><p>“Oh, my bad.” Donny states, letting Shaun go, only to then firmly pat him on the back, Shaun nearly jumping out of his skin after each strike. </p><p>Lea finally finds an opportunity to explain what’s going on and seizes it the second it’s available. “Shaun, this is my brother, Donny. He’s going to be staying with me for a few days. You remember Donny, right?” Lea didn’t know how he’d react to all of this and just crossed her fingers the news wouldn’t overwhelm him. </p><p>“Yes, you showed me pictures of when you were kids.” What do you know, Shaun is adapting to the new circumstances well. </p><p>“You look much different now.” He then adds on, turning his attention to Donny. He was about the same height as Shaun, wearing a mustard colored flannel shirt, ripped jeans and sneakers. He had the same shade of brown hair and hazel eyes that Lea did, same tan skin too, and he was handsome. Good looks ran in their family apparently. </p><p>“Well, you look exactly the same as you did on Lee’s Instagram.” Donny informs him, Shaun at first confused who he was talking about, thrown off by the affectionate nickname he had for his sister. </p><p>“He’s such a sweetheart, isn’t he?” Lea insists, hugging herself onto Shaun's arm. “I’m so glad you guys are meeting. I think you’re going to get along really well.” She then looks up at him. “You know Shaun, he likes to play Skyrim too? </p><p>Donny raises an eyebrow. “Likes to play Skyrim too? Lea, I introduced<em> you </em> to the Elder Scrolls. Remember how you used to beg me to play Morrowind on the computer when we were kids?”</p><p>“Whatever!” Lea overdramatically responds, jokingly slapping him on the shoulder. </p><p>“You want me to turn on the Playstation and we can all play something?” Lea offers, looking back to Shaun. Her boyfriend stimming his hands at first, internally deciding if hanging out with Donny was more important than finishing the sex they almost started. </p><p>“Sounds fun.” He decides forcing a smile, knowing that the trajectory of their night was irrevocably changed the second Donny walked through the door. It would be pointless to try and resist it, Shaun knew that. </p><p>Right before they all went to sleep at nearly 2 A.M. Lea invited Donny to come have lunch with her at work tomorrow, Shaun’s too busy this week to come and it would be the perfect one on one time for them to catch up. </p><hr/><p>“How are you all not 300 pounds?” Donny asks sitting at his table in the Atrium with Lea, looking over the extravagant meal he was able to order from the Cafeteria. </p><p>“The founder’s from Minnesota. He’s obsessed with hockey so there’s a pickup at lunch, a gym, and an ice skating rink.” Lea explains to him, Donny doing a double take at all those options, especially the first one. </p><p>“Nice! You ever play?” </p><p>Lea nods her head. “Not really. I’m not… I’m not very well acquainted with most of my co-workers.” She painfully admits to him, Donny not surprised by her answer.</p><p>“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Lee.” He puts his fork down and looks her in the eye. “Please come back to Hershey, help me save the shop. Let’s work together on cars just like we used to.” </p><p>Lea was shocked by his offer. “Donny I-I can’t do that, I have a life here.” </p><p>“Come on, Lee, you hate working for these people. California sucks, you don’t even have any friends here…” </p><p>“I have Shaun.” Lea reminds him.</p><p>“How long is that really going to last?” Donny asks, Lea not responding but her eyes indicating a look of resentment at his question. “I-I get that he has brain damage or whatever, and you feel bad for him, but that’s not a reason to stay somewhere you’re obviously not happy.” </p><p>Lea’s knee jerk reaction was anger, but she controlled herself, Donny was only insulting Shaun from a place of ignorance, not cruelty, she had to be patient. “He’s autistic, Donny, not brain damaged, and I really like him. He’s one of the nicest, smartest guys I’ve ever met.” </p><p>“There are smart, nice guys in Pennsylvania too.” <em> But none of them are Shaun. </em> Lea wanted to say to him. </p><p>“What happened to the shop anyway?” She asks instead.</p><p>Donny rubs the bridge of his nose just thinking about how he would answer that. “You know me, I’m a bullheaded mess when I’m by myself, a couple bad investments was all it took for me to lose the house.” </p><p>“Do you need money? Because I can help you out if that’s what this is all about.” Lea probes. </p><p>“No, I’m not looking for charity.” Donny clarifies. </p><p>Lea’s resentment was now starting to turn to sympathy for his sour luck. “We’re not like Mom, Dad or Adrianne who can just do these things by themselves. We need each other, that’s what Grandpa Rod always taught us.” </p><p><em> He did. </em>Lea reminds herself, Rod would’ve wanted them to keep the shop going, Lea wanted to too. Be able to do something she’s actually passionate about for the first time since almost a decade. </p><p>“I’m not expecting an answer right now, just think about it, okay?” Donny goes out of his way to make clear, picking up his fork to eat again. </p><hr/><p>“Are you sure this ride has a proper three-point seatbelt?” Shaun asks while waiting in line with Lea and Donny for the biggest Rollercoaster open that night at the carnival. </p><p>“It’s safe, Shaun, I promise.” Lea assures him. </p><p>“You’ve never been on a rollercoaster before?” Donny wonders in genuine bewilderment. </p><p>“Not in a long time.” Shaun answers. “My family went to Cedar Point in Ohio on vacation for fourth of July when I was nine years old. I went to the top of the Ferris Wheel and cried because it was too high.” Donny turns around as his mind does a series of advanced calculations. </p><p>“Wait, wait, wait, what year was that?” </p><p>“2001.” </p><p>“Lee, we were there too!” Donny reminds his sister, her eyes glowing at the revelation. “Remember, fourth of July weekend 2001. We spent all day at the park, I got that bad sunburn and you threw up after eating all those churros.” </p><p>“Yes! I remember that, I still can’t eat Churros because of it.” Lea exclaims her excitement now matching his.  </p><p>She looks up at her boyfriend grinning sincerely. “Shaunie, our families went to Cedar Point at the same time! That’s so cool. It’s like we were destined to meet each or something.” Lea looks back at Donny when she says that, her choice of words purposely meant to draw attention to his proposition at lunch. </p><p>“No, there’s no such thing as destiny, it’s a coincidence.” Shaun assuredly points out. </p><p>“Coincidence or not, you gotta break that twenty year dry streak, my man. Come on, it’s our turn.” Donny leads Shaun and his sister into the Rollercoaster carts, Shaun and Lea sit next to each other while Donny goes by himself. </p><p>They start moving and Shaun becomes unnerved as Lea gets more excited, their cart teetering up the railing until reaching the top, where it stops. Lea grasps onto Shaun’s hand before their cart descends into a quick drop. Twist, flip, dash, turn the cart goes as all three of them scream at the top of their lungs. The sheer thrill distracting Shaun from any prior anxiety he had about the seatbelts. </p><p>“THIS IS TERRIFYING!” He shouts to Lea. </p><p>“I KNOW!” She shouts back.</p><p>“BUT VERY FUN!” Shaun adds. </p><p>The ride finally ends and all they get off in an orderly fashion returning to the fairgrounds.</p><p>“That was enjoyable.” Shaun calmly comments, the adrenaline finally wearing down.</p><p>“Are you kidding? That was awesome!” Donny shouts, the adrenaline surging again as they all start jumping up and down.</p><p>“I was literally already screaming before the first drop!” Lea reveals to them. </p><p>“We heard you.” Shaun clarifies to her. </p><p>“Like you were any different!” She snippily quips back, afterwards giving him a light peck on the lips, Donny cringing at the sight. </p><p>“Ugh, PDA much? Big brother in the vicinity.” Donny reminds them, Lea rolling her eyes as they move on to explore the other attractions. Walking through the Carnival Shaun takes in the smell of funnel cakes baking and freshly cut grass while trying to ignore the sound of young kids screaming behind them, then it catches his eye. One of the big prizes hanging above the Shooting Gallery, a big plush stuffy of Winnie the Pooh. </p><p>“I want that!” Shaun says akin to the toddler, pointing his finger at it. </p><p>“You want Winnie the Pooh? Because I can get you Winnie the Pooh.” Donny confidently proclaims walking over to the shooting Gallery. </p><p>“Donny, that’s like the top prize. How are you gonna get that?” Lea wonders. </p><p>“It won’t be that hard, it’ll be just like that shooting range back at home. I’ve still been practicing even after you moved.” Donny informs her, paying the tickets and afterwards positioning himself on the toy gun.</p><p>“Shaun, why don’t you get some cotton candy. This might take awhile.” Lea tells her boyfriend, who walks off to do as told without question. He was going to ask if they could get some soon anyway.</p><p>Donny wastes half their bullets trying and failing to shoot the quick moving ducks at the end of the gallery, this was harder than he thought. </p><p>“Ugh, give me that!” Lea whimsically insists to him. </p><p>“No way! I’m just getting warmed up.” Donny shoots back. </p><p>“We’re gonna run out of bullets and we don't have enough tickets to go again. Besides, I was always a better sharpshooter than you.” She brags and Donny not having a good comeback gives her the toy gun. </p><p>As Lea begins shooting the ducks down one by one, Donny stands by her side with his arms crossed. “So uh, did you think more about my offer?” He asks, his tone now much more serious than when they were bickering over who could use the gun. </p><p>“I did, and I’m still thinking.” Lea informs him. “I mean, I love Shaun, but I’m not gonna lie coming back to Hershey with you and running the shop, it's enticing, no more conference calls, no more never-ending meetings, that sounds like a dream come true. It’s just, I feel like I’m being forced to choose between you and Shaun, and that’s not a decision I know how to make right now.” </p><p>Just at that moment Shaun begins walking back with his cotton candy, walking right in earshot of Donny and Lea, he hears everything. Not having the guts to confront them about it he stands in place and tries to grapple the cavalcade of emotions going through him. <em> Lea wants to move back to Hershey. </em> Shaun felt betrayed, no enraged, no nauseous. <em> Oh, this is bad. </em> </p><p>Lea meanwhile hits the last duck, jackpot! </p><p>She and Donny pick the Winnie the Pooh plushie as their prize before finding Shaun wandering the fairgrounds aimlessly in a daze. “Shaun, look what we got!” Lea says giving the oversized stuffed animal to him. “Thank you.” Shaun politely tells her. </p><p>“Man, we still got like forty tickets here. Should we hit up another ride?” Donny offers which Lea is about to take him up on until Shaun begins shaking his head in refusal. “I want to go home now.” </p><p>Lea and Donny are both confused by his sudden mood swing. “Shaunie, I thought you were having fun. It’s still early, this is Donny’s last night, come on.” Lea persuades but Shaun stays firm. “Nope, I <em> was </em> having fun, and now I’m tired, I don’t want to be here anymore.” </p><p>Donny smiles. “Hey, I get it, Surgeons have early hours, I’m okay with heading out if that’s what Shaun wants. I’m just glad I got to spend the night with my little sister’s booty call.” He playfully punches Shaun in the arm which startles him, doing little to improve his mood. </p><p>“Donny!” Lea shouts to him, embarrassed.</p><p>“Okay, I’m sorry, that was too far. But I’m just saying every other guy you’ve dated fits that description. Shaun, you should’ve seen Lea’s other boyfriends, in High School she was dating this wannabe rapper who rode a skateboard and…” Shaun stopped listening after that point just trying to keep the contents of his stomach from purging at the thought of Donny taking Lea away from him and out of his life for good. </p><hr/><p>Early the next morning, Donny is already finished packing and ready to leave. </p><p>“Did you get your old place back?” Lea asks as he finishes zipping up his luggage. </p><p>“Nah, I’m gonna get an Airbnb. I said I’d only stay for a couple days, I meant it. I don’t wanna be a burden to you.” Lea frowns hearing him say that. </p><p>“You’re my brother, I wasn’t about to just kick you out if you had nowhere to go.” Donny smirks before hugging Lea, a real firm hug, the kind she never really got from Shaun who no matter how hard he tried just always felt a little off. </p><p>“I love you, Lee.” He tells her.</p><p>“I love you too, Donny.” She tells him. Just feeling the disappointment of him leaving right then, they were best friends growing up and now they never saw each other. He looks so much like Grandpa Rod and acts like him too, except he’s still alive and soon to be working in Hershey… without her or anyone else in the family. </p><p>The hug stops and they exit her apartment into the hallway. “Tell Shaun I said goodbye, and that the next time I come, and there will be a next time, I will beat him in Need for Speed. That’s a promise.” Lea giggles at his faux competitiveness. “I’ll make sure to tell him the second I see him.” </p><p>Donny stops walking and turns around, looking down at his much shorter sister. “Unless... you decide to come back home with me. The offer still stands, even if you’re not sure right now.” </p><p>Lea slowly nods her in acknowledgement. “I know.” </p><p>The elevator doors open and Donny walks in pressing the button for the lobby. The doors then begin to close while Lea waves goodbye until Donny lights up seeing something behind her. “Hey, you’re still…” he gets cut off by the doors finally closing. </p><p>Lea turns around only to see Shaun waiting for her. “Shaun.” She observes slightly startled. “I-I thought you were at work.” </p><p>“Is it true, are you leaving to move back to Hershey?” He asks her, ignoring the prior inquiry. </p><p>“I don’t... I don’t know, Shaun.” She honestly answers. <em> How did he find out? Guess it doesn’t matter.  </em></p><p>“You can’t leave. We’re boyfriend and girlfriend, we have to stay together!” Shaun reminds her, starting to raise his voice one decibel per syllable. Clearly getting upset by the direction of the conversation.</p><p>Lea could tell, she wanted to make it better, but also didn’t want to lie to him. “I know that, I don’t want to leave you. But Shaunie I am so miserable at my job here, I’ve been thinking about doing this for a long time, and now that I actually have a real opportunity, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”</p><p>Shaun darts his eyes across the room, his nose twitching with frustration as his eyes and face turn red like they often did in these types of conversations. “Then just leave!” He yells out at her. “Go back to Hershey if that’s what you want!”</p><p>“Shaun, you’re not hearing me, I didn’t make a decision…” </p><p>“JUST GO!” He yells loudly now, walking past her to the elevator, compulsively pushing the open button to try and escape. Even though the doors wouldn’t open Lea didn’t try to say anything, what could she say to him that would appease this. </p><p>The truth hurt him and all Lea could do was ask herself a very painful, but necessary question. </p><p>
  <em> Did I make a mistake? </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during 36 Hours.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!  </em>
</p><p>Lea’s alarm goes off insistently until she smashes her hand over the clock, stopping it before groaning that the night couldn’t last ten minutes longer as she fumbles out of bed and walks to the kitchen. <em> Coffee, coffee, coffee, need coffee. </em>Lea keeps reminding her sleep deprived brain, turning on the machine and putting in the brew from muscle memory alone until her beverage is finally made. </p><p>She pours it into a festive mug that has the caption: <em> Engineer, Noun. 1: A person who gets excited about things no one else cares about. </em>Every sip she took of the warm brown liquid Lea could feel herself return ever so slightly more to normal, and with it all her stress she had from the night before. </p><p><em> Shaun’s still mad at me. I better text him, if we can just talk we’ll get through this. </em>Lea assures herself. He never came home last night which was when she originally wanted to confront him, hopefully he’s not sleeping in a Janitor’s closet again. </p><p>Lea picks up her phone and shoots a text. </p><p>
  <b>Can we talk today? Please? </b>
</p><p>Nice, quick, and to the point. Lea is certain he’ll be receptive to it. She then hops into the shower and once she gets out checks again, nothing, her heart drops. <em> Shaun... ugh. Why are you doing this? I’m not going to Hershey! Just let me explain myself!  </em></p><p>Lea had work to do and couldn’t wait around at home for him to answer, she had to be at her stupid, boring, awful job soon with all of Shaun’s baggage on her conscience. </p><p>
  <em> FML </em>
</p><hr/><p>Shaun had volunteered for a thirty-six hour shift at St. Bonaventure with Morgan to avoid having to see Lea. She wanted to talk later, but he didn’t want to listen, there’s nothing to say. Lea’s going back to Hershey and Shaun just needed to cut his losses and move on. At least he still has Doctor Glassman now that the surgery was a success, life was much so much simpler when it was just the two of them anyway. </p><p><b>Shaun, please say something! Anything! Just tell me what I can do to make this better! </b>Lea texts while Shaun is trying to think outside the Operating Room, he instantly deletes it.</p><p>“Who was that?” Claire asks as she passes by, stopping to hear Shaun’s inevitably interesting answer. </p><p>“Lea.” He replies. </p><p>Claire is confused. “Aren’t you going to answer her?” </p><p>“No, she wants to talk about moving back to Hershey, but I don’t want to hear it.” </p><p>“Moving <em> back </em> to Hershey? Isn’t that like all the way in Maine or something?” Geography was never Claire’s strong suit. </p><p>“Pennsylvania.” Shaun corrects her. </p><p>“Are you sure about that, Shaun?” Claire wasn’t privy to the details of this particular argument, but just from context alone it wasn’t hard to speculate that Lea probably isn’t planning on moving out of the state. </p><p>“I am positive. Donny visited last week and he asked Lea to come with him, she didn’t say no.” The nauseous feeling Shaun felt at the Carnival was starting to come back. He was supposed to <em> move on </em>, not keep talking about it! </p><p>“But she didn’t say <em> yes </em>?” Claire clarifies, starting to put the pieces together on what was going on here.</p><p>“She should’ve said no!” Shaun insists, now raising his voice. </p><p>Claire scoffs. “Shaun, that’s not how it works.” If only he could see how callous he was being, to the woman who always went out of her way to understand him. “If she didn’t say yes that means there’s a big part of her that doesn’t want to move.”</p><p>She goes quiet expecting him to pick up on what that is but Shaun just stands there stimming his hands together without a word. </p><p>“You!” Claire reminds him. “She loves you, Shaun. But you gotta listen to her and find out why she couldn’t say no.” </p><p>“I don’t want to, it’s too hard.” He says now appearing to calm down, gaining more confidence in his position. </p><p>“Don’t do that. Lea’s your girlfriend, and you can’t just wall yourself off from her every time things get hard in the hope you’ll never get hurt.” Shaun’s face turned to a smile, but not for the reason Claire intended. </p><p>“We need to wall it off so he doesn’t get hurt.” Shaun blurts pacing back into the Operating Room. Claire didn’t know what that meant or if Shaun got her point at all, but for better or worse their conversation was over now. </p><hr/><p>“Stock is down this quarter for the first time in four years, people. We’re all riding on this Tesla Motors contract to get us out of this slump, that’s why come Monday your code and vehicle blueprints need to be <em> pristine </em>.” He presses his index finger and thumb together just to hit that last part home harder. </p><p>Max, Lea’s boss, sixty something years old, thin, long gray hippie hair, scruffy beard, black horn rimmed glasses, always wearing a baseball cap for some reason, and the boomerist Baby Boomer that ever boomered. </p><p>Hard, long, grueling work was all he ever cared about and all he ever made them do. Always the old fashioned way of course, and he’d give them major attitude any time someone used one of their vacation days. </p><p>The more Lea thought about it the more she figured Max probably had autism like Shaun does, except nobody ever taught him any differently. He just went into engineering, the one profession where you’re actually encouraged to be a dick to people. </p><p>“That means fixing any glitches and rooting out any bugs by the deadline, no exceptions.” Lea zones out in the middle of Max’s rant and under the table opens her phone to see if she got a reply from Shaun. <em> Nothing. What did I expect?  </em></p><p>“Excuse me, Dilallo, are you on your phone?” Max asks, the whole conference room turning their attention to Lea, she wasn’t as subtle as she thought she was. </p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s a personal thing.” Lea insists, quickly putting it back into her pocket. </p><p>“Is someone you know dying?” Max patronizingly wonders. </p><p>“No…” She whispers in response. </p><p>“Then it can wait. You need to pay attention to this, Dilallo.” The condescension holding steady as he continues on his train of thought not missing a beat. It was always clear who Max liked best by if he called them by their first names or not, he never said Lea’s. </p><p>Once the meeting is over, she hastily walks out through the crowd and into the Cafeteria. It was finally lunch time and Lea couldn’t wait to take a break from this especially terrible day and just drown out the world with some Florence + The Machine. Putting her ear buds in and grabbing a trey she maneuvers through the many food options, not picking anything but instead using it as an excuse to stretch her legs, the only way she could move to the music without literally breaking out into a dance. </p><p>
  <em> 🎵 You hit me once, I hit you back, You gave a kick, I gave a slap, You smashed a plate over my head, Then I set fire to our bed 🎵 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 🎵 My black eye casts no shadow, Your red eye sees nothing, Your slap don't stick, Your kicks don't hit, So we remain the same, Love sticks, Sweat drips, Break the lock if it don't fit 🎵 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 🎵 A kick to the teeth is good for some, A kiss with a fist is better than none 🎵  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Growl  </em>
</p><p>Lea’s starting to get hungry now. <em> Probably a good idea to get some lunch. </em>She thinks to herself walking over to the Cafeteria’s seafood court. </p><p>“Hey Lea, Fish Tacos again, hold the sour cream?” A voice asks, causing Lea to slowly take out the earbuds she forgot were still in there. It was Jake Dahlen, one of the chefs and closest thing Lea had to actual honest to God friend in this whole company. </p><p>“You know it, Jake.” She politely tells him, leaning in past the counter closer than any of his other customers that day had, and he allowed her to, keeping uninterrupted eye contact before realizing he had to actually make her order.</p><p>Jake starts chopping her Fish Tacos while Lea patiently waits. “Have you heard Death Cab for Cutie’s new album yet?” </p><p>“<em> Thank You For Today </em> got released? When?” This was the first Lea was hearing about it. She’d been so caught up with Shaun, work and other bands these past few months she forgot all about it. </p><p>“Like a while ago.” Jake tells her. “I was skeptical when I heard Chris Walla wasn’t coming back, but it’s actually pretty lit. You should check it out.” </p><p>Lea laughs. “I’m definitely gonna order it tonight, I’ve been listening to <em> Gold Rush </em> at least once a day since the beginning of the summer.” </p><p>Jake grins at their shared enjoyment. “Nice, I love that song.” They both stare at each other awkwardly for the next five second just smiling, Lea actually forgetting about everything that was going on with Shaun for the first time today, until it started to get weird. </p><p>“Hey, do you want to come to my house party later?” Jake asks, breaking the awkwardness. </p><p>“Uh, maybe. What time?” Lea inquires, blushing at the request. Nobody had invited her to a Party since college, but Jake just did it so nonchalantly. </p><p>“Around 6:30. I’m inviting a bunch of guys from the office to hang out. There’ll be snacks, music, games, it’s gonna be a lot of fun… you can even bring Shaun.” Lea starts to nervously laugh at the mention of his name, as if she could’ve taken him to something like that even before they were fighting. </p><p>“That’s not really Shaun’s scene, but I’ll think about it. I’ve never seen your place and if there’s going to be some Death Cab for Cutie, why not?” Lea tells him, Jake seemingly impressed by her mere consideration of his invite. </p><p>He then places the now freshly made Tacos onto Lea’s tray. “Here’s your order. See you tonight.” </p><p>“Maybe.” Lea teasingly makes sure to add on quietly at the end. Can’t be too eager to make plans in case she and Shaun got to talking later. </p><hr/><p>After what felt like a never-ending day, Lea finally returns home to her apartment. She goes inside and tries to keep herself occupied by getting a head start on her blueprints and code like Max suggested, even though Lea worked for hours she barely got anything done, too fidgety waiting for Shaun to come home so she could force him to talk to her. It’s easy to ignore texts but it’s a lot harder when someone’s standing right in front of you. </p><p>The hours went by as the sky turned from noon, to sunset, all the way to the black of night. Lea knew his shift was supposed to end at 7:00 but it was pushing 8:00 now and Shaun’s apartment remained as untouched as it did this morning. </p><p>It’s becoming transparently obvious that he’s actively avoiding her and they’re not going to be able to talk tonight. Lea is disappointed, but also knew when God closes a door he opens a window. </p><p>
  <b>Lea: It turns out I’ll be able to come to your party tonight. Am I still invited? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Jake: Of course! The night is still young. Come by whenever you want. :) </b>
</p><p><em> He’s the best. </em> Lea thinks while she starts getting ready to head out again, still unable to shake the nagging feeling in her head that with her luck Shaun would be ready to talk right when she decides to leave. <em> Might as well call him, give a heads up.  </em></p><p>Lea takes out her phone and calls Shaun, he doesn’t pick up. </p><p><em> ...Please leave a message after the beep. </em>The computer automated voice tells her. Lea had encouraged Shaun to record his own voicemail after buying the new iPhone model, but he never got around to doing it. </p><p>
  <em> Beep!  </em>
</p><p>“Hey Shaun, it’s me, I’m uh… I’m going to a friend’s house tonight and I’ll probably be out late. If you come home and you don’t see me, just don’t get too worried. So, yeah…. Bye.” </p><hr/><p><em> New voicemail from Lea </em>. </p><p>Shaun’s phone informs him in the middle of a conversation between Morgan Reznick and a patient. He immediately deletes it and then shifts his attention to them once again, Morgan clearly notices.</p><p>“Excuse me, I need to confer with my colleague for a moment.” She tells the patient, signaling for Shaun to talk to her outside of the Operating Room. He’s able to pick up on her intentions and follows closely behind and out the door.</p><p>“Are you talking to Lim behind my back?” Morgan sternly asks, knowing it’s something Shaun would do, completely unaware of the career ramifications asking their attending for help in the middle of a shift would be. </p><p>“The voicemail wasn’t from Doctor Lim, it was from Lea.” Shaun candidly tells Morgan despite not wanting her to get involved. Shaun knew her opinion of him was low and this certainly wouldn’t do much to change that. </p><p>Morgan though is still skeptical. “Don’t lie. You’re not good at it. If it was from Lea why did you delete it so fast?”</p><p>“Because she’s moving back to Hershey… Claire said I shouldn’t push her away but if she’s already leaving I don’t want to get hurt again.” Morgan turns her head to the side and pouts her face. Shaun couldn’t tell if she was annoyed or sympathetic, both perhaps?</p><p>“That’s-that’s a normal reaction, Shaun.” Unlike Claire, Morgan took Shaun at his word that Lea was truly planning on moving out of California at a moment's notice, didn’t even pry for any details why. </p><p>“Any woman who’d move across the country in a heartbeat like that doesn’t respect you. She just sees you as some cute puppy dog to play with and kiss when she’s feeling lonely, but not as a man. You’re right not to put up with it.” Shaun looks down at his feet listening to Morgan’s take, it wasn’t easy to hear especially since Lea was one of the, if not <em> the </em>, only person in his life who treated him like everyone else. It’s one of the reasons why he fell in love with her in the first place.</p><p>Avoiding Lea and jumping to conclusions that she’s going to leave him and move to Hershey, it’s essentially him admitting in all but words that Morgan’s right, she doesn’t treat him like a man. That thought was what was making him sick all those times, not the fact they wouldn’t be living close together anymore, but that she’d leave him so easily. </p><hr/><p>Jake’s apartment was big. Practically a loft, and in a nice part town too. Being a chef at the Startup must pay just as well as being an engineer. But she’s been working there a lot longer than he has, still can’t afford to live in a place like this. </p><p>Lea walks up the outdoor staircase until getting to Jake’s door. </p><p>
  <em> Knock, knock, knock </em>
</p><p>Jake himself opens it. </p><p>“Hey Lea, you came!” He says with excitement and a subtle hint of surprise under his voice.</p><p>“I said I would!” Lea reminds him, not knowing if she should be offended or amused by his implication.</p><p>“Well, I’m still glad you did. Come on in!” He invites her as she walks into the apartment, it’s even nicer on the inside, with nice aqua colored carpets and fancy decorated wallpaper. “We’ve got beer, nachos, games, make yourself at home.” </p><p>The party scene looked good, there was a decent turnout of guests and the music playing was exactly the type of stuff Lea liked. Jake could’ve turned the volume up a little louder but she isn’t about to complain.</p><p>Lea takes a beer out of the ice cooler and sits down next to most of the same people she usually worked on projects with. Michael, Hector, Louis, Josh, and Lea Greeley. Yes, the only other woman in their group also happens to be named Lea. </p><p>“I’m just saying if I have my Driver’s License, why should I need to get a Boat License too!?” Michael asks yelling at the entire group as if they would have the answer to his question. </p><p>“Because driving a car is totally different than driving a boat, dude.” Hector responds laughing hysterically at the ridiculous question. </p><p>“Whatever…” Michael says downing the rest of his beer.</p><p>“You know, I used to have a boat license when I first moved to San Jose.” Lea awkwardly tells them in the middle of their brief silence, the entire group turning their gaze onto her without saying anything. </p><p>“Really?” Michael asks. </p><p>“Yeah!” Lea excitedly replies hoping it would segway her into their conversation. Instead, everyone continues to sit without saying a word until Michael changes the topic. “Did anyone watch the game last night?” </p><p>“Yes! I’ve been saying it for years, we need a new Quarterback!” Louis says effortlessly engaging in a conversation with the group, all of them essentially excluding Lea out of second nature, per usual.</p><p>For the next hour or so Lea just tried to enjoy the music and drink her beer while listening to them all talk endlessly without even so much as turning their attention to her once. Josh wasn’t saying much either but was already on his fourth drink, he always gets that way at every event with booze, a lot of them think he’s an alcoholic, they might be right. </p><p>Lea Greely doesn’t say as much as the three guys but didn’t seem to mind, so long as she was allowed to keep hanging off Hector’s arm like a monkey, she didn’t care. <em> Ugh, is that how me and Shaun look in public? </em> Lea wonders. <em> No, we’re not that cringey, I’d know. </em>She quickly assures herself. </p><p>Looking around at the party Lea recognized a few other faces roaming around the apartment, but it was mostly strangers. Not like it made a difference anyway, she wasn’t interested in trying to make friends tonight. That feeling of warmth with another person, it just reminded her too much of Shaun, and how he wasn’t with her. Ironically, this would’ve been the perfect moment for the friends you’re already <em> supposed </em> to have to make you feel better. It’s a Catch 22 of loneliness, wonderful. </p><p>“Hey, we’re going to play some Settlers of Catan in the living room if any of you guys want in?” He asks, Lea’s saving grace. </p><p>“Yes, please!” She says loudly, any excuse to ditch these blocks of wood and entertain herself with the only person Lea actually came to this party to see. Maybe she’ll break out of this paradox yet. </p><p>She and a few other colleagues get up and sit down at the table while Jake sets up the board, all of them rolling the dice to find out the order of who goes first. Lea manages to roll a six, while everyone else gets five, four, or a one. </p><p>“Just so you guys know, I used to play Catan <em> religiously </em> in College. Expansion packs and all, you’ve been warned.” Lea reminds the players, all of them nodding and laughing alongside her. </p><p>“Bring it on, I haven’t lost a game since 09.” Louis replies, the table including Lea engaging in their banter together for the first time all night. </p><p>Everyone soon after places their settlements onto the board and the game begins. The dice rolls were fairly improbable, annoyingly so. Three had been rolled at least twenty times and seven had been rolled once at the very start. The robber was firmly planted on Lea’s settlement and all she could get every turn, if anything, was Sheep. </p><p>“Does anyone need Sheep?” Lea asks, the entire table telling her no. </p><p>“Come on, guys, I’ll take anything. I just need <em> something </em> to work with here.” Lea continues to plead, but nobody budges. </p><p>They all keep playing with the same luck as before until finally, a seven is rolled again… and where does Michael move the robber, onto Lea’s only other hex. </p><p>“Michael! What the hell? Ben’s in the lead.” She probes him in slight annoyance. </p><p>“But I need sheep and I know you have it.” Michael explains to her. </p><p>“Why didn’t you make a trade? I kept asking.” </p><p>“I didn’t want to give anything up.” </p><p><em> Catan must be a sport to these guys. </em>Lea thinks handing him her cards until he snatches one and places it into his pile. Usually when she played in college it was all in good fun but these guys, they’re a lot more competitive clearly.</p><p>The game continues on as dice gets rolled, cards get exchanged, and settlements built, all while Lea just stocks up on sheep and brick, unable to do anything but sit there and watch everyone else play. Needless to say it wasn’t a very enjoyable experience, especially since literally nobody else is in the same situation. </p><p>Michael meanwhile plays a Knight card and moves the robber off Lea’s hex onto one that belonged to Ben. <em> Finally </em> , she sighs. <em> Now I can start actually playing the damn game!  </em></p><p>Before passing the dice to the next player Michael then starts to speak, “Yo, Charlie, will you give me a wheat for ore?” He hypocritically offers, which Charlie accepts as they make the transaction, Lea unable to believe what she’s seeing. </p><p>“Why did you make a trade with him? He only has two cards and a settlement on ore that’s been rolled like ten times, you <em> knew </em> he had it?” Lea inquires knowing he could’ve very well used the Knight to take it, frustration in her voice was now becoming much more apparent. This wasn’t just ruthless strategy, he’s actively targeting her. </p><p>“Jeez, chill out, it’s just a game. Don’t be such a bitch about it.” Michael says, cavalier as ever despite the course language. Lea’s heart skipped a beat when she heard him. Did he really have the audacity to just call her that…. In front of all of these… because she rightfully called him out!? </p><p>“Excuse me?” Lea asks with the rage clearly evident in her tone, expecting everyone to back her up from someone who clearly crossed the line. </p><p>“Lea, you’ve been a sourpuss this whole game.” Louis surprisingly states siding with Michael.</p><p>“Yeah, and you don’t even pick up your cards when they’re rolled on half the time, are you just mad because you don’t know how to play?” Ben condescendingly adds on.</p><p>Lea starts to get flustered with embarrassment and frustration that Ben would use her forgetfulness against her like that. The condescension was enough to make Lea throw out all of her ethics and punch him in the face. </p><p>“I <em> know </em> how to play, Ben. I just don’t appreciate being called a bitch when you’re all clearly ganging up on me.” Lea thunders back to them, now starting to feel more satisfied when it looked like they had no response.</p><p>“Guys, I think she might be on her period.” Michael quips and the entire table, bar Lea, breaks out into laughter over it. She wasn’t feeling angry anymore so much as reminiscent of when she tried to cross the mean girls in High School. It was enough to make her want to lock herself in the ladies room and cry all over again. </p><p>“Great joke. Seriously? Are-are-are you all five?” She stutters trying to strike back but gets drowned out by the laughter, all except for Jake. </p><p>Lea turns her attention to him, trying to appear strong and confident despite her overbearing insecurity. “Jake, can you please get these idiots under control?” </p><p>Jake strokes his hand through his greasy black hair and avoids making direct eye contact with her. “I mean, they have a point, you are kinda being a sore loser.” Lea tries to respond but only stutters for words again, until Jake cuts her off before anything can come out. “I’ve known these guys for a while now, they’re good dudes, they wouldn’t conspire against you to win a game. The way you’re acting… it’s… it’s overdramatic.” </p><p>It hit Lea in that moment, the startling truth, Jake isn’t her friend. He’s just like everyone else who doesn’t take her seriously, probably only invited her just to try and score a one night stand, not because he actually wanted to be her friend. </p><p>She gets up from her chair and hastily puts her coat back on. “Well, I clearly know where I’m not wanted, so thanks for inviting me to your party, Jake, but I’m gonna head home and get some sleep.” </p><p>“Wait, Lea, no, don’t be like that.” Jake pleads, dubious sincerity apparent in his voice as though he’s almost laughing at her reaction. <em> Laughing </em>, because she’s so upset she had to leave early. </p><p>Lea bites her tongue and says nothing, slamming the door shut on her way out. </p><p>As she walks to her car she pulls out her phone and tries to call the only person she wanted to see right now, Shaun, he doesn’t pick up. </p><p>
  <em> ...Please leave a message after the beep. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Beep!  </em>
</p><p>“Shaunie, please call me back, I had a seriously crappy night tonight and I...I just really want to be with you right now…. <em> Please </em> .” The desperation was painfully transparent in the last part of her message. <em> Of all the days he could’ve chosen to have this meltdown…  </em></p><hr/><p>Shaun in the St. Bonaventure operating room is doing much better, relaxed while in his usual environment performing surgery alongside Doctor Reznick and Doctor Lim. He was tired, but still had nine and a half hours left to go. </p><p>“Do you see me as a man?” Shaun asks Lim in the middle of cutting through fibrinous tissue. </p><p>“Why wouldn’t I?” She shoots back.</p><p>“Morgan says Lea doesn’t see me as a man and that I shouldn’t put up with it.” Lim shoots Morgan a look of disapproval at her stoic bitchiness. </p><p>“I stand by my words.” Morgan replies, defending herself. “Lea’s moving all the way to Pennsylvania and expects Shaun to just go with it. That’s not how someone in a serious relationship would treat their S.O. just saying.” </p><p>“Morgan has a point, she might see you like that.” Lim admits turning her inflection to Shaun again. “But the only way you’ll be able to find out is by talking to her, hear Lea’s side of the story. Worst case scenario at least you’ll get peace of mind.” </p><p>“It’ll hurt.” Shaun points out. </p><p>“Doesn’t it already?” Lim asks. </p><p>“It does.” Shaun humbly admits, now thinking deeply over Lim’s words while continuing the surgery. If Lea is leaving he needs to find out if what they had was real, she owes him at least that much, this sick feeling in his stomach might never go away until he did… or maybe hearing it aloud might make everything worse. Right now no matter how scary it is, it’s still just an idea, but if Lea confirms it’s true, then who knows what will happen. </p><p><em> I have to think about this, make sure it’s the right decision. </em>Shaun insists to himself as he continues working until the duration of his thirty-six hour shift, waffling all day on what he should do, ignoring all of Lea’s voicemails and text messages in the meantime. </p><p>By 8:00 at night it was finally done, and Shaun was ready to catch the bus and go home. As he leaves St. Bonaventure through the revolving door he spots her in the corner of his eye, Lea, sitting by herself on the bench that the Bus always arrived at. </p><p><em> She’s waiting for me. </em>His heart fluttered at the sight of her glowing under the moonlight, the woman he loved and respected so much just sitting there a stone’s throw away from his person, he still clearly had feelings for her. Shaun couldn’t avoid it any longer, he has to know the truth if she feels the same way, just like Lim and Claire said that he should. It would be scary and uncomfortable, just like when he asked Lea to be his girlfriend in the first place, but it still needed to be done. </p><p>Shaun sits down on the bench next to her while Lea remains in a fixed position, arms crossed and lips curled into what he could only identify as a curious frown. He inches himself closer to her and begins to speak. </p><p>“I’ve been a bad boyfriend.” Shaun confesses, calling upon his conversation with Claire. “It wasn’t right of me to ignore you when you wanted to talk.” Lea still says nothing, simply looking at Shaun, all but penetrating him with her big expressive hazel eyes. </p><p>“But now I’m ready, and if you want to move to Hershey, that’s okay. But I want to know something first… did-did you love me when we were together… the same way I loved you?” This was it, Shaun’s heart was pounding with anticipation of her answer. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah I did, Shaun. I never lied to you.” Lea confirms, Shaun sighing with relief. “... just like I didn’t lie when I said I wasn’t sure if I wanted to move to Hershey or not.” </p><p>Shaun’s feelings of relief started to dissipate when Lea kept talking. “This is a really confusing time for me and my family, and I don’t know what I’m going to do about it. Even if I did want to go back to Hershey, I never would’ve actually left you, because I love you Shaun, and I needed you! I needed my boyfriend, the one person in this whole damn town I can count on who doesn’t judge me and doesn’t make me feel totally alone, like there’s not one in the person in the world who actually gives a damn.” </p><p>Lea was letting it all out and Shaun was feeling so many emotions swirling inside of him. “...and where were you, just sitting in the hospital for twenty-four hours straight hoping I’d just disappear when I stopped being useful, like I don’t have any feelings, like I don’t even matter!?” </p><p>“Okay, I’m sorry!” Shaun blurts hoping it’ll stop this reign of terror being inflicted upon him. </p><p>“No, you’re not. You’re-you’re just uncomfortable and you’re trying to get me to shut up.” She’s got him there. </p><p>Lea bolts up from her seat and stands up looking down over the now almost cowering Shaun. “...which don’t worry, I will. Because maybe, just maybe, it’s not too late for me to give Donny a call and go back home so both get what we want!” Lea storms off in a huff once her rant ends leaving Shaun to sit there by himself. </p><p>He wasn’t feeling nauseous anymore, now it was just emptiness all the way down. Lea did love him, she did see him as a man, she wasn’t going to move to Hershey. None of it was real, he made them all up in his head, and now because of that, they all have a chance of actually happening. </p><p>Shaun created this by his own will, and has no one to blame but himself. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The events of this chapter take place during Tough Titmouse.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>I made a mistake, I have to fix it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun thinks to himself as he emerges from his apartment holding a box of donuts while approaching Lea’s door. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Everyone likes donuts. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun kept reminding himself, it was definitely one of Lea’s favorites. Whenever they went out for breakfast together she’d always be in a super good mood every time they were able to get a donut. He didn’t know what flavor she preferred so he decided to play it  safe and just get a box with everything in it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Knock, knock, knock. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea opens the door, still just as disgruntled as she was the night before on the bench. “What do you want, Shaun?” She asks, unamused by his presence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got you donuts.” He tells her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently.” Lea utters boredly while still not taking the box. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just like when you got me apples the last time we were fighting. I’m being a good boyfriend and trying to make things right.” Shaun figured if Lea would do it when he was mad at her, she must know the proper etiquette for situations like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you’re not.” Lea spits at him granting the opposite reaction. Shaun only remembering now that the apples </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> make things better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We had a really big fight, Shaun, about some really big issues, and you think those are just going to go away because you bought me some donuts!?” Lea rhetorically wonders, gritting her teeth in annoyance at his inability to understand the severity of what was going on or his part in it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun starts to breathe more heavily and constantly shifts between looking Lea in the eye and looking somewhere else, he wanted so badly to stim his hands if they weren’t already encumbered by the large donut box. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like this!” Shaun bluntly tells her. Lea always responds well to honesty, he’s in a compromising position now, it’s wise to give her what she wants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not supposed to like it, Shaun, we’re in an argument, and it’s not going to go away overnight.” Lea closes the door in his face leaving Shaun standing there in the hallway alone, with only a box of donuts as his company.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes a chocolate sprinkled one out and eats it before leaving for the elevator. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s very good. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun thinks savoring the sweet flavors. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lea would feel better if she ate one too. </span>
  </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Let’s tidy up these bleeders, irrigate the wound and close him up.” Doctor Melendez tells his residents as they all start getting to work. This is always how Shaun likes to start the day. Get his mind off the confusion and frustration of the outside world by just getting lost in a surgery, something that wasn’t too difficult, but still stimulating enough to do the trick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now it’s almost over, and Shaun can’t use it as a distraction anymore. “Lea is very mad at me and I don’t know how to get her to stop.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doctor Park without looking up from his sutures decides to bite, “Well, whatever you did to her apologize.” He advises him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did apologize, and I bought her donuts.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smirks in amusement at Shaun’s literal minded approach. “It may take a little more than that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But everyone likes donuts!” Shaun replies back to him, raising his voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Park remains steady as ever. “I’m just saying you should make a statement, go big. Do something to show you really care. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not</span>
  </em>
  <span> donuts.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Something Lea really cares about…. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun kept trying to think about what that could be. They’ve been dating for months now and he’s observed dozens of different things Lea’s shown to be passionate about. Alternative music, cars, video games, sports, expressionist painting, Marvel movies, Japanese culture, sex. Shaun knew he had a lot to choose from, and needed to pick the right one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His latest patient, Mac, a child with Fragile X Syndrome, also seemed to be having the same conundrum with his mother. She doesn’t want to take care of him anymore because he’s too much of a hassle to deal with. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lea might start to feel the same way if I’m not able to fix this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun begins to remember this, an old feeling from his childhood, a disappointing helplessness that comes about when life doesn’t go the way you want it to, and there’s nothing you can do about it. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The Murphy Household in Casper, fourteen years ago. The first day of Middle School, Shaun still remembered it vividly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun! It’s time for school, let’s go!” Marcie Murphy shouts out waiting by the garage door before looking for her son all over the house while clapping her hands rhythmically to encourage movement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looks upstairs and checks under the bed. Bingo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shaun</span>
  </em>
  <span>… we’re going to be late. Let’s go.” Marcie demands, Shaun seconds later crawls out and onto his feet, stimming his hands compulsively. “I-I don’t want to go to school. Can I stay home?” The adolescent Shaun Murphy asks his mother. Marcie crossing her arms while giving him a disappointed glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your Dad’s not going to be happy if you skip your first day.” Marcie explains to him, hoping more for her sake than Shaun’s that she wouldn’t have to see that man terrorize her first born again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But the kids will all laugh, and call me weird. Steve won’t be there to protect me anymore.” Shaun explains glancing back and forth around the room, a clear anxiety tic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marcie didn’t want to lie, that probably would happen. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh, Shaun, why couldn’t you have just been born normal? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Marcie internally rants, allowing herself a second to feel sad about her life before remembering there’s no use crying over spilled milk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tough titmouse. Get in the car.” She instructs him, an old proverb her mother used to tell her in the same situations, concisely summarizing Marcie’s life philosophy in two simple words. Shaun understands it too, walking down the stairs to accept his inevitable fate. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Lea thunderously types away at the keyboard in her Startup’s computer lab next to all of her usual colleagues. They had all moved on from what happened that night at Jake’s party for better or worse, and that was fine by her, these guys would’ve been too stubborn to apologize anyway. That was ironically the one part of this all that bothered her the most.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s been uploading their code in Python? Seriously guys, how many times have I told you not to use Python!? It causes 2.1 extra seconds of lag per page, people! Max is going to hit the roof if he sees that.” Ben yells at the group while everyone remains quiet, only half of them even turning their noses up from their computer screens to even listen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea then feels her phone buzz and looks to see it’s a text from Shaun. With half a mind to ignore it like he did the other day, she decides to look at what it said anyway just to humor herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Shaun: Please come to my apartment. I need you for a time-sensitive matter.</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Time-sensitive matter? Oh god, Shaun what did you do? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Les worries to herself instinctively getting up out of her seat and putting her purse around her shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I gotta go. I’ll be back later to finish my code, I promise.” Lea states before zooming out the door, everyone either confused or indifferent to her sudden leaving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rushing through standard San Jose traffic, Lea finally arrives at the apartment building without a moment to spare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay? You look okay!” Lea concernedly asks, not seeing anything noticeably off about him outside of a confident smirk plastered on his face that looked like the one a child would make after they said a bad word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” He tells her trying to catch his breath from excitement. “But I need to show you this quickly so I can get back to St. Bonaventure soon.” Shaun had to take advantage of his Post-Op break period and skip lunch today in order to make this work, so didn’t have much free time left, but he knew it would be worth it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought this was an emergency.” Lea insists, frustration building up inside of her at Shaun treating this like it was one big game. “I know we left things in a weird place this morning, but you know I was at work too, right?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun’s tunnel vision prevents him from registering Lea’s justified complaints as he moves himself out of the way and displays with his hands a large two person bed in the place where his cheap mattress used to lie. Complete with new blankets, pillows, and a fancy wooden bed frame to top it off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You hated my old mattress, so I bought a new one and spent the hours that would’ve been my break and lunch setting it all up to show you.” Shaun explains to her, Lea simply taking in the extravagant display. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I went big.” Shaun leans while adding on quietly. “Does that mean you’ll forgive me now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea blows air out of her nose and turns her attention back towards Shaun. “Your way of apologizing is to pull me out of work with no notice and make me drive all the way across town just to show me that you bought a new bed for yourself?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Both of us, when we have sex.” Shaun interrupts to clarify. Lea only giving him a more aggravated look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Shaun, this doesn’t change anything.” Lea bluntly tells him with clearly little regard for how he might feel hearing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Is all Shaun can say in response. “I should’ve waited until evening when you were done with work to show you.” He then adds on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I made a mistake, I’m sorry.” He afterwards confesses, Lea now completely losing her patience as she exhaustedly turns her head and squeezes her fists together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, just… give me some space please. That’s all I need right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. We can discuss this later because I have to go back to the Hospital now.” Shaun replies pouncing out of her way and out the door. Leaving Lea alone in his own apartment without the chance to explain what that meant or even confirm if Shaun understood it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After returning to St. Bonaventure after his extended break, Shaun goes into deep thought over his exchange with Lea. The big grand gesture he had spent hours setting up had been for nothing. She was still mad at him and he’d need to do something else, something better to earn her love again. Still, he was looking forward to buying the new bed working, this outcome… just really sucked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Shaun makes his way to the E.R. he sees that Mac is back, and it was his mother who was hurt this time. He threw a tantrum when they took her in for surgery, ended up accidentally smacking Shaun in the face. Mac apologized for it later, but that was unnecessary, he wasn’t mad at him. In many ways they were both in the same boat, two neurodivergent young men disappointing the women in their lives with their mistakes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was scary, but Shaun had a way to comfort himself when he got scared. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Fourteen years ago again, Shaun is sitting in the passenger seat of his father’s SUV. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t you just try Hockey? Huh? What’s the worst that could happen?” Ethan rhetorically asks his stubborn son, wondering at this point if Shaun would physically burst into flames if he just listened for once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I hate hockey, everyone who’s mean to me plays Hockey. I wanna go home and watch Looney Tunes.” Timidly breaking the news to Ethan, who simply rubs the bridge of his nose in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you want to make friends and just be normal for once?” Ethan demands to know, getting uncomfortably close when asking it. “When I was your age, I met some of my best buds playing Hockey. Now stop being so damn difficult and just do it!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to play Hockey!” Shaun loudly yells at him, hurting Ethan’s ears who were right next to his mouth when it happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah!” He shouts squinting his eyes before reorienting himself and audibly sighing. “We’re not leaving until you talk to the coach.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun darts his eyes around the car while rubbing his hands together, becoming afraid of what was going to happen, but the anger he felt inside of himself being kept from his cartoons overpowered the fear. “Tough titmouse!” He then blurts to Ethan in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reflexively, Shaun’s father pushes his son’s head into the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thunk</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The throbbing pain was agnosing, even while Shaun rubbed the spot incessantly to try and make it better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am the boss here! Not you! You do what I say and when I tell you to talk to the coach, you damn well do it!” Ethan exclaims, reaching over to open the door before unbuckling Shaun’s seatbelt and pushing him out of the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Realizing his resistance will only lead to more pain, Shaun slowly starts walking back into the school to find the Hockey coach. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tough titmouse. </span>
  </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Doctor Glassman had his glioma successfully removed a couple days ago, but the surgery wasn’t without its side effects, he was suffering postoperative delusions, powerful ones, involving his late daughter Maddie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the Doctors were able to medicate him, he slept for over thirteen hours until Shaun woke him up by checking in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a hallucination.” He assures his mentor as he awakens to see Shaun watching over him on the nearby seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was seeing Maddie therapeutic?” He wonders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassman smacks his lips while turning over to better wake himself up. “No, not really. It just reminded me of all the mistakes I made before adopting you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun couldn’t help but feel flattered, though he knew he shouldn’t. It was tragic that Glassman needed to lose a child before he became good enough to raise him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She did say she loved me though, but I think it was just me telling myself that.” Glassman’s eyes begin to glistine having to say it aloud, Shaun though seems more hopeful by it </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always tell the truth.” He confidently assures him. Glassman’s eyes now starting to glow with pride from his son than water from grief over his daughter. “Thank you, Shaun.” Glassman warmly says to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both sit there quietly until Shaun finally starts to speak again, “I don’t want to do it.” He confesses, abruptly changing the topic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do what?” Glassman inquires.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apologize to Lea again.” He explains. Shaun had told Glassman earlier about what was going on in his love life, but he was too delusional before to give good advice, this is a better time to bring it up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you wanna let her know that you feel bad for what you did?” Glassman suggests, now closing his eyes slightly, still drowsy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun goes deep in thought while thinking of how to respond. “I don’t know how to answer that…” Glassman's eyes shoot open as his entire face turns into a confused glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...I-I-I don’t care about apologizing for what I did, I only care because she cares, but I wish things could go back to the way they were, without me having to do this.” It was a mature observation about himself. But Glassman knew it came from the worst part of Shaun’s autism, and that he owed it to him to help grow past it. There were only two words Glassman knew could get him to stop and reconsider it, the words he’s had to live by since the day Maddie died. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tough titmouse.” Glassman whispers, it gets Shaun’s attention, the exact result he intended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He starts to look around nervously hearing it and crumples his hands together before abruptly walking out the room, not saying anything else. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Lea waits in the elevator after a late night at work, busy making up for everything she missed leaving in the middle of the day. As she strolls into the hallway the last person she wants to see is patiently waiting for her, Shaun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Lea.” He says standing stiff as a board and completely still, holding two pieces of paper in his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun?” Lea says, a heavy inflection under her tone with an implied </span>
  <em>
    <span>what are you doing? </span>
  </em>
  <span>a</span>
  <span>ttached to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, he doesn’t pick it up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bought two plane tickets to Japan. We can leave tonight, just like you said you wanted in the Sushi bar!” Shaun excitedly tells her, this was definitely big enough to earn forgiveness. He expected Lea to jump for joy or something, only for her to close her eyes in exhaustion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not leaving to go with you to Japan. I told you I needed space, why won’t you listen to me!?” Lea asks him even more fed up than she was this morning. Shaun only stammering for any sort of coherent sentence or even word to come out of his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I wanted…. fix... you said that I… Doctor Park… go big” while this is continuing Lea storms off and begins unlocking the door to her Apartment, her back turned to Shaun, clearly paying him no attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun picked up on that, and it was too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“YOU’RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME!” Shaun wails out now crying hysterically, surprising Lea when she turns around to see him now start beating and pulling his own hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I SAID I’M SORRY! I SAID I’M SORRY! WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN!? I’M SORRY, LEA, I’M SORRY!” He continues to bawl, sitting down against the wall on the dirty carpet continuing to cry. Lea starting now to remember exactly who her boyfriend is, a selfish jerk and a pain in the ass, definitely, but also an autistic young man who’s probably very confused and hurt right now. She can’t leave him alone like this, he didn’t deserve it, and Lea knew she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Shaun.” She quietly tells him, gently petting his soft brown hair, which after doing so Lea realized was a little weird, but still got the message across through physical contact that she was there for him in spite of everything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do-do-do you hate me?” Shaun asks, sniffling while tears pour down his now beet red face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea frowns that he would even have to ask that. “Never.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She then sits down next to him and holds his hand. “I could never hate you.” Shaun starts to calm down a little, still sniffling as his tears now pour at a less rapid pace. “Th-then why won’t you forgive me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The answer was complicated, not something one usually had to express verbally, this wasn’t going to be easy “Because… sometimes when I’m mad at somebody, I need to just blow off steam for a little bit, you know?” Shaun was fully silent now listening contently to Lea’s explanation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hershey was really important to me, Shaunie, and when you were so inconsiderate about it the other day, that hurt, and I didn’t want to see you again until I felt better.” Lea scooches in closer turning her head to look Shaun in the eye. “But I’m gonna feel better soon, and when I do, we’ll be together again.” She assures him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me since I moved here, and I’m not going to give up because of one stupid fight.” Shaun now stops crying and introspects Lea’s words, now he just felt truly sorrowful and ashamed for how he acted in this very hallway that day. If he made her feel anything like this, she had every right to be mad at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry that I told you to go back to Hershey.” Shaun tells her, meaning it this time while caring that he told her, truly feeling deep regret what he did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you are.” Lea insists, tenderly kissing him on the cheek. Shaun’s head not moving at the touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea then gets up and unlocks the door to her apartment. “Are you going to be okay tonight?” She asks before going in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I’ll be okay.” Shaun tells her, wiping leftover tears off his cheeks with his sleeve, Lea letting out a faint smile as she goes in and locks the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun though remains put, sitting on the floor by himself waiting, counting down the seconds until Lea wouldn’t be mad at him anymore. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Carrots.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The elevator doors open as Shaun Murphy walks out one foot at a time into the lobby, as he did every other early morning to get to the bus stop before work. This time though, something is different, Lea’s here. Stretching her leg on one of the arm rests of an empty chair, paying Shaun and the sleep deprived concierge no mind. She was just the person he wanted to see that would warm up his cold autumn morning. </p><p>“Good morning, Lea!” He chirps to her, Shaun’s loud voice echoing throughout the entire lobby, the concierge didn’t appreciate it but Lea was fine. </p><p>“Hey, Shaunie.” She replies, sounding friendly enough but still more focused on stretching than saying hello to her boyfriend. </p><p>“Why are you up so early? You usually sleep as late as you can before work.” Shaun asks, trying his hardest not to giggle at her poor sleep hygiene, which he found to be funny for some reason. </p><p>“Stop it!” Lea says, playfully rolling her eyes. “I’m trying to get into jogging again first thing in the morning. You can come with me next time if you want.” Their relationship was slowly getting better since that meltdown in the hallway, but still wasn’t totally back to normal yet. They hadn’t done anything affectionate with each other since Donny’s visit and only really saw each other in and out of their apartments. Her inviting him to go jogging with her was a big step in the right direction.</p><p>Unfortunately, Shaun doesn’t really like…. Exercising. </p><p>“No thank you, that sounds terrible.” He honestly informs her. </p><p>Lea’s face goes blank. “Alright then.” She mutters, turning her attention back to stretching. </p><p>Shaun wasn’t about to change his mind about the jogging, but he still had the self-awareness to know she just extended him an Olive Branch and he’d be a fool not to take it. He missed Lea, and wanted to be able to be with her properly again, she was his girlfriend but hadn’t acted like it for what felt like forever. </p><p>“We should go on a date instead.” Shaun confidently insists. </p><p>Lea turns her gaze to him, surprised by his suggestion. “A date?” She repeats. </p><p>“Yes.” Shaun confirms. </p><p>Lea puts her leg down off the chair while trying to come up with a response, this wasn’t what she expected him to say and certainly didn’t want to tell him yes, but also didn’t want to tell him no. </p><p>“Are you sure that’s a good idea? Last time we went on a date you got really upset...” Things were still a little tender between them and going on another date could just ruin all the progress they’ve already made. </p><p>“...I won’t be this time!” Shaun cuts her off saying. “Even if it’s uncomfortable or messy or something goes wrong, I want to do it because I’ll get to be with you.” Lea blushes. <em> Well, that turned out sweeter than I thought it would.  </em></p><p>She grins while crossing her arms. “Tell you what. If you come up with somewhere for us to go on a date, <em> somewhere we’ll both enjoy, </em> and take care of dinner, all by yourself, then I’ll come with you.” That’s only fair, he asked her out, he should be the one to hash out the details, and if it goes wrong again, she doesn’t have to feel guilty about it. </p><p>“Okay! I will find something for both of us!” Shaun tells her before speeding out the door to the bus stop, Lea not having the chance to respond.</p><hr/><p>Doctor Glassman is sitting in his bed alone playing Solitaire. It was all he could do to pass the time, nothing’s on TV this early in the morning except for Soap Operas and Infomercials. The recovery process is a long and lonely road, and Aaron was doing all he could to adjust to it. </p><p>“You’re no longer talking to your dead daughter.” Shaun factually states, granting him some company at last. </p><p>“Yep, no longer psychotic, though I am a little constipated.” Glassman quips. “How are you, Shaun?”</p><p>Shaun waddles over to the seat adjacent to the right side of Glassman’s bed. “I asked Lea out on a date.” He proudly informs him. Not asking Aaron how he was feeling despite literally being the one who just had surgery. He tried not to take it personally.</p><p>“Where are you thinking about taking her?” Glassman inquires. </p><p>“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you. She said we should go somewhere we both like but I don’t know what we both like. Please help.” Shaun was now stimming his hands compulsively and turning his head side to side like a bobblehead. </p><p>Glassman chuckles, believe it or not this was actually fun for him. He never had a son before Shaun and when he was a teenager Aaron never talked to him about girls or anything like that. Being able to actually give out dating advice, well, like a Dad, was certainly satisfying. </p><p>“Well, what kind of places does she normally like to go?” Glassman wonders, hoping he could bridge a connection through that. </p><p>“Lea likes the beach, but I don’t, the sand gets between my…” </p><p>“Yes, Shaun, trust me, I know!” Glassman clarifies cutting him off. “She likes the beach, you like animals, why don’t you go to the Aquarium? That could be fun, good place for a date.” </p><p>It was a good idea, Shaun could easily conceive of a scenario in his mind of him and Lea having fun at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. If she likes the beach she obviously must like Water too, and Shaun loves Jellyfish, it’s perfect!</p><p>“I will tell her about the Aquarium. Thank you for helping me, Doctor Glassman.” Shaun insists, stepping out of his chair and walking out the door. </p><p>Just before leaving, Shaun pops his head back in through the door frame to say something. “You should empty your bowels soon, your first defecation event is a vital part of the discharge criteria.” </p><p>“Thank you, Shaun!” Glassman sarcastically yells out, Shaun now leaving for real this time. </p><hr/><p>Early the next morning, Lea leaves her apartment ready to go on a jog again. Shaun is waiting for her. </p><p>“You... change your mind about running with me?” She asks as he stares at her with wide blue eyes, saying nothing.</p><p>“Doctor Glassman said we should go to the Aquarium on our date. I think that’s a good idea, would you like to go?” Shaun humbly asks, totally the type of thing he could’ve texted, but he likes to do things the old fashioned way. </p><p>“Sounds fun.” Lea replies. “Did you think about dinner? It’s probably a good idea to plan that out ahead of time.” Shaun’s craving for structure wouldn’t go away just because he wanted the date to happen this time, if he’s not going to be attentive of his needs she has to, for both of their sakes.</p><p>“Yes. We will go to Olive Garden.” Lea wasn’t sure how to feel about that, a sit down restaurant with a fancy atmosphere, even one as tacky as Olive Garden, not her favorite scene. </p><p>“Eh, I don’t know about Olive Garden, that doesn’t really sound like me…” </p><p>“No, seven different dating websites said Olive Garden was a good place to take a first date, it has pizza and pasta, which we both like.” <em> He isn’t listening to me… </em> Lea frustratedly thinks to herself. But then again, she <em> did </em> like Pasta and Pizza and there are worse places he could’ve taken her.  He’s just trying his best, and besides she’d never be one to turn down free food. </p><p>“Olive Garden it is then.” Lea admits, Shaun lets out an exasperated laugh before smiling. </p><p>“Okay...” Is all he tells her before going back into his apartment. Lea just smiles as she slowly shakes her head, not being able to tell if she should dread this or look forward to it. </p><hr/><p>Shaun’s eyes are plastered to the ceiling, looking up at the Orca Whale statue dangling from the top of the Monterey Bay Aquarium lobby. He had always wanted to go to the Aquarium ever since he first moved to San Jose but could never find the time until now. No matter how this date ends up going, at least he’ll be able to check that off his bucket list. </p><p>“What kind of animal are you most looking forward to seeing?” Shaun asks Lea as they’re waiting in line to redeem the tickets he pre-purchased online. </p><p>“Hmm...” Lea thinks out loud. “The Sea Turtles.” She confidently tells him. “When I used to go surfing down in Pasadena I used to see them all the time, they’re so cute!” Squealing with childlike giddiness at the memory of it. </p><p>“When did you live in Pasadena? I thought you only lived in Hershey before coming to California.” Shaun curiously asks. </p><p>Lea, surprised that she has to answer, raises her eyebrows and widens her eyes. “I-I went to school there. That’s where I got my Engineering degree, Caltech.” </p><p>Shaun realizes the moment after she answered that this is the first time he’s ever heard about this. They’ve been dating for eight months now and he never bothered to ask where she went to college until now. <em> Guess it never came up. </em>Never once in all that time? It seemed unlikely, even to Shaun’s sensibilities. </p><p>“That’s a hard school to get into, you must be very smart to have gotten your degree there.” He decides to assure her, Lea flattered by his acknowledgement of it. </p><p>“It definitely was. I had to study on the SAT for nine weeks and hire a tutor just to get on the waiting list, but it was <em> so </em> worth it, I learned so much more about building and programming there than I ever did at my High School.” She also made some of her best friends in the whole world there, none of them kept in touch once she got her job in San Jose, though. Maybe they weren’t so all so close after all. </p><p>Shaun enjoyed hearing Lea’s story, he cares about her and was happy that she succeeded in following her dream despite the odds. <em> Maybe there are more stories like that she can tell me. I want to hear more.  </em></p><p>“What other things have you done before meeting me?” Shaun asks, woefully unaware of how vague and open ended such a question was. </p><p>Lea turns to face him, not knowing where to even begin with answering that. “I’ve been alive for twenty-nine years, Shaunie, I have a lot of stories. All you have to do is ask.” </p><p>“Okay, I will.” He quickly replies, walking up to the ticket booth where the cashier scans their receipts off Shaun’s phone and they’re permitted access into the Aquarium. </p><p>Their first stop, the coastal exhibits. </p><p>“Shaunie! Look at that Sea Otter!” Lea exclaims pointing to a Sea Otters that swims right over to them, playfully resting its belly against the glass. </p><p>Shaun looks at it and smiles as he watches the furry animal twirl around joyfully in the water. “It has tiny paws under his torso.” He factually observes after seeing the otter flip onto its backside for the third time. It continues to swim next to the glass while Lea, Shaun and all the other guests fawn over it. </p><p>“I think it likes us!” She speculates. </p><p>“It must.” Shaun recognizes. “It wouldn’t be comfortable enough to burrow next to the glass if it didn’t.” </p><p>“Told you I was likable!” Lea teases, gently nudging his arm which Shaun at first reacts to until recognizing it as a flirting and decides to not let it affect him, continuing to watch instead. </p><p>Next up, the wave crash exhibit.</p><p>“Where are the animals?” Shaun asks looking around, seeing nothing through the glass but a shallow pool with rocks and damp wood floating from it. </p><p>“Just wait.” Lea insists as they both look at it. </p><p>
  <em> WOOSH!  </em>
</p><p>Water suddenly pours down from the glass in a waterfall like motion, covering everything in a smooth stream of bubbles. Shaun jumps back, startled by it as Lea loudly laughs. “We’re inside the wave Shaun! This is what it looks like inside of one in the ocean.” </p><p>“That’s-that’s cool.” He says now starting to relax, it wasn’t everyday Shaun got to see what it’s like to be inside a wave, but still, once is enough for him. </p><p>They then move on to exploring the Aquarium again until finding the Touch Pool zone. It was the first part of the whole Aquarium that actually had the “Fishy” smell Shaun had been dreading that they would run into, but Lea doesn’t mind it, jumping at the opportunity to feel one of the Starfish. </p><p>“Shaun, you should feel this, it’s so soft.” Lea tells him, Shaun confused by how a Starfish could possibly feel soft. He didn’t want to get his hands wet, but he had to see for himself what she was talking about.</p><p>He dips his hand into the cool water and gently pets the Starfish, Lea was right it is <em> soft </em>, like a big leather chair, but still icky on his fingers. </p><p>“It’s very slimy.” He confirms taking his hand out and drying it off on his jacket. </p><p>“Let’s try one of the stingrays.” She says leading him to the other side of the Touch Pool, where Stingrays were more apparent. </p><p>Lea dips her hand in to feel one. “Eek, it just swam right past me!” She says continuing to feel around in the sand for any other small critters to swim up to her. Shaun sees a Leopard Shark glide up to him, and without thinking, reaches down to pet its dorsal fin. The Shark’s skin was rough, like sandpaper, he didn’t like that feeling. Shivers go up his spine as his skin crawls and Shaun quickly pulls his hand up to start rubbing it. </p><p>“Lea, can we go now?” He asks nervously, continuing to rub his hand, still feeling phantom pain from the rough Shark skin. Lea while still feeling the animals and enjoying herself looks up to Shaun, her smile disappearing. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, sure we can go.” She tells him, drying herself before walking away with him. Disappointed that she couldn’t stay in the Touch Pool, but understanding of Shaun’s situation nonetheless. <em>He only likes to touch certain things. The fact he stayed so long must’ve been very hard for him. </em>Lea reminds herself, speculating that the only reason he tried at all must’ve been because she liked it. <em>He’s thinking about me…</em></p><p>The two of them keep walking before Shaun all but drags Lea by her wrist into the World of Jellies, a dark room full of nothing but Jellyfish exhibits. </p><p>“Did you know Jellyfish are one of the oldest species on Earth? They first evolved during the Cambrian Explosion over 500 million years ago.” Shaun informs Lea while they stand together watching a pod of orange Jellyfish swim together past navy blue water. </p><p>“Wait, does that mean Jellyfish are as old as the Dinosaurs?” Lea asks.</p><p>“No.” Shaun insists. “They’re older.” </p><p>Lea smiles in amusement while nodding her head to the side, a nonverbal appreciation over the trivia he shared with her. Shaun sure did know a lot about Jellyfish. </p><p>“I want to see the Moon Jellies now.” Shaun states, walking away to one of the other exhibits while Lea follows behind. </p><p>After leaving the Jellyfish Shaun and Lea come across a glowing blue sign which spells out <em> The Open Sea </em> getting both their attention.</p><p>“What do you say?” She asks, looking up at Shaun to see if he wanted to give it a shot. </p><p>“Let’s go, Lea!” He tells her, both them walking inside, holding hands while they do it. </p><p>The Open Sea is a large panoramic room surrounded on 360 degrees on all sides by glass displaying a large exhibit outside full of entire schools of silver sardines all spooling together, reflecting the dim sunlight shining down below off their precious scales and igniting the dark tunnel. </p><p>Shaun and Lea are mesmerized by it, both of them holding each other's hands even tighter as they watch the sardines all swim around the room a dozen more times, never getting bored or tired of each other’s presence. The majestic music playing in the background only added to the mood, the feeling of serenity and peace they had being lost in the sea with each other, in another world, but embraced with familiar comforts. </p><p>“This reminds me of Finding Nemo.” Shaun says, completely breaking the somber mood, Lea laughs. </p><p>“Me too, Shaunie. Me too.” She says, now putting her entire arm under his while their hands stay interlocked, he lets her. Lea now starts to get the feeling they’re going to remember this for a long time. </p><hr/><p>Olive Garden is crowded, but since Shaun had so thoughtfully made a reservation beforehand, there wasn’t any wait for them to be seated at their table. </p><p>Lea still wasn’t super excited to be there, but Shaun seemed to be having a good time with the Breadsticks, and he’s suddenly curious enough about her personal life to start asking questions about it, which she wasn’t about to interrupt. Not in a million years.</p><p>“Did you have any pets growing up?” Shaun inquires while taking his second breadstick.</p><p>“Yes! I did. I had a Golden Retriever named Sam, he was the best dog ever.” Lea can still remember vividly doing everything with him when she was a little girl. She wanted to get a dog again, and the Apartment is actually pet friendly, but she wouldn’t have time to take care of or even enjoy it with Max’s ridiculous attitudes towards breaks. Her life in San Jose really didn’t turn out anything like she planned, and with that realization coming to light, Lea decides to take a swig of her wine to try and take the edge off. </p><p>“But you had a rabbit growing up, what was that like?” She then asks, putting her glass down, trying to get her mind onto something else. Though after saying it realizes that it might’ve been insensitive considering what happened to it. </p><p>“Oswald was a good rabbit.” Shaun insists. “I used to feed him carrots and he would sleep in my bed with me whenever I had nightmares. He was always nice to me when nobody else was, not even Steve.” A lot of them meant well, but they were only human, and naturally lost their patience with Shaun every now and again. But not Oswald, he didn’t care. </p><p>“That sounds really sweet, Shaun.” Lea tells him, extending her hand over his as a gesture of compassion. “You know one time I actually let Sam up into my bed to sleep with me, and the next morning when I woke up, he had pooped right in the middle of it! Luckily my blanket protected me but it smelled disgusting, and my parents were so mad at me, and so was Donny because we had a bunk bed at a time…” Before Lea’s story can continue the waiter arrives with both of their entrees. </p><p>“Toscana for you.” He says giving Lea her bowl of soup. “...and Veal Scallopini.” He then says giving Shaun his plate. </p><p>Lea looks content with her meal, but Shaun is petrified by the slimy green abomination that somehow weaseled its way next to next to his food, mocking him,<em> pickles.  </em></p><p>“This looks delicious, thank you.” Lea tells the waiter, not really meaning it, but wanting to be polite. Shaun though isn’t so bound by such social norms. “I said no pickles.” He quietly mutters. </p><p>“Pardon me?” The waiter clarifies. </p><p>“I said <em> no pickles! </em>” Shaun repeats louder, obviously frustrated his very clear request wasn’t heeded. </p><p>“I’m so sorry about that, sir.” The waiter claims, instantly taking the plate back, preparing to return it to the kitchen. </p><p>“I said no pickles! No pickles!” He keeps saying to himself almost due to a force beyond himself, one consisting of pure frustration that needed to come out. </p><p>“Shaun, it’s okay, they can just take them off.” Lea’s voice was enough to stop Shaun from devolving into a complete tantrum, but it didn’t make his feelings unease any better, even after the Waiter left to correct the grave mistake. </p><p>Everything was going so well, why is this happening, this uncertainty, this chaos. The same one that ruined their last date together, it’s all happening again. It was a mistake to ask Lea out again, he shouldn’t have done this. </p><p>Just as Shaun is about to tell her and end this before it can get worse she… agrees with him? </p><p>“You know what, this place is posers. What do you say we leave and find somewhere else to eat?” Lea suggests, completely unprompted, as if she literally read Shaun’s mind and said exactly what he wanted to hear. </p><p>“Yes, please!” He tells her, Lea hailing the waiter for the check as Shaun excitedly waits with her to get dinner somewhere else with hopefully less Pickles, Lea just as excited to go somewhere more her style.</p><hr/><p>The diner they had settled on was a cute place. 1950s aesthetic, still serving breakfast food even though it was 7:00 at night, what could go wrong? Shaun loved it of course because it meant he could get chocolate chip pancakes but Lea did too, it was comforting and a lot more casual than that pseudo-formal atmosphere she had to put up with at Olive Garden. </p><p>“What’s your favorite color?” Shaun asks out of nowhere, fidgeting with his fork and napkin.</p><p>“Ugh, I can’t decide, rainbow!” Lea answers. </p><p>“Rainbow isn’t a color, it’s seven colors put together. Which one of those colors is your favorite?” Shaun asks again, hoping if he narrows in he can get the answer he’s looking for.</p><p>Lea thinks for a second. “Violet.” She settles on, Shaun is satisfied with her response. </p><p>The waitress arrives and casually drops Shaun’s stack of pancakes and Lea’s omelette onto the table before leaving, not saying a single please or giving any craps about them. It was refreshing, Lea liked it. </p><p>“I’m glad we’re getting pancakes for dinner.” Shaun says before pouring his maple syrup over every dry surface and digging in. </p><p>“Can I try some of that? It actually looks pretty good.” Lea humbly asks. </p><p>“Yes you may.” Shaun insists, cutting her a piece soaked in syrup and putting it onto her plate. </p><p>“You want to try some of my omelette too?” Lea offers in return.</p><p>“No thank you.” Shaun replies, his attention now completely focused on his food, finally taking the first bite. Lea smiles vicariously through him, how he could be so content with the simple things, like how much he’s loving those Pancakes, or how genuinely curious he is asking questions and getting to know her like it was their first time. </p><hr/><p>“What is your favorite band to listen to?” Shaun wonders as he follows Lea into her apartment, the door gently closing shut behind him as to not wake any of their other neighbors up. </p><p>“Oh, that’s easy, the Talking Heads.” Lea answers. </p><p>“I’ve never heard any of their songs.” Shaun confesses, Lea turning around to ask him something now in return. </p><p>“Not that I’m complaining, but what’s up with all the questions tonight? I don’t think you’ve been this curious about me since...ever.” When they first met the most he ever inquired about her was her name, just barely.</p><p>Shaun takes a deep breath to gather enough air in his lungs and answer her question, uninterrupted. “Well, I like you, and I want to get to know about you. I didn’t ask before because I thought you’d always be here, but after you were mad at me I know now that you might leave, and this date could be the last time I see you. So, I want to know everything.” </p><p>Lea wanted to smile but she couldn’t, she was too happy if that made any sense. Shaun can’t help but be vein, he’s autistic, that’s part of the disorder. But he cares about her so much that he willingly overcame it to learn everything about her and treat their time together like it's their last. But it’s not going to be, no, they're just getting started. </p><p>Lea takes her sweater and shirt under it off, standing there in front of him wearing nothing but a bra. Shaun’s pupils dilate with excitement over her half naked body, but he’s not confident enough to make a move. </p><p>“I-I don’t understand. What are you doing?”</p><p>“The proper way to end a date…” She says, calling back to their first kiss. “...with your girlfriend.” She adds on, signifying this would be something different, something more intimate. </p><p>Shaun knew what that was as he leans in and passionately forces his face down onto hers, kissing her as he begins untying her bra strap pressed against the soft skin of her back. </p><p>While Shaun does that Lea emerges from the kiss and gently stops him, instead leading him to her bedroom, loudly slamming the door shut. </p><p>It’s going to be a long night. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Two Ply (Or Not Two-Ply)/Hubert.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lea lays in bed, deep in thought, contemplating her future. She didn’t sleep well after the love making session with Shaun, busy tossing and turning all night while soul searching for an answer. But now she finally has it, and no matter how painful it might be, it’s something Lea needs to do. </p><p>“You’re awake.” Shaun observes, rolling over to face Lea before nudging himself over to kiss her on the cheek, Lea smiling when she feels his lips touch her. She was usually sound asleep by the time he had to get up for work, it didn’t even cross Shaun’s mind that her usual behavior could be a sign of something amiss in her routine, to him it was just a welcome surprise. </p><p>“You’re beautiful when you first wake up.” He tells her, Lea wrapping her arm around his neck to pull him in, leaning her forehead against his. </p><p>“You are so sweet.” Lea insists. Shaun always got sappy after they have sex and Lea normally she loved it, but today, she needed him to be clear headed. </p><p>“I’m gonna quit my job.” Lea bluntly confesses to him, gently moving Shaun out of her grasp as she allows him to process the news. He does as expected, stimming his hands together while breaking eye contact, sitting there silence, contemplating the impact this decision will have on their lives. </p><p>“What will you do all day?” He coldly asks, a far cry from any of the predetermined questions Lea expected and had already answered in her head. </p><p>“I’m-I’m gonna find a new one. Something I’m really passionate about.” She candidly answers him. </p><p>“I thought you liked engineering.” Shaun asks, now even more confused by her answer. </p><p>“I do!” Lea assures him. “It’s just… when Donny offered me the chance to help him with Grandpa Rod’s shop in Hershey, it wasn’t just about reconnecting with him, the idea of being able to spend all day repairing old cars… that sounded like a dream come true for me.” Shaun starts to look uncomfortable, he didn’t like to talk about her moving to Hershey or any of the ensuing drama that started around it, too many bad associations.</p><p>“...going on that date with you yesterday, it just made me realize, I want to enjoy my life. To not have to daydream about moving across the country because I’m so miserable where I am.” Lea could see on Shaun’s face the discomfort gleaming in his eyes. </p><p><em> Did I just ruin everything right when it was getting better? </em>Lea thinks placing her arm flat onto Shaun’s shoulder. “Shaunie, please say something.” She begs looking at him with equal concern now written on her face too.</p><p>“I hope you have enough money saved to keep paying your rent. I don’t want you to get evicted.” Shaun tells her, Lea giggling at his astute observation. He supported her, or at worst he didn’t care, that’s as good of a response as she hoped she could get. </p><p>“It’s gonna take a lot more than that to get rid of me.” Lea tells him, hastily reaching out to start kissing his neck, Shaun lightly chuckling with bliss as she does it. They were both going to be okay. </p><hr/><p>Shaun and Claire are sitting relaxing in the employee bullpen with each other both researching their respective cases this week. Claire uses a computer while Shaun opts to work with his trusted textbooks, as per usual. </p><p>“Morgan doesn’t want to know what’s wrong in our patient.” He tells his colleague, still flipping to the next page as if he had said nothing at all. </p><p>“I find that hard to believe.” Claire responds, likewise not being distracted from the computer.</p><p>“They talk about bowstrings, I don’t know anything about bowstrings.” Shaun adds on, Claire not really understanding what that means. “They should be talking about what’s wrong with her!” Shaun thunders on at the end.</p><p>Claire looks at him with a look of disapproval. “You can’t always know, Shaun. Sometimes tests aren’t worth it. Sometimes we don’t even have the right tests.” It was a wise observation, one Shaun could recall multiple experiences of in his life that were consistent with it. The latest example being this morning with Lea, he doesn’t know what he can do to help her, or even to find out how. Claire meanwhile turns her gaze back to the computer screen before letting out a frustrated sigh. </p><p>“Ugh, what’s wrong with the St. Bonaventure website? I’m putting it in the search bar and it keeps saying the link is invalid.” Claire frustratedly tells Shaun, she normally had the patience of a saint except when it came to the internet, then Claire would throw bigger fits than Shaun on a bad day. </p><p>“Are you sure you spelled it right?” </p><p>“Yes Shaun, look, I spelled it exactly the way I always do.” She shows him the computer screen to prove her point, and while they bicker Andrews slowly opens the glass door into the bullpen getting their attention.</p><p>“I see you’ve noticed St. Bonaventure is having some technical difficulties at the moment.” He announces to the two of them, who say nothing while silently demanding an explanation.</p><p>“Our tech department was trying to renew the copyright for our website and ended up accidentally registering the domain as www.StBananaventure.com.” Claire tries her hardest not to smirk, but can’t stop herself and ends up accidentally snorting. </p><p>“Of course the technician responsible for this has been fired and we’re trying to get it fixed as soon as possible, but until then we’re going to be mature adults about this…” Marcus turns his attention to Claire, who bites her lip at the gaze. “...and try to make the best of a bad situation.” </p><p>Andrews then makes his leave while Claire bursts out laughing, Shaun not following suit as his brain starts firing off with ideas on how St. Bonaventure’s technical misfortune could be the key to solving Lea’s problem. He bursts up out of his chair and follows Andrews into the hallway. </p><p>“You should hire Lea.” He tells him. Andrews noticeably confused by his demand. </p><p>“Who’s Lea?” He didn’t remember meeting her at the gala.</p><p>“My girlfriend. She’s very smart and really good at fixing computers, one time I accidentally spilled chocolate milk on my laptop and she spent the rest of the night replacing the motherboard, it was really cool to see.” Shaun recites to him, remembering that night fondly. </p><p>“Eh, I don’t know about that Shaun, the hospital’s going to need someone with a little more experience than just fixing a broken computer.” Andrews says, gently but sternly letting him down. </p><p>But Shaun wasn’t about to give on such a good idea that easily. “Lea went to Caltech and worked at YAUTO Robotics too until deciding to quit this morning, she’s looking for a new job and I think she would be a great addition to the staff here.” Shaun was conveniently omitting the benefit of being able to see Lea on the job everyday, he knew Andrews wouldn’t have cared about that. </p><p>“YAUTO Robotics, huh? Heard they’re supposed to be really something.” Andrews observes, slowing down to look Shaun in the eye. “Look, I’ll let her come in for an interview, look over her prospects, see what happens, but I can’t promise she’ll end up getting the job, we have a lot of very impressive applications as is.” </p><p>“Lea is very likable, you will not regret it.” Shaun informs Andrews while excitedly avoiding eye contact and smiling ear to ear at his answer. It wasn’t an assurance, but just that glimmer of hope he was considering it was good enough. </p><hr/><p>“Uh, would-would you like to see my CV?” Lea asks with clear tension in her voice, sitting across from Andrews’ desk in what was formerly Glassman’s office less than a year ago. It’d be awhile since she’d done one of these and was feeling a little tense, hoping bosses still looked for the same things in potential engineers as they did six years ago.</p><p>“Yes, please.” Marcus confidently answers reaching his arm out as he Lea hastily grabs it off her lap and gives it to him. He flips through it too fast to actually read any of it as Lea waits in place for what felt like an hour, but was more like ten seconds. </p><p>“Lea Dilallo.” He repeats it again under his breath, putting emphasis on her last name each time for some reason, almost as if he was having fun saying it. “What makes you think you’d be a good fit working at San Jose St. Bonaventure hospital?” The million dollar question, the one they were building up to this whole time, Lea had been formulating in her head what to say the whole hour but still nothing sounded good. </p><p>The best thing she can do is just tell Andrews the truth. “Well, obviously It would be nice to work with Shaun everyday..” He didn’t look impressed by that answer as Lea stammers for more. “...but I also think St. Bonaventure is just a really special place. The doctors, the people, the vibe, it’s all so warm and welcoming.” Lea leans forward into Andrews’ desk to make her next point. </p><p>“My last job was really stressful, not just because of the workload but because I could just tell the people there… they didn’t care, not about me or about actually building anything. If I get to work here I know that I’ll never feel that way again, that I’ll always have friends and a place in this community, that I’ll be able to use what I know to help make a difference and feel challenged while doing it. That’s-that’s mostly it, I’d feel really honored to be able to work somewhere like this.” Lea said her piece and now just waited another metaphorical hour for Andrews to say something back. </p><p>“Thank you, we’ll be in touch.” Is all he mutters, getting up to pour himself another cup of coffee. </p><p>Lea stays put in her seat, double taking his response. <em> That’s it? I poured my heart and soul out and I got a… thank you?  </em></p><p>“You have no intention of hiring me, do you?” Lea bluntly asks him, Andrews turns around to lock eyes with her conjuring his response. </p><p>“I have a lot of work to do Ms. Dilallo, if that’ll be all…” </p><p>“Okay…” Lea was angry, she wanted to take back all the nice things she said and give Andrews a piece of her mind, but one thing was actually bothering her even more. “Before I leave though, can I at least shore up your firewall, because it’s out of date and if it stays like that a Kindergarten will be able to hack into all your files.”  </p><p>Andrews wides his eyes, surprised by her sudden charitable offer. He had heard similar musings from others in the Tech department before but never thought it was necessary to act on it, St. Bonaventure had never been hacked. But if Lea’s offering it for free, what’s the harm. </p><p>“Go ahead.” He tells her, turning on his computer as she sits down in his oversized Leather chair and starts typing away. Lea couldn’t in good conscience let her boyfriend’s workplace go on without any sort of cyber protection in today’s world, that would just be unethical. </p><p>“...how long has your computer been this slow?” Lea inquires, getting slightly off track from her original goal. </p><p>“Last few years. You get used to it.” Andrews somberly informs her. </p><p>“Well, these programs you have running might be the culprit. Let’s see what happens if I close them.” Lea shuts off all the extraneous programs on Andrews’ computer and when she looks for the Firewall update on Chrome everything loads instantly. </p><p>“It worked? You-you actually fixed my computer… thank you.” His display of gratitude was much more sincere this time, dripping with relief that such a minor yet recurring inconvenience in his life got solved, just like that. </p><p>“...and done. You’re all set, this should protect the entire database from low level hacks.” Lea informs him, as she grabs her purse and starts heading out the door. </p><p>“Wait.” Andrews calls out, Lea looks back and nods her head forward while mumbling “hmm?”</p><p>“Why don’t you sit back down and we can look through your CV together.” He insists, Lea smiling as she instantly does as told. </p><hr/><p>Shaun and Lea are in his apartment together watching Spongebob Squarepants on his TV together. </p><p>“I found my next job.” Lea starkly informs him once it goes to commercial.</p><p>“Okay.” Shaun answers without taking his eyes off the television, patiently waiting for his show to come back on. </p><p>“It’s at a hospital, it has good pay, decent hours, and I get to see my boyfriend there everyday.” Lea cutely informs him.</p><p>Shaun now turns his head down to the floor trying to process what she’s told him. “That doesn’t make sense, I’m your boyfriend and you don’t work at St. Bonaventure.” </p><p>“I do now!” Lea all but screams showing him the approved application in her hand. </p><p>“We’re…. Going to be working together?” Shaun quietly asks, desperate for any type of clarification before jumping to conclusions. </p><p>Lea just nods her head and smiles, as wide as her face allowed her. </p><p>Shaun exhales shakily in relief over how dense he was before not picking it up. It was obvious, he put in a good word to Andrews and it worked, he actually hired her! He gets to see Lea all day everyday now! </p><p>“We are going to be working together!” Shaun repeats again louder now, getting up to start failing himself around excitedly. </p><p>“We’re gonna be working together!” Lea confirms to him in the same tone, following suit as they both jump around the apartment like rabbits on a sugar high, excited with all of their being for what’s to come next. </p><hr/><p>It’s the first day of work, Lea’s first day working at St. Bonaventure, she never thought there’d be a time she’d be able to actually say that, yet here she is. </p><p>Shaun didn’t take the Bus this morning, instead Lea drove both of them and they got to sleep in. She appreciated it but Shaun got a little restless not being able to leave at his usual time.</p><p>“I will see you at lunch today, work buddy.” Shaun warmly tells her, doing his best to smile before they go their separate ways both figuratively and literally. </p><p>“How about a good luck kiss?” Lea suggests, standing on her tippy toes for Shaun to lay one on her. </p><p>“According to the employee handbook physical displays of affection towards staff members are strictly prohibited.” Shaun breaks the news to her, Lea standing normally again, clearly disappointed. </p><p>“That’s a dumb rule.” She then replies </p><p>“It’s meant to prevent sexual harassment.” Shaun insists, gracefully missing Lea’s point, though he wasn’t technically wrong. </p><p>“How about a hug then?” she suggests, Shaun slowly opening his arm and accepting one as Lea grasps onto him tightly, resting her face against the bottom of his chin. </p><p>“Bye, Shaunie!” She exclaims like a schoolgirl before running off the Tech Department, Shaun more subtly making his way to the Surgical wing.</p><hr/><p>Lea knew her way to the Cafeteria like the back of her hand after visiting Shaun for all these months, she knew all the shortcuts in and the all best places to sit with the prettiest views. It’s exciting being able to walk through it and eat with Shaun not just as a guest but as an employee, someone who truly belongs. </p><p>“Hey, Lea. Oh, Shaun’s still busy with a patient he’s not going to be out for lunch today.” Claire informs her comfortably sitting at a table with Doctor Park. </p><p>“Really? Ugh, that sucks. I was so looking forward to telling him all about my first day!” Lea humorously complains as she prepares to find another table to stake out in until it’s time to get working again. </p><p>Before she can even so much as move someone starts talking again, “Why don’t you come sit with us? Plenty of room over here.” Park graciously requests. </p><p>“Sure! Thanks.” Lea chirps taking up the offer, plopping her tray down next to Claire before getting comfortable on the cheap plastic fold up chair.</p><p>Alex and Claire shortly after continue the conversation they were having before Lea came. “I don’t know what I’m gonna tell Kayla. I don’t want to reject a woman’s dying wish but I can’t… I can’t be with Dash, I don’t see him that way.” </p><p>Lea turns her head sideways at Claire’s assessment. <em> What did I just step into? </em>Is all she can think hearing this story out of context. </p><p>“You should be honest with her, it’s not fair to ask a friend to do that. Putting that type of guilt on someone, it’s not cool.” Park observes taking a bite from his bagel.</p><p>“It’s not that easy with Kayla, she just always needs to be… on top of everything, and she won’t like me telling her no.” Claire informs him as the whole table goes quiet. </p><p>“So, not to pry, but is this Dash guy even cute?” Lea asks, deciding to butt into the conversation with a little humor. </p><p>It hits, Alex and Claire both chuckle in amusement at her question. </p><p>“Asking the real questions I see.” Park quips.</p><p>Claire just rolls her eyes. “Yes, he is, but neither of us are interested. This is my dying best friend we’re talking about trying to hook me up with her soon to be widowed husband. It’s not like there’s a pamphlet for this type of situation.” <em> You can say that again.  </em></p><p>“Well, you do have one other choice.” Lea then suggests, Claire and Alex both looking at her for an answer. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You guys have a Chapel here, right?” She facetiously asks, Alex and Claire both chuckling at her joke again. </p><p>“I can even get ordained by the time lunch is done. You just say the word, Claire.” Park adds on. </p><p>“Stop it you guys.” Claire shouts, shooing them both away. </p><p>It was such a simple conversation, but Lea’s chest still felt light as a feather from it. This is exactly the type of stuff that never happened at her old job, and now on the first day she already has it, friends. The type you can sit at in lunch and joke around with, who care about you and you about them. It feels nice, nostalgic from a time that until day had long since past in Lea’s life. </p><hr/><p>
  <span>Later that day at the break of dusk, Kayla goes into surgery, something’s wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Second chest tube in.” Park requests of the Nurses to get a better idea of what’s going on. “SATS are still dropping on 100%.” They inform him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bad news. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“It has to be heart failure. We need to crash her onto ECMO.” Park says as everyone in the O.R. begins preparing to do as told. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her cardiac index was fine, it must be a toxic inflammatory reaction to the chemo.” Melendez observes. He failed, the surgery was a bust, they wouldn’t be able to shrink Kayla’s tumor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop the Chemo.” He orders, the Radiation machine slowly powering down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As hurt as Melendez was from this outcome, Claire was even worse. This was her best friend laying on the table in front of her, being deprived of a surgery that can more than triple her life expectancy. They can’t just give up now, not like this. She racks her brain desperately thinking of how to fix this, getting an idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if the fluid build up isn’t a reaction to the Chemo-bath. What if it is the Chemo-bath?” Claire goes on to explain the rest of her theory about how they can relieve the build up in Kayla’s abdomen by repairing a hole in her Diaphragm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Melendez seems to follow her logic, it could work. “Let’s re-open the incision.” He says as the Doctors and Nurses all start operating again. Claire’s theory turns out to be right, the buildup starts to subside after the hole is patched. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone temporarily breathes a sigh of relief at Claire’s quick thinking. “Let’s get the Chemo started up again.” Melendez insists, prepared to continue the surgery now as planned once again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We-we can’t sir, only the lab can turn on the machine and that it’ll take up to fifteen minutes.” One of the Nurses informs him, Melendez and Claire both stopping cold when they hear that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kayla has to get her Chemo-bath right now or else this isn’t going to work. There has to be something we can do.” Melendez pleads, not prepared to lose this because of his own reckless call to turn off the Chemo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claire with adrenaline still surging through her veins gets another idea. “What about Lea? Seriously, she-she used to work as an engineer at a Robotics company. She might know something we can do.” Nobody says anything, all seemingly skeptical of the idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think It’s worth a try.” Park agrees in spite of the silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever, we’ve got nothing to lose at this point. Keep her stable, I’ll be right back.” Neil claims, putting down his tools and preparing to flag down Lea and hope on the way there for a miracle. </span>
</p><hr/><p>Lea is at her desk on the computer, listening to music while the software update installs. Death Cab for Cutie of course, it doesn’t matter that it reminded her of Jake or any of those other bullies at YAUTO. She likes it and has to get this work done, Death Cab is always good when she has to focus. </p><p>“Lea!” A voice calls out as she takes off her headphones to see Doctor Melendez pacing over to her desk. </p><p>“There’s something wrong with the Radiation Machine we’re using for Kayla’s Chemo-bath. We need you to come to the O.R. and see what’s wrong.” Melendez bluntly tells her, Lea in shock over the significance of what he’s asking her to do.</p><p>“I-I I’m not really familiar with Radiology equipment…” </p><p>“Just give it a look, okay! We’re running out of options.” Melendez desperately informs her, Lea not having much of a choice now gets up and follows him to the O.R. Thoughts racing through her head about what was going to happen. </p><p>“Am I going to see someone opened up in there? If I do... I might throw up. Oh god, will that contaminate the whole room?” Lea frantically inquires of Melendez who remains ambivalent to the silly questioning. </p><p>“If all goes as planned you won’t even need to see the patient.” He assures her handing Lea a surgical mask as she gets sanitized and then led to where the Radiation Machine is generating its power, avoiding Kayla as Melendez predicted. </p><p>“We need you to get the machine back onto its highest setting manually.” He instructs her. </p><p>“I’ll have to bypass the hardware to do that. Can’t you just do it in the lab?” Lea proposes. </p><p>“No, it’ll take too long. We have to get it back on and target Kayla’s tumor as soon as possible or we’ll miss our window.” Lea bends down and opens the shaft to the internal wires where she starts working. The pressure now hitting her once she sees the complex system under the hood of the machine, Lea has to sort through this mess without making a single mistake, and if she doesn’t someone could die, <em> because of her </em>. The silver lining of working at YAUTO, when she couldn’t get her work done on time the only thing that died was her pride. </p><p>Kayla meanwhile in the O.R. is laying there being kept alive by the best efforts of Claire and Doctor Park while they patiently hope Lea is able to figure out how to get the Chemo started again. She continues fiddling with the wires, with… mixed results to say the least. </p><p>“You gotta hurry this up, we’re running out of time.” Melendez states, unaware his pressure was only making Lea’s anxiety worse. </p><p>“I’m trying, I’m trying, but I’ve never seen this equipment, the closest I’ve ever worked on was… car engines.” Lea then starts remembering her days of hotwiring old cars all four years of High School in the Hershey Junkyard. She starts to mix and match wires together, hoping to cause a chain reaction that flips the system into overdrive. </p><p>
  <em> Flick  </em>
</p><p>The wires make a static surging sound as she reconnects them and the machine begins loudly thumping as Claire and Park notice the Chemo-bath starting again. </p><p>“You did it, Lea. You saved her.” Melendez points out, gently placing his hands on both of her shoulders, both of them making eye contact with each other until five second later breaking it out of awkwardness. </p><p>“I should, uh, probably head back to my desk.” Lea suggests to him, now standing her legs crossed, refusing to make eye contact. </p><p>“I’ll tell the other Doctors what you did, don’t worry.” Melendez insists, not so shy about continuing to look at her until walking back to his team. </p><hr/><p>Shaun and Lea are driving back home in the Striped Tomato after a full day of work, the first time ironically since that morning they had seen each other. </p><p>“How was your day?” Shaun nonchalantly asks her. </p><p>“I saved someone.” Lea says smugly. Shaun surprised and impressed hearing it, two emotions he didn’t show towards her very often. </p><p>“I save people all the time.” Shaun points out, unintentionally stealing her thunder. </p><p>Lea scoffs. “Yeah, I know you do, but I don’t, and tonight, I’m going to be excited about it.” She playfully informs him.</p><p>Shaun stays quiet after that and begins looking out the window. Letting his mind wander while he sees all the cars and buildings dotting San Jose, the same kinds he normally saw from the high view of the Bus but can now see on the level of everyone else. </p><p>“I also made some new friends.” Lea also tells him. </p><p>“Who did you meet?” </p><p>“Claire, Park, Melendez. They all treated me better in one day than any of my old coworkers did in six years.” Lea tells him.</p><p>Shaun lightly smiles hearing his friends are also getting along with Lea, that things would be different at St. Bonaventure than YAUTO, better, for both of them. </p><p>“I think you’re going to be working at St. Bonaventure for a long time.” Shaun predicts, more like hopes, but still on some level predicts. </p><p>Lea looks over, taking her eyes off the road for a second to let out a much bigger smile. “Me too.” Lea’s guess was all hope. But now she had it, the hospital had given it to her, and she was paying it forward. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Stories.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk, the perfect lunch to unwind after dealing with the unpleasantness of this morning. It was a bus accident, a couple, Todd and Dawn Williams, both badly hurt. After relocating Todd’s hip Claire found out Dawn was pregnant, but it wasn’t his. Even Shaun could feel the tension that was penetrating the room after that, it was awkward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just what the Doctor ordered.” A voice behind him says. Shaun could recognize that dainty northeastern accent anywhere, it was Lea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” He asks, not in the mood to figure out her metaphor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You!” Lea exclaims, sitting down at the table across from him. “I need a double dose of Shaunie, stat.” </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea had been working at St. Bonaventure for about a week now, and she’s starting to develop a routine. Every day at lunch she sits next to Shaun and they talk the entire hour nonstop. It only started to occur to him recently how much extra time they were spending together, and then he’d have nothing to say to her once they got back to their apartments. In between the drive there and all the hours they spent at work there were no more questions to ask, no comments, and no concerns to run by her anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea was getting to be a little dare he say, overinvolved? A week ago that sounded impossible, but back then Shaun hadn’t been all but attached to her hip twelve hours a day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These people are driving me crazy.” She exhaustedly tells him. “I mean, I’m grateful to have a new job and everything, but Nurse Villanueva forgot the password to her Email again. Like seriously, that’s gotta be a record by this point!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea.” Shaun says in a curious tone interrupting her rant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Lea says stopping her train of thought to appease his request, closing her eyes in a slightly irritated fashion at the impoliteness of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you sit somewhere else for today?” He candidly wonders. Lea’s eyes fully opening again to allow her jaw to drop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been sitting with me everyday for lunch this week and I’d like to take a break from you now. Is that okay?” Lea practically forces her mouth shut with her hand before nodding her head. “Yeah, that’s totally fine, I won’t bother you.” Lea insists her voice now much fainter, contrasting the bright liveliness from before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She snatches her purse and then starts to get up. “See you later then?” She asks slightly more optimistically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Shaun confirms, Lea the tiniest bit relieved now that at least he isn’t trying to get rid of her completely. Though she was still shaken by him telling her to get lost. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s probably just stressed about something in the Emergency Room. You know how this place gets.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lea reminds herself. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Todd’s sperm count is zero.” Shaun informs Doctor Lim and Claire, officially debunking any theories about his Vasectomy failing, Dawn definitely cheated on him with another man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s disappointing.” Audrey mutters ironically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, now we have to figure out who’s gonna tell him.” Claire adds on, crossing her fingers someone besides her would volunteer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do it.” Shaun says. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank God. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“But do I have to tell him his wife kissed me too?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, what? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“She kissed you? W-why?” Claire asks, now shifting her hope that Shaun isn’t finding himself in a Doctor Coyle like situation. She wouldn’t wish something like that on her worst enemy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was thanking me for saving her life.” Shaun factually states. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I helped save her life too, where’s my kiss?” Lim jokingly asks. Claire shoots her look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is serious, that kiss could be considered assault. If the genders were reversed we’d be having a serious conversation.” Claire points out, Lim now quiets herself, she had a point. Audrey had always prided herself on being a Feminist and regretted perpetrating a double standard like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Lim tells Claire, conceding the point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But seriously, Shaun, you don’t have to tell Todd but you </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> to tell Lea about it.” Claire then says, changing the subject. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Shaun curiously inquires. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because she’s your girlfriend and kissing another woman is bound to make her a little uncomfortable. But it’s okay, because you didn’t kiss her back, right?” Claire put emphasis on that question, it was very important. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun doesn’t immediately answer like her normally does. “I’ll… have to think about that.” He says, snatching the lab results before making his way to Todd. Claire and Audrey both disturbed by the implication of Shaun’s answer. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>That night in the parking lot, Shaun and Lea are walking to the Striped Tomato, no differently than they had any other day that week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...So then I asked him if he tried turning it on and off again, right? And he hadn’t, he didn’t even know where the off switch was!” Lea carries on as Shaun attentively listens. He seemed just as terse as he did before, but Lea didn’t want to pry and risk upsetting him more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My patient kissed me on the lips today.” Shaun confesses in the middle of her sentence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of Lea’s thoughts came to a grinding halt. “Are you serious?” She sounded more angry than upset, not at Shaun though. “T-tell me everything that happened please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She wanted to thank me for saving her life, and then told me I looked young for a Doctor and kissed me. Claire said I needed to tell you.” Lea puts her hand over her forehead and lets out an exasperated sigh. “Well, I’m glad you did. Thank you, Shaunie.” She hugs him and Shaun accepts it to the best of his ability. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously if she does that again you need report her ass because that’s sexual harassment. Just ‘cause you’re a guy doesn’t mean it can’t happen to you too.” Lea might’ve been interjecting a little bit of her own rage towards her on Shaun’s behalf. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, even though it is statistically less likely.” Shaun studiously points out while getting in the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just before Lea puts her key into the ignition she decides to act on a lingering thought she knew would haunt her the rest of the night if it didn’t get nipped in the bud right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Lea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you... like kissing her?” Lea’s squints while she asks him as if Shaun’s answer was capable of physically smacking her across the face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It caught me off guard at first, but I did.” Lea’s heart fills with dread at those last three words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was little saliva, an appropriate amount of tongue, and her mouth tasted like Grapefruit.” Shaun finished it so innocently, not even a bit of shame to be found anywhere in his being. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He liked kissing another woman…. unless he’s lying to her now. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea didn’t know which was worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter what the true reason was what happened at lunch looked a lot less innocent now. Not the behavior of an eccentric, overworked Doctor but rather one of a bored and unsatisfied man with a wandering eye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite this, Lea reminded herself not to jump to any conclusions. Just trust that Shaun isn’t lying and get to the bottom of this. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But what if he is lying!? Who knows what working at St. Bonaventure has done to him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea didn’t have to imagine it, she’s there all the time now, she knows what kind of influence and pressures he’s under. The exact type that could turn a good guy like Shaun into someone bad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She loved it there, but what if </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> the problem. They’re so different, any environment where she thrives is one where Shaun wouldn’t. That’s just the way of the world. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>Knock, knock, knock</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassman casually gets to the door and opens it, Lea’s waiting for him on the other side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Shaun wants to cheat on me, I need your help!” She spits out at him faster than he could even blink, also letting herself in for good measure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello to you too.” Glassman sarcastically states before closing the door behind her, turning around and crossing his arms to hear her out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He told me yesterday that one of his patients kissed him, and obviously I’m not mad at him for that, he can’t help what somebody else does. But when I asked him about it he said he liked it! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Liked it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Glassy. What am I supposed to think about that?” Lea’s mouth was running a hundred miles an hour and her inflection was all over the place. Glassman waited until she was done before even attempting to offer his fatherly wisdom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun is a very literal person, Lea, you know this. Just because he said he liked the kiss doesn’t necessarily mean he meant it in a sexual way.” Glassman points out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know, but what if he’s changing? What if he’s learning to lie now. He’s been so distant lately and I just </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> something’s up. It’s driving me crazy, I don’t know what to do!” Lea’s voice cracks as she paces frantically and Glassman rolls his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please sit down.” He tells her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Lea asks, puzzled by the request.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re agitated and annoying me, and I can’t give you good advice when you’re in this state.” Glassman explains, now more insistent this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea sits down, taking a deep breath while covering her face. “Ugh, I thought dating someone with autism meant you never had to deal with this!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassman’s expression turns sour in an instant, his offense and lack of respect for her position obviously apparent. “Did you really go into this relationship expecting Shaun to just worship the ground you walk on?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea pauses, she had never been asked that, never really thought about it. “I guess, kinda.” She shyly tells him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun was so crazy about her before this week. They could talk endlessly about anything, he tried so many new and scary things just because he thought it would make her happy, and everytime he looked at her it was like he was seeing Helen of Troy. Lea couldn’t help but be flattered by it all, and on some subconscious level might’ve been why she wanted to date him in the first place. The idea of him ever cheating never even crossed her mind, it wasn’t even conceivable, not until now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what’s going through Shaun’s head right now, maybe he wants to see other people, maybe he doesn’t. But do not assume he’s always going to run back to you or that you’re the only person in his life that can make him happy, because I hate to tell you, you’re not.” Glassman didn’t actually hate to tell her that, a part of him even liked it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea slumps forward in the chair looking down at her feet before turning her head up. “What do I do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to him, tell him how you’re feeling, and trust that everything he tells you is the truth.” Glassman instructs her, Lea though doesn’t seem any less melancholy from the advice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if he says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?” Lea bluntly questions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you treat him the same way you would anyone else, you end the relationship and you move on with your life. He doesn’t owe you anything.” It was true, he doesn’t, and that’s what Lea is so afraid of. She had always worried that Shaun could do so much better than her, and if he ever starts to realize that too, what could Lea ever possibly offer to change his mind? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun’s devotion is what makes this relationship work, Lea knew it, and without that, she doesn’t see any possible future between them. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ding. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The elevator door opens and Shaun slowly walks out, ready to go home and hopefully be able to watch cartoons for the rest of the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His plans suddenly change when he sees Lea standing there, waiting for him. She had gotten home hours before his shift ended and they hadn’t talked at work today, this is the first time he had seen her for an extended period of time since their drive this morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Lea.” He timidly tells her. Lea waving to him with the same enthusiasm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we… talk? In your apartment together?” She asks, anxiously rubbing her neck the same way her brother did when he visited all those nights ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes we may.” Shaun says, not feeling the same burn out towards her he had been struggling with the last few days. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both walk into the apartment and sit down next to each other on his table. “What do you want to talk about?” He inquires from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to be with other women?” She bluntly asks him, saying it as quickly as she physically could to get it over with.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun furrows his eyebrows and slightly turns his head sideways. “I-I don’t know what you mean.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Date someone who isn’t me.” Lea clarifies more sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no I don’t.” A wave of relief washes over Lea hearing that, only to be trickled back ever so slightly by her lingering anxiety that it could be a lie, it still doesn’t explain his behavior. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would you ask me that?” Shaun now requests to know of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’ve been avoiding me everyday at work, and you said you liked it when your patient kissed you! Shaunie, I don’t know what’s going on and it’s got me really worried.” Lea finally lashes out to him, Shaun’s face turning red with embarrassment, or perhaps shame, it was hard to tell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I liked the kiss because kisses feel good, not because I’m attracted to Dawn Williams. I’m only attracted to you Lea.” Shaun’s face turns back to its pale shade as he begins smiling and gasps euphorically. “You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> attractive Lea. Inside and out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea started to feel a lot better too. “You can keep going.” She quips to him in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Working together has been harder than I thought, I’m seeing you much more than I used to and I don’t like change.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ain’t that the truth. </span>
  </em>
  <span>At least he’s definitely being honest now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When we talk everyday at lunch it means I have nothing else to say in the car or back home. I always liked our talks, and I don’t want to stop having them. So, the only way I thought I could bring them back was by ignoring you at work.” It took Shaun a few days to figure out exactly what was going on, but that’s about all of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” He tells her, Lea’s heart melting with sympathy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Shaunie.” She tells him holding his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you just tell me.” Lea then asks, turning serious again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know what I was feeling either.” The many woes of dating an Alexithymic.  “...and I didn’t want to get upset with you like last time because I didn’t know the answer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea couldn’t even believe it, she had been worrying herself sick over nothing. Shaun still loves her, of course he does, he’s the most loving man she’s ever known and now knows not to expect anything different. It was her whose love was wavering, as always, but not anymore. From the bottom of her heart Lea loves him too just as much as he does her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She then leans in closer to get Shaun’s undivided attention, “How about this, we can sit together at lunch every other day of the week, that way we’ll still have each other’s back at the hospital, and on the days we don’t, we’ll be able to talk at home like we used to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun nods his head repeatedly with approval before standing himself tall and confidently, “I can…. get used to that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea grins brightly at him accepting her compromise. “So, now that we worked that out and I’ve just finished a full week at my new job, what do you say we watch a movie tonight and celebrate?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, can we see Zootopia?” He humbly asks. Still wanting to see his cartoons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again? We’ve seen Zootopia already like five times! Ant-Man and the Wasp just came out on pay per view and I’ve been dying to see it. Can we? Please, please, please.” Lea overdramatically begs to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw someone on the internet say Ant-Man could defeat Thanos without any of the Avengers by expanding inside of his anal cavity and blowing him up from the inside. Is that true?” He curiously wonders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only one way to find we can find out.” Lea tells him, grabbing the remote from off his bed and flipping on the TV. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to make Popcorn or should we do this snack free?” She then asks him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would like snacks.” Shaun tells her opening his cabinets to get something out while Lea browses through the selection to find the movie. Both of them together at last and stronger than ever before. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Empathy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>St. Bonaventure’s waiting rooms were always peaceful, even down to the plain grey color scheme and the style of floral artwork strung over the walls. They had to be on account of what they usually used for, people waiting on literal life or death news. But they had another purpose, they acted as great break rooms to relax in during the middle of shifts, something which Lea often took advantage of since the hospital’s tech department, unlike the residents, don’t have their own bullpen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t matter to her, Lea got along better with the doctors anyway, and it was nice to be able to do her own thing and not worry about socializing in her downtime. She could just play Candy Crush on her phone and decompress until it was time to get back to work again. That is… until Shaun finds her and decides he wants to talk today, sitting next to Lea on one of the fog colored wooden chairs with something clearly on his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Lea says to get his attention when he doesn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Glassman is mad at me.” He responds, finally breaking the silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s bothering Glassy this time?” Lea wonders contently, putting her phone into her pocket and shifting her gaze over to her boyfriend instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s experiencing memory loss as a side effect of his chemo treatment, and then when I told Doctor Blaize she had his license confiscated and now he’s blaming me for it, I don’t know why, I was just following protocol.” Shaun thoroughly explains, Lea shifting her eyes to the side thinking over a response. For the first time in a long while, she thought Glassy actually had a point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, I know that you did this because you care, but try to see this from Glassy’s perspective. Losing your license when you’ve been driving for, well, half a century at least…” Lea seems to think Glassman is a lot older than he actually is. “...it’s-it’s gonna piss you off.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun thought about what she said and tried to see it from Glassman’s perspective, it didn’t work. “Doctor Park said I should try to have more empathy. But that’s not helping here. It’s still in Doctor Glassman’s best interest to give up his license before he hurts himself or others.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea tries to think of another way to get Shaun to understand. “Can I tell you a story?” She asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you may.” Shaun confirms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s about a girl, she’s sixteen years old, and she had just gotten her driver’s license, and to celebrate, her Grandpa gave her something, a 2005 Honda Civic with a dark blue finish and a newly refurbished engine. How do you think that made her feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She liked it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Shaun, she loved it. Because a car to a sixteen year old means independence, and that doesn’t change, even when you’re Glassy’s age, if anything It might mean even more.” Shaun was understanding a lot more how Glassman might be feeling from Lea’s story, he could tell it was from her own past which might have helped, but nonetheless he still couldn’t ethically give him back his license, but it also doesn’t mean Shaun couldn’t help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if… you taught me how to drive, and then I could drive Doctor Glassman anywhere he needed to go.” Shaun suggests, Lea looking at him with a delightful expression, surprise and whimsy all at the same time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! I’d love to. I didn’t even think you wanted to drive again after what happened last time.” Lea observes.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I changed my mind.” Shaun points out to her, now having the exhibiting the empathy to realize all the good it could do for his mentor. He’s starting to get the hang of this after all. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Trochlear Nerve allows my midbrain to control the superior oblique muscles. The Oculomotor Nerve allows for pupil dilation and retinal focus… </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun kept internally listing everything he could remember in his head about the body’s main cranial nerves instead of focusing on the California DMV Handbook currently in his hand, opened to page 15, the same page he had been stuck on for the past seven minutes, mindlessly reading each line wishing he could be doing anything else but this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Enough is enough. “Lea, I can’t do this!” Shaun announces as he shuts the paperback as firmly as his frail arms could, losing his spot in the process. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This book is too boring.” He adds on, compulsively opening and shutting his hands in the air as an act of frustration. Lea pauses the show she’s watching on his apartment’s Flatscreen and turns to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that the handbook is dry but studying it is the only way you’re going to be able to take the Learner’s Permit.” She explains to him in a comforting, almost maternal voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I cannot learn like this. If this is the only way then I’m not going to drive!” Shaun thunders again, the hand opening and closing continuing as his eyes start to turn red. He was clearly getting worked over how much he hated that book, enough to give up on driving before he even tried, but Lea wasn’t about to let it go so easily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, Shaunie. Calm down, okay.” She tells him, getting up off the couch to get closer to him. Trying her absolute hardest to do whatever she can to avoid a meltdown. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Forget the handbook, okay. Just think about the rules of the road like… like you would surgery.” Lea thinks of in the nick of time. Shaun nods when he hears it and Lea does too, mimicking his body language. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, driving is just like surgery. Say you’re going down the street and a truck stalls out, crippling traffic.” Shaun begins to calm down while thinking of an answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That-that would be very unexpected, I would have to improvise, it would be analogous to a thrombus impeding blood flow, we would divert.” Shaun tells her as Lea starts to prepare another question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if you’re cruising along and a car comes out of nowhere and goes racing by?” Shaun thinks about it for a second before coming up with an answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A Tachyarrhythmia. We would prescribe beta-blockers.”  He says confidently, going from angry to self confident in the span of less than two minutes, connecting the dots in his mind of the parallels between driving and surgery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Shaun! You got this!” Lea tells him smiling widely with her mouth open in satisfaction as he gets it without a hitch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got this.” Shaun says, both agreeing with her and assuring himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun then opens the DMV handbook searching for the page he left off on as Lea moves herself back onto the chair and starts watching TV again. Relieved that Shaun was once again enthusiastic about driving, she never wanted to pressure him to do it, but if he could drive it would make her life quite a bit easier in more ways than one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea had never known how exhausting it was to drive another human being around until dating Shaun. She had no younger siblings and all her past boyfriends had their licenses, Shaun’s lack of abilities in this field was a new experience for her, and not all of it was pleasant.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The DMV was crowded and under staffed as per usual. The line they had to wait in was long even though they had made an appointment, but it was nothing compared to the line for all the poor souls that didn’t. Lea thanked her lucky stars in that moment to be on this side of the aisle, and she could tell Shaun felt the same, considering he didn’t complain once about the half hour wait for the receptionist to call up their number. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Number 371!” The receptionist eventually yells out. Lea and Shaun both hastily getting up as they walk towards the desk with their recently acquired application from the other line ready. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi! I’m here to register my boyfriend for the permit test, I made an appointment a few days ago.” Lea says in her usual bubbly voice, giving a warm smile to come with it. The receptionist though didn’t care as she lifelessly scribbles something ineligible onto the form before handing it over to Shaun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put your name at the top, sign the bottom, answer the questions, bring it back.” The receptionist manages to say fast enough to not even need to take a single breathe in between any of the momentary pauses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Number 372!” She then calls up right after, completely moved on from Shaun and Lea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Shaunie, you’re gonna do great, okay, I’ll be sitting right over here if you need anything.” Lea assures him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun doesn’t respond, instead making a beeline to the testing area in order to get this over with as soon as possible. He never liked tests, especially written ones, even in Medical School when he knew all the answers by heart it was still a miracle to score so much as a B+ on them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun knew he had no more of a choice now then he did then, he has to put his pen to the paper and get this over. Seconds turn to minutes as Shaun meticulously goes through every question, trying his best to turn them into analogies that were applicable to surgery like Lea taught him. It worked for most of them but a few were still completely outside of his knowledge bubble. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Shaun finishes he paces back to the desk and hands the receptionist his finished test, Lea quickly putting her phone away and getting up behind him. The receptionist looks over it for a minute, her face giving away no hints of how he did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got 80% You passed, congratulations.” Her congratulations couldn’t have been less enthusiastic but Shaun nor Lea cared, the receptionist still stamped it for approval as they both giggled with jublication in the middle of the dreary and lifeless DMV lobby. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I passed!” Shaun confidently announces. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did!” Lea agrees with equal confidence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After getting his picture taken and printed out, Shaun and Lea quickly leave the DMV as fast as their legs would allow, slowing down once they get out into the bright and sunny parking lot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew you could do it, Shaun.” Lea tells him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really did?” He confirms. Skeptical that she could have so much faith in him passing a test he’d been dreading so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! You’re a surgeon, that’s one of the hardest things you can do.” Lea says to him, Shaun blushing at her praisal of his ability. She had a point, being a surgeon was something that impressed just about anyone he told. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust me if I can learn to drive, you can too, because Shaun, let me tell you, you are way smarter than me.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s not true. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun wanted to say, but decided not to, she wouldn’t believe him anyway. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It felt odd for Shaun to be sitting in the driver’s seat of the Striped Tomato, It was something that felt so instinctually wrong that he almost accidentally went in on the left side by force of habit, the only reminder that stopped his mistake being that Lea got in before him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ready to drive. Where should we go first?” Shaun asks his girlfriend sitting in the Passenger seat subconsciously looking around to make sure all the mirrors are fully adjusted to Shaun’s height and body frame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about we go to the Frozen Yogurt place down the block, my treat, if you can get us there.” Lea playfully offers hoping the temptation could motivate his focus a little more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes! Yes! I want vanilla with oreo crumble, and…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, you can tell me your order when you get there.” Lea insists, cutting him off, though still chuckling under her breathe at his excitement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun then puts his foot on the gas pedal and turns the key, igniting the loud engine. “Okay, great start, now put the car in reverse so we can pull out.” Shaun gulps when he hears her instructions. He had no experience with pulling out of parking spots, the one other time he drove on their road trip they were parked straight and all he had to do was move ahead. This was different, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much </span>
  </em>
  <span>more complicated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun puts the car in reverse and starts slowly backing out. “Okay, now turn to the right.” Lea instructs. Shaun turns the wheel to the right and the car veers left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! You’re turning left. Remember when you’re pulling out the directions are the opposite.” She explains, Shaun looking down off the road and at his shoes, embarrassed by his mistake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He then begins slowly turning the car left which makes it ever so slightly start turning to the right as originally intended. “Keep going, keep going, keep going.” Lea repeats while Shaun somehow manages to slow down even more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go a little faster.” She suggests as Shaun then floors it, jerking the entire car far over to the right, wedging it in between its spot and the two columns on both sides. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea, I can’t move.” Shaun points out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaunie, you went too fast, now we’re stuck. Put it into drive and straighten it out, we’ll try again.” Shaun does as instructed while Lea waits for him to now at a snail’s pace drive the car right back into its original parking spot only to try and repeat the process again. It was tedious, and quite frankly made their little trip for Frozen Yogurt seem a lot less fun than it did five minutes ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They’re just growing pains. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea reminds herself, stuff every new driver has to figure out. Before she knows it he’ll be pulling out of spots like a pro, but until then, she'll just have to bite her tongue and be patient. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The next day, Shaun is driving the Striped Tomato on his and Lea’s regular morning commute to the hospital. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does driving ever get easier?” Shaun sheepishly asks, trying his best to focus on the road and Lea's imminent answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh… yeah, totally.” She tells him. At least it did for her. “It’s like riding a bike, it’s super scary at first, but then you just get the hang of it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t ride a bike.” Shaun confesses to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing like riding a bike. Totally different.” She backpedals to saying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even as their conversation dwindles down Shaun keeps driving smoothly across the road, diligently following every rule he was expected to, pressing the signal when he needed to make a turn, checking the blind spots, yielding completely at every stop sign, he was shaping up to be a pretty good driver. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s take the next right.” Lea then suggests as Shaun continues to drive straight. Lea almost repeats herself until she realizes he’s waiting until he’s closer to the turning lane. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can cross a broken yellow line, Shaun.” She reminds him instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, not when you’re this close to the intersection.” Shaun points out. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of all the things he could’ve remembered from the DMV handbook. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, it’s a mad world. But there's nothing we can do about it, and sometimes following the rules too closely can be even more dangerous than not following them at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun shakes his head unconvinced by Lea’s reasoning. “The rules were made for a reason.” Lea sees in her rearview mirror the car behind them attempting to merge past the broken yellow line and then hears them loudly honk when they’re unable to, blocked by the Striped Tomato. Lea then turns her head and sees another slew of cars being slowed down by it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re not going to merge you gotta go faster Shaun, you’re holding up other cars.” Lea warns him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s against the rules! They’re breaking the rules!” Shaun starts to shout, now slowing down even more, almost coming to a complete stop in the middle of the road as the cars behind them all stop too and honk from multiple directions. Overwhelmed by this sudden, never-ending disruptive stimulation, Shaun lets go of the wheel and covers his ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, you can’t just stop.” Lea insists, but his sensory overload persists. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to, we could get in a lot of trouble!” Lea pleads to him, becoming more stressed by the brewing road rage behind her. The same kind which Shaun is completely unphased by. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SHAUN! DRIVE NOW!” Lea demands of him, raising her voice louder than she ever had in all the time he’s known her, It did the trick. Shaun instantly moves his hands off his ears and onto the wheel as he starts driving again, turning right as the interaction before pulling over and unbuckling his seatbelt, exiting the vehicle as fast as he can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, no, please, I’m sorry.” Lea tells him, now much quieter and clearly sorrowful for her outburst. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun walks to the other side and opens her door. “I can’t drive, you have to drive.” Is all he says, his whole face red, clearly trying to hold back tears. Lea gets out and moves to the driver’s seat, finishing the trip to St. Bonaventure in silence. Both of them traumatized by the ordeal. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Shaun and Lea stay out of each other’s way, intentionally or otherwise giving each other the perfect opportunity to cool off until both of their shifts are almost over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we talk?” Lea asks, catching him in the middle of the hallway just as he finishes with his patient. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to yell at me again?” Shaun inquires, Lea heart aching with guilt he’d even need to ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” She ironically almost yelled again, but fortunately catches herself just in time. “I’m really sorry for losing my patience before, really Shaun, I am. I was so worried one of those cars was gonna hit us, or we were gonna get pulled over and I panicked. But none of that’s an excuse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun appreciated her honesty and had no lingering resentment for what she did. “I forgive you, and in hindsight I see what I did before was wrong. Stopping in the middle of the road obstructs traffic and can increase the risk of crashes exponentially.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea nods her head lovingly after receiving his forgiveness. What he lacks in emotional resilience he makes up for in humility. “Maybe… you can drive us home then?” She then suggests, with the plan to teach Shaun on track once again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes ten seconds of contemplating his answer before giving a response, but he finally does, not with words but with a look of approval that might’ve been confusing to someone else, but Lea could read like a book. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Before we drive, let’s try to close our eyes and take some nice deep breaths.” Lea suggests as an attempt to hopefully calm both of their nerves. Shaun follows her advice, taking his hand off the ignition switch and closing his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Inhale </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Exhale</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready?” Lea wonders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Shaun gently answers, finally putting his foot as the pedal as he pulls out and begins the drive back home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything goes peacefully, but that’s how it started last time too, both of them were still on edge. Lea though tried to keep up a facade of confidence as she always did so Shaun wouldn’t have anymore reason to doubt himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They continue driving without a hitch until they’re only a few blocks away from the apartment. “It’s just another intersection to the building, and then you my friend, will be done.” She assures him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was also passing an intersection when everyone honked at me and I froze. I don’t want that to happen again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t, and if it does, I’ll just take over and you won’t need to worry about it. I’m just happy that you tried.” Shaun faintly smiles at her compassion towards him, it was changing his association with driving from this morning. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Adda girl, Lea. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She tells herself picking up on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, everything they built up to starts to tumble as a kid runs into a street chasing after a soccer ball, Shaun has to smash the breaks as fast as he can to not run him over. The whiplash causing him to lose control of the wheel and slam the Striped Tomato into the pavement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one was hurt and the car didn’t seem damaged, but it was a close call that would rattle even the most experienced driver. Lea and Shaun both hastily breathe in and out to try and fight off the adrenaline surging through both of their bodies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Lea asks, quickly turning over expecting Shaun to be curled up in a ball and swearing to never drive again. Much to her surprise though, he’s still in his seat, both hands on the wheel, looking only as uncomfortable as he did before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m-I’m okay. I’ll need to back out and put on my signal to alert the other drivers.” He informs her, doing just that to return onto the road and continues the drive home as he would’ve before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea had no words, something went wrong, horribly wrong, and Shaun just got up and tried again. No complaints, no tantrum, no meltdown, he just did it. Lea knew he had it in him but to actually see it in action like that was enough to make her chest fly to the heavens. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s gonna learn how to drive, and I’m gonna teach him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t be prouder. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It took weeks of nonstop practice and countless close calls, but Shaun finally did it, he got his driver’s license. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He and Lea sat on the couch looking over it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shaun Murphy </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>SEX: M</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>HAIR: BRN </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>EYES: BLU </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>HGT: 5’-10” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>WGT: 140 lb </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is literally one of the best pictures of you I’ve ever seen, honestly, you nailed that DMV photo.” Lea tells him while Shaun keeps compulsively smiling, unable to take his eyes off the license. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not even that he was excited to use it, just happy that he had it. Something everyone else around him got when they were teenagers that he never thought he would get the chance to have, right here in his palm, right now. He had only one person to thank for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could not have done this without you.” Shaun insists to Lea. “Nobody else ever thought I could drive. Nobody believed in me, except for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nobody knew you wanted to, Shaunie.” Lea points out to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t, I was too scared. But not with you, then I feel safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea quickly leans over and kisses him on the cheek, he didn’t even flinch or try to move out of it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re sweet.” She tells him in a much slower, more intimate tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a simple gesture, but it was all he needed, she had already done more than enough to show her love today, and it could sustain them both for a lifetime. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I’m going to have to buy you a new car now, right?” Lea then says shifting the topic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long have you wanted to do that?” Shaun asks, figuring if he knew anything about Lea’s she’s been planning this since day one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, let’s just say I am always looking for an excuse to go car shopping. Always.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Close enough. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Quarantine Part 1/Part 2.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Christmas is here! With the exception of Halloween, this was Lea’s favorite Holiday. Every time she’d see those decorated trees or hear people caroling jingles it'd always bring back a treasure trove of memories going up to Alaska with Grandpa Rod when she was a little girl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was freezing cold there during the Winter and the sun never came out, it’d sound like hell to most people but Lea loved it. Warm fires, sweater weather, ice fishing, that crisp icy smell in the air, and it always meant she’d get a nice long break from school, not so lucky this year. St. Bonaventure has a demanding workload and Lea couldn’t go back to Hershey for Christmas while on call, she had to just spend it in San Jose instead. Normally, this would've been a disappointment, but getting to have her first Christmas with Shaun, that made it all worth it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...it just doesn’t feel like Christmas without snow, that’s all I’m saying.” Lea argues with him as they make their way through the entrance and into St. Bonaventure.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like snow, I prefer the weather here.” Shaun candidly admits, taking Lea by surprise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who doesn’t like snow?” She quietly asks herself under her breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the two of them get into the hospital and past the motley crew of patients waiting in the OR Doctor Lim appears seemingly out of nowhere without missing a beat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two ambulances coming back to back.” She tells Shaun with the implication he’ll need to give her an extra pair of hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll leave you to it.” Lea tells him. “See you later.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye.” Shaun says ambivalently, apparently distracted by something on the ceiling. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Whatever, we’ll have all of Christmas to talk to each other. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea says trying not to be offended by it. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span> 🎵 All of my life 🎵</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>🎵 Where have you been 🎵</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>🎵 I wonder if I'll ever see you again 🎵</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>🎵 And if that day comes 🎵</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>🎵 I know we could win 🎵</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>🎵 I wonder if I'll ever see you again 🎵 </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea hummed along to Lenny Kravitz while the new software update downloaded onto her computer. Unlike the OR, St. Bonaventure’s tech department was having a slow morning. All they had to do was set up a few extra firewalls and stay vigilant to any hackers that might decide to strike during the Holidays. It was tedious and a bit insulting that Andrews kept Lea on standby instead of letting her take a normal Christmas break. But someone has to look out for the network and perform regular upkeep, doesn’t make it any funner though. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Buzz </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea instantly looks up at her phone to see a text message from Shaun.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Shaun: I am too busy today to take Doctor Glassman to his appointment at the Imaging Clinic. Would you be able to take him instead?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Lea: k.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Underwhelming response to Lea’s saving grace. The second she puts down her phone Lea rolls her chair out of the way and marches to the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Get me the hell outta here. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She thinks relieved to finally have something to do, even if it is just driving Glassy to yet another hospital. Some human contact and a little physical movement should make it more bearable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea steps into the Striped Tomato and drives all the way to the Glassman residence, honking twice when she sees Aaron sitting on the front porch to get his attention, rolling down the window as he starts walking over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glassy! Whazzup?” She asks, purposely juvenile to try and contrast his ever present grumpiness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here, Lea?” Of course that's what he’d ask. He’s expecting Shaun. Lea realized, now noticing she forgot to explain the situation to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh right, I’m here to take you to your imaging appointment. Shaun’s too busy right now.” She finally explains to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too busy?” Glassman wonders concernedly. Shaun’s always the punctual one when it comes to his cancer, never missing an appointment, a pill, a </span>
  <em>
    <span>diagnosis</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Something’s up. “Did he say what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but you know Shaun, probably just caught up in some case way more interesting than either of us.” Lea points out, she knew her boyfriend well, and Glassman could see what she’s suggesting being true. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opens the door and gets in the passenger seat. “You know how this all works, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh, this again? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Glassy. I work at a hospital.” She sternly tells him. “I’m gonna take you to Doctor Blaize’s office just like Shaun does every week to make sure your </span>
  <em>
    <span>Think-Melon</span>
  </em>
  <span> remains tumor free.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, fine. Let’s just go.” Glassman confesses, the closest he’ll get to admitting his chauvenistic assumption. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea starts the car and just like that they’re off to the clinic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it ironic that even after Shaun gets his Driver’s License I still have to take you places.” Lea points out chuckling, Glassman not finding the situation as amusing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mind if I change the radio station?” He randomly asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, sure.” Lea politely tells him. Glassman flips through the random channels past multiple Pop stations, a Christian one, and Mitchell Stewart’s talk show until finally settling on one when he hears </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tossin’ and Turnin’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>by Bobby Lewis start playing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? I can feel myself going gray listening to this.” Lea quips as Glassman turns his head to her in disgust. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I love this song, so yes really, I would like to keep listening to it please. If you ever have to be driven to an imaging appointment, you’ll get to choose the music then.” He tells her off before getting comfortable again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea wants to lash out but bites her tongue at the last second. He has cancer, she has to give him a pass. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It took hours for Glassman to get his imaging. Lea was starting to regret her decision to leave her cozy desk at the St. Bonaventure so eagerly. At least there she had her computer and didn’t have to sit anxiously in an abnormally cold waiting room for test results that aren’t even hers. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Seriously, do they have the air conditioning on here or something!? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassman wasn’t talking at all, not even a word about how he’s feeling or any attempt to make polite conversation. She and him had never had the best relationship but ever since she had taken Shaun’s virginity he seemed… worse. Like he resented her for it somehow. Not enough to be openly nasty but it killed any chance of things getting better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Glassman.” An attendant calls out from the front desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank. God. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Aaron responds, getting up while Lea follows behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We got what we needed for images so you’re okay to go.” She tells him, handing over a yellow envelope with his results inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything I should be worried about?” Glassman inquires with a faint glimmer of hope in his eyes that she could give him some good news right away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Blaize will explain everything.” The attendant insists. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Glassman then replies, walking out the door with Lea. As they get on the stairs Lea can’t help but wonder what all this was about. Is he seriously not going to tell her? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… you gonna open that envelope or what?” She asks him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassman strikes back with a look of disgust. “I can't, it's against protocol, I have to give these to Doctor Blaize next time I see her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea sighs with disappointment at the news, but doesn’t say anything, it wouldn’t help. Rules are rules. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Buzz, buzz, buzz. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Her phone starts ringing in her pocket. She picks it up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea!!” Doctor Andrews shouts out, uncertainty and exhaustion apparent in his normally suave voice. “There’s been a viral outbreak at the hospital, we’ve quarantined the patients and staff but we’re gonna need all hands on deck here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea puts her hand over her mouth trying to process the emotions. “I-I… I’ll be right there.” Is all she can say before hanging up, clenching her jaw in fear. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How bad is the virus? Obviously bad enough they need to quarantine the hospital, with Shaun still in it. Oh God, is Shaun okay!?! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea? What’s going on?” Glassman asks. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. I need to tell him. Ugh, I don’t want to say it out loud. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She had to, Shaun was his step son, he owed him that much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a virus at St. Bonaventure, they need me to come over and help with the quarantine.” Glassman’s face drops. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Shaun okay?” The worst possible question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Lea candidly confesses to him, afterwards walking down the stairs at a rapid pace to where she parked the Striped Tomato. “I gotta go right now, I’ll drop you off back home on the way there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! I’m coming with you.” Glassman insists. Lea turns around and looks at him with pity more than anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Glassy, it’s probably a mess over there. I’m sure you’re exhausted after all those tests.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was the President at that hospital for nearly ten years, Lea, I’m not taking no for an answer.” She wasn’t in the mood to fight with him, besides, from the looks of it they could use all the help they could get. Not like having him there could make it any worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, get in.” Glassman rushes into the Striped Tomato, yellow envelope in hand, still unopened while Lea follows suit and hastily starts the car. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The hospital was even worse than she thought, overworked doctors and scared patients were running amok through the brightly lit white hallways creating an atmosphere of uncertainty that was almost palpable. Lea didn’t let it get to her, she just followed the normal route to the boardroom past all of the chaos. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she gets there Doctor Andrews and Melendez are both inside waiting. “Lea, thank God you’re here, we need an engineer to help figure this out.” Melendez explains unintentionally playing the pronoun game and depriving her of much needed context. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s Shaun?” Is Lea’s only question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alive.” Andrews answers. He knew it was all she needed to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But my patient won’t be if we don’t get him his bone marrow transplant in time.” Melendez finally explains, showing her a crudely drawn blueprint of the quarantined level of the hospital. “The donor is in the quarantine, he’s not.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea eyes the blueprints while taking a deep breath to wake herself up more. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s gonna be a long night. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Okay, uh, what if we tried expanding the quarantine. Then we can move the marrow donor through a sterile pathway into the E.R. where a team will be able to perform the surgery, problem solved.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrews gets up from leaning against the table in his usual stern fashion. “If the donor has the virus his marrow will transmit it to the immunocompromised patient, he’ll be dead in hours.” Disappointing news, the kind Lea wasn’t in the mood to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As he will be without the transplant.” Melendez pleads.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wouldn’t work anyway. That room isn’t negative pressure, which leaves the virus free to escape to the main vent system. If you decide to do this you are taking a massive risk with the safety of our staff, our other patients and yourself. Either come up with a better solution or start preparing for the worst.” Andrews quickly storms out of the boardroom leaving only Lea and Melendez alone to figure something else out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hours pass as they continue to spitball ideas. Every dead end, contradiction, or failed idea they inevitably ran into only made her fear for Shaun that much worse. Her imagination running wild with scenarios of this patient being someone just like Shaun, with a family and a girlfriend who aren’t ready to lose him now. It’s all on Lea’s shoulders to make sure that doesn’t happen, and if she can’t do that, maybe the doctors in there won’t be able to save Shaun either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why did she have to leave, why couldn’t she have just stayed at the hospital, stayed by his side. Even if they died at least they’d die together, not get torn apart. It’s too much for Lea to bear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m-I’m sorry I can’t do this.” Lea admits to Melendez as she forces herself down in the chair, feeling tears instantly start to pour down from her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea, It’s going to be okay.” Neil insists, sitting down by her side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not. How are we supposed to save Shaun or anyone else in the quarantine if we can’t even save one stupid patient?” She rants to him, now leaning down and putting her face into her hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil contemplates his response carefully, he initially wanted to argue with her the odds and statistical realities, but that’d just be to make himself feel better, in truth he was just as terrified as she was, for the same reasons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know how you feel.” Melendez looks up trying to stay strong for what he’s about to confess. “Audrey got infected, we, uh, we don’t know if she’s gonna pull through or not.” No one at St. Bonaventure knew they were dating, technically Lea didn’t either, but this was the closest he ever came to outright confessing it aloud. Neil then leans in and puts her hand on Lea’s shoulder, she props herself up and looks him in the eye too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But she’s not dead yet, neither is Shaun and neither is the patient, we can still save them. You’re smarter than half the surgeons I know Lea, and you have a heart that’s big enough for everyone in this whole building, you can do this!” Lea sniffles as her tears begin to dry, no one has ever said something so nice to her in years, not even Shaun. Under better circumstances it would’ve made her blush, how Lea wished she could just run into the Janitor’s closet away from everyone and just process her emotions one at a time. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, that’s it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Janitors’ Closet.” She blurts out, getting Melendez’s attention. Lea stands up again and starts sketching onto the Blueprints.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re negative pressure because of the cleanser sterilizing agents. We can connect the laundry shoot in the linen room down in the basement, which is also negative pressure, to the Janitors’ closet here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Melendez looks over her suggestion to see if it checks out. “That-that could work, once the bone marrow is extracted it can just travel through the laundry shoot and into the closet. Lea, you did it!” Melendez holds his hand up for a high five, Lea’s face instantly turning into a triumphant smile as she hits it as hard as she can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell yeah we did it!” She screams, relieved even if worse comes to worse at least someone is going to be saved tonight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We make a good team you and I.” Melendez points out to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea blushes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna go run this by Andrews and get everything set up, there’s a waiting room for family and friends down the hall. You’re welcome to stay there as long you want, there’s free coffee.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, free hospital coffee, just what I wanted.” Lea sarcastically comments, her and Melendez both chuckling with one another about it. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Glassman is sitting in the middle of the waiting room, his eyes fixed down at the yellow envelope from the clinic. Lea graciously walks in and after helping herself to some of that free coffee, sits down next to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any news on Shaun?” He asks somberly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing yet. I assume that’s a good thing. I mean, if something was wrong they probably would’ve…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The cancer’s back.” Glassman whispers interrupting Lea mid sentence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha-how do you know?” She inquires now focused on that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure Shaun’s told you about my memory loss, and the many other symptoms I’ve been showing as of late. The answer’s behind this envelope, but I was a brain surgeon for over twenty years, I don’t need to see it to know what it says.” It would’ve sounded conceited to anyone else, but Lea knew that wasn’t Glassman’s intention, he was trying to be realistic, manage expectations more like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It will break Shaun’s heart if it’s true though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you going to tell him?” Lea wonders, a part of her hoping she could take from his playbook on how to comfort him when he gets the news. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” Glassman surprisingly states, Lea raising her eyebrow wondering if she heard him right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We tell him nothing. He’s in the middle of a quarantine Lea if you haven’t noticed, he has enough on his plate.” Glassman reaffirms to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told him when you were first diagnosed, he forced you to take tests that saved your life.” She respectfully points out to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And he became so obsessed and distracted it nearly cost him his job at St. Bonaventure.” Glassman realizes that he needs to explain this in a way Lea can better understand, as a neurotypical at least. “Shaun’s fragile, he can’t handle stuff like this the way you or I can, and forcing him to would be selfish.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea bites her lip hard enough to almost puncture the skin. “It would be selfish not to tell him, he deserves to know.” Her voice was almost at an aggressive pitch but she manages to restrain herself in light of everything that’s happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about what he deserves. I’m his step-father, It’s my job to protect him.” Glassman insists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you really think that’s your job then, with respect to you dying and all, you’re a pretty lousy step-father.” Lea bluntly responds, Glassman looking at her in shock, at a loss for words at Lea’s boldness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Parents teach, they don’t hide the truth. Shaun might be different but he’s not some helpless child that needs to be coddled. He’s a smart, kind, wonderful, caring adult who’s been through more than both of us combined. He's the strongest person I know, and if you can’t see that, then he’s honestly better off without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea crosses her arms and looks away after her elegant verbal lashing against Glassman was finished. He said nothing but the look on his face conveyed how broken he was over her words, how true they rang, the passion she exhibited saying them, like it had been building up inside her since the day they met. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to get some air.” Glassman announces before bolting out of his seat and making a beeline to the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re leaving?” Lea confirms, Glassman doesn’t answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolls her eyes in disgust over his response to her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just run away from your problems, that always helps. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea then puts in her earbuds and tries to take advantage of the downtime to clear her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassman meanwhile before leaving out into the hallway takes the yellow envelope with him. After some minor hesitation as well as a little back and forth internal debating he rips it open and begins reading his imaging results. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The evening only got better afterwards, Lea comforted a worried husband in the waiting room until the news came that the Virus had been contained, and quarantine would be lifted, Shaun was okay. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Everything was going to be okay. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the night he had. Shaun never visited the waiting room. Lea and Glassman had to actually find him just walking through the lobby back to his car, as if nothing had happened. He might not have cared, but they did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun!” Lea calls out running up to him. She tightly coils her arms into a hug around his neck as Shaun slowly tries to squirm out, he didn’t want to be touched right now but Lea didn’t care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You must be exhausted!” She tells him, finally releasing Shaun from the hug. Doing everything in her power not to kiss him passionately on the lips. Employee fraternization rules be damned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the sandwiches they gave me had pickles in them.” Shaun says unpromoted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s no good. I’m sorry.” Lea tells him, stimming her hands together instead of him for once. An anxious habit most likely, she was just… so excited they’d have all this time to be together again. It wasn’t the end, there were more chapters to their story. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Doctor Glassman.” Shaun says, turning his attention to the man flanking Lea’s left side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Shaun.” Aaron tells him in a more chipper mood than usual. Probably a distraction so Shaun won’t assume the worst, or the truth as it would be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I couldn’t drive you to your appointment. How did it go?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh God, we didn’t prepare for this. I hope I don’t have to play along with whatever lie Glassy cooks up. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea hopes to herself.</span>
</p><p><span>“It went well, I have meningitis. I’ll have to have surgery to fix the CSF leak in my head.” </span><em><span>That’s an</span></em> <em><span>oddly specific condition to fabricate. </span></em></p><p><span>“You can have a look at my results.” Glassman then adds on, handing Shaun the now opened yellow envelope as Lea puts the piece together at last. </span><em><span>If it’s in the envelope that must mean</span></em> <em><span>the imaging didn’t show cancer, he was wrong, and he told Shaun the truth! </span></em></p><p>
  <span>Lea turns her gaze over to him and smiles, Glassman takes notice and smiles back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Meningitis is not as bad as cancer. It also explains your memory loss.” Shaun says, optimistic and hopeful as ever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Glassy, I guess that means you can get your license back.” Lea points out to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so.” He says with bittersweet melancholy. As much as he was relieved to not have to rely on everyone else to get around, he was actually looking forward to driving with Lea again. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Aftermath.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“The procedure was a success!” Shaun announces as he and Lea enter Glassman’s room at the hospital, still in bed, having just barely woken up ten minutes earlier. </p><p>“What are you guys doing here? Isn’t this your day off?” St. Bonaventure had closed temporarily to clean up and disinfect the ER after the quarantine. Lea for one was happy to finally be getting a semblance of a Christmas break, but Shaun insisted they should visit anyway and help Glassman get situated after his operation. Lea couldn’t tell if he suggested they do it because he really wanted to help Glassman, or if he just wanted an excuse to be in St. Bonaventure the one day of the year he doesn’t have to be. </p><p>“We thought… maybe you could use some help after kinda getting your cranium sliced open.” Lea candidly tells him, taking partial credit for Shaun’s idea. Hey, she decided to go, she deserves to be thanked for it just as much as he does. </p><p>“Great. You can help by signing these forms allowing me early discharge under a supervisor and drive me to pick up my medicine.” Shaun quickly looks down and back up to Glassman again, repeating the same mannerism three more times. </p><p>“That is not a good idea. Doctor Blaize recommended you stay in hospice care for at least another two days.” Shaun remembers perfectly, which Lea is silently grateful for. Helping out for an hour or two is fine, but babysitting Glassy on her day off, that’s not how she’d want to spend it even if she <em> liked </em> him. </p><p>“I’m not spending another night cooped up on one of these terrible hospital futons. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, of being around sick people, of blood draws, of MRIs, I want to go home dammit!” Glassman more aggressively spurs the papers towards them, neither Shaun nor Lea doing anything as he holds them out. </p><p>“If your brain leaks again without healing it will be very bad, you could develop a subdural hematoma.” Shaun points out. <em> Good point, keep it coming, Shaunie. </em>Lea thinks to herself as if he could somehow read her thoughts. </p><p>“It’ll be fine, Shaun, I promise. Now please, if you’re not going to do this for me, can you just go.” Glassman callously tells them until Shaun finally decides to bite the bullet and grabs the papers. </p><p>“Okay. We’ll take you home and pick up your medication on the way.” Shaun insists </p><p><em> No, ugh. </em>Lea groans mentally. This is going to take an hour at least with how slow Glassman and Shaun move whenever they’re together. She couldn’t object to it now, not after Shaun literally went through hell yesterday. Lea knew she had to be a good girlfriend and just try to play nice. Plus, she still owed Glassman a solid after telling Shaun the truth about this whole thing in the first place. </p><hr/><p>After a tedious stop to the Pharmacy, the trio arrive at the Glassman residence where Shaun walks him up to his bedroom and Lea carries the medicine in an opaque plastic white bag with them. </p><p>“So, you just want us to leave this here?” Lea inquires, pointing with her head towards the night stand. Hoping he’ll say yes so she and Shaun can spend the rest of their short term vacation doing… literally anything else. </p><p>“No, I want you to personally put them on my tongue and then if you don’t mind pour some water down my throat while you’re at it.” Glassman sarcastically tells her in a much more purposefully hurtful tone rather than a playful one. </p><p>Lea shoots back at him with a look of annoyance Shaun never had to bear witness to even on his worst days. Glassman paid no mind though to it, unaware his sarcasm wasn’t picked up by everyone in the room. </p><p>“If you think that’ll help.” Shaun innocently affirms, taking the plastic bag from Lea’s hand and ripping it open. He pours the contents from it into his hand, igniting both his and Lea’s eyes once they see what’s inside. </p><p>“It’s marijuana.” Shaun correctly states, holding a green, mossy cube in the palm of his hand. The room stays quiet for what felt like an eternity to Glassman until Lea starts laughing hysterically. </p><p>“Glassy? Were you going to get high once we left?” Lea questions as he rolls his eyes and angrily sighs out his nose. </p><p>“No, well, technically yes, I volunteered to be part of a study to observe the effects of medical marijuana on surgical recovery.” Glassman can read both their faces that the explanation isn’t helping his case. </p><p>“It’s for science, okay!” He desperately yells at them. </p><p>Lea puts her hands up in submission. “Hey, I’m not judging you. I’ve smoked my fair share of blunts back in the day.” </p><p>“May I try one?” Shaun humbly requests of him. </p><p>“No, Shaunie, I don’t think you’re gonna like this, it makes your brain feel weird.” Lea warns him, Glassman appearing to be in agreement. </p><p>“I want to try it. I met someone who said Cannabidiol improved his ASD symptoms.” It wasn’t exactly the scientific method, but if Shaun wants to try something new neither Lea nor Glassman wanted to be the one to tell him otherwise. </p><p>“Since you’re on vacation, and I can keep an eye out on you, why not?” Glassman insists as he begins nibbling on his own square. </p><p>Lea crosses her arms in irritation. “Hey! I don’t want to be the only one who’s sober. Let me have one too!” </p><p>“Calm down, there’s plenty for everyone.” Glassman claims, giving her the bag. </p><p>Lea eeks with excitement as she fishes one out and takes a bite, her feelings about this whole endeavor were drastically starting to change now, getting high with her boyfriend was definitely day off material she could work with. </p><hr/><p>“You guys feeling anything yet?” Lea asks, sandwiched between the two boys as they all lay together on Glassman’s bed. </p><p>“Nope.” Aaron affirms.</p><p>“I feel the same.” Shaun adds on. </p><p>“Did you get a bad batch or something, Glassy? This should be kicking in by now.” Lea observes as she turns around to adjust her pillow. </p><p>“I’ll get beer!” Shaun suggests. “The THC will increase the potency of the cannabinoids.” </p><p>Shaun hops off the bed and makes his way downstairs, pulling three beers out of the fridge. As he starts to retrace his steps and walk back upstairs his nose is assaulted by the overwhelming smell of… yellow? </p><p>Literally it smelled like the <em> color </em> yellow. Shaun had never smelled a color before, it was slimy, but energetic. Where is it coming from? The beers! They have to be coming from the yellow beer bottles in his hands. </p><p>“Am I high?” Shaun asks until realizing there’s no one else there. Though ironically, it did answer his question. </p><p>“Shaunie!” Lea then down calls from the bedroom. “Me and Glassy are gonna play a round of Golf, you in?” </p><p>
  <em> Golf. There must be a whole Golf Course up there if Lea and Doctor Glassman are going to play.  </em>
</p><p>“I’m coming!” Shaun tells them as he starts walking only to stop dead in his tracks. </p><p>“Uh, Lea?” </p><p>“Yeah, Shaun?” </p><p>“I… forgot where the stairs are.” He confesses, wandering through the kitchen aimlessly in and out the same door he came in from, the one that led directly to the staircase. </p><p>Shaun eventually finds his way and joins the Golf game. As It turns out there wasn’t a Golf Course up there, but Shaun didn’t mind, he just wanted to play and show off his superior hand eye coordination. </p><p>“Boom!” Lea shouts as she putts the ball out of Glassman’s window, bouncing off the patio and into the street. “... and that’s how we do it in Hershey!” </p><p>Glassman starts to laugh. “You didn’t do anything! That-that-that-that was totally off.” He starts to catch his breath as he steps up to take his turn. “You gotta club down, it’s just 12 yards.” </p><p>Glassman takes a swing and unlike Lea, casually misses the window, shooting his ball down the stairs and right past the cup into the wall, smashing a family urn. </p><p>He starts to laugh again. “Oh no, I just hit Grandma Glassman.” </p><p>Shaun raises an eyebrow. “You live with your Grandma? Wow, she must be very, very, very old.” Shaun’s autism appears to be magnified when he’s high, not reduced. So much for that anecdote he was riding on. They all walk downstairs again and Glassman retrieves his ball. Lea meanwhile stops before she can reach the bottom, enamored by the sight of the cracked window. </p><p>“Why do your windows look like portholes? Wait, Is your house secretly a boat!?” She turns around and asks him with an utmost sincerity that only a child could otherwise produce. </p><p>“Lea, if my house was a boat don’t you think I would’ve sailed to Bora Bora by now?” Glassman sarcastically asks her before handing Shaun his club. “It’s your turn.” </p><p>“No thanks, I hate Golf.” Shaun informs him. With that news and Lea’s newfound fascination with the windows the game was over apparently. </p><p>Shaun sits down on the carpet and begins closely observing the Golfball while blowing raspberries with his lips. “Lea, why do you call Doctor Glassman <em> Glassy </em>?” He then wonders. </p><p>“Because that’s his name! When I first met him I had a better one.” She answers sitting down next to him. </p><p>“What was it?” </p><p>“Glasshole.” </p><p>Shaun loses it, Lea does too. “That is a very clever Portmanteau!” </p><p>“Hey, screw you guys!” Glassman yells out. He waddles over and stands above both of them while acting cartoonishly over offended. </p><p>“You know what? I’m gonna give you two nicknames for a change, yeah! See how you like it!” Glassman strokes his beard wondering what he could call them, the ideas both come to him at the same time. </p><p>“Shaun, you will now be Smurf and Lea you’ll be Little Lallo.” </p><p>“Why is my name Smurf? I’m not blue.” Shaun inquires. </p><p>“It’s the first letter of your first name combined to the last half of your last name. Shaun Murphy - Smurf! Lea Dilallo - Lilallo. But that doesn’t sound as good so I changed it to Little Lallo because you’re so short!”</p><p>Glassman starts to laugh hysterically. “Seriously, I could fit you in my pocket!” </p><p>Lea was now the over offended one. “Shaun, you can’t let him talk to me like that!” </p><p>“You’re right, Lea, I’m your boyfriend and I need to defend your honor. Doctor Glassman, you’re a Glasshole.” </p><p>Lea sticks her hands into the air in victory. “Yay!” Glassman grits his teeth in irritation and sits down adjacent to the couple, pulling his hoodie down over his head to avoid being bothered by them again. </p><p>“Thank you.” Lea then whispers to Shaun before kissing him on the cheek. </p><p>Glassman’s pact didn’t last long as he starts getting their attention again. “I’m so hungry, but all I have in the fridge is old man food. I want Mallomars!” </p><p>“Ohhh, I’m starving too. Let’s do a grocery run!” Lea suggests. Walking up to the front door and picking up her keys to the Striped Tomato out of the bowl. “I’ll even drive. I’m really good at driving high, trust me, I’m like an expert at it.” </p><p>Shaun knew it by heart, Lea’s word was her bond, if she said she could drive he trusted her. “Count me in!” </p><p>Glassman pulls his hoodie back down and sighs. “Only because I’m starving.” </p><hr/><p>One legally ambiguous drive to the local supermarket Glassman is sent inside to pick up his Mallomars and the other snacks that were requested. </p><p>“They didn’t have any Mallomars.” Aaron sorrowfully announces as he gets into the back of the Striped Tomato. </p><p>“But they did have what you guys wanted.” He then announces with no change in tone. “Shaun, Frozen Eggo Pancakes.” Glassman hands the box over to him and Shaun quickly starts ripping it open. </p><p>“...and Lea, your pomegranate.” He hands her a pomegranate fruit. </p><p>“Thank you, thank you.” Lea politely tells him as she bites into the Pomegranate like an apple. </p><p>“What’s a Mallo-Mallomar?” Shaun asks with his mouth still full. </p><p>“They’re cookies, Shaun. The best cookies ever. They’re like chocolate covered marshmallows on a crispy bed of graham goodness. Glassman’s eyes start to light up with delight as he explains them, almost tasting them in his mouth as he experienced the memory. “They were Robin’s favorites.” His eyes go down again, and the taste fades. </p><p>“Who’s Robin?” Lea asks. “Shaun we don’t know a Robin, do we?” Knowing her luck it’s probably someone super important she’s met a dozen times. </p><p>“No.” <em> That’s reassuring.  </em></p><p>“I had the biggest crush on Robin Demayne…” Glassman leans back and looks out the window, like a smitten school girl only missing the cupid heart floating over his head. “A thoroughly unrequited crush, that slowly turned into a grudge. Then on graduation day, as I was feeling particularly resentful and after she passed me her yearbook I wrote her a very hurtful message.” Shaun and Lea frown, not expecting his reason to take such a dark turn. </p><p>“I mean, that was years ago, we’ve all done things in High School we regretted.” Lea wisely points out to him. </p><p>“Later that day when I was skimming through my yearbook I saw what she wrote me. <em> I only have two regrets. My haircut in Junior Year and that you didn’t ask me out. </em>” Lea didn’t have a response to that one. </p><p>But Shaun did. “You should find her and apologize.” </p><p>Glassman hadn’t thought of that, maybe it was something to do with the marijuana, or maybe he’s always secretly wanted to, but it sounded like exactly what he needed.  </p><p>“Yeah!” Lea adds on approvingly. “Are you still seeing Debbie?” </p><p>Glassman shakes his head. </p><p>“Maybe if you patch things up you could, I don’t know, try things out with Robin, see how it goes. She liked you, you obviously still like her, and I doubt some Mallomars are going to make you feel better.” Lea pleads to him, Glassman smiling at the encouragement. </p><p>“Okay, okay, let’s do it. I will find Robin Demayne and ask her to be my girlfriend!” </p><p>“If she’s single.” Shaun points out. </p><p>“If she’s single.” Glassman concedes as the one caveat. </p><hr/><p>The trio spend the rest of the afternoon searching for Robin Demayne living in the greater San Jose area, having no choice but trial and error to find the one Glassy went to High School with. </p><p>Their first stop, the third floor of an apartment building. </p><p>“Go up and knock, we’ll be right here.” Lea insists. </p><p>“No, no, I can’t.” Glassman nervously rubs the bridge of his nose, marijuana doesn’t give you courage the way alcohol does it seems. “Can one of you do it?”</p><p>“I’ll do it.” Shaun says going up to the door without hesitation. <em> Except maybe for Shaun.  </em></p><p>
  <em> Knock, knock, knock </em>
</p><p>A bald African-American man opens the door. </p><p>“Are you the guy?” Either because of the Marijuana, his ASD, or a mixture Shaun didn’t know how to respond to that. </p><p>“I’m a guy.” Is the closest answer his brain can muster. </p><p>The man’s face drops in disgust. “Okay, you look nothing like your profile picture. Didn’t you say you were 6’5?” He looks behind Shaun at Lea and Glassman standing by. </p><p>“...and you didn’t say you had a crew. I’m not paying extra for them… actually, I might be able to work with the old guy, but the chick’s gotta go.” All three of them are speechless. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I-I don’t know who you think we are. But we’re just looking for someone named Robin Demayne, does she live here with you by any chance?” Lea asks, pulling herself together and going straight to the point. </p><p>“I’m the only Robin Demayne here, sorry, I can’t help you guys. Now beat it! I’m expecting someone.” Robin slams the door in their face. </p><p>“Well, that’s one down, only twenty eight left to go.” Glassman sarcastically reminds them. </p><p>“Hey, don’t take this out on me, San Jose’s a big city and Robin’s a unisex name.” Lea shoots back, defending herself. </p><p>Shaun starts laughing. “Haha, you said <em> sex </em>.” </p><p>As they’re all walking out of the building the three of them pass a handsome spray tanned hunk dressed in a skimpy cowboy costume pass right by them. They all stop and stare in bewilderment. </p><p>The Striped Tomato makes its way across town meeting a dozen Robin Demaynes with no luck finding Glassman’s lost love. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be after all. Until Aaron gets an idea. </p><p>“Flake!” He blurts out in the middle of the drive to the next house. </p><p>Shaun and Lea are both confused, though not as confused as they would be if they weren’t high. </p><p>“What is a flake?” Shaun boldly asks him.</p><p>“Flake is a guy I went to High School with, he started working there as a Janitor after graduation, never left, kept track of everyone. I guarantee you he’ll know where Robin is!” Glassman excitedly explains to them, filled with energy that their quest wouldn’t just be a wild goose chase after all. </p><p>“For your sake, Glassy, I’m gonna pretend that’s not weird. What’s the name of your High School?” Lea inquires, preparing to put it into the GPS. </p><p>“Campbell High, biggest school in the district, you can’t miss it.” Glassman explains as Lea turns around and begins driving in the other direction. </p><hr/><p>Campbell High looked exactly the same as it did fifty years ago. It was actually kinda depressing and a look into the state of the American education system that a school could go that long without any sort of structural overhaul. </p><p>They open the door and wander through the hallways past all the confused teenagers until finding the Trophy Case. It had rewards from current students and alumni, including Glassman himself. </p><p>“Glassy, you played football!?” Lea asks after spotting his name first. </p><p>“Well, I don’t mean to brag…” He says, therefore humbly bragging. </p><p>Lea though is too high to notice. “You were named MVP of your school team?” She read off his trophy. “That’s awesome.” </p><p>She then sees a picture of him underneath. “And hubba, hubba, you were pretty swole too.” She admires. Just at that moment Flake walks by and makes eye contact with his old High School best friend. </p><p>“Flakey!” Glassman yells out opening his arms for a hug. Flake accepts it. </p><p>“Hey, man. How are you holding up?” Flake warmly asks him. </p><p>“Eh, good days, bad days.” Aaron candidly answers. Flake sniffs something while hugging Glassman picking up a distinct odor he’s instantly able to recognize. </p><p>“Aaron, are you high right now?” </p><p>Glassman freezes. </p><p>“Yes.” Shaun answers for him. </p><p>Lea and Glassman’s looks validate Shaun’s answer and Flake glances around hoping no one else will be able to look up from their phones long enough to tell. </p><p>“Why don’t we talk out in the yard?” He suggests, leading the three of them outside.</p><hr/><p>“...so now we’re looking for Robin so Glassy can make amends.” Lea finishes explaining while Flake casually enjoys his cigarette. </p><p>“Robin Demayne, I always knew you liked her, Aaron.” Flake affirms, teasing Glassman. </p><p>He looks down embarrassed by the remark. “Yeah, yeah, I did.” </p><p>“Well, you’re in luck. After graduation Robin married a dentist named Scaplin until he died in a freak accident five years ago. Real tragic, kept his name though.” <em> Robin Scaplin </em> that’s the name! They have a real lead now! And she’s a widow, she’s single, Glassman has a shot. After months and months of hell luck was finally smiling on him again. </p><p>“I found her.” Shaun says having searched on his phone while he and Flake were talking. “She lives in Los Gatos Hills, only a thirty minute drive.” </p><p>Lea shouts in excitement. “I’ll take us!” </p><p>Glassman opens the door back into the school anxious for them to get a move on. “Thanks for your help, I knew I could count on your Flakey.” </p><p>“Hey, I’m just happy to see you again.” He tells him, littering his cigarette onto the ground as he escorts them off the premises. </p><p>“Is Flake your real name?” Shaun curiously wonders. </p><p>“Uh no, it’s not, it’s a nickname and you don’t want to hear that story.” Flake responds to him chuckling at the memory. </p><p>“Some things are just better left to the imagination.” </p><hr/><p>It was a short drive, or at least it felt short, time’s weird when you’re high. But nonetheless all it took was a brief commute for them to finally make it to Robin’s doorstep. She was the only Robin Scaplin in Los Gatos, there’s denying it this time, she’s definitely here. </p><p>Glassman with Lea and Shaun behind him walks up and rings the doorbell. A middle aged brunette woman answers, she instantly recognizes who it is. </p><p>“Aaron.”</p><p>“Hi, Robin.” Glassman says to her. “My condolences about your husband. May I come in?” </p><p>Robin could hardly refuse. “Of course.” She moves herself out of the way as all of them come inside. “This is, uh, my son Shaun and his girlfriend, Lea.” </p><p>“Ciao.” Lea awkwardly says, thinking in her head it would make her sound cultured and formal… it didn’t. </p><p>They get comfortable on the couch while Robin brings out Mallomars and Tea. </p><p>“Mallomars!” Shaun exclaims in delight. “Robin’s favorite snack.” </p><p>He takes three and starts eating them all at once. Lea does too, both of them savoring the flavors as they ate off their munchies. </p><p>“These are even better than Brownies. Why don’t they make pot Mallomars? Seriously, we could patent that and be millionaires.” Lea ponders while Glassman tries his best to ignore them, only focusing on Robin, who wasn’t doing the same to the strangers in her home. </p><p>“I have more in the kitchen if you guys are hungry? It’s the least I could do.” She politely insists. </p><p>“They’re fine.” Glassman says shooting Shaun and Lea a dirty look, they both stop eating. </p><p>“I actually wanted to talk to you about something, Robin, not just pay my respects.” Her eyes light up as she leans in closer. </p><p>“I’m sorry… Sorry for what I wrote in your yearbook. It was hurtful, and untrue, and really stupid, and from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.” Robin gently nods her head in acceptance at his apology, so far so good. </p><p>“I remember what you wrote in mine, that you liked me too.” Glassman starts to blush and then chuckle nervously. “...and I was wondering, if after all these years, we could grab some coffee? Finally give it a try?” </p><p>Robin’s head turns sideways in amusement, like she was looking at a cute puppy dog rather than a sixty year old man with his heart in his hand. “Aaron… I… that was years ago. My husband just died, and I-I just don’t see you that way anymore.” Lea and Shaun’s faces both turn into frowns seeing such a rejection unfold right in front of them. But their expressions were nothing compared to Glassman’s. </p><p>“Maybe during High School something could’ve happened.” Robin reaches out to hold Glassman’s hand. “For what it’s worth I do accept your apology, I hold nothing against you.” It wasn’t worth much.</p><p>Glassman moves his hand out of Robin’s and quickly gets up. “Come on guys, let’s go home.” Shaun and Lea both get up with as much haste and follow behind him.</p><p>“Wait, Aaron, don’t go! I want to hear how you’ve been. Flake told me you’re a surgeon now? That’s-that’s amazing.” Glassman doesn’t respond to Robin’s question and just walks out the door, making a bad memory even worse. </p><hr/><p>It was dark outside by the time they got back home. Lea was too tired to drive anymore so Glassman just let them stay the night in his room. </p><p>Shaun passed out ten minutes after that, his first high really tuckered him out it seems. Lea couldn’t fall asleep over Glassman’s ranting and raving, Robin’s rejection hurt him almost as badly as his surgery did, and with the marijuana wearing off the pain was all coming in at once. </p><p>“You were right, Lea, I am a Glasshole! A stupid, miserable, Glasshole who ruins everything he touches.” Aaron shouts out to anyone who would listen aka the one person in the room who was forced too. </p><p>“No you don’t!” Lea responds, turning around on her sleeping bag to face him. “You helped Shaun when no one else could, saved him from an abusive home, taught him how to be a Doctor, that’s not nothing.” </p><p>“Yeah, but how many other people did I hurt before him. Robin, Debbie, my ex-wife, my daughter.” Lea attention is piqued by that last mention. </p><p>“Wait, you have a daughter?” Glassman’s gulps down a rising lump in his throat. “I did. She’s dead.” </p><p>Lea looks down in sorrow at prodding for an answer, she felt like she crossed a line, even if she didn’t know. “I’m-I’m so sorry, If I had known.” </p><p>“It’s okay… her name was Maddie. She was actually a lot like you, I think you two would’ve gotten along.” Glassman laughs thinking about all the parallels he could draw between them, they were good memories even if he knew what they led up to. </p><p>“But she’s gone because of me, I told you, I ruin everything, Lea. That must be why I hate you too.” <em> Did Glassy just subtly compliment me?  </em></p><p>“Listen, I don’t know how Maddie, well… but it wasn’t your fault. That I know, you’re a good father, and that’s one thing I will go to my grave swearing.” Glassman looks at her and Lea continues uninterrupted eye contact. </p><p>“I see how you are with Shaun, you’re everything he needs and more. A mentor, a friend, a Dad. He’s so happy that you’re going to be okay because you make his life so much better. I don’t know what he would do without you, you’re his family, <em> you’re our family. </em>” </p><p>Glassman knew this must be why Shaun loved Lea so much, she was digging down right into his vulnerable points and building him up again. Being honest, but kind. Straightforward, but gentle. It was just what he needed. </p><p>“Shaun is so lucky to have you… and he deserves it. He’s so much better than me, and I’m so glad he won’t have to feel the pain I’m feeling right now, missing out on a chance for true love.” This is what it means to be a father, what Lea was talking about, it’s not about him or his mistakes, it’s about Shaun, and making a better future for him. At the end of the day that was all Glassman cared about and he would go through a million Robin Demaynes to make sure he never has to go that even once. He <em> was </em> a good father. </p><p>“I was wrong that day, you’re not a Glasshole. Not at all.” Lea concludes their conversation by rolling over in her sleeping bag to go to bed, Glassman does the same on his mattress, both of them tired but satisfied by their humanizing conversation. </p><hr/><p>The next morning Glassman was feeling better, refreshed almost. The marijuana seems to have done its job since he wasn’t feeling any surgical discomforts either, the conversation with Lea last night also didn’t hurt. </p><p>“Eh, we’ll clean up later.” He says walking downstairs to the disaster they had made yesterday from their golf game. </p><p>“I have to go to work soon.” Shaun announces as he puts on his coat. </p><p>“Me too.” Lea adds on. </p><p>“Do you feel better?” Shaun asks.</p><p>“Much.” He answers smiling. </p><p>Shaun seems content with that answer as he opens the door and lets himself out, Lea following closely behind. </p><p>“Lea!” Glassman calls out getting her attention. </p><p>“Hmm?” </p><p>“I’ll be seeing you around.” Lea lets out a coy smile as she takes in what this means for their relationship.</p><p>“I’m counting on it, Aaron.” She replies, keeping her cool, but most importantly, calling him by his real name for the first time, well, ever. </p><p>Glassman notices, and he appreciates it. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Xin.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>I need a drink. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Audrey Lim tells herself as she paces through the hallway with a pile of patient reports in her hand… It was only 10:00 A.M. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had just checked in two hours ago and was already feeling overwhelmed by the entire hospital scene. She had only just recently recovered from her deadly bout of Not-SARS and was still having lingering effects. Cough, nausea, headaches, and fatigue. Ugh, the fatigue was the absolute worst of it. Lim used to be able to work 48 hours straight without even breaking a sweat, but now just the thought of a long day would absolutely obliterate her. She couldn’t tell anyone about it, no, she had to save face and stay strong for her peers. They all looked up to her as a leader of sorts, a respect Lim fought tooth and nail to achieve, she doesn’t need a small case of Post-Viral syndrome to destroy all of that hard work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she’s waiting for the elevator the doors finally open after what feels like an eternity of waiting. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please be empty, please be empty, please be empty. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They finally open and reveal Lea casually waiting inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Could be worse. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Audrey reminds herself as Lea smiles at her and she nonchalantly smiles back before getting in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” Lim mutters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Lea chirps back.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doors close and the two say nothing to each other. Lim tries to just keep her cool and avoid too much small talk to conserve energy, that is until she spots something in the corner of her eye, Lea’s sweatshirt. Black, with a silver right arm and a red star on the shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It might’ve looked odd to anyone else, but Lim was a lifelong comic reader, she knew exactly what that was, </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Winter Soldier. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice shirt.” Lim quietly tells her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea smiles. “Thanks.” She says back at normal volume. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, didn’t take you for a Marvel fan.” Lea then sheepishly confesses, hoping it wouldn’t offend Lim and instead lead to a further explanation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could say the same about you.” Lim shoots back. Neither of the responses Lea was expecting. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Touche. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, my brother read the comics but once the movies started coming out I got a lot more into it. Especially Captain America, as you can see.” She explains, looking down at her shirt to hit home her point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Captain America definitely has had the best movies in the MCU so far. The only ones that even come close are the…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Guardians of the Galaxy.” Lea finishes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly!” Lim excitedly blurts out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea awkwardly laughs at their agreement and Lim follows suit as well despite her nausea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, I didn’t think anyone else here even liked Marvel movies.” Lea confesses. They’re either all too old, too busy, or both. All they ever talk about are cars and politics. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you thought wrong.” Lim playfully tells her as the elevator doors open and she walks out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea stands in place while they close again as she notices herself begin to feel just a little bit more lonely than she did ten seconds ago. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“The AVM is dangerous, but the embolization is a relatively minor procedure.” Morgan Reznick explains to her and Shaun’s latest patient, a young woman named Lana Moore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was comfortable hearing Morgan explain surgical options to her, almost too comfortable, her male friend though didn’t seem to be as he twitched and whimpered for seemingly no apparent reason. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll make a small incision on your leg so we can insert a catheter…” Just before Morgan could finish speaking Shaun just had to know what was going on with Lana’s friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you doing that? You’re being weird.” Shaun callously asks him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the lights…” He says while continuing to squint. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Javi is autistic. I am too, that’s why we’re roommates. Well, that and because he pays half the rent.” Lana cheerfully explains, Shaun instantly begins to understand both of their behaviors much better now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will dim the lights.” He informs Javi, doing just that. “I’m autistic too.” Shaun afterwards whispers to him, hoping somehow that might make up for his rudeness before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun’s prediction was right since from either the dimmed lights or their shared neurological conditions, Javi begins to calm down and Lana turns her attention back to Doctor Reznick. “Please, continue.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Morgan continues talking Javi pulls out a Dictionary and begins searching desperately for the definition of every other word she just used. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry is there something I said you don’t understand?” Morgan asks him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I love learning new words.” Javi insists. “I’ve memorized the roots of almost every common word in the english language.” No one knows what to say to that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead, name one, Javi loves being quizzed.” Lana tells them, thoughtfully knowing her roommate well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room though remains silent until Shaun decides to bite. “Biology.” He blurts out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s made up of two root words, Bio from the Hellenic word for ‘life’ and logy from old English for ‘study’. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Biology</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun is impressed. “Material.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From the early Latin word ‘Materia’ to the late Latin ‘Materialis’ it means matter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Material.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is fun. “Shampoo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A Hindi loanword introduced to English after the British conquest of India. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shampoo.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan starts to clap along with Lana, both of them amused by Javi’s knowledge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know a lot about words.” Shaun informs him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” He responds clearly embarrassed by all the praise he’s getting. Shaun knew the feeling, anytime he’d show off his own medical knowledge it would embarrass him too. He had never met someone else who felt the same way, at least as similarly as Shaun did about a passionate interest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’ll have to talk to Javi about that sometime. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Lunchtime, Shaun and Lea both sat together by themselves. They both exchanged the usual smalltalk with one another until he finally had the opportunity to tell her about his experience from before, something he knew Lea would be more than willing to lend a hand with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to ask someone to be my friend. Can you help me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea smiles. “Shaunie! You want to be someone’s friend!?” He can hear the overwhelming excitement ooze from her voice. Though under it there was unseen concern this could be just like Kenny all over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about it.” Lea inquires to make sure it isn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His name is Javi and he’s the roommate of my patient. He’s also on the autism spectrum.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Autistic too, step in the right direction</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Lea thinks to herself, thankful she didn’t say it out loud and give the wrong impression Shaun could only be friends with someone else on the spectrum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he still here? We can go invite him to hangout right now.” Lea reminds him, Shaun though becomes uneasy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I want to finish my French Fries.” He whines as he plays with his food instead of actually eating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve taken like two bites, are you sure you want to wait?” Lea candidly asks him, she could tell this was bothering him, but also didn’t want to be pushy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun thinks about it and realizes that he can’t. He’d never met someone like Javi before and didn’t want to let it slip through his fingers. Who knows, he might never see him again if he misses his chance today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No…. let’s go ask him.” Shaun insists as he jumps out of his seat and Lea slowly follows behind him. The couple eventually tracking Javi down to the waiting room, sitting down with headphones over his ears and eyes closed, unimpeded by the world around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Shaunie, all you have to do is go get his attention and ask him if he wants to hang out sometime. It’s that easy.” Lea encourages the increasingly nervous Shaun as he stands by her in the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if he doesn’t want to hang out? Or I don’t know what to say? This is a bad idea, Lea, I should go back and finish my sandwich.” She stops him before he can walk back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, you were the one who wanted to come! You’re going to regret it if you don’t even ask. I’ll be right here if anything goes wrong, I promise.” Shaun knows she’s right, he takes a deep breath and walks forward, Lea behind him nodding her head in approval as she watches like a hawk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Javi!” Shaun announces loud enough to penetrate through his headphones. Javi slowly takes them off and looks up to Shaun as he stands over him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Doctor Murphy, did something happen with Lana?” He asks with concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Lana is fine. I thought since we are both men of a similar age range on the autism spectrum that perhaps you would like to come to my apartment some time in the near future to hang out.” Shaun couldn’t phrase it anymore directly than that. He didn’t have time to read any books on proposing friendships so he had to improvise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What time?” Javi responds with instantly, Shaun unable to read his emotions. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Does he want to be my friend too? Surely asking is a good sign, but what if it’s not? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get off work early tomorrow at 5:00 P.M. Perhaps then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Still nothing. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Javi gets out of his seat and starts reaching his pocket, he then pulls out an IPhone and begins handing it to Shaun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why are you giving me that?” He asks, befuddled about what he could be trying to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m giving you my phone so you can add your number. You’ll need to text me your address before I come over.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>No duh. </span>
  </em>
  <span>How did Shaun not think of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughs nervously. “Yes, of course.” He takes Javi's phone and adds his number to it before giving it back to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will see you tomorrow!” Shaun tells him. </span>
</p><p><span>“Me too.” Javi awkwardly responds. Shaun doesn’t overthink it though, too busy floating on air over his smooth interaction. He just made a friend,</span> <span>and he did it all by himself. </span></p><p>
  <span>Lea behind him has the biggest grin on her face while Shaun walks back to her. “I did it! Javi is coming over tomorrow!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun, you are so awesome. When was the last time you had someone over?” Lea inquires. Realizing she’s never seen someone at his apartment except for her and Glassman. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kyle Dinsky…. In the First Grade. We played with G.I. Joe action figures, he never came back again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not since First Grade?</span>
  </em>
  <span> An air of Sympathy appeared over Lea’s face until realizing she’s partially in the same boat. Not like she gets many people over either… maybe that can change too, Lim seems cool. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Lea gets an idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll meet you back in the Cafeteria, there’s something I gotta do first.” She tells Shaun, who doesn’t question it as he starts confidently walking back. Lea pacing the other direction to Doctor Lim carefully doing research at her desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Audrey! Hi!” Lea shouts, half scaring her to death. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea! To what do I owe the honor?” Lim replies hastily pulling herself together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’ve been thinking, we haven’t really talked to each other very much since I started working here…” Try never until this morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is true.” Lim observes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...and I want to change that. What do you say we go get some drinks tomorrow? My treat?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>My angel.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lim wanted to cry tears of joy. She was so happy to be offered free booze, literally a gift from heaven itself. But she couldn’t sound too desperate in front of Lea, they barely know each other after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that might be fun, I could use a drink. I’ll keep you posted.” She says, keeping the atmosphere relaxed despite her inner jubilation. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The next day couldn’t arrive sooner. Shaun was practically jumping out of his skin with excitement and anxiety over seeing Javi while Lea felt the same about seeing Lim, both of them were about to expand their social circles outside of each other and that was scary. Fortunately, they kept each other company the entire day to help take the edge off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, remember, when someone is a guest in your home you have to be respectful to them. So no losing your patience if Javi misplaces something or if he doesn’t take his plate to the kitchen once he’s done.” Lord knows he’s chewed Lea out more than once for both of those things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That won’t be easy if he moves the remote out of its tray, I won’t be able to find it next time and then I won’t be able to watch the weather channel.” Shaun asserts to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just try your hardest.” Lea insists. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun’s head starts to teeter back and forth as his masking techniques begin to fall apart. “This is a bad idea, I’m going to text Javi and tell him not to come.” Shaun quickly blurts out as he pulls out his phone and begins writing the text. Lea puts her hand over his and stops him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun… it’s gonna be okay, you’re gonna have a great time.” Her smile and reassuring words were all he needed to put the phone into his pocket again and slowly calm down. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Knock, knock, knock. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s probably him. Come to the door with me so we can invite him in.” Lea instructs her boyfriend who flanks her side as she swings open the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Shaun. I’m here at the time we agreed on.” Javi factually states. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, welcome to my home. You may come in.” Shaun politely greets him, which Javi pays no mind to, letting himself in seconds after getting the affirmative. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m, uh, Shaun’s girlfriend, my name’s Lea. It’s nice to meet you.” She tells Javi before sticking her hand out for him to shake, he completely ignores her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you.” He robotically responds without taking her hand, instead sitting down on the couch and taking the remote to turn on the television, flipping it to Judge Judy before placing it down right next to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun just breathes to control his impulses, Lea silently encouraging him to do so. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, uh, you boys seem all set so I’m gonna head out. Call me if there’s an emergency.” Lea puts on her coat, grabs her purse and on the way out, “...and have fun!” She finishes off with, realizing in that moment she sounded more like Shaun’s mother than his girlfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Lea shuts the door and leaves it’s just the two of them alone in the apartment together. Shaun sits down next to Javi and gently places the remote back into its tray, afterwards watching Judge Judy alongside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are we watching Judge Judy?” Shaun asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always watch Judge Judy at this time. It helps me experience the legal process in action.” Javi answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both sit continuing to watch after their short exchange, silence between both of them. It’s uncomfortable, not exactly what Shaun was picturing when he imagined hanging out with a new friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know what to do. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun remembers pulling out his notepad with conversation starters that he and Lea brainstormed on before Javi arrived. Plenty of good discussion pieces there. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Topics: </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><ul>
<li><em><span>Movies</span></em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><span>TV </span></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><span>Weather</span></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><span>Sports</span></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><span>NOT Religion</span></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><span>NOT Politics</span></li>
</ul><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was unseasonably warm today!” Shaun announces to him, deciding to opt for topic #3. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unsurprising, expect hotter winters on account of increasingly alarming climate change. The law office I’m clerking at is handling a lawsuit against ExxonMobile for environmental pollution in the Bay Area. I read all about it in the reports.” Javi sharply informs him, Shaun not knowing what to say in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” He decides on, continuing to watch Judge Judy, now beginning to regret his boldness of inviting this seemingly, callous, indifferent, and absent minded man into his home yesterday. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Vodka Tonic, on the rocks. It was Lea’s go-to drink whenever she went out with friends. Before that it was just beer or the occasional Whiskey if she was feeling antsy. This was exciting, the bitter cool taste of the Vodka brought her back to when she was young and had them all the time. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wonder how Shaun is doing with Javi…what if he’s freaking out and needs me there to help with something? Oh no, I shouldn’t have left him alone. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea’s worry starts to overtake her to the point she takes out her phone and prepares to text Lim and cancel their plans until remembering that Shaun</span>
  <em>
    <span> wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> this, he wanted to see a friend tonight and never asked for help. He chose to be treated like an adult and she’d be a fool not to let him. Even if it goes terribly she can’t always be looking over his shoulder, he needs to learn, he wants to. After the realization Lea puts her phone away back into her purse and continues waiting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten minutes later, as she gets near the bottom of her drink, Lea sees Audrey in the corner of her eye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Lea exclaims while Lim sits down. “Hi, Lea.” She unenthusiastically says after taking her seat at the bar. Her face long enough to be on the butt end of some type of Horse related joke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dry Martini please.” Lim hastily orders, her gaze ignoring Lea while she instead stares into space until her clear drink arrives.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You weren’t lying about wanting a drink.” Lea observes, hoping her joke would work to break the tension. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No I was not.” Lim responds. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It didn’t work. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea anxiously watches her surroundings and continues to notice her friend not saying anything, just focusing on wolfing down every drop of her Martini that she could. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I’ve been listening to this new band recently called Dashboard Confessional, I know they’re like an Emo band or whatever, but their rhythm is actually really…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I gotta go to the uh, the uh, Restroom, I’ll be right back.” Lim quickly says as she gets out of her seat and leaves Lea in the middle of their one sided conversation. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She must just be having an off night, there’s no way Lim could fake that bubbliness I saw on the elevator yesterday. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea reminds herself while trying to stay grounded and optimistic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she waited, and waited, and waited, but Lim wasn’t coming back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Did she stand me up? </span>
  </em>
  <span>She couldn’t have, they work together, not even Shaun would be socially oblivious enough to do something like that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Must just be taking a long time in the bathroom, maybe I should go check on her. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea realizes, he second nature maternal instincts kicking in again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she walks into the bathroom Lim is nowhere to be found, but all the stalls are closed. “Audrey, hey, you’ve been gone awhile, everything okay?” Lea shouts out hoping to find her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… yeah, I’m here. I’m coming out now.” The toilet flushes and Lim opens her stall, blowing her nose while preparing to return to the Bar with Lea, her face pale as a ghost and her eyes all but dead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, you do not look like you’re up to have drinks.” Lea observes, not exactly her most astute observation to be fair. “What’s going on?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lim goes over to the sink and turns on the water, washing her face with it while she tries to stay strong and not tell Lea anything she’ll regret. “I’m just, uh, not feeling very well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I could tell.” Lea points out. “You want to just go home for the night? Reschedule this for another time?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Audrey wanted to say yes and just rest in her bed for the night, but what if she’s not feeling well tomorrow? Or the day after that? Post-viral syndrome from a deadly disease doesn’t just go away after a weekend of R&amp;R. Lea should know the truth, she seems trustworthy, probably won’t tell anyone else.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Probably. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t been feeling very good ever since I got sick the night of quarantine.” Lea crosses her arms and listens. “It’s called post-viral syndrome. After you get sick with a nasty virus or something… even after you recover, your body keeps having symptoms.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lim bites her lip as she prepares to confess more, the hardest part. “This isn’t going away any time soon, and I don’t know what to do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re working by the time I show up in the morning and still on duty when I leave. Why are you working so hard if you’re sick?” Lea logically inquires.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m a female Surgeon in one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country. The odds are already stacked against me, Lea. I can’t give them anything else, or else no one is going to respect me.” Lea understood all too well what Lim was going through. What’s happening to her right now could essentially be the story of her life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she worked at YAUTO Lea never took a day off, not one. Even during Flu season when there was a bug going around the office she always showed up and always worked her ass off only to get treated like chattel at every chance. Lim went through the same thing, not even, she</span>
  <em>
    <span> broke out of it</span>
  </em>
  <span> by beating the boys at their own game. She shouldn’t have had to, just like Lea shouldn’t have. St. Bonaventure has to be different, the cycle has to end here, Lea wouldn’t take no for an answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have an idea.” Lea insists, gently caressing the taller Audrey by the shoulders out of the Restroom.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>After Judge Judy finishes, Shaun shuts off the Television without a second thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to keep watching that.” Javi informs him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t!” Shaun responds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Javi’s mood though is unaffected despite their impasse.  “We should do something else then.” He affirms as he takes out his phone and starts hastily looking something up. Shaun didn’t appreciate him taking the initiative like that without even asking what he wanted to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We did what you wanted this whole time, and it was boring. Now I want to do what I want!” Shaun blurts out to him, it wasn’t a very appropriate way to treat a guest but he was just about fed up with being appropriate. He wasn’t about to spend another second being held hostage like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do then?” Javi asks back without a second thought. He didn’t seem even remotely offended by Shaun’s outburst and peered at him with his full attention, waiting patiently for an answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… would like to… look at the Oxford Textbook of Medicine.” Shaun then gets up and goes to the bookshelf, taking the Textbook out of it and plopping it down on the floor, opening it up to the page his bookmark was on and sitting down to read it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Javi gets up but instead of joining him makes his way to the bookshelf and begins gazing through it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m looking for something else to read. Your textbook doesn’t interest me.” Shaun didn’t care, it interested him and he’d much rather do that than anything with Javi, it was becoming clear they had nothing in common besides their autism and knew he just had to make it through the night and then they’d never have to see each other again. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just this night, just this night. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun kept repeating to himself as he heard Javi sit down next to him with his book. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Encyclopedia of Animals. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I forgot I still had that. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun thinks to himself, remembering back to the days when he was obsessed with everything to do with animals. He probably would’ve become a Zoologist had it not been for Glassman pushing him into medicine instead. Shaun didn’t regret it, he loved being a Doctor, but he always had a nostalgic soft spot for animals. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I see that too?” Shaun wonders as his interest in the Oxford textbook begins to dwindle in lieu of taking a trip down memory lane instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Javi tells him, as if he had the authority to give him permission to look at his own book. Shaun didn’t even notice. He scoots over and begins looking over at the page Javi was reading, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Insects of South America. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“My favorite is the Rhinoceros Beetle.” Shaun whispers to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Javi looks over that section and begins reading it out loud. “Found in Guyana it’s the heaviest insect in the world.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun smiles. “Lea’s scared of large insects but I think they’re cool, I’d love to see a Rhinoceros Beetle one day.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So would I. Extremities that large on an invertebrate are a rare occurrence. Lana isn’t afraid of them either.” Javi informs him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lana. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun remembers that name, it’s Javi’s roommate from the hospital, they seemed very close. “Is Lana your girlfriend?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. We’re just roommates, but we do have sex.” Javi says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun turns his head confused. “That doesn’t make sense, if you’re having sex then you would be boyfriend and girlfriend.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Javi shakes his head. “No, no, I do it because it’s convenient. She’s available, and it’s frequently better than masturbation.” Shaun couldn’t argue with that, now having experienced both. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t have sex right now though, it’s on the Pre-op list of things she can’t do… and we might never do it again if she dies.” Javi somberly informs him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun frowns. “Would you miss her if she died?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would, for more than just the sex.” Javi replies, mindlessly flipping through the pages of the book. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You love her.” Shaun tells him, causing Javi to stop and look him in the eye. Not saying anything but clearly befuddled by that statement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your life is better when you’re with her. That’s how I knew I loved Lea.” Shaun informs him, answering the question Javi didn’t even know he had. A question that he’d rather not delve deeper into, especially not with his new found friend on their first hang out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t love her, she’s my roommate.” Javi insists, looking back down at the book, engrossing himself in the section of West african mammals. Shaun does the same shortly after, deciding to let it go once Javi does and just enjoy his company, as originally intended. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The Striped Tomato pulls up to the Andrews Residence in the middle of the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea, this seems like a terrible idea, how am I even supposed to get home after this?” Lim asks, more nervous to follow through with this than actually curious for an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The bar is on the way back, I’ll just drop you off and you can take your motorcycle.” Lea assures her, Lim just puts her head down in silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, this isn’t going to get better if you don’t deal with it now.” Lea insists to her. “I’ve been where you are Audrey, trust me, please. Andrews is a good guy, he’ll understand, and he won’t tell anyone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lim starts to feel a tickle in the back of her throat. She felt the same way this morning and still had to begrudgingly go to work in spite of it. It was the worst she’s ever felt on the job since God knows when. Lea has a point, even if her authority is undermined at least she’ll be able to sleep in for once. The boys won’t be able to take that away from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re already here anyway.” Lim insists as she gets out of the car, Lea quickly catches up ahead and rings the doorbell. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ding Dong</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few seconds, Andrews answers the door in what Lea could only describe as a Hugh Hefner inspired red robe and slippers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea, Audrey, as much as I enjoy your company, don’t we see each other enough at the Hospital?” Andrews was clearly annoyed they were bothering him, but was still clearly trying to stay professional. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, we do, sorry for bothering you.” Lim says as she tries to walk away, now getting scared of confessing as her boss was already giving her a death stare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lim, come back!” Lea shouts as she turns around. “Andrews, listen, I know it’s late but Lim has something important to tell you, something really important, please hear her out.” Lea had a determination in her eyes as she pleaded with him, this clearly meant something to her. A mixture of overactive empathy and vicarious living for Audrey’s situation will do that to you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrews just sighs, knowing this was going to happen whether he wanted it to or not. “Let’s talk outside, Isabel’s asleep.” He warns them as he closes the door behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do both own telephones, correct?” He then asks after leaning against the porch, awaiting their explanation. “Any reason you couldn’t have just called?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s late, you wouldn’t have answered.” Lea insists, Andrews nods, acknowledging the truth of the matter. Lea afterward looks towards Lim, expecting her to take over now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Audrey then takes a deep breath and finally lets it out. “I need a break.” Andrews listens with the same stern gaze he gives everyone, forehead wrinkle and all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever since I got sick I’ve been feeling terrible. I think it’s a type of post-viral syndrome, but obviously we can’t be sure yet. I just… I know I’m not where I used to be, and don’t know when I’ll be back again.” Lim knew he would give it to her, she’s earned it through seniority and prestige. But that’s not what she’s worried about, what she’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> worried about is the judgement. Is he gonna look down on her for it? For as long as Andrews has known her Lim has been a trooper who never flinched or showed any sign of weakness. Not until now, and how he’ll respond is anyone’s guess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“During my first year as a resident, I used to go Mountain Biking a lot in my spare time.” Andrews tells them, seemingly unrelated to anything Lim had just said. “Fresh air, beautiful sights, what’s not to like?” They don’t answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, anyway, one day while I was going up the Sierra Nevada and was passing by a big rock in the road, I braked too late… You know a Colles’ Fracture can take up to six months to heal, but I didn’t have that time, no, I was a black man who wanted to be a Surgeon, I couldn’t afford to look weak.” Now Lea and Audrey were connecting the dots. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My attending, he knew something was wrong, that I was off my game. So you know what he did? He penalized me. Told me if I didn’t shape up soon I’d be off the program. I promised that if I was ever in his position, that would never happen again.” Andrews crosses his arms and prepares for what he’s about to say next. “I’m reducing your hours, cutting your extra days.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But sir, the other Surgeons will know I’m sick, I’d like to keep this private if you don’t mind.” Lim reminds him, as if Andrews didn’t already know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’ll tell them it’s a result of your vacation days. The ones you never used, I’m putting my foot down, you either use them or you lose them. Anyone would do the same in your situation.” That… that could work. Audrey actually had an alibi now to recover without sacrificing her reputation, and it was all thanks to Andrews… and Lea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Audrey looks to her new friend and smiles at her, she smiles right back. Happy for Lim that she was getting the treatment Lea never received at her old job. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now if that’ll be all, I’m tired, and would like to go back to bed.” Andrews insists as he heads back into his home, leaving the two women alone on his porch together in the cold night, both of them warmed by their exhilaration at his understanding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew this would work, me and Glassy went on a roadtrip the other day and it was totally cathartic.” Lea says as she and Audrey walk back to the Striped Tomato. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lim raises an eyebrow. “You and Doctor Glassman went on a roadtrip? You have </span>
  <em>
    <span>got </span>
  </em>
  <span>to tell me about that.” She opens the door and gets into the passenger seat, Lea gets in on the Driver’s side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First you gotta tell me how long you’ve had a Suzuki SV650! ‘Cause girl that thing is awesome.” Lea’s eyes lit up as she remembered Lim’s motorcycle. It was the exact type of thing Lea would’ve driven on the side if she didn’t have Uncle Rod’s Striped Tomato </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like it? Yeah, I got it like five years back, the horse power alone…” Lea and Lim continue to banter about cars, motorcycles, engines, all the stuff she could never talk to Shaun about that Lim seemed to know like the back of her hand. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>After driving back home Lea goes to check on Shaun before even stepping foot into her own apartment. She had no idea what to expect Shaun and Javi would be up to, Lea had never seen him interact with someone else on the spectrum, and as prejudiced as it might sound, she didn’t know if they just hung out the way neurotypicals do, or have their own thing she couldn’t understand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea uses her key and slowly creaks the door open only to see Shaun and Javi sitting on the floor with a mountain of books scattered all around, walking into the middle of a discussion between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...which is why I believe Kangaroos are the most versatile marsupial on the planet.” Shaun finishes, sounding as though Lea had just heard the end of a long and complicated spiel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes sense, Shaun, I’ll change from now on.” Javi humbly tells him, Shaun appearing satisfied, until surprise takes him over when he sees Lea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Lea! Javi likes Zoology too!” He informs her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool!” Lea responds trying to mimic her boyfriend’s excitement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Javi takes a glance at Lea he checks his watch and realizes the time. “I have to go now.” He bolts up off the floor and makes a beeline for the door. “It was nice meeting you Shaun, we should do this again soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Javi then leaves just as quickly as he came, Shaun and Lea now both alone in the apartment again, just as they were when the night started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how was it?” Lea inquires knowing Shaun probably wouldn’t ask the same from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was absent minded, self centered and inconsiderate.” Shaun candidly tells her, Lea frowning in disappointment, prepared to apologize to Shaun that his second attempt at making a friend failed, until he starts talking again… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to see him again next week.” He surprisingly finishes with. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Guess Autistic friendships are just as strange and inconsistent as anyone else’s. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea smiles. “I’m glad to hear it.” She then bends down to Shaun’s level and helps him clean up all the books, putting them back in their alphabetized place on the shelf. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was your hang out with Doctor Lim?” Shaun, against all odds, actually wonders. Lea didn’t even know how to respond at first, it was such an unusual experience having Shaun ask about what </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>did during her day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It went great, yeah, Lim’s awesome. I think I made a new friend too.” Lea decides to tell him the truth, the only truth that mattered anyway. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter takes place during Faces.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Breath in, breath out, left arm over right heel, pull gently, breath in, breath out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun’s daily calisthenics routine was fulfilling its intended purpose as it did most other mornings, improving his circulation and helping him wake up after a night of restful sleep. He was flexible, it was only natural he’d take advantage of that to stay in shape and ready himself for the day, anything but drinking coffee. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Knock, knock, knock</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently calisthenics have to be cut short today if he’s going to answer that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Shaun gets up and opens the door he sees Lea waiting for him on the other side, not like he was expecting anyone else, but her unusually large grin was more surprising.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what day it is?” She teasingly asks him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tuesday?” Shaun correctly guesses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that wasn’t the answer Lea was looking for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No silly! It’s your birthday!” She says reaching over and kissing him on the lips unannounced, Shaun had gotten comfortable enough with her unexpected displays of affection that he didn’t pull away, but was still confused about what this was all about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you…” He politely tells her, though Lea still looked like she wanted something </span>
  <em>
    <span>more. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span> “...I’ll see you in the lobby after I eat my breakfast!” He says, hoping to teeter back into his apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaunie, what are you talking about? It’s your birthday, we have to celebrate.” Lea lets herself in and stands in the middle of his living room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do for your birthday last year?” She inquires. They had known each other during Shaun’s birthday last year but alas, they didn’t go on their road trip and start dating until literally </span>
  <em>
    <span>days </span>
  </em>
  <span>after it passed, Lea was always secretly bitter about that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Glassman wished me a happy birthday, and then I worked until I got home and went to sleep.” Shaun tells her, trying to remember it to the best of his abilities. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea’s eyes scrunch in confusion. “That’s it? You didn’t even have a cake?” She’d heard of people keeping their birthdays low key, but not celebrating at all? “Shaun, do you not celebrate your birthday?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” He bluntly tells her. “I hated the birthday parties that my parents threw for me as a kid, they were always too loud, and messy… I don’t like them.” Shaun’s hands were now hastily stimming at the memory of those dreadful days, it’d been so long since he had to explain them to someone that he forgot just how bad they really were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, I can’t believe you haven’t had a Birthday party since you were like… fourteen. You really never wanted one before?” Lea’s concern was sincere. She had never met someone who just didn’t celebrate their birthday at all. How could he choose to have that? It blew her mind, Birthdays are special days, days where everything gets to go your way and everything gets to be fun with no repercussions. That’s a dream, yet it’s Shaun’s nightmare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all.” He answers, afterwards hastily taking his breakfast out of the fridge and sitting down at the table, Lea not knowing what else to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can eat with me if you want.” Shaun offers to her, taking out another apple. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea struggles to give him an answer, paralyzed while trying to take in just how different this day was going from what was planned in her head five minutes ago. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Did you guys know it’s Shaun’s birthday today?” Lea asks her entire lunch table right after sitting down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God, really? I have to wish him a happy birthday.” Claire realizes, now feeling melancholy over the fact she must’ve said nothing about it last year and came off as a huge jerk without realizing it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t bother, apparently he doesn’t celebrate it.” Lea assures her, which works like a charm, </span>
  <em>
    <span>St. Claire </span>
  </em>
  <span>didn’t want to have that on her conscience. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you guys about.” Everyone leans in to listen. “I want to throw Shaun a surprise party at the hospital.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Park squints in skepticism. “I don’t know, Lea, that seems a little… not Shaun’s speed?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea frowns. “Just hear me out, okay? Shaun hasn’t had a birthday party since he was fourteen years old!? Seriously, not one, and I really think he’s missing out.” That was a little peculiar, the whole table could at least acknowledge that. “But you know how he can be, so It’s gotta be a surprise party. Now if we can just coordinate our schedules together with his working hours and reserve the lounge for a night I think we’ll be able to pull something off.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nobody says anything. “Please say something, guys! I’m not going to be able to do this without your help.” Lea’s was practically begging of them by this point, she really wanted Shaun to have this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan then lets out a semi-sincere smile in the midst of all the silence. “I think that’s a great idea, Lea.” Everyone was taken back by her support, even Lea herself, Morgan could tell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? We all know Shaun, which means we’ll be able to make it enjoyable for him. Besides, when was the last time we did anything fun here? It’s been all doom and gloom ever since the quarantine, I’m tired of it and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>you all are too.” Morgan casually admits. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She has a motive, she always has a motive. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea couldn’t trust Morgan as far as she could throw her, but she was the only one at the table sticking her neck out for this party idea, Lea had to just go with it and trust that apparently all the stars have aligned and she and Morgan have a mutual interest for once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea simply points her index finger to Morgan sitting across from her as a gesture of concurrence but the table remains quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I guess it might be good to get our minds off things, for at least one night.” Claire timidly observes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell, I’m in.” Park then adds on shortly after. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so I’ll come up with a list of invites but someone else needs to pick up a cake soon and the other has to clear it up with Melendez.” Lea instructs them as if she was their attending. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cake’s on me.” Park volunteers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will talk to Melendez.” Morgan offers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...and I’ll stay with Shaun to make sure he doesn’t get any ideas.” Claire finally finishes with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything was coming together, and Lea was exhilarated. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Glassman had to be invited to Shaun’s surprise party, that wasn’t up for debate. He raised him and was the only person who ever wished him a happy birthday for fifteen years, he deserves this almost as much as Shaun does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea couldn’t leave work, she had to FaceTime with him over the computer instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea what do you need?” Aaron’s dismembered voice tiredly asks her after accepting the call. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glassy, hey.” Lea nonchalantly says, staring into his brown eyes past her computer screen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea, I’m in between naps, what do you need?” He asks her, fidgeting with his screen as he rolls over in bed, clearly having just woken up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… I found out today’s Shaun birthday.” She confesses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...oh.” He didn’t sound very happy by her discovery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking, we should throw him a birthday party. A good one, here at the hospital.” Glassman’s face turns to a look of disappointment, but Lea keeps going. “I already got everyone else on board but I wanted to personally extend you an invitation before we got started… what do you say?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassman rubs his whole face with his hands before placing them together while he plans his next words in his head. “You know what I think, Lea? I think this is a really bad idea, and if you care about Shaun you should tell everyone to forget about this and just treat today like you would any other.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glassy was blunt, rudely so, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shaun-like</span>
  </em>
  <span> if you will. But Lea bit her tongue, she and him had been getting along much better recently and she figured he was just doing this for her own good, or what he perceived to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this because of what happened when he was younger?” She simply inquiries, hoping to understand his motivations more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s more than that, Lea, he’s autistic. He doesn’t want one. He’s never wanted one, and I don’t know why you’re pushing to give him one now.” That certainly answered it, but if Lea was patient before, she isn’t anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think I don’t know that!?” She all but yells at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, he’s autistic, and yes, I know what he said. But Glassy, Birthdays parties…” Lea struggled to find the right word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...they’re magical, a gift from your friends and family to show how much they love you. That’s what we all want to do, we want to show Shaun how much we love him and how happy we are that he was born. He deserves that, and quite frankly, I think after all these years, he’d really like it if he got one, especially from the people he cares about. Now I’m going to ask you one more time, do you want to celebrate with us or not?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea had put him in a box. Yes, Glassman did still think it was a bad idea but obviously that wasn’t enough for her to cancel the party, and if he missed out, he knows he’d regret it. Some of his best memories with Maddie are from her birthday parties, even that God forsaken Usher themed disaster. If it’s gonna happen anyway, he might as well show up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll, uh, be there in an hour.” He tells her with his tail now firmly in between his legs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea just smiles in contentment, over his coming and having him vocally admit to being wrong. Priceless.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Doctor Melendez, can we talk?” Morgan asks as she approaches him working at the front desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make it quick, Doctor Reznick, I have to start preparing for Molly’s surgery in fifteen minutes.” Melendez tells her as he finishes mapping out the first draft of his diagnostic blueprint. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t need more than five.” She insists. “Today’s Shaun’s birthday. Me, Lea and the other residents want to throw him a surprise party in the lounge. We were just wondering if sometime after the surgery, you’d like to help us set up… and celebrate.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil’s attention was now piqued, this wasn’t what he was expecting Morgan to say, it wasn’t something he ever expected to hear, much less from her. His instincts weren’t too different from Lea’s in sensing that something was up, but unlike her, he wasn’t willing to put that aside for the greater good. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stops typing on the computer and then turns his full attention to Morgan. “What’s your angle here?” He candidly asks her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” She asks back</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to throw Murphy a birthday party? Since when have you ever wanted to do something nice for another resident?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan resented his accusation, in spite of how true it rang to her character. “Are you in or not?” She decides to ask, pivoting back to the main topic. “Because I’m not here to explain myself and if you don’t want to go just tell me and I won’t ask you again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to go…” Melendez confesses to her. “...but I also don’t want to be a pawn in whatever game it is you’re playing, so why don’t you tell me what’s going on so I don’t have to say no.” It was a convoluted line of reasoning, but Morgan still understood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m-I’m… I… want to take my mind off of things, off of, um, of Tyler.” Morgan wanted to get over him already, but so far, nothing was working. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Melendez though can only offer her a look of puzzling confusion. “Who’s that again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morgan aggressively rolls her eyes, she was opening up to him this idiot who couldn’t even take a hint. “The EMT from Christmas. He passed before we could find the antidote, we were close, I’m still hurt we couldn’t have been… more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Melendez didn’t feel like an arrogant ass before, he sure did now. Morgan was clearly going through something traumatic and was in a lot of pain, enough that she would organize a party for someone she thought deserved to be fired no less than a year ago! And afterwards spill her guts to him in the middle of a crowded hospital lobby. He obviously couldn’t just outright apologize, but still didn’t want to make a sensitive situation even worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s all you had to say.” Neil confidently replies, trying to save face from his prior insensitivity. “Keep me posted” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With Melendez and Glassman both on board everyone was able to help set up for the party. Everything was coming together nicely, there seemed to be a time right after Molly’s surgery where everyone was available. Park had also managed to pick up the perfect double layer yellow cake with chocolate frosting, Shaun’s favorite, adorned with simple yet elegant decorations made with white icing. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Shaun couldn’t wait to decompress after the face transplant was a success. The whole scene beforehand with Karin’s mother and the Walk of Honor was powerful enough to move even Shaun’s stoic heart. It was enough emotion to last him for the night, all he wanted now was change out of these clothes, go home, and snuggle with Lea draped under a warm blanket in front of the TV. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as he’s putting the combination code for his locker in to start changing out of his scrubs, Shaun’s phone begins buzzing, It’s a text. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Lea: Come to the lounge.</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wonder what she needs. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun puts his clothes back into the locker and begins his trek to the lounge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was dark and quiet inside the lounge, as it always was at this time. Lea wanted him to come but hadn’t even bothered to turn on the lights. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s strange. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shaun observes as he does it himself, being startled by the sight of all his friends standing together next to the table with a birthday cake in between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SURPRISE!” They all shout in unison. Shaun now knows exactly what this is…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I threw you a surprise party, Shaunie. Now you’ll be able to have a real birthday party again, a good one this time!” Lea assures him while everyone awaits his response, but he doesn’t say anything. All they hear uttered from his lips are mumbles and other incoherent sounds indicating distress and confusion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, no, I told you I didn’t want a birthday party!” Shaun blurts out, everyone’s smiles quickly leaving their faces. That only made Shaun start to feel worse as the lights started to become that much brighter, the noise of everyone’s voices that much louder, the knot in his stomach that much tighter, it was sensory overload, and there was nothing Shaun could do about it, he had to escape. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so he did, dashing out the door into the hospital hallway while Lea chased after him from behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun! Shaun, wait!” He doesn’t stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Shaun, don’t be upset, just give this a chance, for me, please!” Lea’s pleas keep falling on deaf ears, Shaun continues moving without even so much as slowing down until in the corner of his eyes he notices a familiar sight. Molly, the girl he just performed surgery on, she and her parents were seeing her new face for the first time. Shaun could see them reacting to it, her whole family, they were so happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea finally catches up to Shaun after he stops walking and begins listing off dozens of excuses for why she did what she did, but he wasn’t listening to them, he had his own internal dialogue going on, one that was much more compelling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Molly didn’t know if she wanted a new face. She was happy the way she was. It was her parents who pleaded with St. Bonaventure to do the surgery.” Lea stops talking and just listens, not entirely sure where Shaun is going with this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But now even I can tell…. She’s happy she did it.” Lea joins Shaun as they both look over Molly’s family still celebrating. Everything Shaun said was undeniably true, Lea could tell as much as he could. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you only threw me a birthday party because you thought it would make me happy… and maybe it will… I won’t know unless I try... and after seeing Molly, I want to be brave enough to try.” Shaun looks back at Lea after having revealed his change of heart and extends his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea didn’t hesitate for a second to take it, though she wasn’t in a rush to bring him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m very proud of you Shaun, for doing this, for me.” He didn’t lash out, he didn’t say anything he’d regret, he just removed himself from the situation and rationally thought through a meaningful response, changing his mind in the process. Shaum wouldn’t have done that a year ago, he’s growing, changing for the better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She then slowly leads him back to the party where they all resume the celebrations. There was no music or other loud festivities but the sound of everyone’s voice talking over one another was still enough to give the lounge a “noisy” vibe that was ever present at every large gathering for some reason. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even though it was his party Shaun didn’t talk to anyone. He just sat down on the sofa and looked around, observing everyone, they all seemed to be having fun even if he wasn’t, even Morgan was getting her groove playing pin the tail on the donkey with Doctor Park… and failing to do so, miserably. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that look.” Claire insists as she sits down next to him. “You had the exact same one when me and Jared took you to Harry Hopes for the first time.” Shaun remembered that like it was yesterday. Right after Barb Allen’s surgery they all got drinks to celebrate, it felt very similar to this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” He affirms her, not wanting to be disturbed from his observations, but still mildly appreciating Claire taking an interest in him. Lea surprisingly wasn’t doing anything of the sort, too busy trying to guess what Doctor Melendez was in charades. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, I never really liked birthday parties either.” Shaun turns his head around in surprise directly looking into Claire’s eyes after hearing her say that. “It’s just another day to remind you that you’re getting older, not sure what’s worth celebrating about that, especially if you don’t want to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun smiles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claire was the only person he talked to about this that actually agreed with him, who could see it from his perspective. It was refreshing, intoxicating even to feel validated like that, not even Lea or Glassman could do that. They were both nice and wanted him to be happy, but they’re also both so stubborn and opinionated, Claire was different… always knowing what to say, always thinking about others, and it was times like this he was grateful to have her in his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing it for Lea, she wants me to have one and I can make it through one night if it’ll make her happy.” Shaun calmly argues in her defense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying, you’re not the only one.” Claire responds. “But that is very sweet of you.” She still adds on nonetheless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s light the candles!” Lea then calls out after Charades finishes. “Everyone, come to the table.” Glassman is the first to come after Shaun who he scooches up towards before anyone else can show up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s yellow cake with chocolate frosting, Shaun, just like I used to get you at the bakery. It was Maddie’s favorite too.” Glassman informs him, getting whimsically nostalgic over the idea of being able to taste it again after all these years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun grins with genuine excitement. “Oh, I like yellow cake with chocolate frosting.” Exactly the reaction Glassman intended when he told Park the type of cake he, under all circumstances, needed to buy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Melendez then turns off the lights and Morgan begins lighting the </span>
  <b>29 </b>
  <span>shape candle firmly placed in the center of the cake. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>🎵 Happy birthday to you. 🎵</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>🎵 Happy birthday to you. 🎵</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>🎵 Happy birthday dear, Shaun. 🎵</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>🎵 Happy birthday to you. 🎵</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone begins clapping as Shaun slightly cowers from all the sudden noise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make a wish.” Lea announces. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun then blows out his candle in one elegant burst of air, knowing exactly what to wish for. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Risk and Reward.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Monday Night Football. One of Shaun’s favorite times of the week. At 8:00 PM sharp, after a full day’s work he could always come home and relax with Lea to watch a game. Shaun was always awful at sports, but he still liked watching them for reasons even he couldn’t fully understand. Maybe it had something to do with the fact It was one of the only ways he bonded with Glassman while they were growing up together outside of medicine. Just like a father and son would, and now he can share it with his girlfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run!” Lea shouts to the TV as he forces herself into an upright sitting position, trying to contain her excitement from begging for a Touchdown. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Quarterback makes it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” She exclaims while Shaun gleefully claps along. He was just as invested in the game as she was that he didn’t even become startled by her screams. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won.” Shaun observes after the game finishes and the San Francisco 49ers celebrate. But this wasn’t just a regular victory, this one was the big one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea turns her gaze over to her boyfriend who does the same. “Shaun, the 49ers are going to the Super Bowl.” She points out to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The 49ers are going to the Super Bowl!” He happily reaffirms to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The 49ers are going to the Super Bowl!” She shouts out again in excitement, lunging herself forward and hugging Shaun as tightly as she can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to the Super Bowl.” He then quietly adds on, now feeling the excitement that the promise he made last year was finally going to come true, after all this time, and the 49ers being there, everything was shaping up to be perfect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until the next day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t go to the Super Bowl this year, Shaun.” Glassman somberly informs him while sitting in his chemo session. Both of their hearts sinking, Shaun’s from hearing it and Glassman having to say it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But… you promised... your glioma was operable. The 49ers are gonna be there, we have to go this year…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Shaun, you know I can’t skip my chemo.” Glassman says, cutting him off. “Last year I thought I’d be better by now, but things got complicated, and we just can’t risk taking a trip all the way to Atlanta to spend all day in a Football stadium.” Shaun should’ve known this, he’s a surgeon, but he was also a young man with a dream. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A dream about spending quality time with his step-father. The same one who he’s barely been able to see for the last eight months due to a non-stop cavalcade of health scares. Shaun had to be forgiven, he wasn’t quite functioning like he normally did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s… That’s not fair.” He exclaims, his voice getting lower as he goes on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s not.” Glassman reaffirms him with a whisper, trying to stay strong in spite of the disappointing news. He then puts his hand on Shaun's leg as he continues to process the information he’s told. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we will go at some point, I promise.” Glassman continues to assure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun slowly slithers his leg out of Glassman’s palm and gets up, leaving the clinic with beet red eyes, tears accumulating within them at a rapid rate, but being held back by the limits of his mental valor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t fair. He did everything right, it all worked out and all they have to do now is go… but they can’t. So close, yet so far away, that was the worst part of it. Having it all get snatched away like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun wasn’t happy, and nothing could make this better. Not even Lea nor the prospect of an interesting new case, and speak of the Devil, he still has to go to work today! </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Shaun has no time to spare once he gets to St. Bonaventure. Apparently, he’s needed in the O.R. to help with a c-section and then perform surgery on the infant directly afterwards. There’s also a new Chief of Surgery now, Doctor Jackson Han, who likes to listen to music while he works. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun could barely handle it, especially not today, it made a rudimentary patching up of a bowel protrusion feel like an open heart transplant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once it was finally done, luck only took a turn for the worst, the baby’s parents were standing outside, anxiously waiting for Shaun to give them answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Percy stable?” The father asks with a tone of exhaustion, having likely stayed up all night while his wife was in surgery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I put in a central line for nutrition. We’re looking for solutions to her problems.” With their question concisely answered, Shaun prepares to walk away and end the conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait-wait...” The mother calls out from her wheelchair, still clearly in recovery from her c-section. “Why does she have all these birth defects?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Sometimes these defects can happen for no reason.” Shaun turns around to quickly inform her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But before he can redirect himself to leave again and get some much needed space, alas, she starts speaking again. “I was taking antidepressants while I was pregnant with her, could-could that have done something!? I stopped taking them right after I found out I was pregnant, but I just keep thinking…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s clear these people wanted to practically interview Shaun about this and he was in no mood, with his wall of patience starting to tear down, he couldn’t take it anymore. “I don’t know!” He says, shouting this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never seen Percy before and I don’t know your medical history! If your medication caused birth defects it was the responsibility of your OB-GYN specialist to tell you. Now, stop asking me!” It felt good to get that off his chest, to finally release some of that pent up anger that had been lurking in Shaun’s belly since this morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that euphoria still riding strong, Shaun finally turns around and takes his leave. For the next hour that was his break, he’s finally free. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>All night, Shaun stayed at the hospital all night burying himself in his work thinking it would make him feel better, and It did, while he was working. But once everything was done he was right back in the same rut he started out in. Maybe even worse thanks to  the lack of sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you been here all night?” Lea asks, joining Shaun at his table in the cafeteria, eating her own Pancake breakfast alongside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Shaun bluntly answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I wish you would’ve told me, I was waiting for you, if Claire hadn’t texted me that you were here I would’ve had to file a missing person’s report.” Lea facetiously tells him, but Shaun isn’t in a smiling mood, not that he ever laughs at her jokes anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I was busy working on a case with the new Chief of Surgery, Doctor Han.” Shaun had wanted to tell Lea the news and vent a little before anything else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? What’s he like?” Lea asks, turning bubbly enough to counteract Shaun’s grumpiness, clearly she was just happy to see him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He plays music in the operating room.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea smiles. “Nice…” Then she realizes her audience. “...I mean, that must suck. I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun stays quiet after that while Lea keeps eating her food, now with her up to speed about Doctor Han he can talk about what’s really getting his goat. “Doctor Glassman said we can’t go to the Super Bowl this year.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no… Shaunie, you poor thing.” Lea insists, now her face matching his in disappointment. “He said that he can’t miss his Chemo appointments. Which is true, but I’m still upset.” Somehow the fact Glassman had a legitimate reason for cancelling at the last minute was making Shaun </span>
  <em>
    <span>even more </span>
  </em>
  <span>upset. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea reaches over and grazes Shaun’s hand but he quickly moves it away, he didn’t want to be touched. She doesn’t take it personally though and just goes back to her meal while they sit in the quiet again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, Donny is gonna be really pissed too. He begged me to try and take a selfie with Jimmy Garoppolo when I told him we were going.” Lea expected Shaun to meticulously explain to her why just because they’d be at the Super Bowl doesn’t mean they’d be in the same room as the Quarterback of the San Francisco 49ers, but he just sat there, saying nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was disappointed, sure, but Shaun had been dreaming about going to the Super Bowl with Glassy since before they even really knew each other. This has to be hurting him so much worse than her.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is really getting to you, isn’t it?” Lea decides to finally ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun just nods. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea puts her food down and throws her hands in the air. “Alright, you’ve twisted my arm, we need to have our own Super Bowl.” She whimsically suggests. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t have our own Super Bowl, Lea, Atlanta won the bidding war for this season.” Just the idea seemed to get Shaun back to his regular self a little bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll make snacks, get two big fancy chairs for your apartment, a mock fence, and then with that behemoth TV of yours it’ll be just like we’re there in the crowd.” Not exactly, but close enough. “...and this way we’ll get to see all the commercials too. Which I actually think is a blessing in disguise since they’re pretty much the best part of the whole show.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun’s face stays neutral, not smiling, but not frowning. “That-that could be nice…” He shakily insists to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a date then. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We’re still going to the Super Bowl!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Lea tried to shift her tone to the way it was two days ago as a call back to that night in the apartment, but Shaun didn’t seem interested in doing that, not in public, though he was clearly happier than before.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea could tell. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It couldn’t come soon enough, Super Bowl Sunday. Lea had spent the next three days buying and setting up all the necessary equipment in Shaun’s apartment to make their Super Bowl experience as authentic as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Needless to say, Shaun’s living room was a little bit overcrowded, but it captured the vibe Lea was going for perfectly, the crowded grungy feel of front row seats for the biggest game of the year. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea let herself in hours before Shaun’s shift would end and just watched the Halftime Show until he’d get home. Sooner than she thought, Lea could hear the door unlocking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaunie…” She calls out quietly. “You’re right on time, the game just started.” Lea gets up and sees him at the door, his face as stone cold and his body movements stiff as a board. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Han is mad at me.” He announces unprompted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s not good. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“What-what happened? Is this about the music?” It’s totally like Shaun to make a big deal about something like that. Lea knew it first hand, Shaun </span>
  <em>
    <span>does not</span>
  </em>
  <span> like music when he’s trying to focus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I yelled at Percy’s parents and then they told Doctor Han so then he yelled at me.” Shaun explains, mentally reliving the entire situation as clearly in his mind as the day it happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea’s brow scrunches in a way that’s almost cute, clearly annoyed by what happened. “That’s… that’s ridiculous, you’re autistic and… blunt. He should’ve known that!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He does, but he doesn’t care, and he wants me to fix it.” Before Lea can even respond Shaun begins walking over to the bookshelf where he pulls multiple hardcovers out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re gonna read a book while we watch?” Lea curiously probes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t watch the Super Bowl tonight, I’ve been reading how to improve my social skills in order to avoid upsetting Doctor Han again and I can’t afford to waste any more time until I start seeing improvements.” Lea couldn’t believe what she was hearing, all this time spent trying to recreate seats at the Super Bowl just for him to change his mind at the last minute? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you serious?” Lea demands to know of him with a tone that conveyed a much stronger message of </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, really, are you actually serious? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun doesn’t pick up on it. “Yes, can you please leave?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Lea’s face finally settled on saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>you just crossed the line. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Except Shaun wasn’t the one who did it, he had gone through enough, this behavior was expected and they were working on it. The look was reserved for the real perpetrator, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Doctor Han. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea had never even met this man but she already hated him for ruining her and Shaun’s Super Bowl, and he wasn’t going to get away with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” She curtly says as she puts on her shoes and walks out the door. Seething her teeth together in rage while she planned all the ways to nip this growing nuisance on her and Shaun’s life.  </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Jackson Han was quickly realizing just how daunting it was transferring to another hospital as Chief of Surgery without going through the ranks first. The corporate politics and hospital culture that ran rampant in St. Bonaventure were still new to him, but everyone still expected to know it all like the back of his hand, even himself. Jackson wasn’t about to let himself down, he just has to do what he always does, pull himself up by his bootstraps and work to exceed his own expectations, it’s what he expected of everyone else, why shouldn’t he do it too? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Han, right?” Lea sternly asks while walking into the office, uninvited. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not amused, but still professional enough to not let his feelings allow him to say something rash. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” He insists, closing his laptop. “Can I help you with something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea sits down, crossing her legs and putting her hands on her lap. “My name is Lea Dilallo, I work in the tech department, my boyfriend is Shaun Murphy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han raises his eyebrows. “Right, Doctor Murphy…” Jackson had a feeling where this conversation was heading. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard you guys got in a little argument the other day about his behavior towards a parent.” Lea informs him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More or less.” Han concisely answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, on his behalf I just want to apologize for anything he did wrong or who he might’ve upset. But I also want to remind you that Shaun has autism, and because of that, sometimes these things don’t come as easy to him…” Lea was starting to feel like this was a bad idea, she was treating her boyfriend like he needs someone to talk to his boss and bail him out everytime he gets in trouble. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s a grown man, he should be able to do this himself. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea realized. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But he is different from other men. I doubt Melendez would shut down just because his boss yelled at him at work for making a mistake. </span>
  </em>
  <span>This simple trip was all starting to feel much more complicated right when it was too late to turn around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m aware of Doctor Murphy’s ASD diagnosis.” Doctor Han leans in on his desk, crossing his fingers while making himself closer to Lea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lea, can I call you that?” He politely inquires. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Lea responds with equally as much tact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m simply trying to hold Shaun to the same standard that I would any other resident. Respect and communication are essential aspects of working in this field, aspects he’ll need to understand if he’s going to be a good Doctor.” Han states to her, straight to the point yet simple, though with a slight tinge of condescension, but Lea was used to that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But he’s autistic, you can’t just ignore that.” She insists to him. “You’re expecting something of him that doesn’t come to Shaun the way it does everyone else, like you’re setting him up to fail.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doctor Han sighs out of his nose, clearly annoyed by how headstrong she was coming off. “What do you want me to do, Lea?” He candidly wonders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like it if you showed some respect to my boyfriend’s disability.” Lea tells him in a way that suspected he already knew what her answer would be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m training Doctors here, not running a summer camp. If Shaun can’t do what’s expected of him then he’s not cut out to be a Surgeon here at St. Bonaventure. It’s unethical to the other residents and our patients if I give him some special exemptions on account of his ASD. I’m sorry, but that’s just not going to happen.” They were narrowing in on what the elephant in the room was, Han clearly had expectations for how a Surgeon should act that Shaun wasn’t fulfilling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea realized it now, and knew she had to look at this the way she would any other problem. If Han’s idea of a Surgeon is something Shaun can’t do, then she just needs to convince him to redefine his idea of what a Surgeon </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not just have him specialize then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doctor Han double takes at Lea’s suggestion. “I-I don’t follow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun is great with facts and figures, but his people skills clearly need work. So, why not have him work twice as hard in the Operating Room to make up for it. It’ll be more than the other residents, but then he won’t have to socialize. It’s just playing to his strengths, like you’d do in Football. If you have a player who has a bad knee you don’t make them train to be a Wide Receiver.” It was an apt analogy for this situation, this all started because of Football, why not use it to patch things up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jackson hadn’t thought about that, it was certainly an unorthodox way of running a residency, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sits, staring into space, contemplating to himself for nearly a half minute until looking to Lea again. “You’re right.” Doctor Han announces to her, Lea’s face lighting up in relief hearing him humbly admit that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaun has limitations, but he also has strengths, and we should focus on reserving him only for situations he excels in.” Lea was smiling now in a way that still came across a good faithed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han stands up from his desk and extends his hand. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’ve actually given me a lot to think about. It was nice meeting you, Lea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you too, Doctor Han.” She accepts his firm handshake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, call me Jackson.” He assures her. Lea now smiling even more at his openness. Clearly Doctor Han cares a lot about his residents, there’s nothing to be scared of here, Shaun is in good hands. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Work went smoothly the rest of the day as Lea sat on her desk and performed routine maintenance on the St. Bonaventure medical database until it was dark outside and time to leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right where she meets Shaun at the end of every day he’s sitting on the bench, looking much less excited than Lea expected. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He probably doesn’t know. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I talked to Doctor Han earlier today.” Lea announces with child-like giddiness. “... and I convinced him not to force you to keep interacting with patients anymore. How cool is that!?” Lea sits down next to him, smiling ear to ear at Shaun while he looks off straight ahead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun finally turns his attention to Lea, but he still doesn’t look happy. “Doctor Han transferred me to Pathology.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea’s stomach turns and heart sinks into a pile of darkness. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What happened?</span>
  </em>
  <span> “I-I-I don’t understand, he said he would…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...he doesn’t want me to deal with patients anymore.” He turns his gaze to Lea, who was already a hair’s width away from utter despair, staring as if he knew this was her doing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m no longer a surgical resident.” Shaun announces to her before turning back in the same direction as before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea now feels more comfortable letting her emotions out, as she bits her lip and crosses her arms, feeling a mini panic attack as she comes to terms with her role in all of this. Her need to get involved, her words to Doctor Han, it all led to this disaster. To Shaun losing the one thing he valued the most in this world, being a Surgeon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took that from him, rather she meant to or not, and that was a burden Lea dreaded having to live with. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Believe.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Pancakes. Chocolate chip, soft in the middle, crunchy of the outside, straight off the griddle, slathered in maple syrup, exactly the way Shaun liked it. Making these for breakfast was the least Lea could do for Shaun after sabotaging his entire career. He didn’t seem to be taking nearly as hard as she was, strangely enough, or maybe he was just better at hiding it, either way it didn’t do anything to subside the guilt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for making me Pancakes, Lea.” Shaun says after downing his third in under five minutes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just thinking since It’s your first day in Pathology that you deserved a good breakfast. Namely, my world famous Pancakes.” Lea’s attitude was still as happy go lucky as ever, she underestimated how well she could hide her pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I don’t want a good breakfast, I want to stay in Surgery.” Shaun announces as if no one knew. Lea frowns as the façade of positivity starts to fade. All she can do is look down and close her eyes before forcing herself to look back at her boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I know, Shaun. I know…” That’s too ominous, she has to keep the positive energy going, salvage the morning, give him a good start, he deserves that. “...but I’m really proud of you for staying so strong about it. We’ve had a hard few weeks but I promise things are going to start getting better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea then plops a fourth Pancake onto his plate, and just as she opens the syrup Shaun looks at his watch. “I’m late.” He says, getting out of his chair before grabbing his coat off the hanger and walking out the door, leaving Lea all by herself with more Pancakes than she even knows what to do, and more cooking behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Figures. </span>
  </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The first day is over. Shaun and Lea both get into the Striped Tomato. She offered to drive but Shaun insisted that he wanted to. Normally, he always let Lea do it whenever she offered, but it seems like today he wants control of something in his life right now, even just a car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was your first day in Pathology?” Lea asks, as they pull out of their parking spot and hit the road. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Carly said we’re the detectives, and Surgeons are just the beat cops.” Lea laughs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I don’t like it there.” She stops laughing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s boring, and slow, and Carly smells funny.” Nothing like Lea, Shaun </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved</span>
  </em>
  <span> the way Lea smelled, even when she wasn’t wearing perfume. “I want to go back to Surgery!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea didn’t know what she was expecting him to say, but it still hurt hearing that his first day turned out to be a bust. “I’m sorry, Shaunie. But maybe in time, you’ll get used to it.” It’s the only outcome she can hope for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun doesn’t say anything, clearly positive associations towards Pathology are not coming for the foreseeable future. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Change topics, quick, before someone cries. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea yells to herself internally. “So, who did you work on today?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clarence Jeffries. We have to remove a tumor from his spine, but he’s refusing treatment on religious grounds.” The last part reminded Lea something she hadn’t thought of in a long time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, is he a Pastor? Because there was a Pastor Clarence Jeffries at the Church I used to go to before I moved apartments.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, he is.” Shaun confirms to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Small world.” Lea says, smiling at the coincidence, he was always nice to her everytime she came. “Hopefully he comes around on that Surgery though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand why he wouldn’t do it. Religion makes no sense to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea becomes casually offended in the way she usually did whenever Shaun made a snap judgement about something she cared about. “Religion helps a lot of people Shaun, especially when they’re going through hard times…” Lea has definitely had some of those in the past. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...like what’s happening with you being taken out Surgery. Religion, it gives you a community, something to make those things a little easier“ The parallel was there, no harm in taking it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun doesn’t seem to mind either, he actually looked like he understood her point more now that he could connect it back to his life. “Studies show that religious attendance is associated with increased oxytocin levels.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea puts her hand out and forces out a fake confident smile. “That’s exactly what I was gonna say!” She then facetiously insists. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation was about to end then and there, but Lea started to connect the dots that maybe the parallel from before wasn’t just a coincidence, it was God trying to point her in the right direction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I took you to Church this weekend? It might make you feel better.” Might make her too, with her guilt over Shaun’s predicament she’d be right at home with all the other Catholics. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose there’s no harm in observing.” Shaun replies, seeing her line of thinking as a natural result of the conversation too. “But I still don’t believe in God and I won’t change my mind unless they show me scientifically proven evidence!” That last part was very important to Shaun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tell any of the Priests that.” Lea warns him, only semi-joking this time. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>St. Christopher’s Catholic Church was completely abandoned on the Saturday night Shaun and Lea decided to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Church had a soothing aura inside. The only light came from the candles at the altar which smelled like burning wax, there was no sound except for Lea and Shaun’s footsteps, and the marble structure made it nice and cool inside. It was the exact opposite of overstimulating. Understimulating? No, that didn’t seem accurate, it wasn’t underwhelming or anything negative.</span>
  <em>
    <span> It was just right. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s sit here.” Lea says having a seat on the bench right beneath the statue of Jesus Christ on the cross. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I come to Church, I like to just sit here in the quiet and take it all in for a little bit.” Lea then closes her eyes and starts to breathe peacefully in and out, going into a sort of meditate trance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun though doesn’t do anything of the sort as he just stared up at Jesus. The effigy was bright gold with his eyes and hair brown, though the paint was chipping off. Blood was draped all over his body coming from his wrists and head. The patterns actually looked realistic enough that Shaun wouldn’t have been able to advise the artist to make it better if he tried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, footsteps are heard behind him. “Lea! It always makes my night to see you  here.” A Priest warmly greets her after walking forward to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Father Bird, hi!” Lea responds, getting up to hug him, only for him to then notice Shaun. “I don’t recall having met you before, hello, I’m Nathaniel Bird!” The priest exclaims extending his hand to Shaun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello! I’m Doctor Shaun Murphy!” He says, loosely shaking his hand after standing up from the bench. Father Bird wasn’t what Shaun expected from a Priest, he was tall and thin unlike Pastor Clarence, with a full head of gelled black hair and piercing blue eyes, enough to give Shaun’s a run for their money.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Father Bird, Shaun’s my boyfriend, he’s not very religious but he’s going through some hard times right now and wanted to visit the Church.” Lea explains to him, knowing the Father would understand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, our doors are always open.” He insists, maintaining her expectation. “Please Shaun, tell me, what’s troubling you?” The Father then asks, granting his full attention both physically and spiritually to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Han moved me from Surgery to Pathology and I don’t like it there…I don’t like it one bit and I want to be a Surgeon again but I don’t know how.” Shaun had no problem opening up to him. He always tells people way too much information anyway, venting his problems to a Priest who wanted to hear them was like asking a fish to swim. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun then finishes his rant by softly requesting, “Can you help me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Father Bird could’ve followed up with more questions about Shaun’s life, what hospital did he work at, why was he transferred to Pathology in the first place, etc. But instead he gave him advice that would apply to anyone in his situation, regardless of their reasons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you tried praying for a solution?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, how would that help me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Shaun.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea whispers, more trying to dissuade him from saying anything offensive than actually being insulted by anything he just said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Father Bird though just laughs, “No, it’s okay, I understand. Prayer helps us build a relationship with God, he has a plan for you. But... he doesn’t always communicate it in a way that's easy to understand. That’s why when we pray, we let him in to show us the way, lead us on the path to being our best selves. If you’re supposed to be a Surgeon, praying will show you how.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun was prepared to argue with the Priest against any claims he would make about the effectiveness of prayer. Shaun had seen enough Pubmed studies to know that Prayer is ineffective as a form of medicine. But then Father Bird went at it at a completely different angle, one he never expected, </span>
  <em>
    <span>building a relationship with God. </span>
  </em>
  <span>There’s no Pubmed study against that, and even though Shaun was an Atheist he can’t</span>
  <em>
    <span> disprove</span>
  </em>
  <span> the idea of God. In the hypothetical chance there is someone out there, he doesn’t have much to lose by hedging his bets. Worse case scenario nothing changes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will try.” Shaun assures him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excellent, in the meantime, I’ll do my part by praying for you, Shaun.” Father Bird insists, gently placing his hand onto Shaun’s shoulder. “..and I do hope to see you again soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t, I have no plans to come back here.” Shaun bluntly informs the Father, who laughs at his candidness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nice seeing you too, Lea.” He then says shifting the topic out of awkwardness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too, Father Bird.” Lea says, hugging him. As they closely hug each other, the Father brings his tall frame down closer to Lea’s ear and begins to whisper. “I know that you’re struggling too. Remember to not only pray for Shaun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stop hugging and the two begin leaving the Church. Shaun does all the talking, going on about everything he liked and how his family never raised to be religious… or something. Lea was too busy contemplating the Father’s heavy words, and what it would lead to if she followed them. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Black Beans, Chickpeas, Kidney Beans, Lentils, Navy Beans, Pinto Beans, Red Beans…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun takes out every legume can from the cupboard before hastily placing them onto the counter. They needed to all be removed and placed first for him to properly alphabetize every single one. Shaun continues to repeat the order under his breath while Lea watches with concern. Shaun had never been the most normal boyfriend under regular circumstances, but this… this was unsettling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaunie… what’s going on?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m alphabetizing my canned goods and checking the expiration dates.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can see that… you’ve been doing it for two hours. Is there something you want to talk about?” What else could this other than a cry for help? Lea had to be the one to answer it, there’s no way she could ever look herself in the mirror again if she didn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs heavily which only reaffirms Lea’s suspicion. “I think Doctor Lim’s patient’s diagnosis is wrong, but I can’t prove it without information, and I’m not allowed to talk to the patient since I’m not a Surgeon anymore!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This transfer to Pathology is the gift that keeps on giving it seems. Lea was about at her wits end with it, how it just kept making their lives so much complicated and she felt this obligation to always untangle it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not like it’s not justified. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to talk to patients, I want to fix people. I’m gonna call Doctor Glassman and tell him to make me a Surgical Resident again.” He starts pacing for the phone but Lea sidesteps into his way, gently ceasing his movement by placing her palm onto his forearm. “He’s not President anymore, he can’t do anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you do it! You talked to Doctor Han before, you need to do it again!” Damn. Right in her weak spot, Lea was almost tempted to do it, but her more rational mind kept her grounded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already made things bad enough by talking to him once.” Shaun looked overwhelmed by her answer, his face flushing as he began to feel trapped with no way out, an internalized claustrophobia of sorts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is out of our control Shaun, but it’s not out of God’s.” That got his attention. “Let’s go on the couch and pray like Father Bird suggested. Let him know that we’re not happy with the way things are going and we want them to change.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t feel like a very satisfying solution to vent Shaun’s frustration, but beggars can’t be choosers, he has no other choice if Lea isn’t gonna talk to Doctor Han. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> want them to change.” He pouts like a five year old child who wasn’t allowed to have his dessert. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do too.” Lea insists, guiding Shaun to the couch as they both sit down and close their eyes, placing their hands together as they rest them against their foreheads and begin to whisper their prayers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun kept repeating in his head </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I want to be a Surgeon again! I want to be a Surgeon again!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>So many times in such a short time span that the words began to sound weird. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea prayed for Shaun to be transferred back to Surgery, but heeded Father Bird's advice to think about herself too, asking God how to be a good girlfriend, one that’s worthy of being one to Shaun Murphy. He’s the kindest, most gentle, most loving person Lea’s ever met even if he doesn’t alway show it, and she’s… a mess. But by some freak of nature he chose her, and all Lea wanted to do was to know how to be worthy. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How? </span>
  </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Six hours into her shift and Lea was already feeling burned out. Her energy isn’t what it once was, having to worry about Shaun 24/7 every time she steps foot inside St. Bonaventure. Is he following the rules? Is he being disrespectful? Is he going to accidentally do or say something that gets him fired? If he does, it’ll all be on her, and maybe she deserves it, retribution for the crime of thinking she ever was good enough to be his girlfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later in the night, Lea goes to the vending machine and puts in a dollar to get out a can of unsweetened black coffee, then she sees a familiar face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Lea.” Doctor Melendez chirps as he walks over to the vending machine and puts a dollar in. “How are you doing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tired, it's a slow night and I need some caffeine in my system so I don’t collapse on my keyboard.” Lea tells him, her voice was melancholy but her words were consistent with her usual spunk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckles. “Same. I’m here for the chips though.” A bag of Lays Potato Chips falls out from the slot and Melendez picks it up, ripping the bag open as he leans against the machine to start snacking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want one?” He offers, not having any intention of leaving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Lea says, not wanting to leave either.</span>
  <em>
    <span> A little company never hurt. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She takes a chip and eats it in one bite, drowning it down with her coffee. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you and Lim… she talks about you non-stop whenever I visit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea lights up. “Oh, nice! How’s she doing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot better actually, she wants to get back to work soon. Can’t blame her, must be terrible staying in bed all day while we all do the heavy lifting.” Not much compassion for his fellow Doctor it seems. “How did you two get to know each other anyway?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I found out we both like Marvel movies, I asked her to get a drink with me, and it just took off from there. Turns out we have </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> more in common. I don’t know how we never talked before.” Lea was starting to get more jubilated thinking about all the stuff she and Lim were able to dish about together, stuff no one else at St. Bonaventure would understand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Melendez didn’t seem to pick up on that. “I’m honestly surprised that there’s another adult here who likes that superhero crap.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, rude.” She says semi-sarcastically. “Have you ever seen one? They’re actually really good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I haven’t, because I’m not eight years old and I have actual interests.” Melendez patronizingly tells her, almost laughing at the fact he even needed to defend his position. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This isn't fun anymore. “I’m gonna go. See you around, Neil.” Lea tells him as she starts walking back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, don’t be like that!” He says before she can even start moving. “Listen, If you really want me to give Marvel a try… recommend me the best one. Lord knows Lim’s been bothering me about it for years now.” He insists, now more serious in his tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’ll uh, shoot you an email.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I look forward to it.” He was willing to bite the bullet just like that? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Does Melendez like me? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lea speculated. She had always known he found her attractive after that awkward first encounter at the gala, but it seems like he’s still carrying the torch, at least partially. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at him he’s the type of guy Lea definitely would’ve gotten with before seeing Shaun. Hot bod, douchey personality, dumped after a month if she doesn’t dump him sooner, Melendez certainly fits the profile. Lea tried to be different, to break out of those bad habits, she wanted to when she first started to get feelings for Shaun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But maybe it was all a mistake, a failed experiment, she’s only meant to be with guys with Melendez. She’ll just drag Shaun down to her level, and that’s not fair to him. Irreversible damage has already been done because of her influence, it needs to stop before it can get worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea’s prayer was answered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I know what I need to do. </span>
  </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>Knock, knock, knock</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun opens the door, it’s Lea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Shaun, can I come in?” Lea was being uncharacteristically mature here, she usually called him Shaunie whenever they were going to hang out, and never asked if she could come into the apartment before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you may.” Shaun answers with equal politeness, not knowing what to expect. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea positions herself in the center of the room, a stone’s throw away from everything Shaun owned. The bookshelf, the couch, the kitchen table, and the bed. He still had that new one he bought months ago to try and make it up to her. The memory was… bittersweet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun follows behind more slowly. “Are we going to play </span>
  <em>
    <span>Risk</span>
  </em>
  <span> again because I…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not tonight, Shaun.” She says, abruptly cutting him off. “We need to talk about something important.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quiets himself, forcing his hands together tightly so his stims wouldn’t make any noise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I… I think we need to break up.” Lea quickly announces to him, Shaun’s jaw clenching as he attempts to process the news of what she’s telling him, the words he never prepared to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” He softly asks, instantly knowing he needed an explanation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because… after what I did to you by talking to Doctor Han…. I’m not good for you. I’m so stubborn, and impulsive, and selfish, and you deserve so much better than that.” Lea thought she’d be able to control herself but she couldn’t, tears were coming out of her eyes before she could feel heavy in her heart. Almost like a reflex to seeing Shaun’s face while she broke the news to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t look upset though, he was only confused. “Why do you think I can’t handle your selfishness, stubbornness, and impulsiveness? I don’t blame you for Doctor Han, I wouldn’t blame you for anything else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you shouldn’t have to.” Is all Lea can say in response. He might not think he’s worth more than that, but she knew he is, and Lea knew she had to set him free whether he wanted it or not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaun sighs shakily. He wasn’t confused now, his face matched Lea’s as he stared off above her head into nothingness. His eyes squinting to hide the bloodshot tear ridden mess they were becoming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out.” He whispers to her. His voice now as hard as iron and hoarse as sandpaper, in all the time they’d known each other he had never sounded like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shaunie, if you want to talk about it…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please leave.” He repeats, now sounding more normal, albeit heartbroken by what he had just lost. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lea knew the least she could do was respect his wishes, and she leaves the way she came. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The relationship they had spent the last year building through good and bad, high and lows, triumphs and tortures, was no more. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The events of this chapter take place during Breakdown.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Severe winter weather advisories have been issued from Kansas to Western Minnesota. Severe ice and snow reported along with temperatures likely to reach below below 20 degrees.  </em>
</p><p>It sounded terrible, but Shaun would’ve taken being there over where he is now. Draped in a blanket, snuggled on his couch in the middle of his apartment, leftover meals scattered all over the ground away from the table. Consisting of nothing but stale canned beans and overcooked pancakes. </p><p>Today looked like it was going to be more of the same, and then Claire showed up. </p><p>“Shaun… Shaun are you listening?” Claire kindly asks after noticing him start to drift off. </p><p>“I wish I was normal.” He solemnly admits unprompted. Shaun had never been one to make apologies for who he was, even when the world demanded that he should. But if he wasn’t autistic Lea wouldn’t have had to break up with him, they would’ve been perfectly compatible. But now they aren’t, and she’s gone. </p><p>
  <em> She’s gone.  </em>
</p><p>The depression seeps in once again, Claire can tell. She shuts off the TV and plops herself on the couch next to him. “Don’t say that. You’re a good friend, a good person, There are so many things you can do.” Claire didn’t even realize she thought all those things about Shaun before saying them. She only learned to really appreciate them after he stopped coming to work, to miss them even. </p><p>“I’m sorry she hurt you. But you haven’t been to work in three days, and the longer you don’t go, the worse you’re gonna feel.” </p><p>Shaun shakes his head slowly. “No, I want to be left alone.” </p><p>“You’re a Doctor, Shaun!” Claire insists. “You were born to help people, and that’s what's going to get you through this.” </p><p>She gets up off the couch and stands over him, her five foot one petit frame towering over him as he sulked into the brown cushions under his checkered blanket. “You’re going to do your exercise routine, shower, shave, get dressed… and I’m going to stay here and make sure you do it.” </p><p>Shaun doesn’t move from his position. “I’m not leaving with you.” Claire asserts, holding the remote close to her chest away from his grasp, hoping that her insistence can be the spark that ignites him to start moving again. </p><p>Even though Shaun’s expression doesn’t change, Claire knows it’s working. </p><hr/><p>“You hanging you there?” Lim inquires. </p><p>“So-so.” Lea replies as they both continue to eat their lunch together, the only ones at their table. </p><p>“Well, listen, I’m here for you if you want to talk about it. Okay?” Audrey had been feeling good as new and it was all thanks to Lea she worked up the gall to ask Andrews for time off to recover. She owed her at least this much. </p><p>“It was the right thing to do. I just… I just need to keep telling myself that. Shaun’s better off without me.” </p><p>“What are you talking about? You’re a catch!” Lim only realizes afterward that’s exactly what Lea <em> didn’t </em>want to hear right now. </p><p>“But I mean, still, not everyone is compatible, and you and Shaun were just not meant to be. I’m sure in the future you’ll make another guy really happy.” <em> Nice save.  </em></p><p>“I hope so.” Lea wouldn’t tell Lim but at this point she’d just settle for Shaun’s happiness. She cared about him now just as much as she did when they were dating, maybe even more.  </p><p>But Lea wasn’t naive, she knew he was going to hurt for a long time because of this. But once he’s moved on and she isn’t there to screw up his life anymore, he’s going to be so much better off. It’s looking out for Shaun in the long term, even though it might not look that way on the outside. </p><hr/><p>“Colleen Brown. Freshman year.” Glassman explains mid sentence as he sits down at a table in the Clinic’s cafeteria, adjacent to Shaun, clearly still distressed by the breakup, struggling at work in spite of Claire’s insistence that going would make him feel better. </p><p><em> She means well. </em> Shaun reminds himself. It had less to do with genuine empathy and more to do with the fact Claire was one of the only friends he had by his side right now. Melendez is too busy, Morgan never asked, Park stays out of drama, Lim is Team Lea all the way, but Claire is on his side. His alexithymia would never allow him to say it, but Shaun was so grateful to have Claire in his life. </p><p>Glassman continues to yammer on about his story of when Colleen Brown broke his heart. It happened at a roller skating rink or something, Shaun wasn’t really listening, but the sound of his Stepfather’s voice comforted him.</p><p>“...I couldn’t go to school for a week. Convinced my Mom I was sick for the first three days and the next two I spent in a double feature, all day.” </p><p>“So you think I should’ve stayed home for two more days?” Shaun inquires as he tries to grapple with the moral of Glassman’s story. </p><p>“No, I don’t think it would’ve made a difference.” Glassman insists, continuing on with his point. </p><p>“It sure didn’t for me. And when that didn’t work I started to make a list of all the things that annoyed me about her. The way she chewed her gum, the way she used to sit in the front row of every class, the way she said <em> excuse me </em> instead of just <em> what </em> or <em> huh </em>.” </p><p>Just at that moment Shaun starts to realize the wisdom in Glassman’s words. He could make a list for Lea and have it be twice as long. She had done so many annoying things that Shaun couldn’t stand while they were dating, and even though he missed her, somehow he also hated her and never wanted to see her again. </p><p>What he needs is to just get it out of his system, tell her what an awful jerk she is and make peace with it. Worse case scenario he’ll at least satisfy <em> some </em>of his feelings towards her. </p><p>“...that is a great idea. I will make a list of all the things about Lea that annoy me!” Shaun exclaims, cutting Glassman’s sentence off. </p><p>He sighs in frustration <em> that </em>was the message Shaun was coming away with. “No, Shaun, that’s not what I’m saying at all.” </p><p>“...I don’t care then about whatever else you have to say, this is what I want. Goodbye!” </p><p>Shaun gets up out of his chair and hastily exits the Clinic. Feeling much better than he had a half hour ago when he came in. Not necessarily with happiness, that would come later, right now it was pure adrenaline and determination to break Lea down, just like she did to him. </p><hr/><p>Shaun could barely hold it in, a list had been compiled of all the things about Lea that annoyed him. Things he didn’t even focus on when they were dating but with the power of hindsight realized made her insufferable. </p><p>He approaches Lea’s desk and with the paper in hand, standing right in front of her while she listens to music, slowly taking her headphones off. </p><p>“Shaun? You-you need something?” Lea shyly asks, not knowing what this could be about. “...I know we left things in a weird place, but I still want us to be…” </p><p>“I made a list of all the things about you that I find annoying, and I’m going to read them out loud.” Lea silences herself and crosses her arms patiently for what Shaun was about to do. Whatever it is, his body language and their prior history led her to believe it was something he just needed to do in order to process how he’s feeling. </p><p>Shaun straightens his unruly sheet of paper and clears his throat. </p><p>“One: Your voice is shrill and nasally.” </p><p>“Two: You stay up too late and make me do it too.” </p><p>“Three: You always eat food off my plate even when there’s still food on yours.” </p><p>“Four: You love Dogs and want to get one for your apartment even though I’m terrified of them.” </p><p>Shaun had completely forgotten about Lea wanting a Dog until he had to write the list. It had been something they discussed really early in their relationship, back in the <em> Honeymoon Phase </em>as Morgan called it. Those were good memories, ones he’d never be able to make more of now that they’re broken up. With that realization the joy of reading the list to Lea suddenly evaporated and all that was left was pain knowing that he’d never be able to experience them again. </p><p><em> No! That’s absurd. She’s annoying, I should be happy Lea won’t be able to annoy me anymore. </em>Shaun thinks as he looks down to his list again. </p><p>“F-f-f-five: You-you always tell me random jokes or facts you think I’ll like even when I’m busy…” Thinking about it that wasn't annoying at all. Even though it was bothersome to stop what he was doing, he still laughed at most of those jokes and did find the trivia interesting. </p><p>Shaun’s emotions became too much to bear that he couldn’t read anymore. He just turns his head up to Lea who’s sitting there listening attentively, not appearing to be affected by his list or even by extension the break up at all. The realization felt like a knife to his chest. </p><p>He begins looking both directions compulsively as his eyes begin to water and he crumples the paper up before placing it into his pocket. Shaun then paces out of Lea’s workplace as fast as he could without running, breathing in and out as fast and quietly as he could to regain composure. </p><p>This was supposed to help him move on, but it just further cemented what he lost. </p><hr/><p>“No, I’ve known Laura since High School, she’s the most composed, even tempered person I’ve ever met. And she’s totally devoted to that baby.” Lim objects while Carly explains the results to her. </p><p>She had discovered trace proof of non-accidental abuse while Shaun was busy crushing his own heart with Lea. It was a disturbing revelation, even he could tell, and there was nothing he could to help fix it, only report on it. His hatred of Pathology only seemed to be getting stronger as time went on. </p><p>With everything that was going on he couldn’t take it anymore, he had to put these feelings to use before he imploded, and that’s precisely why Shaun was surfing the internet instead of helping Carly. </p><p>
  <em> PERSUADE YOUR BOSS TO SAY YES </em>
</p><p>The title sure caught Shaun’s attention, it was snappy even by clickbait blog standards. This wasn’t normally what Shaun would turn to in a time of need. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and this seems to have answers. </p><p>“I’m gonna do an MRI to rule out benign enlargement of the extra-axial space.” Lim suggests as one final last ditch effort to try and prove Laura’s innocence. It was exactly what Shaun would’ve done if he were in her situation.</p><p>“Good idea. Except for the part about <em> you </em> doing the test?” Carly insists. It made sense, there’s no way Lim is gonna be objective enough to do a test like that when she knows the patient personally. </p><p>Just like that, Shaun gets an idea, an opportunity to get one good thing out of this terrible day. </p><p>“I could do the MRI!” He blurts out, getting off the computer before standing up to face Lim. “I’m not the mother’s friend.” </p><p>“But you are a Pathologist. Giving MRIs is not your job.” Just like that the opportunity was getting squashed under Carly’s heel, but Shaun wasn’t about to give up. </p><p>“I know how to do it and Lim has a conflict of interest. It would be impractical and illogical to not let me just because I work in Pathology.” Shaun’s logic wasn’t entirely sound, he probably would’ve argued against it had he still been a Surgeon, but he was desperate and throwing everything he could at the wall to see what sticks. </p><p>“Shaun, the answer is no, you’re not doing that MRI. There are plenty of Doctors in this hospital who are just as qualified as you who <em> don’t </em> have duties elsewhere.” Carly was more firm in her assertion this time, clearly she could tell Shaun was getting excited and pushing back harder. </p><p>Little did she know, this was not the day to push him. “This is stupid! You’re being stupid!” He starts to yell out like a child, complete with his hands flailing at his side and his face turning a particularly glowing shade of red. </p><p>Lim and Carly both clearly don’t know what to say. </p><p>“I don’t feel better! I don’t feel better!” Shaun repeats it a second time to let the effect sink in. “I feel worse! I don’t want to be here, I’m going home.” </p><p>He pushes Carly out of the way with his shoulder and makes a beeline out of the Pathology lab. </p><p>That was the last straw. </p><hr/><p>Waiting at the bus stop, just like the good old days. Even though Shaun had his license he didn’t own a car, his transportation needs used to be handled exclusively by the Striped Tomato. Obviously that wasn’t an option anymore, and since Claire drove him to work today, his only choice to leave was the bus. </p><p>Speak of the devil, Shaun hears someone walking out from the lobby right behind him. It’s Claire. She doesn’t look angry, just worried. </p><p>“You can’t walk out in the middle of the day. It’s not fair to your patients.” She insists. </p><p>“I don’t have patients anymore. I’m not a Surgeon.” Shaun reminds her. </p><p>Claire sighs. From a certain point of view he was right, Pathologists aren’t as hands on with the people they help. Shaun clearly didn’t appreciate the nuance of the job. </p><p>“I still have two sick days and 76 hours of unused P.T.O.” He adds on in case she tried to argue he was in some kind of rule violation. </p><p>Claire sits down next to him. They just stay in silence next to each other, hearing nothing but the wind while taking in the foggy day that was visible in front of them. </p><p>“We’re not defined by any one thing.” Claire vocally observes. “...and you are so much more than just being a Surgeon or your relationship with Lea.” </p><p>It was certainly hard to imagine himself as anything else. That seemed to be the root of Shaun’s grief, he couldn’t conceive of a version of himself not being a Surgeon, not being Lea’s boyfriend. </p><p>“Don’t let these bad things ruin your chance to make a mark on the world. Because it’s not going to make things better, it’s just going to be another regret on top of everything else, and you deserve better than that.” Claire obviously did. She saw so much in him, so much strength and potential, even when none of the other Doctors at St. Bonaventure ever did.</p><p>Shaun might be autistic but he isn’t an idiot. He knew what everyone was saying behind his back, how they all wanted him to fail. It wasn’t just now that Claire had his back, it was from the beginning, from the first day he got hired. </p><p>“I don’t want to have regrets.” He candidly states. “I don’t want to feel bad anymore.” </p><p>He turns his head to Claire. “But I don’t know how.” </p><p>“Just be who you want to be. Do what you think is right. Nobody can take that away from you.” <em> I suppose they can’t. </em>Shaun realizes. </p><p>He might not be able to control what other people do, but he’s the only one who can control himself, and that’s what he needs to focus on then, reaching for everything that’s in his grasp, no regrets.</p><hr/><p><em> Click, click, click, click, click, click </em> … and <em> click </em>.</p><p>With those final keystrokes done and the system sweep completed with no signs of viral software, Lea’s shift was done. </p><p>She gently gets up and grabs her purse off the desk, taking a deep breath as she relishes the idea of going home and jumping right into bed. The breakup was still raw but Lea’s been through this enough times to know that time will heal this wound the way it has the others. Until then, all she can do is just work and try to maintain some sense of normalcy. </p><p>While walking through the hallway navigating her way to the front door Nurse Petringa practically jumps out in front of Lea, clearly so overwhelmed to speak she couldn’t control herself. </p><p>“Lea! I’ve been looking all over for you! Shaun just got fired!” A wave of panic flushes over her when she hears those words. </p><p>“Wait, what? Deena, what are you talking about?” She asks assertively to make absolutely sure she heard her right, or that there isn’t some extra context that she’s missing. <em> If this is some kind of game it isn’t funny.  </em></p><p>“Apparently he had a meltdown in Doctor Han’s office and security had to escort him out of the building. Doctor Han then told all the Nurses that he’s fired and we’ll be assigned to new residents in the morning.” </p><p>Lea couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Shaun brought her to St. Bonaventure, she only got hired because of his recommendation, and now she was the only one still working there. The feeling was surreal. Not even getting into the unavoidable and bitter reality that if Shaun’s dream of being a Surgeon wasn’t dead before, it definitely is now. </p><p>“Listen, I know you guys are dating, and I just wanted to let you know so you aren’t taken off guard when…” </p><p>“We broke up.” Lea quickly cuts her off. She raises her eyebrows in shock.</p><p>“Really?” </p><p>“Yeah… still, thanks for telling me. I-I-I guess I’ll make sure to give him a call, see if everything’s alright.” Lea calmly insists. </p><p>“That’s a good idea.” Nurse Petringa adds on, slowly walking away as Lea storms out the door. </p><p>As fast as her small fingers allowed her, she opens her phone and searches for Shaun’s contact as the rain outside drenches her. Too preoccupied with trying to find his name to open an umbrella or get under something. </p><p>
  <em> Ring.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ring.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ring.  </em>
</p><p>“Come on, Shaunie!” </p><p>
  <em> Ring. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ring.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ring.  </em>
</p><p>It goes to voicemail. </p><p>
  <em> ...Please leave a message after the beep. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Beep!  </em>
</p><p>“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now, but I just heard what happened with Doctor Han… you shouldn’t be alone right now. In spite of everything that’s happened, I want to help… please, just-just pick up the phone and let’s talk.” </p><p>Lea then ends the message and puts the phone in her pocket, standing there, continuing to get soaked by the onslaught of water falling above her as she contemplates all the decisions that lead up to this point. What was her fault, what wasn’t, and most importantly, what to do next. </p><p>Because it might feel like this is rock bottom now, but she has a sneaking suspicion it's just the beginning. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to my good friend, Andreas, for talking and helping me through plot ideas for this story. I couldn't have written it without him!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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